The energy these two good boys create in the studio pleases me every day

A Different Batman

I want a Batman story where he starts off as a cheerful and a bit socially daft guy. Where Bruce Wayne is a complete goof and hopelessly romantic fool. He tries to court Talia or Selina with the extravagance and thoughtfulness of a man with the means and mind to try to give his love the most fantastically romantic time ever. He’d be so proud and happy for Dick and his team of superheroes, and all he can imagine is the good they’ll do when they become the next Justice league. Even the criminals in Gotham aren’t too violent, just people looking out for their own.

Then Jason comes into his life, He loves this child so much. The kid adores Alfred and follows him around like a duckling and is quietly delighted with all the toys, books, schooling, ect. that Bruce can provide. He’s smart, studious, sassy, curious, and adorably enthralled with magic (magic!Jason) practically a prodigy but still playing little pranks here and there. He can imagine Jason fitting in very well with Justice league dark if he wants to follow his big brother’s footsteps. Though that plan doesn’t quite play out as he’d hoped.

(I’m just so done with Jason only ever being destined for death and nothing more, and the death of a child being treated like no biggie or a goddamn joke. That shit should be goddamn traumatic and serious.)

However Jason is mercilessly murdered by the Joker, then Barbara is paralyzed, Talia doesn’t want anything to do with him, and Harvey well…Harvey went insane chasing shadows before killing himself. Bruce then starts to spiral into his dark and broody, emotionless, cold and calculating Batman. Turning paranoid and controlling, because if he could have planned for everything then he would have prevented the worst from happening to the people he cared about.

I want Batman’s closed off and harsh personality be a result of his life getting to a point of falling apart instead of the insanity of “dead parents” because frankly I’m sick of those damn pearls. I get it as a motivation to start being a hero but the rest of why he’s a dick to his allies and so damn standoffish about being in control all the time shouldn’t be tied to that. I think it should be a process of him losing his hopefulness to the thoughtless acts of cruelty later down the line.

Give me a batman that starts with everything to lose, a hopeful man who believes that people can change for the better if they were given a proper chance. That goodness is inherent because superman who has all the power to do anything still decides to do good. A batman who thought people were only evil because of desperation, or needed/wanted something but is proven so wrong that it slowly breaks him, into the batman we’re familiar with.

(the kind of batman that lashes out at Dick, ignores or doesn’t care for Tim and Steph, beats & banishes Jason from Gotham, and makes contingencies & plans to be able to take out his JLA friends)

Maybe even have the parents be secretly not the best people. I’ve been thinking about Martha Wayne being a high ranking member of the court of owls, and his father sharing a hand with Hugo strange to make Arkham asylum a hell on earth.

Lemme know what you guys think because frankly I kinda hate how toxic Batfam is and I really don’t care for trying to pretend it’s a good time to be with the kind of batman we have. Straightup fanon gooddad!Bruce is so far away from what Batman is, I can’t imagine them being the same person at all. At least with this kind of timeline I feel like it could possibly work.

Forever Yours, Little Wing

“Red Hood shot Deathstroke.”

Dick looked up from his coffee to stare at Tim incredulously. “Pardon?”

Tim, who was perusing the security camera footage from his numerous spy cameras of the city, smiled back. “Red Hood shot Deathstroke,” he repeated.

“Jason shot Slade? Why? And when?”

Tim hummed and pulled up the footage. “Yesterday, apparently, at 1:30am. In the Fashion District.”

“I patrolled there last night though,” Dick said. “I passed through at 1am!”

“And this happened half an hour later,” Tim shrugged.

“Why would Jay shoot Slade, though?” Dick mused.

“Who knows why Crazy McGee does anything,” Tim muttered bitterly. At Dick’s amused glance, Tim bristled. “Hey! He’s your baby brother, not mine. Besides, he tried to kill me. Me! Sweet, innocent, Timmy-” Tim paused to remove his sock and throw it at Damian, who had been making vomit noises in the background.

Dick smiled sadly and scratched Tim’s ear like a kitten, immediately quieting the boy. “I know, Timmy. I won’t ask you to make peace with him. I know that he hurt you.” Dick paused, sighing. “But I can’t forget that I loved Jay too, the same as I love you and Dami now.”

In the corner, Damian lit up like an evil little lantern.

“I just… if I could talk to Jay-”

“Then go talk to him,” Tim suggested. “Bucket Head probably won’t attack you, you guys only play fight anyway, neither of you ever go full out.”

Dick smiled. It was true - Jason never really touched him, and even went so far as to avoid touching his butt during tackles. Bro Butt was a definite Ick Inducer.

“Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

***

“Psst.”

Jason Todd, the fearsome Red Hood, stopped in his tracks. Was he imagining things? He could have swore that sounded like-

“Little Wing!”

