It is so weird that I don’t care much for the more popular characters in obey me (Mammon, Asmo, Levi and the twins) but then I fell in love with a background character and won’t shut up about it.

It’s unfair to the characters I know since shit that happened toke when I was younger affects my decisions and I’m skittish, I know it’s just a fake but sometimes how they act bothers me??

Like…I don’t see the appeal and it confuses me???

Like, Asmo bothers me with how flirty he is since I’m asexual and I hate physical contact, especially uninvited contact and that’s ALL he does. Not to mention he treats others kinda like objects and always is talking about himself and fishing for complements.

Mammon…he’s protective and cute, that’s it, he always goes on about how ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ you are, I know he’s tsundere and it’s supposed to be like that but I don’t care for insults and in all honesty probably would have stopped talking to him after the first interaction given how he literally left us to fend for ourselves on the FIRST DAY. Also, I HATE having people touch my things without permission, and my objects tend to be important to me. So when he sells my shit, I’d honestly use my pact and order him to never come in my room again and to never so much as touch any of my things again. I honestly don’t care for the concept of greed bc personal trauma baby!

Levi…he’s cute and I’m fine with him being bad at social situations, but the insults…I’d definitely get upset and cry. I’d probably avoid him like the plague after the first time he called me a normie.

Beel…literally did nothing wrong I’m just not that attracted to him?? Not to mention the game…just keeps making him seem dumber???? Like he’s not an idiot but the game acts like he is and it confuses me??

Belphie I hate and always will for flat out being abusive physically and mentally. He literally justifies murder by saying he was just mad. I don’t give a shit if he apologized, he chose to murder mc in a violent way to get back at Diavolo. Then he things a ‘sort y’ undoes the damage? Honestly I hate him the most and he don’t even think he’s cute. He’s just?? A jerk?? To everone and because he’s the baby sibling it’s ‘ok’? Dude literally gets away with shit because he’s younger than the others and I hate that.

I literally get upset with a large chunk of the cast because of personal trauma they trigger. It’s not at all intentional and it’s not the characters or creators fault, I’m just generally upset because they remind me of people I’ve been hurt by and it’s stupid

I still love all the characters I’m just venting over stupid shit sorry

I’ve felt so unmotivated to draw lately. The things that I used to draw doesn’t make me happy anymore. But now I’m worried that I’ll disappoint people. Idk I’ve just had a lot of different feelings about my art recently.

Bear with me here, this might be a little long.

So this is a bit of an angry rant because I’ve noticed how seriously annoyingsome people can be when they don’t understand how shy or closed off some people are. I have a really close friend who’s quite quiet, they never say anything unless they have something important to contribute to the conversation. They don’t do small talk. And loads of people always try and get them to say something. Like they’ll make a game of trying to force them to talk and it really ticks me off because it’s making my friend so uncomfortable and they view it as a game. Or they try and make this person smile or frown, I don’t even know how they can find that funny because all it does is annoy me and them because it’s like they’re treating them as one of those toys where you push a button and it spits out phrases. They’re not a toy. They’re a person. With actual flipping feelings.

I also got a text later on asking why my friend wouldn’t frown. I kid you not, who even does that? And I replied with how they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to, they’re a person and I got the typical “Calm down it was just a joke jeez” type of thing. How do people find humour in trying to force a person to smile or say hello? Seriously?

In conclusion, sorry for going on but it seriously ticks me off when people do that because this has always happened to them and it’s so frustrating and I don’t doubt at least someone else out there has dealt with something similar. So can we all just try and have some respect? That’d be great thanks.

What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with some feminist. Like some “feminists” bost about wanting equality for ALL WOMEN and yet they bully disabled people, laugh at trans women and belittle poor women or women of color. But they brag about being feminists, you’re not a bloody feminist unless you stick up for all women regardless of how they look. This is an inclusive community and if they arent treating all women as equals then they dont stand for any of us and they’re no better than men that belittle women.

