I stay awake at night cause I don’t even know what my favorite color is and I’m afraid I don’t have a real personality.

Can anyone tell me why people just give up? Like if your going through a rough patch with someone and you both decide to try again and suddenly that person’s like “merry Christmas have a nice life” and ducks out of your life without trying, why are people like this. Like I understand people have free will but why do partners and friends suddenly say fuck it and leave without any driving force behind it?

Survival Guide: Fear of Being Alone

I recently heard from many different people that they don’t like to be alone or they don’t know how to be alone.

For someone who loves spending time alone and focusing on myself – I found it very weird, but yet interesting. I

wanted to know more about it to get to the bottom of the issue. Don’t they have any hobbies they can enjoy? Don’t they like to watch moves or read a good book? Yeah sure…

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Feeling

I haven’t self harm in a few years and that good and great but I still struggle with it and I hate it when something bad happens or I mess up the first thing I think about is bringing my self pain I feel like I deserve it for messing up. When I took a step and said I was gonna stop I thought the temptation was going to go away at some point ya know? I hate that I’m still dealing with this it makes it harder and harder every time I really just want to give in I really want to just feel something.. I’m really tired of of just being numb all day I’m so lonely and I really miss feeling something 

I wouldn’t be with me either

You know what sucks about sorry? It’s the worst word in the world. Because it always happens after you fuck up something good.

How do you know when it’s over?“

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.

What is wrong with me? I feel like no one needs me. I’m so lonely. I fuck up everything and everyone. I’m so useless and I’m sick of it.. Give me one reason why should l stay alive..

To be honest, I just want to die.

11/2/2020

I’ve come to realize there is something deeply wrong with me and as much as I try not to be, I am a toxic person maybe not to others most likely just to myself but it’s probably the truth. I try my best to be a good person, a good friend but the feeling of being a outcast and the persistent thoughts that I’m not good enough and that I’m stupid control my mind. I hate the way I think, I hate that I don’t get it on the first go, I hate that I always feel like I’m the reason why everything comes apart. The feeling of consent numbness also makes not want to do anything but laying in bed.

jkquotes:

I know that this is a thinspo blog… I understand that many of my followers, if not most, do not care about my personal life. But I really don’t have much of an outlet aside from this blog… It feels like I’m talking into a void of space. I have these moments of deep sadness. I don’t know why… I have such a beautiful life :-) so many wonderful people and so many blessings. As of late… Well for most of my life, I’ve been alone as far as a companion goes. I live in a place where people marry very young and begin families not long afterward. And this last week has really brought me to my knees. I am so unbearably sad that I can’t seem to find just one person to share that romantic aspect of my existence with. I am completely aware of how young I am, and that I have plenty of time to find someone. However that doesn’t numb the pain! I am not asking for anyone to pity me. I’m not looking for attention or negativity. I’m simply expressing how lonely I currently am. Perhaps just one person will read this… Just one, and They can nod knowing perfectly well how I’m feeling. I don’t know… Maybe no one will ever read this. But if someone does, just know that I’m sorry you feel this way.