Robin Musings, as per Krypto

Ph.D. (tummy rubs), M.A. (The Art of The Good Boi)

Robin I

• A puppy!
• Oh boy Clark finally made me a grandpup!
• How well my grandpup fights!
• And how well he flies!
• Oh no
• The chickens are trying to adopt him
• Quick, bark at the chickens

Robin II

• New pup!
• Angry pup?
• Let me lick your woes away
• Oh I know all about sibling rivalry
• See how the horses prance around and look all majestic
• Disgusting
• But I know that Clark loves both of us equally
• Ah I have imparted wisdom

Robin III

• ALERT
• The pup is skinny!!
• Feed the pup-!
• Oh
• I can’t lactate :/
• Quick, let’s go to Bessie
• Woman has like, six calves, she can spare some milk

Robin IV

• Girl pup!
• Brush me as you would brush your glorious hair
• Now for the finale
• We shall shed on Bruce’s favorite chair :)

Robin III again

• Skinny pup is dating Kon-pup!
• Glorious, I will have great-grandpups now
• That is, if Bruce doesn’t keep yelling
• Ruins the mood :/
• How will my dynasty continue at this rate

Robin V

• Angry pup!
• Quick! Snuffle the anger away!
• Oops I squished him
• It’s ok :)
• What’s this
• The pup is kidnapping me!
• Someone save me- oh wait
• You’re rich
• Tell Clark I said bye :)

Robin Musings, as per Darksied

Ph.D. (Moste Evile Arts), M.A. (Dry skin)

Robin I/ Nightwing

• What a sweet childe
• A pity that all existence not under my control is futile
• What are you doing
• Stop looking at me with those big, cow eyes
• Argh my raisin sized heart
• It is expanding to accommodate emotion

Robin II/ Red Hood

• No I will not fuck off into a commode and die
• I can’t believe that you’re Robin
• Where’s the other one
• Oh he’s become hot
• Oh noe
• The childe is attacking me
• His curse words are actually hurtful :(

Robin III/ Red Robin

• What is this
• I think a gnome fell into the wrong universe
• Oh it is a childe
• What do you mean I should moisturize more
• I don’t want WayneMart industrial strength moisturizer
• I am not going to increase your profit margin

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• Okay I will admit that I am salty about being bald
• You don’t need to flaunt your admittedly glorious hair at me
• No I have never used WayneMart Hair Rejuvenation Formula
• Why are they everywhere
• Is this a conspiracy

Robin III again/Red Robin

• NO I don’t want a gift certificate to Wayne Spa and Beauty Centre
• My looks are the result of Dark Majicks
• I highly doubt Wayne Cosmetics will help :/

Robin V/ Damian

• I feel a sudden influx of Evile
• The Evile is highly concentrated in this small childe
• Perhaps I could claim the childe
• And his jiggly mother-brother
• Oh noe I have awakened a great blood lust in the childe
• I am doomed :(

Robin Musings, as per Cyborg

aka Victor Stone, Ph.D. (Cybernetics), M.Sc. (Being Swole)

Robin I/ Nightwing

• Bro, you’re so squishy and human
• Do you want a cybernetic
• We have lasers :)
• Batman won’t even let you get a tattoo, so a cybernetic is out of the question huh
• You can just…not tell your ugly dad
• Oh lord
• I saw something move in the shadows
• It’s your awful dad, aw hell naw-

Robin II/Red Hood

• Please tell me you left your dad at home
• Cool :D
• So. I heard you came back from the dead.
• … leave any limbs in the grave?
• Because I can totally hook you up with a new arm or three

Robin III/ Red Robin

• The tantalizing scent of coffee…
• The little burn scars from soldering experiments…
• Those dead, owl eyes…
• It’s a fellow tech nerd!
• Let’s hit up the Apple Genius Bar :)
• Not to buy anything!
• But to critique their easily shattered screens

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• You know the best part of being a cyborg?
• Cybernetic stomach
• :D
• To the breakfast buffet!