Does anyone just have those irrational conversations that people drag you into because they think their opinion is an absolute solid fact that’s indisputable but in fact they are fucking idiots? I got drug into a conversation about “gays going to hell” at a bloody maccys. Like no sir we aren’t going to hell a clean 50% of us dug our way up from hell just to get some bloody hot fries and to shitpost the other 50% are absolute angels sent from god to keep the shitposters in line. Bloody hell I can assure you you’ll end up their before any of us do so good day sir and piss off.

Toxic society

I dont understand this world at all, people are brought into this world and their automatically forced to be something resembling perfection. Kids being put in a position where they have to be “perfect and socially acceptable” in a world that isnt perfect. “My child is a perfect darling he never acts up and makes perfect grades”. “My daughter is cheer captain with a 4.0 gpa shes the perfect child”. People brag about their good children and because of this idea of the “picture perfect kid and family” parents end up comparing their child or children to this seemingly perfect kid that does no wrong. And then the parents and family wonder why that child grew up to dislike them. What epic cluster fuck of a failed society are we living in if people do shit like that and its considered normal?

So fucking tired of…

Seeing all these pics that have been photoshopped. He doesn’t need a bigger dick, or a bigger ass. This is what’s wrong. Nothing is ever good enough. And the worst part it half of them include links to go to some pay site!

Is Photoshop a fetish now? Like someone lemme know. I’m confused as fuck. I’m not gonna pay for real men, you think I’m gonna fucking pay for fake ones?

Done.

Y'all, why the fuck is it that sexhas become eponymous with maturity ratings in media?

Like no okay, I understand historically why, at least in the U.S. with our crap-factory history of cultural xtianity constantly being at odds with, you know, every other part of the freedom and democracy shit we’re supposed to have or whatever, why that leads to our current system of media ratings and censorship.

I get that.

But why is it that in the hellish good year of 2022 we’restill using how much sex something shows or talks about as a one-to-one tool to get the rating of something? To decide who it’s appropriate for, as if we have all the knowledge and experience to decide that for other people?

I mean, I dunno bout y'all, but I was a kinda fucked up kid (where’s my abusive households gang at) so not a lot bugged me in media past the age of 7 or 8 (more on that later). I read “above my grade level” consistently, and even though I didn’t have the context to understand half of it as deeply or fully as I could have a few years later (and yes I will FOREVER be salty about that one 4th grade advanced reading teacher that thought high reading comprehension meant that these 9 year olds could read fucking Dickens and get something out of Prince and the Pauper), none of it gave my nightmares or left me unsettled.

However. Most of my peers had things that they could not read about: violence, suicide, drug use, politics, certain dynamics in relationships and families….you know, the same shit that can be disturbing to adults at times.

This wasn’t stuff that their parent’s said “No, you can’t touch that,” about.

It was shit that kids were setting their own hard boundaries on.

No, says the other kid in fifth grade, I don’t want to read Warrior Cats. I don’t like the thought of kitties trying to kill one another.

No, says my friend’s younger brother, I can’t watch that movie or play that game. It has too much blood and gore in it.

I don’t want to read that book, says a friend. The description makes it sound scary, and what scares me is different from what scares you, so please stop asking me to read it.

Yet for some reason, when we talk, especially as adults, about what is or isn’t appropriate in media meant for people under 18 (or just media in general) the main focus is always, inevitably, on sex.

And I think that’s very telling.

Because right now, especially in the queer communities in eurocentric countries, though just in U.S. culture at large too, we’re going back and digging up some pretty hardcore purity culture bullshit. Where acknowledging that sex exists is enough to get something marked as nsfw, even if it’s just to the degree that this post goes into. Where sexual deviancy or perversion are terms that we are, apparently, slinging around again, as if they function as legitimate moral qualifiers.

I don’t think that censoring media further is the way to go.