Jason sighed. “What, Dickhead,” he grumbled into thin air.

Dick popped out of the unimaginably small crevice in the wall that he had stuffed himself into. Inside his helmet, Jason flinched. He did not want to imagine how Bendy Butt had shoved himself into the small gap. “Ugh. Go away, you flexi-freak.”

“Red Robin showed me footage of you shooting Deathstroke,” Dick said. “Why did you do it?”

“Oh no, rewind to the part where the twink got footage of me,” Jason interrupted.

“Oh, you know Red Robin, he’s got all of his little spy cameras and nanobot armies-”

“What-”

“- but that’s not important-”

“Yes it is!” Jason panicked. Did Tim unleash a nanobot army on him? Was that why he itched in his most tender areas?

(Yes. Yes it was. Tim was very proud of avenging himself).

“- what’s important is why you chose to go and shoot Deathstroke! Jay, he’s a dangerous man, why on earth would you make an enemy of him-”

“Why on earth haven’t you make an enemy of him, when he follows your jello butt across the city-”

“What?”

“- jiggling like pudding, honestly. The only thing I’ll agree with Batman about is having you wear a cape-”

Dick’s eyes softened with realization. “Oh, Jay,” he murmured affectionately.

“-so the rest of us don’t have to waste our time looking out for- eck,” Jason cut himself off as Dick gently hugged him.

“You were looking out for me, Little Wing,” Dick smiled into his shoulder. “You docare!”

“No I don’t.”

“I love you too!”

That escalated fast. “Oh my God, let me go, what if someone sees,” Jason whinged. Dick did let go then, but continued to beam at him. Jason shook off the Dick Cooties and glared. “If you want to smother someone, start closer to home. The Baby Brat offered me a bounty to kill Slade-”

“Dami did what?”

“I didn’t take it, obviously, but dude, that kid is way too attached to you-”

“I’ll just have to reassure him of my love!”

“And you wonder why I make mother-brother jokes about you,” Jason sighed defeatedly, as Dick continued to be oblivious. “Listen, it’s not a big deal.”

Dick did not heed this, and his eyes continued to shine with unspoken love and hope.

“He was being a lech, it’s the decent thing to do.”

The Eye Love Lasers were now maximum capacity.

“Dick!” Jason huffed angrily. He needed to get the message across, dammit!

“I love you too, Little Wing!”

Ugh. There really was no escaping it. Jason gave in gracelessly, allowing Dick to have his hug quota.

Maybe it really wasn’t so bad.

Robin Musings, as per Krypto

Ph.D. (tummy rubs), M.A. (The Art of The Good Boi)

Robin I

• A puppy!
• Oh boy Clark finally made me a grandpup!
• How well my grandpup fights!
• And how well he flies!
• Oh no
• The chickens are trying to adopt him
• Quick, bark at the chickens

Robin II

• New pup!
• Angry pup?
• Let me lick your woes away
• Oh I know all about sibling rivalry
• See how the horses prance around and look all majestic
• Disgusting
• But I know that Clark loves both of us equally
• Ah I have imparted wisdom

Robin III

• ALERT
• The pup is skinny!!
• Feed the pup-!
• Oh
• I can’t lactate :/
• Quick, let’s go to Bessie
• Woman has like, six calves, she can spare some milk

Robin IV

• Girl pup!
• Brush me as you would brush your glorious hair
• Now for the finale
• We shall shed on Bruce’s favorite chair :)

Robin III again

• Skinny pup is dating Kon-pup!
• Glorious, I will have great-grandpups now
• That is, if Bruce doesn’t keep yelling
• Ruins the mood :/
• How will my dynasty continue at this rate

Robin V

• Angry pup!
• Quick! Snuffle the anger away!
• Oops I squished him
• It’s ok :)
• What’s this
• The pup is kidnapping me!
• Someone save me- oh wait
• You’re rich
• Tell Clark I said bye :)

Robin Musings, as per Darksied

Ph.D. (Moste Evile Arts), M.A. (Dry skin)

Robin I/ Nightwing

• What a sweet childe
• A pity that all existence not under my control is futile
• What are you doing
• Stop looking at me with those big, cow eyes
• Argh my raisin sized heart
• It is expanding to accommodate emotion

Robin II/ Red Hood

• No I will not fuck off into a commode and die
• I can’t believe that you’re Robin
• Where’s the other one
• Oh he’s become hot
• Oh noe
• The childe is attacking me
• His curse words are actually hurtful :(

Robin III/ Red Robin

• What is this
• I think a gnome fell into the wrong universe
• Oh it is a childe
• What do you mean I should moisturize more
• I don’t want WayneMart industrial strength moisturizer
• I am not going to increase your profit margin

