First a warning, this post includes content of a sexual nature, reader discretion advised.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD’s) should be on the on the forefront of the minds of all expats living kick-ass sexually active lives in China, although we don’t always like to think about it when things start to get hot and heavy. It’s always been risky sleeping around the Middle Kingdom, but lately it…
This isn’t going to change people’s minds if they are closed-minded.
That statement can be said with anything.
People who are adamant that pornography is “disgusting “and “bad” and won’t deal with their own personal battles, will probably never accept nor understand it.
This is more aimed at people sitting on the fence. This is just aimed to help people understand, more than accept.
The Internet with the ready availability of sexually explicit materials has seemed to raise questions of its influence. Is pornography bad or is it acceptable?
A 16-year-old girl’s parents flip out when they find she is sexually active. Why? If she was safe and it was consensual then why are we culturally still mortified by an act that clearly was intended for us to enjoy? Why is sex seen as a “bad thing”?
If you can view 2 consenting adults over the age of 18 being sexually active on the Internet, then why is pornography seen as a “bad thing”?
I like to ask people who think porn is unacceptable: why?
Does it make you jealous? Do you feel threatened? What is the source of your fear? Because the problem isn’t the pornography, it’s within yourself.
The first step is to acknowledge that masturbation is normal and healthy.
The second step is to understand that men may need to masturbate more than females. The third step is to try and realise that men may be turned on by something you are not. It doesn’t make it wrong or unnatural. There are ways to manage jealousy and fear. But how many people feel this way, is it common?
A study in 2008 was conducted examining pornography acceptance and use within a normative population of individuals aged 18-26. Of the 813 participants recruited across the USA, 500 were female. Participants completed an online questionnaire regarding their acceptance and use of pornography, as well as their sexual values and activity, substance use, and family formation values.
Results revealed:
67% of men and 49% of females believe viewing pornography to be acceptable
87% of men and 31% of females reported using pornography
Reference: ‘Generation XXX: Pornography Acceptance and Use Among Emerging Adults’.
Expectations for pornography use while married or in a committed long-term relationship are revealed to be more acceptable with a majority of men (70.8%) and almost half of women (45.5%) reported use (alone or with their partners).
22.3% of men and 26.2% of women viewed pornography use unacceptable because of being in a committed relationship whereas 5.4% of men and 12.9% of women reported pornography use was unacceptable in any context or circumstance. The remaining 10.4% of women stated that a partner’s use of pornography was acceptable, but they did not expect to use it personally.
If you look back to our primal instincts, you can gain an insight into our sexual behaviour. A males’ primitive sexual instinct is to breed. They contain more of the hormone testosterone and are fertile almost their whole lives. Their body is structured this way so they can mate numerous times. A female on the other hand is only fertile for a short period of their lives and contain more of the hormone oestrogen, and produce a menstrual cycle. Based on body structures alone you can already start to see that a male will have a higher sex drive than a female. Personally, I cannot keep up with my partners sex drive and I am happy he watches pornography to masturbate. It takes the pressure off me and I feel relief knowing that he understands my body is not able to have sex as often as his body would like to. I don’t need sexual relief everyday. There’s nothing wrong with not having similar sex drives. There’s nothing wrong with a male wanting to relieve himself everyday. It’s hormonal. Don’t be afraid of understanding just because it’s never happened to you in that sense. In the animal kingdom, males are generally more aggressive when it comes to the mating ritual, often taking charge. I suppose you could call it dominating behaviour. This is natural in animals and humans. It’s simply a primal instinct and genetic structure. Sometimes “dominating” can sometimes be confused and substituted by the word “degrading” which does not mean the same thing.
The idea that the mere existence of porn is degrading to women both as individuals and as a class is a red herring. “Degrading” is a subjective term, a statement of feeling about a thing, an opinion rather than a fact. Using this word exposes the person using it more than it reveals any truth about porn. Any feelings, thoughts or fantasies, of which women and men are capable, are appropriate subjects for art. How one views the underlying subject of a piece of art, whether popular or fine, reflects that person’s upbringing.