The kids I grew up around, the ones I mentioned above? They were all able to point to what made them uncomfortable in media, and when the adults around them took them seriously and bothered to have conversations with them, they were all able to start healthily sorting through which books or movies or video games they wanted or didn’t want to read, and got the help and tools they needed to do so.

As a kid, I tended to be pretty averse to reading sexual content. It was the one thing I didn’t handle well. I was ace. And a kid. I didn’t know how to conceptualize things outside of my experiences yet, and I hadn’t discovered the wide and wonderful world of embracing queerness or being kinky either, so I avoided reading romances and kept to the Gen and T tags for shit online.

And lo and behold, I was able to manage my own media.

It’s sheer fucking insanity to treat the existence of sex in a piece of media, without nuance to how explicit it is or not, or to what dynamics are present or not present, or to what else the media covers and in what way, as being horrible enough to fuckin, I don’t know, pull books off shelves, or demand that people take their work down and suffer years of harassment in some sort of fucked up culturally xtian form of penance. Of regaining acceptability.

I really, really don’t understand why sex has become eponymous with maturity ratings anymore, and the more I think about it, and the older I get, the less I’m endeared to it.

Why is it that you see a 15 year old in english class being forced to read shit they’ve explicitly expressed a discomfort over as being less a problem, as less inappropriate, than that same 15 year old possibly discovering the existence of smut due to their own curiosity? Or kink? Or gay sex?

And which of you, when it’s the 15 year old, or the asexual, or the traumatized person that you’re worried about, or anyone else that you’re used to seeing as lesser or smaller or as being not quite as fully a human adult as you are, should get to set that boundary for what they do or don’t want to interact with?

Why is that youget to set an expectation for other people and call it “appropriate vs inappropriate media,” as though your squicks and triggers are objective and true?

Why I Wear Sweaters 24/7

Ppl: omg it’s like 80 degrees outside aren’t you hot in that!?

Me: perhaps temporarily but everywhere i go that’s indoors is blasting the air-conditioning and i get cold really quick.

Ppl: it’s not THAT cold inside

My anemic ass:… ok sure….

So basically this is something that I’ve always been picked on about by pretty much everyone in my family or even complete strangers (with the exception of my SO because they are amazing and dgaf what i wear). I worked on a cruise ship for a while and i ALWAYS wore sweaters or a hoodie…. In the Caribbean. I looked insane, sure, but i don’t get that hot like…. Ever. I’d rather look crazy but be comfortable and not shivering everywhere i go. And sweaters are cute af.

Idk if anyone else has had this happen to them but i figured I’d share cause perhaps i might find my perpetually cold twin lol.

Had this thought on the way to work today after getting the second PTO request I put in DENIED, and then getting laughable barely part time hours for the second to last week through June.

A job should never be so awful it makes you cry on the way to clock in for your shift. A job should never make you feel like you’re useless, like nothing you do is ever good enough, like every effort you make is pointless.

Guys I am so goddamn burnout I’ve done a full swing back into a weird emotion halfway between anger spite and just done with bullshit.

Retail sucks. Job hunting, sucks. Putting in applications and not even getting an email for an interview, ESPECIALLY AT YOUR OWN PLACE OF WORK, sucks.

Im just so done.

my coworker (also my classmate) n i started bonding recebtly n like we were playing a game today but i could barely focus cuz his stupid fucking hot sexy raspy voice of his kept distracting me n making feel some way ughhhh not another yt bot taking a spot in my brain

my weakass body sure loves that one mf virus doesn’t it? caught it not once but twice

