Books I Loved Reading in 2021

In 2021, I read a total of 40 books (thus far) — which is the lowest amount of books completed in a single year in about a decade. Over the past two years in particular, I’ve found it harder to focus on reading and have turned to other forms of media to fill in my entertainment needs.
However, in reading less books per year, I’ve found that the quality of books has gone up. I’ve enjoyed or…

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a love so bold it makes me question, have i really loved at all until now?

loving you

loving you is both the easiest and scariest thing I will ever do.

it is easy because it is you.

with your warm brown eyes and childish smile,

holding me while I shake with anxiety,

holding me as you fall asleep,

holding me just to hold me.

you are a burst of energy for my early bedtime,

you always see the best in everyone,

and your smile is as bright as the morning sun.

but easy doesn’t always mean safe.

loving you is my heart race on a sleeve that is 10 feet from my body.

loving you is reminding myself to breathe everytime you take my breath away.

loving you is trying to be okay saying what’s on my mind even tho I am so used to grinding my teeth

loving you is revealing what’s underneath,

realizing I have never loved this much.

loving you is scary.

but it is so good.

-MO

I met you and everything changed.

you were worth whatever pain I knew love to have.

and I had lots of it stored under my chest and inside my brain.

I had been hurt again and again.

I should be afraid

but you make me feel safe.

you have these big brown eyes that remind me of all the chocolate you eat.

and i’m convinced all this sugar is making you sweeter,

because I know if I need you there’s not a moment you won’t be there.

you are my lazy mornings, my afternoon naps, my midnight chats.

you are my sue chef, my travel buddy, my study partner.

you are my favorite adventure.

you are impossible to say goodnight to.

you are full of tight hugs I never want to leave.

you are a blanket for my anxiety.

and I don’t know how I got so lucky

and I don’t know how someone can make me so happy.

but you are the perfect combination of everything I need.

—MO

“it was safer to talk about the weather; I just had to make sure he didn’t associate me with sunshine”

—MO

You are the first person

To see me as a yellow garden.

To reach for my hand on public transportation,

The most unromantic location,

Just to let me know you are here.

To tell me I am beautiful when I decide makeup is too much work.

You are the first person in a long time that doesn’t make me cripple in nervousness.

And that doesn’t mean I like you any less,

It doesn’t mean I’m suppressing the natural anxiety inside of me,

It means you are good at making me happy.

I never have to worry about your thoughts,

Because you’re pretty easy to read,

And you tell me every time you’re thinking about me.

You make me feel like I’m fourteen,

Only this time around I’m not afraid to send 10 texts in a row and be a little cocky.

We’re stealing kisses behind doors as soon as our friends leave,

And we’re racing down floors of the metro,

Pushing each other to the finish line as an excuse to be close.

And what gets me the most,

Is that I didn’t want to like you.

I didn’t know how to risk my feelings again when I was still healing.

I didn’t know if I could date again without my insides shaking.

But then you made me laugh like a child,

You let me be as a wild as I needed,

Yet held out your hand for security.

And I forgot my heart had been breaking;

Because it is so difficult to think of anything other than you.

—I think you’re a yellow garden too

MO

we’re always spending our twenties trying to get to the next best thing.

—I think we forget that our twenties may be the best we ever have it.

“after we broke up, my whole world fell apart for a little bit; and then one morning everything was fine.”

—someone else makes me happy now

MO

I’m the kind of girl who will ask you about your deepest fears and greatest love. but I told myself I wasn’t going to have feelings this time; so i’m trying not to understand you. i’m trying not to ask questions. I trying to run from conversation.

I don’t think it’s working.

stop holding my hand

the summer I was truly happy, we didn’t even speak.

—maybe you aren’t my everything

psycho-troped:

wordpowderkeg:

anytime someone starts a sentence with, “but you were doing so much better!” I want to tell them the amount of times i’ve cried since tuesday. if it seems like i’m doing better, i’m just holding myself up with duct tape.

-but hey, maybe that is improvement

Is it worse to not have cried in two and a half years, or to have cried 6 times since Tuesday?

it’s better to have felt, I suppose

it’s like i’m not allowed to be insecure because I’m the friend that gets phone numbers and dates.

but tell me why no one ever stays.

—I wish I was captivating for more than a first impression

MO

during heartbreak it is easiest to surround myself with douchebags. never once do they ask me how I am, and never once do I want to tell them.

—can everyone else stop asking me if i’m okay

MO

my favorite thing about myself has always been my loyalty.

it wasn’t until recently

I realized my crown might be hurting me.

therapy taught me something.

if I keep living a life for the people around me, then I am just reaching their goals.

but I was put on this planet to be my own

and I need to pave my own roads.

—even though tailgating is so much easier

MO

unknowingly, he dropped me off right next to your car.

she was with you, and I got so mad.

but wasn’t I doing the same thing?

—riding shotgun in boys’ cars to fill some sort of void.

MO

wordpowderkeg:

maybe i’m just distracting myself. maybe i’m using them so there’s no room to think of you. maybe having good days gives my brain something else to do.

—maybe I’m healing

MO

maybe i’m just distracting myself. maybe i’m using them so there’s no room to think of you. maybe having good days gives my brain something else to do.

—maybe I’m healing

MO

never let him ruin a song for you that plays on the radio; you will never heal.

—MO

“now I know why they compare heartbreak to drowning; it is so damn hard to breathe when I think about you.”

—MO

on the nights i’m feeling my best, dancing on stages and running across fields, I’m still doing it for you.

I don’t bury my heartbreak in my bedroom because there is no place for me to show off.

-MO

“it is okay if your heart is still shaking,

if it feels like bits of you are breaking off with each day.

God meant for you to feel this way

so he could shape you:

adding wheels and an engine,

making you into something

that can move on.”

—an excerpt from this poem I wrote

spoken word poetry