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• Okay I will admit that I am salty about being bald
• You don’t need to flaunt your admittedly glorious hair at me
• No I have never used WayneMart Hair Rejuvenation Formula
• Why are they everywhere
• Is this a conspiracy

Robin III again/Red Robin

• NO I don’t want a gift certificate to Wayne Spa and Beauty Centre
• My looks are the result of Dark Majicks
• I highly doubt Wayne Cosmetics will help :/

Robin V/ Damian

• I feel a sudden influx of Evile
• The Evile is highly concentrated in this small childe
• Perhaps I could claim the childe
• And his jiggly mother-brother
• Oh noe I have awakened a great blood lust in the childe
• I am doomed :(

Bringing the Boyfriend Home - Tim Drake Woes

Tim dithered on the front step of the manor, biting his lip in agitation. Should he go through with this?

“Timmy?” Bernard asked gently. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just… my family,” Tim admitted. “They’re a lot.”

Bernard smiled, the sunlight bouncing off of his perfect teeth bringing warmth to Tim’s cold, shriveled, soul. “Timmy, you’re worrying again. Didn’t you say that they loved you?”

Tim sighed. “Yeah…”

“And that your dad wanted to ‘vet me’?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And that your big brother was jiggling thiccly around the kitchen to make a gay-friendly brunch?”

Tim finally cracked a smile. “Dick made crepes. Stephanie was appalled.”

Bernard smiled and stroked his thumb over Tim’s knuckles. “See? It’ll be fine.”

“What about Damian?”

“Sorted,” Bernard said smugly, moving his jacket aside to reveal a tiny sparroe in a tiny box. “I found a bird with a broken leg. I’ll tell him that you said that he was the best with animals, and that I thought he could nurse it back to health.”

Tim’s eyes glittered with unshed tears. He had the best boyfriend in the world.

***

“Hey Dick, this is Bernard.”

Dick glowed with happiness for his little stringbean brother finally having a normal, settled, relationship.

“Hi Mr. Dick,” Bernard waved, and Dick had to suppress a squeal of delight.

“Hi Bernard, it’s so nice to meet you,” Dick enthused. “Here, have some cookies, I made them fresh!”

Bernard picked up a heart shaped cookie with a smile. “Thanks for being so supportive, Mr. Dick.”

Just then, the lights flickered, and Bernard caught sight of a harrowing face in the hallway, before it promptly disappeared.

“Who was that!?”

Dick looked around. “Who? There’s nobody there.,” he said, before smiling brightly. “Here, have another cookie. You and Tim are both so tiny.”

Bernard choked down the cookie, the dour man’s face never leaving his mind. After they were done, Tom dragged Bernard to see his sister.

“This is Cass, she’s my big sister,” Tim said, sounding audibly affectionate. Bernard smiled wholeheartedly - Tim really deserved to be able to have that kind of love. “And that’s Damian in the animal pile over there.” Uh oh.

Bernard shook hands with Cass who smiled at him. “Tim says… you make him happy. I like that.”

Bernard felt a flood of affection for the soft spoken woman. “I always try. Timmy deserves the best.”

Cass smiled, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “Tim always tries hard for everyone else. We… look after Tim.”

By this time, Damian had also waddled over. “What ho. You are Bernard Dowd.”

“Er. What ho?” Bernard reached into his jacket. “Nice to meet you, Damian. Tim said that you were good with animals, so I thought of bringing you this bird - he hurt his leg-”

Damian was already scurrying away with the bird, speaking lovingly to the confused sparrow I Arabic. “Well done, Dowd,” he asked over his shoulder. “Drake has done well to choose you to continue the dynasty with!”

Bernard looked nonplussed, and then smiled amusedly at Tim. “You want to continue your dynasty with me? Tim, that’s so cute!”

Tim blushed a pretty cherry blossom pink. “I- I- er-”

Bernard was just about to rib Tim more, when another flicker of movement caught his eye. The face! Bernard felt a chill as the figures eyes made contact with his, revealing the color to be a shadowed blue-green. And then, it was gone again.

There was no mistaking it. Every Gothamite knew the Tragedy of Jason Todd-Wayne, Bruce Wayne’s second son. The face belonged to an older man, but who said that a malevolent spirit couldn’t trick the mind?

“T- Timmy, the f- face-”

Tim looked around. “What face, Bern?” he asked in concern, seeing his boyfriend pale before his very eyes.

“A- a guy, he looks so sad and mean-”

“Baby, there’s no one there,” Tom soothed Bernard worriedly, his mind racing. Unless, of course… “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Jason.”

Bernard shrieked thinly. “Jason Todd? I was right? His ghost is haunting your house?”