Pornography, by its very definition, deals directly and unapologetically with the sexual realm in all its complexity and contradiction.
Just saying something is “degrading” doesn’t make it so. This value-laden assertion is most often made regarding materials taken out of context, often by those who deliberately manipulate the content in the service of an existing prejudice. We live in an open, pluralistic society and aren’t going to like everything we see. That’s a small price to pay for enjoying the freedoms of a constitutional government. If people find porn degrading they shouldn’t look at it. As Oscar Wilde wisely said, “In matters of taste there can be no dispute”.
I’ve seen ‘anti-porn feminists’ make some statements based on lack of fact and supporting evidence. They have claimed:
“Pornography harms women. It is not fantasy. Pornography happens in the real world to real women; everything you see in pornography happened somewhere to a real woman”. These are purely shock tactics. Without supporting evidence they are simply OPINIONS and not fact!
If they had said, “pornography harms women and here’s the supporting evidence from numerous credible sources or surveys” I’d be more inclined to pay attention. I often think these people confuse pornography with sex trafficking- it’s not the same at all. I expect pornography to be mimicked in the real world: people do have sex. I don’t know how this blog writer expects sex to be, but I assure you everyone is different and likes different sexual activities.
Not all porn is hardcore. There are companies like X-Art who specialise in ‘couples porn’. Finding the right porn for you is much the same as ordering a pizza. You can view pornography without the dirty talk. Not all porn is the same, there are different categories, which is why the Internet is so vast of different types. Don’t just compare them as all the same. A vegetarian pizza isn’t the same as a meatlovers pizza is it, even though it’s still pizza? They cater to everyone’s different tastes.
Pornography continues to be a contentious matter with those on one side arguing it detrimental to society while others argue it is pleasurable to many and a feature of freedom.
However, no matter what, there will always be pornography. There will never be a worldwide ban on producing or viewing pornography.
Porn and Performers
I’ve heard ignorant comments like “they’re getting paid to do it” used to justify degrading acts of porn. But getting paid to do something degrading does not justify it. It’s called exploitation. How many dollars would you want to be paid to for each of these acts: 1) being whipped, 2) having your face forced down a toilet and flushed on, 3) being penetrated by a car gearshift, or perhaps 4) having 2 guys cumming all over your face/in your mouth? These acts are all in certain pornos, and not totally uncommon. I’ve seen contestants on Fear Factor get exploited simply at a chance to win a major prize. Even if you can put a price on these acts, do you think a porn actress is really getting paid that much? Assuming the actresses getting paid for their work are forgetting the discomfort they may be going through for the viewer’s pleasure, is ignorant.
Don’t forget at the end of the day that pornography is simply just an adult movie. Keyword: movie. Just like any other movie made in Hollywood, porn also uses special effects. A woman may appear to be flogged and whipped in an adult film, it may leave red marks and her face may seem distraught. A female adult performer is called a performer for a reason- she performs, she is an actress. I can tell you these whips that appear intimidating are merely props that don’t inflict injury. I’ve also had people say “but what about the mascara running down her face, it’s clear that she’s not enjoying this”. Every adult performer ticks a list of boxes of their “do’s and don’ts”. ‘Face-Fucking’ as it’s called is one of those boxes. Sometimes if it’s a fetish video (some viewers like running mascara), the makeup artist will use non-waterproof mascara and liquid liner so the makeup will run during the scene. At the end of the day I reiterate:
It’s an adult MOVIE.
They are adult PERFORMERS- pornographic actors and actresses.
They choose what they are happy and not happy to do. Just because they might tick a box that you wouldn’t doesn’t mean you should discriminate against the type of scenes or movies they choose to do.
“Abused as children, bad parenting, supporting their drug habit, probably have an STD or something, uneducated, and looking for an easy way to make money”. This is a mouthful of stereotypes- where do I even start!
There’s no evidence to support adult performers were abused as children. As with any group of people, I’m sure a minority have, but this has not affected their decision to perform in pornographic movies.
Bad parenting also does not make one want to perform in adult movies. Again, there’s no evidence to support this statement. It makes no sense.