A Letter to my unrequited love - II

{Confessions of a scorpio moon}

You’d dump your trauma on me and I’d take it all happily, thinking it’d help you feel better, lighter. I thought you deserved to feel the happiest. And I’d easily swap your pain with the rare moments of joy I managed to feel. I stayed up at nights listening to you vent about your failed relationships, madly in love with you, shattering silently on the floor of my bedroom, ignoring my pain and paying heed to yours. You always came first, right? You were so dreamy, how could anyone ever hurt you? It felt absolutely cruel. I wanted to nurse your wounds and it was honestly too late when I realized that I was burning myself all throughout to warm you up. I didn’t stop though. Why would I? You were someone I’d never want to lose. You made me feel wanted for a short amount of time. Your scraps of love and attention made me feel like a queen. I felt so loved. It touched my heart. No one ever expressed that kind of love to me before. I didn’t even love myself half as much as I loved you. I was trained to be a giver, to cater to everyone else’s needs and the same pattern unfolded here. You kept depleting me of the little love I had and I didn’t mind it. We both would pour our love into you and I’d watch you bloom. You’d give your love to everyone except me. I wanted to claim a piece of your love. Your time. Your attention. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to go deep into your psyche to understand and explore every bit of you. Everything you did made me fall for you harder and harder. It seemed to me like you enjoyed hurting me. Making me wait. Watching me get jealous. Triggering my childhood wounds. You’d feel cocky and arrogant knowing I was so desperate to talk to you. I’d sacrifice my self-respect and initiate a conversation all the time. You’d play it cool. You were cool. But you were cold. And distant too. You often called me names, insulted me and made me feel like trash. You didn’t hesitate to walk all over me or use me like your punchbag. You took your anger out on me and I took the abuse not knowing how to pull myself out of the mess I got into.

I have spent sleepless nights trying to figure out what why I wasn’t enough. I questioned my worth several times. I never felt like I could match up to you. I could never meet you up there. The more I loved you, the more I began to hate myself. I didn’t love myself even half as much as I loved you. It didn’t make sense to me. But I didn’t care. Until you broke my heart. Brutally. You stabbed my back with a smile on your face. Damn, your smile. It melted my broken heart. I couldn’t bring myself to hate you. But I had to. I had to do something about it. I had nothing left. I felt hopeless and powerless. It was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Had it been a little sooner, I wouldn’t have to move mountains to heal myself. Maybe it’d come easy.

Thank you for being the braver one among the two of us. One of us had to do it. One of us had to break my heart. Thankyou for leaving me broken. I’ve built it stronger this time. Don’t bother knocking on the door. You’re not welcome.

-R

Seeing a royal reporter RT the “a few racists on Twitter don’t define England” take. It’s not surprising given who it is but it’s frustrating at how far off the point it is. And also gives a neon light to the fact of why her coverage of Meghan was (putting it nicely) so shitty.

I see this dismissal a lot and it is irksome. Let’s say for the sake of argument that it is a “few yobs on Twitter”. People shouldn’t RT and give a platform to hate and abuse. I think it’s a fair point that RTing a racist with 10 followers to your timeline just to “take him down” gives that racist a platform he doesn’t deserve. But people should decry racism, call it out, report the Tweets, etc. All the time. There isn’t some threshold below which we should tolerate racism. It’s easy for me and for them to say “it’s just a few people” but every person can help make black people feel a little less welcome on Twitter, in fandoms, in sports arenas, or wherever. Ignoring racist abuse because it seems like just a “few yobs on Twitter” is such a perfect example of white privilege.

And on top of all of that it wasn’t just a few people. I mean for God’s sake even William was forced into a tweet about it (don’t get me started this isn’t me holding up William as some pillar fighting racism….the opposite actually). A guy who seems allergic to saying the word racism was basically forced to say something because of how bad it was and we’re really going with the narrative that it was just a few. Not like I needed more context for this reporter’s coverage of Meghan but wow if this isn’t another example of how bad the state of royal reporting around any issues of substance is.

No you know what? I’m not wasting energy on this disappointment

What I really can’t wait to see is how they will spend 95% of 11C on negan and Maggie to set up for the spinoff

Somehow they’ll redeem lance and for some reason have him and carol elope together bc apparently she can only make bad decisions lol

and Daryl and carol won’t even say goodbye lol bc their lack of content is just sad

I have no faith in the writers

So BF is angry because I told him I’d rather not cook these weeks while I’m basically drowning in stress and exams, because he “gets home at 10pm and why should he have to cook his dinner then?” (IMPORTANT NOTE: we have dinner at 10:30 or 11pm… he’s not getting home abnormally late, it’s just how it works here in Spain).