Tim, sensing the potential for mischief, nodded with faux seriousness. “His restless spirit comes back to see us sometimes. He mainly haunts Dick though, calls him names and eats his cookies.”

“But Jason is good boy,” Cass said hurriedly.

“Are we talking about Todd?” Damian asked, returning with the now bandaged bird who was sitting in his hair. “Has he returned?”

“Apparently,” Tim said. “I wonder what brought him back.”

“Grayson made Pennyworth’s cookies,” Damian replied. “That is enough for Todd to come sniffing around.”

“Dick is wearing leggings today,” Cass mused. “Jason likes… to throw… coins at his butt.”

“Makes Dick squeal like a piggy,” Tim nodded sagely. “We should put Jason at rest,” he said meaningfully.

Damian, Princeling of Chaos, cottoned on immediately. “I shall bring the sage.”

Cass said nothing, but bounced happily.

The fabulous four tripped into the kitchen, where, true to form, Jason was flicking pennies at a harassed Dick’s behind.

“Begone, ghoul!” Damian cried, and lit the sage leaves on fire, making both Dick and Jason startle. When everybody was distracted, Cass flicked a smoke bomb on, filling the room with thick smoke. Hopefully, Jason would take the hint to disappear.

Only when the smoke cleared, Jason was still there, looking very buff and angry and intimidating.

“W-w-what?” Bernard quivered, coming over faint in Tim’s arms, as though his noodle arms could support a swooning boyfriend.

“Oh. Ha ha,” Tim laughed nervously. “So you already know about Jason, so this will be a short introduction-”

It would have to wait, as Bernard flopped over, completely comatose.

***

Bernard came back to consciousness to the sight of Bruce Wayne. “Bernard, you’re awake, excellent. I must apologize for my children, they are fools.”

“B-b-but Jason!”

“Jason is not dead, son,” Bruce sighed. “It was a cover story to put some very dangerous people off his scent. Everything is fine now, but Jason rather enjoys the feeling of anonymity this gives him. Though honestly, Jay, just go down to the precinct and get re-registered as living, it’s been years-”

“Can’t stop won’t stop. Hey Bern,” Jason smiled. “You alright?”

“Yes?”

“Oh good. Someone go get Tim, the kid’s in hysterics about you.”

Bernard’s tender heart broke. Tim was distraught over him? Dick opened the door and a tear streaked Tim ran inside. “Bernard! I’m so sorry! I didn’t think that Jason would be home, and I wanted to get him out! Please, won’t you forgive me!”

“You were only trying to help your brother, Tim,” Bernard said, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of Tim’s mascara running down his face. He reached over and hugged Tim close.

“Ahem.”

“Oop, sorry Mr. Wayne, sir,” Bernard said, jumping away.

Bruce smiled. “It’s alright, Bernard. Just know, I’m always watching. And anything that you do to Tim, I’ll have Jason do to you.”

Jason smiled evilly as Tim and Bernard shrunk away, but failed to escape the powerful, hairy hug they were pulled into.

“Well Bernard,” Jason said, as both boys struggled, “welcome to the family.”

Robin Musings, as per Cyborg

aka Victor Stone, Ph.D. (Cybernetics), M.Sc. (Being Swole)

Robin I/ Nightwing

• Bro, you’re so squishy and human
• Do you want a cybernetic
• We have lasers :)
• Batman won’t even let you get a tattoo, so a cybernetic is out of the question huh
• You can just…not tell your ugly dad
• Oh lord
• I saw something move in the shadows
• It’s your awful dad, aw hell naw-

Robin II/Red Hood

• Please tell me you left your dad at home
• Cool :D
• So. I heard you came back from the dead.
• … leave any limbs in the grave?
• Because I can totally hook you up with a new arm or three

Robin III/ Red Robin

• The tantalizing scent of coffee…
• The little burn scars from soldering experiments…
• Those dead, owl eyes…
• It’s a fellow tech nerd!
• Let’s hit up the Apple Genius Bar :)
• Not to buy anything!
• But to critique their easily shattered screens

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• You know the best part of being a cyborg?
• Cybernetic stomach
• :D
• To the breakfast buffet!

Robin III again

• Hey Tim
• How did you like the cybernetic laser bellybutton piercing
• What do you mean your dad flipped out
• He grounded you?
• Aren’t you, like, the CEO

Robin V/ Damian

• Psst
• Hey kid
• Want a cybernetic?
• What do you mean “no”
• Grayson says you’re “perfect the way you are”
• What do you mean he pats your head afterwards
• …fine
• Pat pat pat

Robin Musings, as per Billy Batson

aka Shazam, Ph.D. (Emotional Maturity), M.A. (Adulting)

Right. So. More Robin Musings?