Drug habits and STDs go hand in hand. If someone has a drug problem they are likely to share needles, contract a STD, have sex and pass it on to others. Porn performers are not hired if they are suspected of having a drug problem. There is also a strict no drugs or alcohol policy on set. Performers are tested as regularly as every 14 days by a certified clinic. Without a negative result on all STI’s and STD’s, no performer can work. These results are uploaded onto an intranet system by the certified clinic so they can no longer be faked or altered. Being tested every 14-21 days decreases risk and maintains the adult movie industry to be a safe place of work. Personally I believe adult performers are safer and more aware of their sexual health than the average person. Many female and male citizens go their whole lives without being tested for STI’s and STD’s after having years of unprotected sex. How long have you been having unprotected sex for? When were you last tested?
Uneducated is my favourite ignorant statement. Many performers hold high levels of education, degrees and masters degrees. Many performers are using the money they make from adult films to pay for their college tuition, their mortgages, putting it into a savings account or planning to invest it into their future. You think adult performers don’t know that they have an expiration date? You think adult performers don’t worry about what they’ll do when they decide to retire?
And finally, yes, it is an easy way to make money. But if it were so easy, then wouldn’t everyone do it? It takes self-esteem, confidence, thick skin and a sense of humour to go into adult movies head on with criticism from people who are frightened of things they do not understand.
The pornographic industry has come a long way since it’s boom in the 70’s. Practices became set in place over time to ensure everyone’s well being and health. Today there are laws and unions to stop exploitation and to make it a safe environment for everyone involved. It doesn’t just benefit adult performers but also makeup artists, hair stylists, prop designers, directors, producers, cameramen, lighting and sound engineers, website designers, printers, lingerie companies, caterers, the list goes on. The pornography industry employs a vast range of people, not just the performers.
There’s nothing wrong with someone if they want to perform in adult movies. There’s nothing wrong with someone if they don’t want to grow up to be a policeman. There’s nothing wrong with someone if they don’t like the taste of liquorice. There’s nothing wrong with someone if they choose to be homosexual. There’s nothing wrong with someone if they choose to be a garbage man. Just because you don’t understand or agree with someone’s choice does not mean it is wrong.
Benefits of Watching Porn
It’s important not to think of porn as a how-to guide. “Trying to learn how to be a better lover by watching mainstream porn is like trying to be a better driver by watching The Fast and the Furious. It’s a bad idea,” says sex educator Reid Mihalko. You would never treat people’s bodies the way they do in a porno, plus most of the positions are cheated and parts are edited out, he explains. And remember that, as with regular movies, you’re watching actors, so don’t compare yourself to them. Instead, use the videos to explore what turns you on and to allow yourself to have fantasies, Mihalko suggests. Perhaps you admire a woman’s confidence and how she’s owning her sexuality, and that inspired you to take charge more often. Or how you may become curious to try new positions, role-play, or bring a vibrator or handcuffs into the bedroom.
My boyfriend and I had a great discussion about this thesis. He stated: If a man watches an anal video and wants to try it with his wife, and he pressures her into having anal sex, if the wife doesn’t want to, this would upset her and make her resent porn for giving him the idea. I replied back with: If I watched Dancing with the Stars and wanted to go to ballroom dancing lessons, and pressured you into coming to them with me, would you the resent Dancing with the Stars for giving me the idea? To me, sex and ballroom dancing are an activity. I want you to come ballroom dancing with me because it would mean a lot due to the fact that you are my partner, as you would ask me to have anal sex with you because you want to share me in an experience with you. If you went to ballroom dancing and didn’t like it, then at least I’m satisfied knowing you made an effort and I may continue to go to ballroom dancing lessons by myself. If I had never tried anal before, I’d give it ago and if I didn’t like it, then you could watch anal porn by yourself. It’s not like it’s going to eliminate our sex life nor our social life, is it? It’s just a preference in activities. And hey, what if we tried something and we both enjoyed it, and then I’d be glad we explored!
