#princesses
*Tiana and Jasmine at the McDonald’sdrive-thru*
Tiana: I’ll have the 20 piece McNuggets with fries and… what did you want again?
Jasmine:You~*winks*
Tiana: Jasmine, there are three cars behind us, hurry the fuck up.
Elsa: What’s for dinner?
Rapunzel: I can’t tell you… It’s a soup-rise.
Elsa: Is it soup?
Rapunzel:Isoup-pouse it could be-
Elsa: Enough with the soup puns.
Rapunzel:*sigh* You never soup-port my jokes.
(…)
Elsa: It was fucking tacos.
Cinderella:*spots Mulan, Merida, Moana and Raya sitting on a bench*
Cinderella: Why do you guys look so uncomfortable?
Merida: Sit down with us, so we can tell you.
Cinderella: *sits down*
Mulan: This bench is freshly painted.
Cinderella:
Jasmine: Who would win in a fight between Merida and Pocahontas?
Rapunzel: I can’t answer that, Merida is my girlfriend.
Jasmine: So Pocahontas?
Rapunzel:Obviously.
Snow White: I really want Elsa to like me back.
Cinderella: You gotta use what God gave you.
Snow White: What did God give me?
Cinderella: Your beauty.
Aurora: That’s a weird way to call her ass, but sure.
Anna: Do you want a hug?
Elsa:No
Anna: Did you even hear what I said?
Elsa:Yes.
Anna: What did I say, then?
Elsa: “Do you want a hug?”
Anna: Well, if you insist.
Ariel: I don’t know if they’ll notice, but I slipped a little note in each of the Princesses bags to let them know I love them!
(…)
Moana, pulling out a 10 page letter: What the fuck-
Raya: What state did you live in?
Elsa:Anxiety.
Anna:Delusion.
Merida:Anger.
Jasmine:Perfection.
Mulan:China.
Bele: China’s a fucking country.
*Raya meeting Vanellope for the first time*
Raya:Awn,smol!
Vanellope: I’m not small!
Raya:Awnn,smolandangwy!
Vanellope: *screams and runs to Snow White*
Raya:Awwnnn!Smol,angwy and loud!
[Merida]HSUAHAUWHSUSUAUWU
[Pocahontas] what’s that?
[Anna] a keyboard smash
[Pocahontas] a what?
[Belle] it’s a way of expressing laughter
[Pocahontas] how do I do that?
[Anna] just press anything
[Pocahontas]7
[Anna]HAUSHAUAUAUUAUSUS
Vanellope: Those bumper cars were fun!
Belle: That was the parking lot, Vanellope!
Belle: Who in the world is teaching you to drive like a maniac?!
[Hans, texting Anna (his ex)] so true exie
[Anna] I don’t like this
Honeymaren: Hey… you know Elsa?
Ryder:Yep.
Honeymaren: I like her.
Ryder:Oh.
Honeymaren: But don’t say anything, please.
Ryder: Sure, sure. Don’t worry about it.
*Elsa walks in the room*
Ryder: DAMN, ELSA! YOU AIMED FOR THE HEAD BUT GOT HER RIGHT IN THE HEART-
Honeymaren:*smacking Ryder while he laughs uncontrollably*
Elsa:
Snow White: So, are you guys getting along with Namaari?
Nancy: Definitely! She is a little hot-headed, but nothing I can’t handle.
Jane: What about your girls and Raya?
Snow White: It’s good! Great!
Nancy:But…?
Snow White: Let’s just say she is a bit impulsive… especially around pretty girls.
Jane: How so?
Snow White: Well… ever since Raya joined us, she already got scamed three times and gave our credit-card informations to a cute barista from the mall.
Mulan: Merida, hide!
Merida:??
Mulan: Your etiquette teacher is here. Aren’t you absent today?
Merida: I am.
Mulan: Then hide, you idiot!
Merida: No, you hide! I told them you’re dead, that’s why I didn’t go to school today!
Cinderella: What were you two doing out so late?
Merida: We, hum-
Cinderella: Ten words, or else…
Moana, counting on her fingers:We. Threw. Punches. At. Some. People. In. A. Fight.
Cinderella: That’s only nine-
Merida, still counting:Bitch.
*Elsa meeting Hans and finding out about his 5 minute relationship with Anna*
Elsa:
Elsa: Sweetheart, your vagina need glasses. He’s not worth it.
Anna:Elsa!
Cinderella: Why did you agree to being fake married to Namaari?
Raya: C'mon, Ella! A chance at seeing you arch nemesis getting on their knees before you and begin in front of everyone?
Raya: And being able to casually accept as if you don’t care at all??
Raya: How could I resist?
It’s that typical story all over again: you are a princess. You get kidnapped, some random guy saves you, and then your father gets you married to him. No. Not this Time. You have watched a million versions of the same random guy beat a demon and become your husband even though you don’t love him, so this time, you kill the demon. You kill your father, the king. It doesn’t matter to you… After all, he’s only a program in the video game that is your life.
You will stop at nothing to break this game.
Funnily enough, it’s not the kidnapping that breaks Phaedra. Oh, it’s terrifying every time–the sound of breaking glass in the dark of her bedroom, the feeling of vulnerability as blades tear into the curtain around her bed, the terror as she’s struck and thrown and tumbled over her assailant’s shoulder–but it’s not what keeps her shivering long past the story has ended.
The attack always goes quickly. The demon screams past her guards and takes her in claws and wings and flees out the window. Her captivity sometimes goes quickly, sometimes takes a while longer, sometimes lasts forever. Sometimes the demon makes her cook and clean for him. Sometimes he tries to make her fall in love with him (as if this were thattype of story). Sometimes he hurts her, badly, over and over and over again.
She’s no longer afraid of pain. She’s no longer afraid of mind tricks. She’s no longer afraid of him.
Shehates being saved. She hatesgoing home. And she’s always so afraid of the moment her father announces her hand belongs to her savior.