Robin I/Nightwing

• Wowie- um, I mean-
• *affects deep voice* Wowie
• Mr. Batman said that you were my babysitter
• Can we go on patrol later please
• I know Mr. Batman’s stance on metas
• But he said that I was okay to come over
• He likes me
• Can’t think as to why tho :)

Robin II/Red Hood

• Gasp
• You have A Gun!
• GASP
• You said A Bad Word!!
• One dollar in the swear jar please
• What do you mean, I should cuss too
• Adults cuss?
• I mean- I am above such behaviors
• Good day to you, fellow adult

Robin III/Red Robin

• Hello Timmy
• Does Mr. Batman know thay you’re sneaking out
• You’re in love! That’s so nice! (＾ω＾)
• Oh no, your dad doesn’t allow you to unite with Superboy
• Is Mr. Batman… evil? He hates love?

Robin IV/ Spoiler

• I didn’t know Robin could be a girl
• I just assumed that Mr. Wayne tried to clone Dick and it went really badly
• So, how am I adulting so far
• Is it convincing?
• Yes I do need to stock my adult pantry like an adult would
• Yes, I would like more waffle mix
• Seems a very adult choice

Robin III again

• So I confronted your dad about him hating love
• He grounded me :(
• Wait
• He can’t ground me!
• …
• Apparently he can :(

Robin V/ Damian

• :D
• I can tell that we’re going to be best friends
• Let me introduce you to the world of nice things and arcades
• In return, you can teach me math and make *tt* noises when I don’t get trignometry
• Let’s go play
• Dodge-sword is NOT an appropriate game
• Neither is Pin The Knife On The Joker :(
• And Jason is NOT the adult supervision

Batbros Showing Affection - Yet Another Series Because I Won’t Stop

Jason Todd Edition

Jason will never, ever admit it to any living being (unless he’s about to shoot them, of course), but he secretly loves being a little brother. Just as much as Dick loves being Jason’s big brother.

Before Jason’s tragic demise (that he mentions at every possible opportunity) Dick had been a distant character. Sure, he had smiled at Jason, and gave him brotherly advice, even allowing him to stay over when Bruce got too Bruce-y.

Now, Jason has a brother who is a fully fledged hero, peacekeeper, man, and mother (because Damian) in his own right, and he’s found that they exist better together as adults.

Now, with the clarity of adulthood, Jason can relate to Dick, can talk to him, reason with him, train with him, no holds barred. Jason doesn’t need to smooth out his rough edges with Dick, because his brother remembers, he knows Jason for his past and present, and he accepts it all with a kissy and a hug.

Jason would take a beer over the kisses, but whatever.

***

Jason grew into his friendship with Tim. Over time, after Tim’s scars faded, and they were able to establish a new baseline.

Truth be told, he was dragged into it by Dick, in the beginning. Forced dates over froyo and coffee, with the background noise of Damian simmering in the background, squished into Dick’s side like a growth.

Jason and Tim bonded a shared love of weaponry, and a shared hatred for the Joker.

He had taken Tim. He had nearly broken Tim.

Dick had killed the clown for what he did to his brothers. In his weaker moments, Dick wished that he had stayed dead. Jason, under no unrealistic moral code, wished for it loudly and on a bi-weekly basis.

It had changed the previously innocent, idealistic boy Tim existed in the shadows now, flitting around his brothers until Jason caught him and sat on him.

Slowly, they bonded during Jason’s sitting sessions. They now indulge their mutual destructive streak together, blowing up villains lairs and warehouses and giving rogues wedgies after a battle.

***

Unlike Jason’s other two brothers, Damian is a can of evil worms.

Damian remembers Jason from when he was in the League, and was Damian’s official babysitter. Jason took his responsibility seriously and would sit on Damian to subdue the tiny, murderous, blob of porridge.

Damian remembers that when Todd was antagonistic to the family, Grayson cried over him, agonizing over Jason’s harsh - and truthful - words.

Damian only saw that Grayson was sad, and so Todd would have to die.

It took several months to convince Damian not to kill Jason, and now they get along and bond over their shared love of weaponry and debate over the use of poisons.

Jason doesn’t like poison, he doesn’t think it allows for a fair fight.

Damian doesn’t care.

They reach a compromise when Tim makes a non-lethal acute laxative poison dart.

Gotham’s villains have never smelled worse.

But Jason sees the smallest bat brat bouncing happily on the balls of his feet as Scarecrow shots his pants and cries, and he can’t help but cackle along with his baby brother.

Batbros Showing Affection - Yet Another Series

Dick Grayson Edition

The first time Jason fell prey to the full extent of Dick’s affections was when he woke up from a bullet to the side. He was fourteen, he had just seen Bruce cry, and Alfred’s mustache had trembled, and he almost didn’t register Dick’s fingers carding through his hair and his mumbling words that he had never heard over Jason.