Sexual pleasure is one of the ways to keep mentally healthy. For those that have no other outlet, being able to watch pornography or read erotica fulfils that need. There are some people who have a specific personal need that is a fetish and this is the only way they can find personal pleasure, others can only find satisfaction through exhibitionism. While this may be hard to fathom for those without fetishes, it is clear that pornography is a healthy way for them to be sexual fulfilled.
Personally how I masturbate and how I have sex are 2 completely different experiences. When I masturbate, I watch pornography and chose a ‘gangbang’ category. I like to be dominating and I love dirty talk. I view myself as the male and love to take control. This is so very different to how I actually like to have sex. When I have sex with my partner I like to be submissive and manhandled. There’s no dirty talk, it’s a sexual moaning in a variety of fast and slow sex. Just because I fantasize when I masturbate doesn’t mean that’s what I want when I have sex. Just because I watch porn doesn’t mean I want to do the things I see in real life.
Pornography does not degrade society, as it is an absolute choice to view or read it. With pornography, there is always consent and no one is unwilling to be partaking in it. Likewise, there is no force to view or read pornography and those who disapprove have the power to choose not to seek it out.
Pornography and Rape
Pornography is not to be confused with rape. Pornography does not encourage rape. ‘Rape fantasies’ however, are not uncommon. An interesting study was conducted in 1992 with 187 female university students regarding childhood exposure to pornography, current sexual fantasies, and endorsement of rape-supportive attitudes. Results concluded that early exposure to pornography was related to subsequent “rape fantasies” and attitudes supportive of sexual violence against women. Findings were interpreted in the context of women’s socialization to accept sexual aggression as a sexual/romantic event. Reference: ‘Women’s Attitudes and Fantasies about Rape as a Function of Early Exposure to Pornography’.
Although many studies have been conducted over time, no study has been supported to link pornography and rape. Population size, the proportion of young adults, the percentage divorced, and population change were all significant predictors of rape. Reference: ‘Pornography and rape: An empirical analysis’.
Data collected on incidence of rape in 4 societies (Denmark, Sweden, Germany and the USA) where pornography is widely available, revealed rape and other violent offences in these 4 countries does not seem to have any detrimental effects in the form of increased sexual violence. Reference: ‘Pornography and Rape: Theory and Practice? Evidence from Crime Data in Four Countries where Pornography is Easily Available’.
Pornography and Me, Myself and I
Well I guess I should explain a bit about myself. Why does my opinion matter? What would I know? My name is Kiki Vidis and I’m an adult performer. I’ve been in the adult industry since the age of 18, and performing in pornographic films on and off for 7 years now. I love my job. I don’t have a drug habit, I’m STD and STI free, my parents are supportive of me and I’m very well educated if I say so myself. I’m nothing special- I don’t have fake implants, a cosmetic face, fake tan or a proportioned body. I’m just an average girl with small uneven breasts, a face full of freckles, cellulite covered thighs and a short stubby height.
Why did I choose porn as my career? To be honest I thought my chances of getting into porn would be as likely as me being a rock star. Which translates to nil. I was a nurse working part-time and as an extra income I did some bikini waitressing on the weekends. This soon eventuated into topless waitressing, then nude waitressing. I won’t lie, I was attracted to the pay rates: $40 an hour for bikini waitressing, $75 an hour for topless, $150 an hour for nude, oh plus tips! Working at a bar during happy hour could easily make me $250 in tips on top of my wage. Working as a nurse, earning $26 an hour, seemed so insignificant for all the hard work and emotional stress I was dealing with- nurses don’t get acknowledged for this enough. Eventually I became a striptease performer for bucks parties and parties alike. I chose this because I wanted to. No one forced me or coerced me. I was attracted to it like a moth to a flame. I had built confidence in myself, I was perfectly content with my body and was happy to express my sexuality through suggestive dance. I could earn up to $350 for a 30-minute performance. They were my rules too- no touching, no yelling profanities, no taking pictures, respect at all times or say goodbye to me and the whole upfront payment you made. I never had trouble. Not once.
