#tv the umbrella academy
If I had a nickle for every new outfit Five gets this season I’d have five nickles WHICH IS A LOT CONSIDERING HE’S BEEN WEARING THE SAME SUIT FOR OVER TWO SEASONS
Klaus: Before you say no—
Five:No.
Klaus: But I haven’t even told you yet!
Five: I’m sticking with no.
Luther: Has anyone ever stopped to wonder why we’re all still alive?
Klaus: Oh, yeah.
Ben: All the time.
Five: By all likelihood, we shouldn’t be.
Eudora: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Diego: Bold of you to assume I was held.
Diego: Any sign of trouble just give the signal and we come in hard and fast.
Five: What’s the signal?
Klaus: Me screaming.
Diego: My body is a temple.
Five: Ancient and crumbling.
Klaus: Probably cursed or haunted or both!
Klaus: Hey do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows into my mouth?
Five: You’re a hazard to society.
Ben: And a coward. Do twenty.
Klaus: Dee, what’s the phobia of chainsaws called?
Diego: Common sense.
Klaus, still up at 3AM: If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Diego, eyes wide, staring at the ceiling:…
Klaus: How the fuck do people stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I got out of bed once and I’ve been exhausted ever since.
Five: You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself.
Ben: You’re not talking any sense into me. You’re just cheering me on to disaster.
Klaus: Is that not half the reason why I’m your best friend in the first place?
Five: And I wasn’t convicted of a felony, I just committed one.
Klaus: First kisses are exciting - you don’t know how they’ll kiss until you kiss them, it’s a big love mystery. How are they gonna kiss? How am I gonna kiss? Do I lean left? Do I lean right? More tongue? Less tongue? Should I pinch their nipple or is it too early for that?
Klaus: I wasn’t injured. I was lightly ran over.
Diego: You were ran over?!
Klaus: Lightly ran over. I didn’t want to frighten you.
Waiter: [hands Klaus his check] here’s your bill, sir.
Klaus: [places down uno reverse card] here you go.
Ben: Wait, stop, think!
Klaus: No, no, and no.
Diego: I spy with my little eye someone who needs to shut the fuck up.
Luther:…Is it me?
Diego: It’s always you.
Klaus: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me…
Ben: Even more humiliating than—
Klaus: Let’s not do this today, Benji.
Ben: You still don’t understand what happened in Ocean’s Eleven!
Klaus: It’s a complicated film.
Ben: It really isn’t!
Five: That was my sarcastic voice.
Klaus: You know it sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Five: I’ve been told that.
Klaus: Did Dave just tell me he loved me for the first time?
Ben: Yeah, he did.
Klaus:…and did I do finger guns back?
Ben: Yeah, you did.
