#pain management
The pain
I want to scream
Me: Hey doc, my pain is getting worse
Doc: Hmm, you’re on some pretty strong drugs… But we can up one of them if you’re happy with that?
Me: That sounds great
Doc: Okay but as these are really strong you’re more likely to have side effects so want a follow up in a few weeks… But I’m away so it’ll be earlier. I’ll send it to pharmacy now
Me: Fine, great, I appreciate everything!
Three days later
Pharmacy: Oh we’ve only just got the prescription. We’ll have it in for you tomorrow
The next day
Pharmacy: Oh we didn’t get the delivery, come back tomorrow
Me:
I have been so anxious I have been in tears two days in a row.
It takes me 30-60mins just to build the nerve to get out the house.
I have been dealing with this pain for so long.
The meds that were meant to be replaced wore out days ago so now I’m never comfortable. I think my bones are trying to escape my body, it’s a skeleton revolution!!
Everything hurts.
And now I have to leave my house AGAIN and have someone drill in my mouth for a filling and then, HOPEFULLY, get these meds.
I’m so scared I’m just gonna be shaking in the dentist chair and cause more pain from tension.
I’ve held out for so long just so I’ll have more time on them before my GP call. Otherwise I’ll literally have been on them for two days and that’s not really enough time to give solid feedback about them.
I feel like I’m dying
I haven’t written about my doctor appointments, the physical and a check in with the pain doc, because, up until now, they’ve been uneventful. Just “hi, yeah, you still have a messed up body, but you’re fixing it. Peace.”
This last one, on the 1st, was eventful. It was my chronic pain doctor and was supposed to be a med check where he gave me my prescriptions. I have to get my prescriptions from the pain clinic the week before I run out, not stressful at all.
Last time we agreed that I was at the level that worked for me, but this time we talked and he decided that he wanted to try backing me down some more.
Here’s the game plan; before I took 3 painkillers a day, morning afternoon and evening. I’m working towards 2 a day. So right now I take 2 every other day. Unfortunately this week a storm is moving around, so that’s rad. Fortunately I have video games and such to help me deal.
I have my next appointment in an hour, so this is going to be quick and messy. Sorry Grammer nuts. Turns out my old pain specialist decided to “pursue other options outside of pain management” leaving me and his other patients at the clinic, but paired with different doctors.
Here’s hoping she’s a good fit.
Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with pain that simply WILL NOT go away? I’ve reached out to my doctor finally (look, I’m the sort who waits until things get untenable, and then waits another few months, and then maybe finally does something about it) but the nearest appointment is 26 days away (I sent her a message about how bad it is, and I’m hopeful she’ll get me in sooner).
But this is really effecting me in a bad way. I’m crying every night, lying in bed feeling hopeless. Last night I was sobbing and screaming, I felt insane. I’ve never felt this way in my life. Never felt pain so extended and pervasive, and I find myself thinking, several times a day “how can I keep living like this? I don’t want to keep living if I feel like this.” Which is really fucking scary, because I’ve NEVER had feelings like that. I love life. Even when life is at its worst, I always have felt it can only get better. I’ve wanted to live as long as I can, to wring as much life out of myself as possible. And now, I just feel like this is all my life is going to be, just pain all the time, and I don’t want to live it.
details on type of pain and what I’ve tried under the cut:
The pain seems to be, from my googling, something to do with the levator ani muscle, probably levator ani syndrome, where the muscles of the pelvic girdle spasm regularly for longer than 20 minutes at a time, and are worsened by sitting down and sometimes lying. Not that it matters, but I think it’s because of my tailbone, which was broken and healed incorrectly, curved to the left. This has caused tightness on that side of my glutes and hip, which means I spend a lot of time stretching in pigeon pose or with my ankle over the opposite knee. So it is something I’ve known about and tried to manage for years, but it’s gotten so much worse.
For me, personally, it is sometimes bad when sitting, but I can adjust position to make it less or go away, but when I lie down, it goes on for hours at a time, preventing me from sleeping. Sometimes, when it goes away long enough for me to fall asleep, it will wake me up in the middle of the night from the intensity of the pain, and keep me up for hours. I’ve tried different positions, using pillows under my knees, between my knees, beneath my hips, in different positions on my sides and back. When it first came on, it would seem to go away after 10-15 minutes, and gradually got longer. Also, I used to be able to lie on my right side if nothing else and it would go away (though this presented its own problems as my right shoulder and neck are all fucked up and my physical therapist doesn’t like me sleeping on that side as it impacts bloodflow and sets back my progress). However now even the right side is often no use. The pain feels like a burning, electrical shock all throughout the pelvic area, though worse in my glutes and hips. Some nights it’ll settle down after an hour or so and I can get okay sleep until it wakes me again. Other nights it goes on for 4 or more hours in one go before I can drift off. It’s been over a month since I’ve had sleep uninterrupted by it.
I’ve tried extra strength pain medications of different types, as well as diclofenac sodium which I have on hand but tend not to use much because of my stomach issues. None even touch it the slightest. I’m also on gabapentin for nerve pain in my neck from a car wreck, no help. I have both methocarbamol and tizanidine for muscular issues, though I usually only take the former and only as needed because it doesn’t make me dopey. However, since it wasn’t helping, I tried tizanidine just to see, and it didn’t help, either. I’ve looked up additional stretches to add to my routine, specifically for the levator ani and guided meditation to just relax the pelvic girdle, with no luck. Use a massage gun on my hip and glutes every night, tried different topical applications (icy/hot, tiger balm, lidocaine 5%). Taken warm baths with epsom salt, and showers with massage head with hot water directly on the sore muscles. I’ve taken both tylenol pm and melatonin (not at the same time) hoping they’d at least help me sleep through the pain. Took several hits off a weed vape the other night when all else had failed. NOTHING has lessened the pain.
A couple times extended hand massage by my wife has helped, but we’re talking like a half hour, and it’s a lot to ask for on a nightly basis, and also IDK if it always actually helps, or if it’s just going away on its own eventually as it sometimes does.
I’m just desperate for anything that I might be able to do, at least until I speak to my doctor and can maybe get on some medication and get in to see a specialist or therapist.
Standing surgery to remove an ulcerated wart from a show heifer.
To do the surgery, we restrained her in a headgate with the farmer holding her head as still as possible with the nose tongs, and I did a local block with lidocaine and gave her a shot of banamine for pain/inflammation. I also covered her eye on the surgery side and pet her to help keep her calm (she was used to being handled and enjoyed petting; for some cattle that would make them even more scared). Then Doc prepped the area as best one can in the field and used an elliptical incision to remove the small mass. She closed with PDS, an absorbable suture, so they won’t have to be removed later. She did great!
Cattle warts are a common, usually benign problem that is self-limiting, though recovery can take up to a year. They are caused by several bovine papilloma viruses, which are not transmissible to other species. Surgery is usually reserved for ulcerated warts, as in our girl here, or large warts in unfortunate areas, such as the genitals or udder, that prevent movement or breeding. There is a vaccine available, but it has to be given young, before exposure to infected animals or equipment has occured.
Bracing for housework so I don’t have hand pain tonight.
This is super cool! What type of brace is this/where do you get it? Is it comfy for long term wear? What area of pain does it target? So many questions! Ahh but it looks cool and I’m glad is works for you.