He’s praying, Jason realized belatedly. He’s praying for me.

Dick prayed again, every year on Jason’s death anniversary, but he wouldn’t know that.

The next time Jason heard Dick praying again was when the older man was trying to kiss him through the helmet- “Oh my God, get off, people are looking-”

But Jason was back, he was alive again, and Dick would never have to take his brother’s name with his beloved parents’ again, he would never again pray for Jason’s soul to have peace.

Dick would now only pray for him to live.

***

It was easy to love Tim - after all, he was a small, fae, lad who was unerringly good, in the harshness of Gotham.

Bruce tried to resist. He failed.

Dick didn’t bother resisting. He loved Tim with his whole heart, smiling at him, hugging him, defending him, and helping smuggle him out of the manor to meet Kon when Bruce had declared a Purity Lockdown.

They fell out, as brothers do. They never stopped loving each other, and found their way back to each other.

Dick and Tim loved each other, held together in the belief that their relationship was the one slice of a normal life they could ever have.

Dick could love Jason with an intensity brought only by a complete loss could bring. Their love was painful, and even when they smiled, Dick could feel the tears stinging the back of his eyes.

Dick could love Damian with the fierceness of a lioness, because no one else would, and no matter what anyone else said, Damian needed that, yearned for it, and it was only through divine intervention that he had found it.

But Tim was Dick’s brother. And Dick was Tim’s. And there was nothing complicated about that.

***

It took a while for Damian to understand Dick’s seemingly instantaneous affection for him.

From the very first warm, strong hug, Dick’s cheek squished to Damian’s, to the occasional head pats and the smoothing of Damian’s spiky, evil, hair, Dick was completely in love-

And Damian was completely confused.

When Bruce was gone, and it was only him and Dick, Damian waited for the hammer to drop - for the renunciation and the scorn that was sure to come.

He waited every night as Dick put on a show of smoothing Damian’s hair back and turning out the bedside lamp, but he waited in vain.

Dick’s soft sighs and head pats turned into lingering presences with soft lullabies, and gentle kisses on his tiny, thorny, forehead.

The first night Dick had given him a goodnight kissy, Damian had laid awake the whole night, his mind racing with thoughts whatandhowandwhy-

Only for Dick to repeat the kissy with a gentle, “Good morning, Dami,” the next morning.

Slowly, Damian began to realize that he was getting hugs and kissies, simply for being, existing as he did.

It made him unbelievably smug, and he smiled like a frog which had the whole pond to itself.

Drake laughed at him, but what did he know? It’s not like anyone kissed him, ever.

“Shows what you know! Nothing will ever compare to Kon’s tender touch upon my skin-”

“WHAT”

“Nothing, Bruce!”

Disgusting as that revelation was, Damian still came out on top, or so he felt.

Grayson’s smile was all the confirmation that he needed.

Reverse Robin Musings on Superman

aka Clark Kent, M.A. (Journalism), PGDip (Cornhusking)

RobinI

• Wowie
• You are tall and buff and you can FLY
• I hereby dub you to be my co-dad
• Of course I will go flying with you
• Look at my quadruple somersault
• Of course you can call me son
• Don’t be silly Bruce, of course it’s not weird

RobinII

• Dude
• You’re buff
• Bet you can clear out Crime Alley in minute
• Hey, wait a gosh darned minute
• :D
• Wanna raid Maroni’s criminal compound with me

RobinIII

• Oh hi Kon’s brother
• Yes I am dating your clone
• No we will not address it
• It makes Bruce sad
• He thinks that I’m going to run away to live on the farm
• I saw him burning a pair of overalls the other day
• I think they were yours

RobinIV

• Hey supes
• Can I hang out with you
• I need to talk to someone who can actually shuck a corncob
• It’s the sign of a real man
• I saw Bruce at the barbeque
• And he just pointed at the corn and asked why it was green
• Smh
• Damn bourgeois

Robin III again

• I’m back
• And I have this promise ring that Kon gave me <3
• It’s technically a strand of hay that he tied around my finger
• Bruce is acting as though Kon choked him with it or something
• He keeps turning purple whenever he sees it

RobinV

• Why did no one tell me that you had not one, but multiple cows
• To have the affection of barnyard animals is to be truly wealthy
• Father is a pauper, in this regard
• You must be a good and noble man
• See how the poultry follow in your footsteps
• *wipes evil tears away*

Reverse Robin Musings on Mr. Freeze

aka Dr. V. Freis, Ph.D. (Cryogenics), Gotham University, Tenured Lecturer for BIO 301 - Cell Cryogenics