Well, who cooked MY dinner, and HIS dinner, and the KID’s dinner, when I was working twice as many hours as him, getting home just 10 minutes earlier than him, and keeping up with university on top of it all?

ME, THAT’S WHO.

But, oh noes, meany Rya won’t cut him lettuce for his salad tonight, WOE IS HIM.

(and then people wonder why am I so bitter lately… If someone would lend me a hand and not expect me to do 500% of what I can do, I’d be way sweeter, goddammit)

THEY MAKE THE KINDA MUSIC THAT THEY WANT TO WITHOUT FITTING INTO ANY GENRE AND THEIR LYRICS ARE SO FUCKING HONEST AND EACH SONG IS SO DIFFERENT AND THEIR MUSIC MAKES YOU FEEL OKAY AND THEY HAVE DRUMS AND PIANOS AND UKULELES AND SICK BEATS AND SUBTLE SCREAMING AND SINGING AND KINDA RAP IDK AND THEY LOVE THEIR MOMS WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT TWENTY ONE PILOTS MUSIC

STOP HATING THE EPISODE BECAUSE YOU THINK JOHNLOCK DIDN’T HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY BULLYING THE POEPLE WHO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT IN THIS AND THEY DON’T NEED A FUCKING KISS TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER I MEAN DID YOU SEE THE LAST FEW MINUTES THEY WERE ACTING LIKE HAPPY HUSBANDS RAISING HAPPILY THEIR CHILD SO OMG PLEASE STOP I KNOW THEY COULD’VE DONE BETTER BUT I HOPE Y'ALL AREN’T IN THIS FANDOM ONLY BECAUSE OF JOHNLOCK AND IT MAKES ME SAD SEEING OUR FANDOM FALLING APART BECAUSE WE ARE A FAMILY aren’t we

You know what would be terrifying? People having the near unlimited energy of a dog. Not even all people. Just a certain few. Like you could be at a store just getting some toilet paper that you found out you needed at the ungodly hour of 2:34 AM. The place is all nice and quiet. The retail worker there is tired due to having unreasonably long hours. They ring up your last minute toilet paper for your night time bathroom trip. And as you leave the store and head to your car you see in the distance a dot that gets larger with each passing second. Soon you realize that it is a person SPRINTING towards you. My gods. That would be terrifying. And within seconds they are already out of the store and just sprinting back home. Cars would mainly only be needed for long distance travels for those people. Imagine your roommate just being one of those people and your trying to sleep and just hear a clatter from the kitchen so you get up to check it out feeling dead from your interrupted sleep. As you begin to make your way to the kitchen you begin to get more scared thinking it’s an intruder making too much noise and you pick something up along the way juuust to make sure you at least have something to defend yourself. You make it too the kitchen. AND IT IS YOUR GOD DANG ROOMMATE YOU FORGOT YOU HAD BECAUSE THEYRE HARDLY THERE AND ARE MOSTLY JUST PARTYING WITH PEOPLE. But they’re there AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT SITTING HALF HAZARDLY ON THE COUNTER GRABBING A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER. Or if you have the energy of a dog, imagine just trying to go to sleep. That would be soooo difficult. Or having a calm job that you just have to do computer work for. YOU WOULD HAVE SOOO MUCH DIFFICULTY WITH THAT because it would require you to sit still for a few hours. Or just talking with someone. You would go off on so many tangents just telling one of the shortest story.

But all in all, it would be terrifying for certain people to have the energy of a dog.

Experiencing the infuriating hopelessness of having a plumbing emergency and knowing the plumber is ripping you off but being unable to do anything about it because you need the problem fixed right away. It’s not even about the money (we’ll, it’s a little about the money). It’s about the impotence.

