#long distance love

The distance between you and I was heavy. It was a weight of a world between us, a wreck waiting to happen. It was more than just a long car ride, a trip on a plane. It was silent pauses on the phone, it was text messages full of nothing but words replaced as action. A smiley face in place of a kiss, a heart in place of a hug. So many nights I’d stare at the phone wishing to see your eyes. Pillows took the form of you, blankets became arms, and your voice was the only lullaby I could fall asleep to. There was always empty space around me, a seat never taken, a spot never filled. A hand never held. One thing was constant, and that was your absence. But love overtook the longing. And the thought of you, the truth that we were under the same sun, the same sky, was enough. Your body, over there. Your heart, here. Always here.

Isabel Cabrera

Shaky hands, a dew settled on my palms. Holding you felt like my wrists were broken, I’d never be strong enough to keep you from collapsing. And maybe bones can’t be a shelter that protects us from what we can’t see, but it can be a comfort. And maybe my fingers twitch and tremble, and maybe my nails can’t dig any deeper, and maybe my body goes numb, and maybe my hold falls soft; but my soul will settle into yours. My breathing will become a song to soothe you sleepy. Darling, I will tie your heart on my sleeve, wear it as my own. Protect it like a home. You can fade into me, I will help you rise against the night. You can sink your secrets into my skin, let your mind be free again. I will carry all the chaos I can, in my arms you will never slip. With my love, you will never starve.

Isabel Cabrera

There’s so many people in this world, but I’ll only ever want you❤️

There’s nothing more intense than that last kiss. The one that makes you feel pain, love and fear. The one that makes you want to stop time and experience it just for a little longer. The one that makes you realize what’s that one thing that you could never think of letting go. The one that leaves you so empty afterwards. The one you wish to feel again, but you know you have to wait.

i had a dream,

i was in a church with you; in a room, which you can get to only by climbing those high stairs at the end of the aisle, which you’ve always wondered where they lead to.

It was the mos beautiful room. A small, round one, which felt like it was designed only for one, to go there and talk to god. I know we haven’t been religious for most of our lives, but I swear, this room, it made you feel a presence. This small surface was surrounded not by walls, but by windows framed with beautifully engraved wood pieces. The light, itdidn’t feel like the sun, It felt brighter and warmer somehow intentional, like it was intentionally brought into this room; as if someone was sending this light towards us to let us know of his presence.

You were lying in your back in the wooden floor. You looked like you were sleeping. I came closer and sat right beside you. I was holding your head and leaning in for a kiss. Like always, the kiss felt like home, but you didn’t. I was looking for a heartbeat, a sign that you were there. I couldn’t hear or feel one. That beautiful room and sight suddenly became nothing to me. I was only hoping you would wake up. While watching you and crying, i laid next to you, thinking how you were there but also somewhere else. I felt the need to find you. I needed your warmth, your love. I needed to know you’re fine, but i couldn’t.

I woke up crying. i can’t lose you. Not now, not ever. If there is a god who will take you away from me then i don’t want to follow him. That dream was the most intensive emotion i’ve ever felt in the worst way possible. When death does us part, i hope I’ll be the first to go.

Promise me you will stay by my side forever till’ then.

“Whats your biggest wish?” i said

“I want to die with you” he replied after thinking about it for a second

I giggled and said “you will have to live with me first”

“I don’t want to live without you. That’s the point.” he replied. Honesty breaking through his voice.

And there it was. The moment i realized, his biggest wish was mine too.

our silence speaks so loud.

I healed you, and you healed me. For I had always known you were my forever, and you knew I was your angel.

of course I miss you

it’s all I do.

i wanna hold your face and kiss your lips

i would give everything to be in your arms right now

And there as we hug for the last time, as the clock is ticking and its time to go, you can hear me whimpering and I feel a tear drop from your cheek.

All you want to do is hold on and hug me a little tighter, but for now… You just wait till next time.

and then there’s me, always waiting for you.

goodnight

after a long day,

as I finally put my head on this cold pillow,

there’s only one last wish my mind automatically wanders to.

It’s to dream of being next to you.

a letter to my 17 year old self.

I know you feel so sad and lonely right now but:

I love you and i promise you’re going to be okay. You’re just about to meet him. I don’t need to tell you his name because you’ll know. You’ll just see him and you’ll know. You’ve known him all along; in your dreams, in your hopes, in your first ever thoughts of love. He’s going to be everything you’ve ever dreamt of and more. He will save you. You will save him. You will be his angel and he will be your peace.

Everything will fall into it’s place for the both of you. You will heal him and he will heal you. I promise you, he’s been through just as much as you’ve been and maybe even more. You will discover a new side of yourself. You will enjoy taking care of him so much, he will heal and blossom under your love. You’re a guardian angel.

I can’t thank you enough for still believing in love. I can’t thank you enough for bringing him into our lives. You’re meant for so much more than you think.

You know what i think is hot?

A man who waits for his woman. A man who thinks of her so highly, and loves her so deeply, as to choose to love her everyday despite the waiting. A man who sees only his woman even when she’s not there at all. Someone who makes sure his woman is always calm and happy, never letting her get saddened over the distance, even when he is struggling himself.

My god does this man deserve peace and love; a woman who brings all his broken quiet pieces all back together every time they touch again. Someone who shows him the pure and heavenly side of this world just by staring deep into his eyes. A woman who loves his heart so much as to fill it with the greatest strength there is. Someone who melts his heart with her touch, and makes him forget this world with her kiss.

He knows that’s the only cure to his happiness, she’s the one, and that’s why he waits. He waits for his angel, and takes care of her always,

for he knows, she will always take care of his heart too.

Another day. I wake up and miss you right from the start. I open my eyes and miss your touch. My head wanders thinking about how calm your hands make me feel or how warm your face is pressed to mine. I can almost hear your morning voice speaking to me ever so sweetly, but instead the absence of it troubles my heart.

It’s that feeling you give me which makes me want to survive. Your love is the hand keeping me from falling into the darkness of this world.

I will be missing you the whole day, and I know i’ll miss you tomorrow too, even more for sure. Can’t even think about the day after that. Sometimes, on the last few seconds of being awake at night, I catch myself hoping I see you in my dreams. It would be so sweet to be rewarded with a dream of you after each day of missing your presence. Those dreams come ever so rarely though, so i wait for you longer…

It’s just another day, in which i hope to see you sooner and can’t do anything but wait.

Its just another day, and i know i can wait for you,

the only thing troubling my heart so much is;

that i know you’re struggling without me too :(