#peter porker
Peter B Parker: “We need to distract these guys”
Miles: “Leave it to me”
Miles: “Centaurs have six limbs and are, therefore, insects. Discuss”
Gwen, Peni, Ham, and Noir: *immediately begin arguing*
Peter B Parker, watching in horror: “Oh this. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all”
Peter B Parker, over the phone: “Okay Ham, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take matters into your own hands”
Spider-Ham: “Got it!”
Spider-Ham: *hangs up phone*
Spider-Ham, to Peni and Noir: “We’re gonna have to take matters into our own hands”
Peter B Parker: “Okay its time to start the meeting- wait where is Ham?”
Miles: “He said he needed to go buy things?”
Spider-Gwen: “Can’t we start the meeting without him?”
Peter B Parker: *sighs* “No I’ll just call him”
*They gather round Peter as he rings Ham*
Spider-Ham:“Hello?”
Peter B Parker : “Ham where are you? Can you come to the hideout for the meeting please?”
Spider-Ham: “Well, I can’t. I’m buying clothes”
Peni: “He doesn’t even wear normal clothes?”
Peter B Parker: *sighs* “Alright, hurry up then come over here.”
Spider-ham: “I can’t find them.”
Peter B Parker: “What do you mean you can’t find them?”
Spider-Ham: “I can’t find them. There’s only soup.”
Noir: “Did he just say theres only soup?”
Peter B Parker: “Whaddya mean ‘there’s only soup’?”
Spider-Ham: “It mean there’s only soup.”
Peter B Parker, while being absolutely done:“Well get out of the soup aisle!”
Spider-Ham: “Alright, you don’t have to shout at me” (move to the next aisle) “There’s more soup!”
Peter B Parker: “Whaddya mean 'there’s more soup’?!”
Spider-Ham: “There’s just more soup!”
Peter B Parker: “Go into the next aisle!”
Spider-Ham: (move to the next aisle) “There’s still soup!”
Peter B Parker: “Where are you right now?!”
Spider-Ham: “I’m at soup!”
Peter B Parker: “WHADDYA MEAN YOU’RE 'AT SOUP’!?”
Spider-Ham: “I MEAN I’M AT SOUP!”
Peter B Parker: “WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!”
Spider-Ham: “I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!!”
Peter B Parker, having lost the will to deal with this situation: “WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!”
Spider-Ham: “FUCK YOU!” *hangs up phone*
Miles: “…. so that just happened…”
Spider-Ham: “If your leg gets cut off… would it hurt?”
Noir:“Yeah”
Ham:“How?”
Noir: “Cause your leg got cut off!”
Ham: “But where are you gonna feel the pain?!”
Noir: “in your… leg…”
Ham: “Exactly! How are you gonna feel pain the pain…”
Ham and Noir, at the same time: “If your leg is gone…”
Peni, while staring at them from the other side of the room: “… You guys are idiots”
Miles: “It’s Christmas time and you know what that means!”
Spider-Gwen: “Everyone is going to try to kill each other at the dinner table?”
Noir: “Time for the sweet release of death?”
Peter B Parker: “Getting drunk on my own while crying in the bathtub?”
Peni: “Time to receive only coal from Santa again?”
Spider-ham: “Question my existence while watching Friends reruns on repeat?”
Miles, concerned: “I was gonna say ‘ugly Christmas Jumper competition’ but you know what? We’re all going to therapy.”
*Peter B Parker standing in front of the others while holding a bowl which is filled with folded up pieces of paper*
Peter B Parker: “Since I’m gonna be out for a while, I’ve left you all a complimentary bowl of advice”
Peter B Parker, takes one piece of paper out of the bowl: “For instance, ‘Ham, stop doing that’ just applies to everything”
Miles: “Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.”
Noir: “Okay, but what is updog?”
Ham: “Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.”
Peter B Parker: “No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.”
Peni: “No, that’s an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.”
Gwen: “Surely, that’s Uppsala, where as updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.”
Miles: “That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.”
Peter B Parker: “You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is anupward-moving air current.”
Gwen: “No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.”
Noir: “What’s a henway??”
Miles: “Oh, about five pounds.”
Miles: “Just be yourself.”
Peter B Parker: “ ‘Be myself’? Miles, I have one day to win MJ over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?”
Spider-Gwen: “Couple days.”
Noir: “Couple of weeks”
Spider-Ham: “A few months.”
Peni: “Jury’s still out.”
Peter B Parker: “See, Miles?”
Peter B Parker: “'Be myself’. What kind of garbage advice is that?”
Peter B Parker: “Dammit Ham! what did you do?!”
Spider-Ham: “What!? It wasn’t me!”
Peter B Parker: “Sorry force of habit. Dammit Noir!”
Noir: “Not me either”
Peter B Parker: “Oh…. Then who set the hideout on fire?!”
Peni: *Whistles nervously*
Noir:“The moon is beautiful tonight”
Spider-Ham: “It really is”
*in another room*
Miles, whispering: “Should we tell them that’s a tortilla I threw at the window?”
Peter B Parker: “Please don’t”
I will suffer no harm to my friends.
Web Warriors Vol 1 3: “Electroverse — Part III: Capacity”
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Peter Porker — but you can call me Spider-Ham! Pleased to meetcha!
What is that?
Web Warriors Vol 1 9: “Tangled States - Part Three: Brave New World”
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Spiderverse is absolutely amazing!! Who is your fave from the film? :D
King pin, absolute unit
Into the Spider-Verse
Y’know when Doc Ock said that thing to Peter about the possibility of him turining to dust or disintegrating or whatever, I screamed.
Spider-family by Lee InHyuk
Guess who watched Into the Spiderverse?