Fuck shady plumbers, electricians and mechanics. Fuck trying to take advantage of people with a genuine problem who are asking for professional help.

I had a dream about my old job last night. This was a position that put me in an incredibly awkward place seven days a week, kept me up at night, made me cry, gave me panic attacks and kept me secretly working late at night and on weekends, doing work that didn’t fall under my jurisdiction but that I was still accountable for because “someone had to do it.”

A little rattled by said dream, I decided to creep on some of my old coworkers’ LinkedIn profiles to see if they were still with the company. Big surprise, many of them quit this year, as did I.

I felt a weird sense of happiness for them and spite for the company that gave zero shits about its employees and would constantly completely overhaul and rewrite our positions and job responsibilities whenever “numbers were down” and without our consultation. I faced such a weird internal moral dilemma working there, having to be submissive to rich, old, white men, having to schmooze and listen to the ridiculous demands of CEOs who treated me like a dumb little girl, and having to hear things from my boss like, “Why can’t you be more like [other co-worker]?”

It was all bullshit, and it’s made me tougher and more assertive in my current position. Fortunately, the leadership at my current job is extremely open-minded, and I’m actually praised for the work I do, and I know when I’m doing a good job and actually deserve the recognition.

The pay was better at the last placed I worked, but I would never, ever go back to that kind of environment. It isn’t worth damaging my personal relationships, giving up a social life, and feeling utterly inferior and worthless every day of my life. When you take a step back and realize you are educated, skilled in certain areas and an asset to a company that takes you for granted, you gain a tremendous sense of power and self-assurance that can push you to do bigger, better things.

Confidence isn’t an easy thing to keep up each day - especially having dealt with people who undermine you on a regular basis - but it’s nice when you’re able to separate yourself from a situation and repair whatever damage was done and use your fire and rage as motivation to work hard for something that actually matters.

Bit of rant and Encanto spoilers:

So we all know that Mirabel doesn’t have a special power but why the heck has she been living in the nursery her whole life? Like yes, it shows that the way they get their rooms is on the 5th birthday with their powers. But it had been 10 years since the ceremony for Mirabel. AND SHE STILL LIVED IN THE NURSERY! Like Casita couldn’t make her a room? Or the family couldn’t? No wonder she felt like she didn’t belong in the family.

Anyways, here is a gif of Mirabel

The things I’d do to find mangas/stories with gay couples doing normal things and living their lives that aren’t focussed on the “seme” and the “uke” or have like 0 development regularly.

Like I want a comic where a gay couple work their ways through the struggles of parenthood.

Give me a reincarnation villain manwha where the MC isn’t interested in men but falls in love anyways.

Provide me with lesbians who fight crime while just happening to be lesbians.

Give me the queer representation my little asexual heart needs.

Get me on the right side of the internet.

Listening to Radio 2 at work and they’re talking about whether it’s possible to be long term single and be happy so here’s my thoughts - feel free to skip if you’re not interested

I think it’s possible to be single your entire life and be happy but it’s a whole lot harder to achieve than someone who dates for own simple reason - when you date or are in a committed relationship, you have someone else. When youre single, you might not necessarily have someone to turn to. It’s all about loneliness so to successfully be happy in either case you need people around you who make you feel less alone. Someone you can talk to, who’ll hug you when you’re sad, who thinks of you for more than what you can do for them.

I think that’s why I’ve always preferred found family stories over romance (shocking considering the content I write, I know). Romance can be this fleeting thing and not always work out in the long run. It’s a great distraction but a lot of the time I’m left thinking At the end of the story that the couple probably wouldn’t work long term. But found families? They know they’re different, they know they don’t work and yet they stick together. They have each other’s backs and watching a found family form is the most satisfying thing.

Like I’m talking avatar the last airbenders Gaang - every single one of them would risk their lives for each other at any given moment.

It doesn’t mean that romance can’t happen in a found family story, it’s just not the core of it