Robin III again

• Hey Tim
• How did you like the cybernetic laser bellybutton piercing
• What do you mean your dad flipped out
• He grounded you?
• Aren’t you, like, the CEO

Robin V/ Damian

• Psst
• Hey kid
• Want a cybernetic?
• What do you mean “no”
• Grayson says you’re “perfect the way you are”
• What do you mean he pats your head afterwards
• …fine
• Pat pat pat

Robin Musings, as per Billy Batson

aka Shazam, Ph.D. (Emotional Maturity), M.A. (Adulting)

Right. So. More Robin Musings?

Robin I/Nightwing

• Wowie- um, I mean-
• *affects deep voice* Wowie
• Mr. Batman said that you were my babysitter
• Can we go on patrol later please
• I know Mr. Batman’s stance on metas
• But he said that I was okay to come over
• He likes me
• Can’t think as to why tho :)

Robin II/Red Hood

• Gasp
• You have A Gun!
• GASP
• You said A Bad Word!!
• One dollar in the swear jar please
• What do you mean, I should cuss too
• Adults cuss?
• I mean- I am above such behaviors
• Good day to you, fellow adult

Robin III/Red Robin

• Hello Timmy
• Does Mr. Batman know thay you’re sneaking out
• You’re in love! That’s so nice! (＾ω＾)
• Oh no, your dad doesn’t allow you to unite with Superboy
• Is Mr. Batman… evil? He hates love?

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• I didn’t know Robin could be a girl
• I just assumed that Mr. Wayne tried to clone Dick and it went really badly
• So, how am I adulting so far
• Is it convincing?
• Yes I do need to stock my adult pantry like an adult would
• Yes, I would like more waffle mix
• Seems a very adult choice

Robin III again

• So I confronted your dad about him hating love
• He grounded me :(
• Wait
• He can’t ground me!
• …
• Apparently he can :(

Robin V/ Damian

• :D
• I can tell that we’re going to be best friends
• Let me introduce you to the world of nice things and arcades
• In return, you can teach me math and make *tt* noises when I don’t get trignometry
• Let’s go play
• Dodge-sword is NOT an appropriate game
• Neither is Pin The Knife On The Joker :(
• And Jason is NOT the adult supervision

Reverse Robin Musings on Superman

aka Clark Kent, M.A. (Journalism), PGDip (Cornhusking)

RobinI

• Wowie
• You are tall and buff and you can FLY
• I hereby dub you to be my co-dad
• Of course I will go flying with you
• Look at my quadruple somersault
• Of course you can call me son
• Don’t be silly Bruce, of course it’s not weird

RobinII

• Dude
• You’re buff
• Bet you can clear out Crime Alley in minute
• Hey, wait a gosh darned minute
• :D
• Wanna raid Maroni’s criminal compound with me

RobinIII

• Oh hi Kon’s brother
• Yes I am dating your clone
• No we will not address it
• It makes Bruce sad
• He thinks that I’m going to run away to live on the farm
• I saw him burning a pair of overalls the other day
• I think they were yours

RobinIV

• Hey supes
• Can I hang out with you
• I need to talk to someone who can actually shuck a corncob
• It’s the sign of a real man
• I saw Bruce at the barbeque
• And he just pointed at the corn and asked why it was green
• Smh
• Damn bourgeois

Robin III again

• I’m back
• And I have this promise ring that Kon gave me <3
• It’s technically a strand of hay that he tied around my finger
• Bruce is acting as though Kon choked him with it or something
• He keeps turning purple whenever he sees it

RobinV

• Why did no one tell me that you had not one, but multiple cows
• To have the affection of barnyard animals is to be truly wealthy
• Father is a pauper, in this regard
• You must be a good and noble man
• See how the poultry follow in your footsteps
• *wipes evil tears away*

Reverse Robin Musings on Mr. Freeze

aka Dr. V. Freis, Ph.D. (Cryogenics), Gotham University, Tenured Lecturer for BIO 301 - Cell Cryogenics