Soon one of the other striptease performers suggested a photographer if I was interested in doing some nude modeling for men’s magazines. That was my dream! To be featured as one of those beautiful models in a magazine, I doubted anyone wanted to see me naked; there was nothing special about me. I called up the photographer, Tania, and she arranged a date for me to come and shoot. I remember driving out to this great big house in the forest. I walked inside feeling amazed I was in a house so beautiful. Tania explained how she rented different locations each week to shoot, it wasn’t her home. I sat down and a makeup artist started doing my hair and applying makeup through an ‘airbrush’ machine. Tania gave me some lingerie and some stripper heels to wear and posed me on the manor staircase. After a few practice pics to check the lighting, we were ready to start shooting. It was like a very slow strip tease, slowly pulling down my bra straps, slowly undoing my bra, teasing my underwear down, I felt so comfortable and very natural. By the end, I couldn’t wait to do another photoshoot- I was addicted! And it cost me nothing! My hair and makeup was free, Tania’s time was free. She explained how the magazines pay her, and the magazines will pay me upon publication. 3 months later I was published and couldn’t wait to show my friends and family- I was so proud. The photoshoots and magazine publications just snowballed from there. Eventually I had an associate of Playboy TV contact me and ask me if I was interested in being in a reality tv show. The show was about the girl next door and her journey into becoming a porn star in Los Angeles. I said yes almost immediately. I never thought I’d ever do porn. I was confident of myself and happy to explore my sexuality on camera, but I never thought I could actually be offered an opportunity like that. I’ll skip forward to my first scene- I wasn’t nervous at all. Everyone was so friendly, asking me whom I wanted to work with, what my ideal type of guy was like, what kind of sex I liked. I chose to work with male performer Voodoo, and after our 25 minute scene I realized how much of a stigma there was. This was not at all like I imagined. I stereotyped just like everyone else outside of the pornography industry. Yeah that’s right, I’m not just shoved in a room with someone I don’t know and I don’t have sex for hours on end in front of a horny cameraman. As I did more and more scenes, the more I chose to expand and explore my sexuality. I decided to try “threesomes”, “face-fucking”, getting slapped around a bit, even receiving “electric shocks” from fake cattle prods which were merely fancy lights and intimidating noises but not real or painful at all (though I had to pretend I was). There’s still things I won’t do, I have my limits, including gangbangs and interracial. It’s simply a personal preference. I loved overcoming the fear I had of so many things because they looked so painful, to find out I quite enjoyed it and much of it was staged. You don’t get to see the fun, the joking, and the outtakes that happen on set. We are one big family. And we all love our job. And that’s all it is to us- a job.
It’s very hard for people outside the pornographic industry to understand. Even when I was striptease artist performing in the adult industry, I still didn’t understand the pornography industry. I admit, I stereotyped. I just expected and believed what other uninformed people told me.
Adult performers don’t just rely on adult films as an income. That’s simply one part of our job. There’s’ a variety of extra options available to do including: adult conventions, webcamming, feature strip show performances at strip clubs, MC hosting, escorting, appearances, website memberships, merchandise sales, company contracts, product endorsements, and sponsorships. It really is a business. The only difference is that the product is you! I earned $75,000 one year for being a brand ambassador. It simply consisted of my name and image to be used in advertising. I can earn up to $5000 for a club appearance for one night, or as much as $10,000 at an adult convention. Pornographic movies themselves don’t actually pay that much in comparison. I make the adult films because I enjoy making them. At first my parents were confused. They thought they must have raised me wrong. I must be in debt or have some sort of drug or gambling problem. After listening to me and seeing how happy and safe I was, they were supportive. I had bought a house, a few vehicles, I was travelling the world, I was training to be a pilot at the same time, and they realised I was the same person and that the stereotypes were just that- stereotypes.
I’m not hurting anyone, I’m simply doing something that makes me happy and this also makes others happy. I might not be building villages in third world countries or saving lives, but it doesn’t make me a bad person, or my job to be bad. There’s so much more I could explain but the basis is there.
This isn’t going to change people’s minds if they are closed-minded.
That statement can be said with anything.
People who are adamant that pornography is “disgusting “and “bad” and won’t deal with their own personal battles, will probably never accept nor understand it.
This is more aimed at people sitting on the fence. This is just aimed to help people understand, more than accept.
