I’m a complete retarded while drawing ‍♀️

muppethole:

i wanna show y'all my gyoza fairy tat but do i wanna show y'all my hairy pasty white thigh to do so

fuck it yoohoo boys

I hate it so much when I see people saying “I feel so lonely and sad. I have no one.” When I literally see them hanging out everyday with their friends and having fun.

And I’m just sitting there alone, watching them having fun, while all I do is going to work or stay home all day, having no one to talk to because I have no fkn friends.

It makes me so sad to see other people living their best lives and complaining about small inconveniences. They have so many longtime friends who care for them, who they can trust, but they still have the strength to complain that they haven’t. When others don’t even have the luck they have…

Anyways

Went idle for a bit, had to tackle an exam. Chopped off hairs in the process, Britney showed us how to deal with stress getting new hairstyles I guess. Now my partner calls me Igor… heck.

Used a lot of watercolor lately, so I’m keeping up with the experimentation.

!!!MIGHT BE NSFW FROM THIS POINT ON OK BE CAREFUL DUDES!!!

.

.

.

(Might as well have lost couple spoons of shame in the meanwhile, so remember when I said I drew Sova with pierced nipples? WELL THAT IDEA DIDN’T FADE APPARENTLY. Here, take it and let me run away. No questions asked. До свидания.)

Guys send help I have 2 more exams this week.

Jamas creí que podría amar, jamas lo sentí antes y no sabia que tu serias eso que tanto amaría, Todo lo que viví contigo no fue realmente algo que no hiciera antes, pero si fue nuevo para mi porque lo sentí diferente y mejor, y nadie fue capaz de dármelo antes… por eso te amé, por eso creí todo lo que vivíamos era especial y único. Escuchar todo lo que hacías y todo lo que hablabas… Era poemas y cine para mi, me diste todo lo que quería, todo lo que creí que no era para mi. Fuiste tan perfecto, tan bueno, tan tu… Y fue mentira.

Jamas me quisiste y me mataste como nadie mas lo hizo.

Debí verlo? Soy tan tonta que no lo hice y era claro? Algo paso y no lo se?

Jamas ame a alguien que no me amara de vuelta… y eso es algo nuevo que me diste también. Solo espero que todo lo que me enseñaste no fuera en vano. Que todo lo que sufrí me enseñe algo. Y que estés bien, que tu verdad sea la real y que no sufras también, me siento tonta por creer que algo mas puedas sentir por mi. Tu actuación fue tan perfecta que me hace pensar que algo te pasa.. no puedo creer que todos tus besos y caricias no fueron reales. 

No me importa que fue lo que te paso, yo te hubiera ayudado en lo que fuera. Pero me alejaste sin miedo a lastimarme y debo curarme sola… sin ti.

Te prometo que lo haré.

Y es la ultima promesa que te haré.

                                                                         Te amé y ya no lo haré

everybody: why don’t you go out on friday night like the other people your age?

me:

at work, feeling very … i don’t know. sad? wistful? 

low energy.

got approximately 2 hours of sleep.

laid down at 6, didn’t manage to fall asleep until past 10

woke up with a bad anxiety attack at around midnight, didn’t want to bother anyone so worked through it myself. was so hard to breathe. been awake since.

sitting here at my desk and just, I don’t know.

weather is cloudy and muggy. reminds me of my dog Charlie. he would have been so happy that warmer weather was here; he hated the cold. I used to have to carry him outside in the winter.  he would have loved it now, where me and him could have sat outside and just basked in the warmth.

i miss him.

i was never second to him.

i was never an afterthought to him.

he was so excited to see me when I’d come home, whether I’d been gone 5 minutes or 5 hours. 

i miss him.

i don’t like this feeling.

it’s stings but it’s blank at the same time.

it’s a low feeling like being at the bottom of the ocean and watching everyone happy and swimming above you, and you want to join them but you know that you’d only be bothering them, they’d only pretend to be happy to see you but you know inside they’d just be annoyed.

so you keep to yourself at the bottom of the ocean and smile when people come near and say polite things to the people who stop to talk to you on their way to somewhere else but you don’t try to leave.

because the bottom is where you belong.

i don’t know.

feel like I have no energy and everything is just making noise around me and none of it matters.

lonely.

wake up alone, go to sleep alone, spend all day around people that make me feel alone.

the reason I put so much of this stuff on my blog is because sometimes I feel like if I don’t get it out, if I don’t purge it, I’ll implode. 

head hurts.

hungry.

tired.

so, so tired.

waited so long for winter to end.

it ended.

it ended and someone poured a bucket of water on my dead roots and put me in the sun but it’s like it’s too late because the roots aren’t repairable?

or are they?

unregulated moods and it’s hard for my brain to differentiate between serious and “this too shall pass”.

well whatever this is I hope it passes soon.

got so much work done this week and it’s about to be the weekend but I’ll just be sitting in my room alone anyway so it’s like, i don’t know.

work at a school and summer vacation coming up soon and I have enough in savings to where I don’t have to work those months but like

left alone with my thoughts for literal months scares me so bad 

my eyes feel so heavy but my desk isn’t really suitable for taking a nap 

have a pink mug on my desk filled with pens that says ”Dog Mom” but i guess that’s a lie now ’cuz my baby gone.

blank dead-eyed stare at my laptop and I just

feel really really really low today.

wish it would go away.

need it to go away.

oh, well; guess i’ll go to this staff meeting and see how long i can hold on to this ugly smile

I’m sorry for the lack of writing, I’ve been with my dad recently who is really sick and been in and out of the hospital. I started college last week so I can’t go with him as much anymore so I will be dedicating more time to writing between classes and at night!

I’m sorry for the delay guys!
Love you

why say “be gone thot”

when you can say “à bienTHOT”