Sydney Sweeney

Glazed Eyes, Empty Hearts

My Mind | 18

I thougt he saved me but instead i just loved the company, the feeling that came through, the feeling i had, the kind of feeling i thought would feel nice. I was wrong. I didn’t feel the hapiness, the love I thought I would feel when I was with him instead I used him for my own purpose. I broke him cause i am broken and unable to love. Again I found myself in this black hole and I don’t know how to get out of this. Again I’m overthinking everything. How do I love again? How do I trust again. I stay up all night telling myself I’m alright but I’m not. There’s this one sentence that keeps spinning in my head. Maybe Life isn’t for everyone. I’m trying so hard not give up but it’s so hard. Living is hard. I fill this emptiness with alcohol drugs and guys who give me the attention but instead of feeling something I’m drowning. Everytime when I think I should be happy I sabotage myself…Why? Why am I doing that? I don’t wanna be alone cause my mind scares me. How do I make it stop? How can I shut up these voices in my head that keep teeling me I’m a bad person? Am I? I don’t know…

- a vision of ecstasy

My Mind | 05

Like i’ve already mentioned in one of my post I suffer from depression. I’m manic depressive. Today i’m not feeling any kind of sadness I’m more I don’t know how to say over-excited I feel like I can do everything and that’s where the scary part begins. While i’m going through this phase I spend a lot of money have so many ideas and things I wanna do at the same time. I drink too much and talk way too much but at this moment I don’t care. I prefer this phase more than the sad one cause nothing hurts inside of me. As soon as i want to do something which isn’t possible to do or if it don’t go like I want it, I’ll go insane and lost all controll over my emotion that’s why it’s better lo leave me alone. It kinda helps me writing down everything what’s going on in my head right now. It’s like a free therapy session you know but on the other side it’s not very helpful cause I’m talking to myself and keep on thinking. 

- a vision of ecstasy