#original tumblr
Shuri: the awkward moment when you realize the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Harley: the sweet sound of nature
Peter: sound just like high school actually.
Peter: I have a very annoying neighbor, can someon teach me trumpet?
Harley: that’s the best part! You don’t need to learn to play trumpet to annoy them. Just try your best and have fun!
Peter: oh wow you are so right! Thank you!
Harley: Old people? More like fold people! *makes an origami swan out of a printed picture of Ironman*
Peter: literally what is going on through your mind that motivated you to make that.
Loki: I really don’t understand how all of us are single because we’re all attractive and have good taste in music. Like what more do people want?
Natasha:………
Stephen:………
Tony:……sanity
Loki: people are so demanding.
Carol: *addressing the whole Iron family* no offense to all the people in this family but what the fuck is wrong with everybody?
[Harley after he moves to NYC]
Harley: *talking to Peter on the phone* Does mace work on birds???
Peter: *miffed* what?
Harley: if a pigeon is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent?
Peter: Um……… what????
Harley: *screaming into the phone as indignant and pissed off squacking of a pigeon is going on in the background* THIS IS A TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE JUST TELL ME!!!!!!!
MJ: I can’t wait until I get a job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Flash: are you satan?
Shuri: are you god?
MCU!Peter: are we humans?
Ned: Or are we dancer?
Raimi Peter: is this the real life
TASM Peter: or is this just fantasy
Harley: No this is Patrick
Anakin: I can’t believe all these people dressed in black. All-black was my thing, and now everyone’s doing it to be “cool”. They’re all posers.
Obi-Wan: Anakin, I cannot stress this enough. We are at a funeral.
Mace Windu: What do you think is the hardest thing to say?
Obi-Wan: I’m sorry.
Ahsoka: I was wrong.
Anakin: Worcestershire sauce.
Anakin: [wears a slightly lighter shade of black]
Ahsoka: I see you’re breaking out the spring colors
Il Dottore: nice frontal lobe :)
Il Dottore: [stirs it like a latte]
Scaramouche: UYEVFyWHfrbgkeshrgYTb76wse
Il Dottore: The procedure was a success
Hu Tao: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking
Xiao: Are you fucking stupid
Hu Tao: I mean broadly yeah but what prompted you to ask
Scaramouche: I do not identify as a boy or girl, I identify as a nuisance. An irritant. A fool and a problem.
Childe: My criminal record? The only illegal thing I’ve done is absolutely KILLING it on the dance floor!
Childe: Ha! Just kidding, I have committed many crimes.
Quill: Look, I don’t think-
Tony: Oh don’t worry, I’m very much aware.
Quill: …Are you always such an ass?
Tony: No, you just bring out the best in me.
Clint: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
Rhodey: [helps Tony onto the counter]
Loki: [pushes Thor off the sofa]
Natasha: [to Sam] As you can see, there are two types of siblings.
Peter: Is Mr Barnes always this…. Murderous? Or did something happen?
Sam: I mean, he’s not really a sunshine and smiles kinda person, but he’s definitely on the war path today. Apparently some idiot made Stark sad.
Loki: Something’s wrong. Every time I’m near Anthony, my stomach twists, and I have heart palpations. I think he’s trying to poison me.
Thor: No, those are feelings.
Loki:They’re distracting, make them stop.
Bucky: Be realistic and relax.
Tony: It’s either be realistic or relax. I can’t multitask today.
Teacher: I called you both in here today because Harley punched another student.
Tony: I wonder where he got that from.
Teacher: When given mediation paperwork about the incident he decided to write an essay about how the other student could, and I quote, “go sit and spin”.
Bucky: I wonder where he got THAT from.
Tony: Do you want to explain this text I got last night?
Bucky: Err, yeah, sorry. That was autocorrect.
Tony:Autocorrect wrote “your so hot step on me”?
Bucky:Yeah, it’s supposed to say “you’re”.
Tony:…
Steve: Tony told me that he got Bucky a box of toys for his birthday… I don’t really understand why he’d get a grown adult toys tho.
Clint: I’m going to tell him.
Sam: Don’t you dare.
Bucky:Knock knock.
Tony:Who’s there?
Bucky:Where when.
Tony:Where when who?
Bucky:My place, tomorrow, you and me.
Clint:Damn, that’s smooth.
Tony: [gives some of his coffee to Steve]
[later]
Steve: Buck, I think Tony wants me to propose.
Bucky: And why is that, Punk?
Steve: He gave me some of his coffee.
Bucky: RIGHT LET’S GO BUY THAT RING!
Bucky: Doll, can you buy this for me?
Tony: Of course.
Clint: Hey! You can’t just buy things for him!
Tony: I’m his husband. I can buy him whatever I want to.
Clint: But we’re playing Monopoly!
Natasha: [holding mistletoe over Steve and Tony’s heads]
Natasha: Oh look. You’re standing under mistletoe, that means you have to kiss.
Kitty:[meow]
Thor: That’s a great plan. I would have never thought of that.
Bucky: I-I-I’m sorry. C-Can he actually speak cat, or is he just messing with us?
Tony: Knowing him, it may very well be both.
Tony: [extremely drunk, starts colouring Steve’s in with a highlighter]
Steve: Erm… What are you doing?
Tony: Highlighting you.
Steve: Yes, I see that… Why?
Tony: Cuz you’re important.
Tony: If I’m extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can’t handle your crap… have fun figuring out which one.
Steve: Let’s have a coffee break for fifteen.
[15 minutes later]
Steve: I meant fifteen minutes. Tony please don’t drink fifteen coffees.
Tony: [vibrating slightly] You should have said that earlier!
Bucky:How did you even find all of this shit?
Tony:Ebay.
Tony: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s just nice to be held
Steve: …do you need a hug?
Bucky: Did it hurt?
Tony: [sighs] When I fell from heav-
Bucky: When you fell from the vending machine?
Tony: …
Bucky: ‘Cause you’re a snack.