Robin I

• Ooh it’s cold
• I suddenly my choice of uniform
• I should invest in combat uggs
• Oh hey mister
• Can I crank up the thermostat please
• :(

Robin II

• Fuck it’s cold
• Colder than a pimp’s heart in winter in Crime Alley
• Oh I scandalized you
• So you’re an academic huh
• White collar wuss
• Bet you won’t sweat if your life depended on it
• Oh you literally can’t
• Sorry, I have preconceived notions on the upper middle class

Robin III

• Have you given thought to opening an ice cream franchise
• It would provide passive income
• And you can use it to save your frozen wife
• And maybe get a new wardrobe
• Silver and blue are so 2010 colors

Robin IV

• I will be your official liaison for your ice cream shoppe with Robin III because Batman grounded him for canoodling with Superboy
• I am a silent partner
• But I insist that Belgian waffle be on the menu
• No Batman doesn’t know about our venture
• He doesn’t encourage creativity

Robin III

• I see you’ve upgraded your ice cannon
• The ice cream shoppe is really bringing in the revenue huh
• This is where you thank me
• With more dividends, I dont care about sentiments

Robin V

• Cad, you are making my nose run!
• I am unused to such climates
• ARGH
• MY SINUSES
• I can blow my own nose, Nightwing
• *honk*

Reverse Robin Musings on The Penguin

What do the Robins think about Gotham’s richest baddie?

Robin I

• Finally
• I am taller than someone
• Ooh birds
• I like birds, they are probably not going to kidnap me
• Oh no they’re kidnapping me :(
• My love for all creatures great and small has endangered me
• Welp, time to punch some birds I guess

Robin II

• Hey it’s the rich guy with the bird fetish
• Lol did you seriously try to attack me with birds
• Bitch I’m from Crime Alley
• I caught and ate pigeons on a daily basis
• I bet penguins are more nutritious though
• Why you crying
• If you gonna throw flippers at me, then you’d better get ready to be eaten

Robin III

• What did you just say
• Bitch you did not just say that you’re the richest man in Gotham
• That’s me
• Sorry Bruce
• Money fight
• *proceeds to throw dollar bills at Penguin*
• This is called death by a thousand papercuts
• Eventually your cuts will get infected and you’ll die
• Because this is Gotham money, and its pretty gross tbh

Robin IV

• What do you mean how did I track you down
• There’s a literal trail of bird shit that leads here
• I feel like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz
• Only my road is bird poop
• And my friend is Batman :/

Robin III again

• Oh heard you had to go to the hospital for a MRSA infection
• Told you Gotham money is filthy
• I hope that the hospitalization cost you a lot of money
• See, this is why we need universal healthcare
• The healthcare system is the true villain

Robin V

• Birds in captivity!
• Fiend, I shall release these noble birds from your hold
• And then I shall probably kill you
• Batman will never find the body
• Drake said he’d help me hide it
• To cement his place as richest man in Gotham

Reverse Robin Musings upon The Riddler

aka Edward Nygma, B.Eng., M.S. (Nerd Shit)

What do the Robins think about their adversaries? Tune in to find out!

Robin I

• Ooh, you like the color green too!
• It’s my favorite
• A riddle? Okay!
• I got the answer!
• What did I win?
• Meanie
• I’m telling Batman

Robin II

• Hey nerd
• I don’t respect you
• You’re basically a white collar criminal
• Can’t do shit
• Hey, I got a riddle for you
• What’s green at night and black and blue in the morning?
• You!
• :D

Robin III

• Okay so Batman’s like three minutes behind me, so we can chill till he gets here
• Sure, I can do riddles
• Several riddles later…
• This is fun
• I liked that bit of code you wrote to hack the commissioner’s computer btw
• You’re welcome
• Oh Batman’s here now
• See ya

Robin IV

• Hey nerd
• Why’re you crying
• I learned this great new kick routine yesterday
• I wanna try it out
• Stay still

Robin III again

• Hey Eddie
• Aww, you missed me
• Sure, we’re can hug it out
• I got you this notebook
• So you can write down all your riddles

Robin V

• You dare to besmirch the noble color green by cladding your worthless body with it
• I shall dye your suit red
• With your blood
• No I don’t want a riddle you worm
• Prepare to do battle
• Stop crying

Robin Musings, by Dr. Leslie Thompkins

MBBS, M.D. (Trauma - All Kinds)

Robin I

• Why is Batman in my waiting room
• Again
• He has… a child
• It’s cute
• Would I be violating ethics if I stole the child
• Probably
• Child has a wound, treat it
• Here, have a lolly while I yell at your irresponsible father