Robin I

• Ooh it’s cold
• I suddenly my choice of uniform
• I should invest in combat uggs
• Oh hey mister
• Can I crank up the thermostat please
• :(

Robin II

• Fuck it’s cold
• Colder than a pimp’s heart in winter in Crime Alley
• Oh I scandalized you
• So you’re an academic huh
• White collar wuss
• Bet you won’t sweat if your life depended on it
• Oh you literally can’t
• Sorry, I have preconceived notions on the upper middle class

Robin III

• Have you given thought to opening an ice cream franchise
• It would provide passive income
• And you can use it to save your frozen wife
• And maybe get a new wardrobe
• Silver and blue are so 2010 colors

Robin IV

• I will be your official liaison for your ice cream shoppe with Robin III because Batman grounded him for canoodling with Superboy
• I am a silent partner
• But I insist that Belgian waffle be on the menu
• No Batman doesn’t know about our venture
• He doesn’t encourage creativity

Robin III

• I see you’ve upgraded your ice cannon
• The ice cream shoppe is really bringing in the revenue huh
• This is where you thank me
• With more dividends, I dont care about sentiments

Robin V

• Cad, you are making my nose run!
• I am unused to such climates
• ARGH
• MY SINUSES
• I can blow my own nose, Nightwing
• *honk*

Reverse Robin Musings on The Penguin

What do the Robins think about Gotham’s richest baddie?

Robin I

• Finally
• I am taller than someone
• Ooh birds
• I like birds, they are probably not going to kidnap me
• Oh no they’re kidnapping me :(
• My love for all creatures great and small has endangered me
• Welp, time to punch some birds I guess

Robin II

• Hey it’s the rich guy with the bird fetish
• Lol did you seriously try to attack me with birds
• Bitch I’m from Crime Alley
• I caught and ate pigeons on a daily basis
• I bet penguins are more nutritious though
• Why you crying
• If you gonna throw flippers at me, then you’d better get ready to be eaten

Robin III

• What did you just say
• Bitch you did not just say that you’re the richest man in Gotham
• That’s me
• Sorry Bruce
• Money fight
• *proceeds to throw dollar bills at Penguin*
• This is called death by a thousand papercuts
• Eventually your cuts will get infected and you’ll die
• Because this is Gotham money, and its pretty gross tbh

Robin IV

• What do you mean how did I track you down
• There’s a literal trail of bird shit that leads here
• I feel like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz
• Only my road is bird poop
• And my friend is Batman :/

Robin III again

• Oh heard you had to go to the hospital for a MRSA infection
• Told you Gotham money is filthy
• I hope that the hospitalization cost you a lot of money
• See, this is why we need universal healthcare
• The healthcare system is the true villain

Robin V

• Birds in captivity!
• Fiend, I shall release these noble birds from your hold
• And then I shall probably kill you
• Batman will never find the body
• Drake said he’d help me hide it
• To cement his place as richest man in Gotham

Reverse Robin Musings upon The Riddler

aka Edward Nygma, B.Eng., M.S. (Nerd Shit)

What do the Robins think about their adversaries? Tune in to find out!

Robin I

• Ooh, you like the color green too!
• It’s my favorite
• A riddle? Okay!
• I got the answer!
• What did I win?
• Meanie
• I’m telling Batman

Robin II

• Hey nerd
• I don’t respect you
• You’re basically a white collar criminal
• Can’t do shit
• Hey, I got a riddle for you
• What’s green at night and black and blue in the morning?
• You!
• :D

Robin III

• Okay so Batman’s like three minutes behind me, so we can chill till he gets here
• Sure, I can do riddles
• Several riddles later…
• This is fun
• I liked that bit of code you wrote to hack the commissioner’s computer btw
• You’re welcome
• Oh Batman’s here now
• See ya

Robin IV

• Hey nerd
• Why’re you crying
• I learned this great new kick routine yesterday
• I wanna try it out
• Stay still

Robin III again

• Hey Eddie
• Aww, you missed me
• Sure, we’re can hug it out
• I got you this notebook
• So you can write down all your riddles

