#lonely

Really not in a good place right now. I haven’t been since last year. But it just keeps building up and building up, and I know that’s not healthy.

But I feel like I’m just an annoyance to my family. Like, they accepted a long time ago I’m a screw up, and I think they just pretend to go along with it but I know I’m a huge disappointment to them. I mean, I’m a disappointment to myself.

I literally cannot believe that so many people go through heartbreak it is such an awful feeling ???? Like i can’t stop feeling empty and crying and feeling like someone is stabbing me in the chest over and over again and i look around and think about how many other people went through this and I’m like damn , that’s so much to go through, especially if you’ve been through it multiple times. Basically i hope it hurts less and we figure things out even if it seems like the end of the world ( it feels like that for me right now ) but I’d like to think I’ll be okay and even happy again sometime . I’m so proud of everyone slowly slowly making it day by day.

I have an endless supply of tears

Tell me when did you fall in love with your sins? When did the crimson red running down your arms become heaven instead of hell and when did the lies become a bed in which you laid yourself down willingly, one covered with thorns yet you only focused on the roses , a house of shadows and of curses to which you should have shut your ears off to but you sat down and listened , sang along to the chorus of despairs and laughed at the pain which drenched you like a never ending waterfall. They told me angels turn bad too and then they’re called devils but looking at you makes me think that angels never existed , it was always just the devils , disguised in a certain way , till the world breaks them enough , like an egg hatching , till the devil comes out, forgive me lord for i have sinned , after all , I’ve always been but a sinner .