Robin II

• Jason?
• What do you mean “how did I know”
• You lived two blocks from my clinic!
• I saw you every day on your pickpocket route!
• I delivered you!
• Just…
• Don’t get hurt
• Please

Robin III

• This is ridiculous
• How many of you are there
• How did you manage to get that burn
• What laser cannon
• Oh no
• Give me the laser cannon, you can have this lolly

Robin IV

• Stephanie?
• What do you mean “how did I know”
• Do you people think that I’m stupid
• I’m the one that prescribes your ibuprofen
• Speaking of which, here
• It’s nearly your time of the month

Robin III again

• A thought occurs
• Have any of you had your tetanus boosters
• WHAT
• That’s it
• Get everyone in here now!
• No, Jason, Tim lied to you
• It’s not a bum injection
• Please pull your pants up

Robin V

• I need your immunization records
• What do you mean no
• The healing waters of the Lazarus Pit are not the same as the chickenpox vaccine
• Now sit still
• All done, here have a lolly
• … it’s Nightwing Blueberry Flavor
• There we go

Robin Musings, as per John Constantine

aka Magic Boi Extraordinaire, Ph.D. Shark Biology

Robin I

• Eh what’s this
• It’s smiling at me
• You’re ruining my aesthetic, kid
• Here, put on this trenchcoat
• Much better
• No I haven’t seen your kid, Batman
• This kid is clearly mine
• Hence the trenchcoat

Robin II

• Hey kid
• Wanna be surly and moody with me
• You have to look into the horizon and appear disillusioned
• Very good
• You’re a natural
• All you need now is a trenchcoat

Robin III

• Hello munchkin
• You appear to have a natural talent with skulking around
• Ah, you stalked Batman
• Excellent detective work
• Here, I have this tiny trenchcoat for you
• I carry them around now, just in case

Robin IV

• Of course I can create food with magic
• Pancakes? Sure.
• What do you mean, pancakes are fluffy
• Pancakes are thin and flat and taken with sugar and a bit of lemon
• Just like the queen intended

Robin III again

• You need a detective persona
• Mine is surely “surly and British”
• You can be “clever and twinky”

Robin V

• Whatcha hiding there, kiddo
• It couldn’t be six stay kittens, could it?
• The same six kittens that Batman specifically told you not to bring home?
• You need better sneaking skills
• Here use this trenchcoat
• You can stuff all kinds of things in it and you can never tell from the outside

Robin III again (remix)

• Why exactly do you want to learn how to sneak around
• Oh you want to see your hunky boyfriend
• Batman’s opposed, I take it
• Well first, if you want to sneak effectively, you have to get rid of the sequined thing and sheer booty shorts

*Christmas Day*

Tim, cautiously unwrapping a gift from Damian: It’s a notebook?

Damian, rolling his eyes: Look inside.

Tim, still slightly scared: “Once again Drake wouldn’t get out of my sight today. He always looks so stupid sitting at that computer of his with a cup of stale, cold coffee–” 

Tim, angry: Hey, what is this?!

Damian: A notebook detailing everything I don’t like about you. There’s 15 more in my room so I don’t have to worry about your Christmas gifts for a while.

Tim: I hate you, Bruce can we send him back?

Bruce, done with his children: No

Tim: Damn it

incorrectbatfam:

Bruce: A memo from the Justice League.

Bruce, reading from a paper: Due to elevating cursing from the other heroes that we believe is coming from batfamily, we now are changing the way things are phrased.

Bruce, to Jason: “Ask me if I give a fuck” will be now “Of course I’m concerned.”

Jason:

Bruce, to Tim: “Who gives a shit?” is now “I wasn’t involved in that.”

Tim:*nods*

Bruce, to Stephanie: “Kiss my ass” is now “I don’t think you understand.”

Stephanie:Okay.

Bruce, to Dick: “Suck my dick” is now “Have a nice day.”

Dick:

Bruce, to Damian: And finally “Who the hell died and made you boss?” is now “You want me to take care of this?”

Damian: Yes, Father.

Duke: Bruce, you want me to write a reply email from you about this?

Bruce: Yes, please reply: “To the Justice League, of course I’m concerned. You want me to take care of this? While I wasn’t involved in that, I feel you should reverse these changes as I don’t think you understand. Have a nice day.”

The batkids:*snickering*

Alfred: That’s my boy.

Selina: I love you.

incorrectbatfam:

[around a campfire]

Jason: There I was, my back against the wall, no way out, perched on a razor’s edge of oblivion, staring into the eye of the Joker.

Jon, Colin, and Billy: Were you killed?

Jason: Sadly, yes.

Jason: But I lived!

Demon Damian Wayne

Bleh-bleh

Little Wing (Part 2)

Art request by @nfafab on Instagram

D and d

Richard and Amy and Damian