Robin V

• You dare to besmirch the noble color green by cladding your worthless body with it
• I shall dye your suit red
• With your blood
• No I don’t want a riddle you worm
• Prepare to do battle
• Stop crying

Robin Musings, by Dr. Leslie Thompkins

MBBS, M.D. (Trauma - All Kinds)

Robin I

• Why is Batman in my waiting room
• Again
• He has… a child
• It’s cute
• Would I be violating ethics if I stole the child
• Probably
• Child has a wound, treat it
• Here, have a lolly while I yell at your irresponsible father

Robin II

• Jason?
• What do you mean “how did I know”
• You lived two blocks from my clinic!
• I saw you every day on your pickpocket route!
• I delivered you!
• Just…
• Don’t get hurt
• Please

Robin III

• This is ridiculous
• How many of you are there
• How did you manage to get that burn
• What laser cannon
• Oh no
• Give me the laser cannon, you can have this lolly

Robin IV

• Stephanie?
• What do you mean “how did I know”
• Do you people think that I’m stupid
• I’m the one that prescribes your ibuprofen
• Speaking of which, here
• It’s nearly your time of the month

Robin III again

• A thought occurs
• Have any of you had your tetanus boosters
• WHAT
• That’s it
• Get everyone in here now!
• No, Jason, Tim lied to you
• It’s not a bum injection
• Please pull your pants up

Robin V

• I need your immunization records
• What do you mean no
• The healing waters of the Lazarus Pit are not the same as the chickenpox vaccine
• Now sit still
• All done, here have a lolly
• … it’s Nightwing Blueberry Flavor
• There we go

A Gentle Hello

H-hewwo friends, I- I have returned… Peez forgive me for not giving content, I promise to make it up to you…

In all seriousness though, I’ve not been doing too great. Life. Job. Stress. My ass becoming bigger, before exercising it off (literally).

I am getting back some of my vim and vigour though, and have been in the mood to write more Batfamily content, including but not limited to:

• More Batfamily Headcanons and Robin Musings!
• The time when Damian accidentally cuddled Jason thinking that he was Bruce!
• The time Damian punched Jason for not telling him that he was not Bruce, and tricking a hug out of Damian!
• Dick’s buttcheeks bouncing independently from his body!
• Tim getting caught by Bruce in Victoria’s Secret!
• And much more!

Robin Musings, as per John Constantine

aka Magic Boi Extraordinaire, Ph.D. Shark Biology

Robin I

• Eh what’s this
• It’s smiling at me
• You’re ruining my aesthetic, kid
• Here, put on this trenchcoat
• Much better
• No I haven’t seen your kid, Batman
• This kid is clearly mine
• Hence the trenchcoat

Robin II

• Hey kid
• Wanna be surly and moody with me
• You have to look into the horizon and appear disillusioned
• Very good
• You’re a natural
• All you need now is a trenchcoat

Robin III

• Hello munchkin
• You appear to have a natural talent with skulking around
• Ah, you stalked Batman
• Excellent detective work
• Here, I have this tiny trenchcoat for you
• I carry them around now, just in case

Robin IV

• Of course I can create food with magic
• Pancakes? Sure.
• What do you mean, pancakes are fluffy
• Pancakes are thin and flat and taken with sugar and a bit of lemon
• Just like the queen intended

Robin III again

• You need a detective persona
• Mine is surely “surly and British”
• You can be “clever and twinky”

Robin V

• Whatcha hiding there, kiddo
• It couldn’t be six stay kittens, could it?
• The same six kittens that Batman specifically told you not to bring home?
• You need better sneaking skills
• Here use this trenchcoat
• You can stuff all kinds of things in it and you can never tell from the outside

Robin III again (remix)

• Why exactly do you want to learn how to sneak around
• Oh you want to see your hunky boyfriend
• Batman’s opposed, I take it
• Well first, if you want to sneak effectively, you have to get rid of the sequined thing and sheer booty shorts