#the secret history
You know that feeling when you’re in your room and you have your earphones one and you’re just dancing to a song. Or that feeling when taking late night walks or talking with friends for hours and not realising how time went by so quickly? It’s in these times that I fall a little bit in love with life, a little bit out of reality and makes everything a bit better.
When I die there’s not gonna be any will left behind, all you’re getting is probably my three thousand unread books which I spent all my money on.
Your 20s are as a confusing time as your teenage years, because you have this realisation of new responsibilities and adulthood but you still feel like you’re a child, and you keep on looking at adults to tell you if you’re doing something wrong except you yourself are an adult now, and you keep second guessing yourself through things with faked confidence while also having a nervous meltdown inside, and it feels so freeing but scary at the same time, kinda like the first time you cross the road by yourself.
People talk about trying new things out all the time and there’s nothing wrong with that; but what about going back to our old stuff? The comfort shows we watch when we’re tired and drained, that specific song we listen to when we’re sad; a book that’s been reread so many times it cover is battered and the spine broken. Sometimes when we go back to the old things we notice what we didn’t before; a background vocal in a song; a quote that hits differently now. Sometimes going back to what we love isn’t so bad.
Ever wonder how many records in history are wrong? How many confessions have been changed to protect someone? How many people have actually been lost in a war ? People who were wrongly accused of a crime ? How much our our history textbooks is fact ?
Only thing keeping me going these days is my fantasy to live in a secluded mansion with my ten cats and secret library.
Fuck zodiac signs, which three fictional characters’ personality did you borrow ?
If you had a choice, would you like to remember your past lives? If that is a concept you believe in .
What I would give to see two authors from different timelines collaborate. Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie collab where Sherlock Holnes and Hercule Poirot solve a case together. CHAOTIC. They would get on each other’s nerves for sure. Or a story about Dracula and Carmilla where they’re the type of friends that repeatedly insult each other, all the while looking classy and rich af. ICONIC.
I have books I love; and then I have books that keep me up at night, thinking, analysing, arguing about a character’s choices, dreaming of ‘what if’ scenarios; people that I relate to on a personal level,getting into debates that at one point I don’t know if I’m arguing for a character or for myself.
It’s harder to take the easier path. When you’re living in a society that encourages grind culture. it’s harder for people to choose the easier path because we’re afraid of how society will view us as ‘weak’. But just because you took the easy way out doesn’t mean that you’re giving up; sometimes taking the easy way out means being kind to yourself and putting yourself first, it means patience to gain the strength to do what you want.
Sometimes I wonder if people are only kind because they are told that being kind leads to good karma and good things; so doesn’t that mean people are only kind because it benefits them? But then I remember a stranger running after me in the rain because I dropped some money, a cashier going the extra mile to help me with my things, a store manager helping when I didn’t have enough money on me and I think that kindness is a choice that we make but mostly it is a choice we make unconsciously; no ulterior motives whatsoever and most of the time our actions strive for good.
Therapy? Pfft who needs that when you psychoanalyse yourself after every mental breakdown ahahhaaha.
I have a huge amount of respect for authors who have the strength to kill off their main characters. Because in some stories death is the only peace and mercy that can be given to that character, it is the only way they can be at peace with themselves; as a person who loves the character, yes I would inevitably cry but as a reader who loves the story, I’d be content knowing that the author gave the readers an ending fit for the story and a lesson that not all stories have a happy ending. Tell me which story this was for you.
I feel like some books you just understand it better at a different age. Like high school me didn’t get the humour behind Pride and Prejudice till I read it again a couple years later in college and I absolutely loved it. Similarly I can never have that happy glazed eye look after reading Harry Potter the way I did when I was 11 because there are so many things I nitpick about it now. I still love the series but at the same time I can’t accept some parts of the story that 11 year old me would have taken for granted.
kinda never want to be really seen again and mysteriously appear in all sorts of places and pass people by like a shadow in the night with black sunglasses covering my eyes and disappear so quickly that everyone wonders if i really exist or if they have just seen an immaterial being
what do you mean, i can’t just daydream until the end of my days about highly aesthetic and perfectly detailed written stories and be the mysterious forgotten character who secretly becomes part of the story?
girls be like “this is my comfort character” and then they’re either dead or a murderer
do you make playlists about your favorite books, characters and ships or are you normal
