#unrequited

I know feelings are scary

But, no matter the response, the love you feel must be told

Every time we laugh

I remember what is like to be alive

For it’s my favorite sound in the hole world

It’s 3am

And you are still in my head

I can’t stop thinking about you

All those words that were once for you, they still await you

I swore I wouldn’t do it

But I want to dedicate you my favorite song

I have fallen in love with you

I have fallen so hard it hurts

She has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever witnessed

I fell for someone I knew I couldn’t have

“how are you?” you ask.

how do i tell you that my heart aches every time i think of you?

how do i tell you that i cry myself to sleep every night, remembering you, knowing you’re not mine anymore?

how do i tell you that i’ve torn myself apart every day, trying to figure out what went wrong? trying to figure out what i did?

how do i tell you that i would walk blindly through hell and back to be by your side?

how do i tell you that even though you shattered my heart into a million and two pieces, i can’t stop loving you with every single broken one of them?

how do i tell you that you are the only person i’ve ever loved, and maybe the only person i will ever love?

i can’t- that’s the truth. i can’t tell you any of that.

so how am i?

“i’m fine,” i smile tightly. you don’t ask me to elaborate.

-i can’t tell you the truth. i never could. c.r.

DISCLAIMER: Repost with additional details and edits from same title piece found in DAMIRAE ENTRIES (A03).

Part 2: Reciprocate I

Finale:Reciprocate III: The After

~.~.~.~.~.

Reciprocate I: Raven

‘There she was again at the foot of her bed, in her room in the Titans Tower—weeping. It was like she was grieving. But knowing her—she probably was.’ Damian couldn’t help but think as he stood unmoving by her bedroom door.

Raven’s head was buried into her hands as she cried.

This again. How many times has Damian seen Raven like this? How many times had he come and comforted her?

Raven noticed someone’s presence inside her bedroom. And she knew that there was only one person who would come into her room in the state that she was in.

Damian Wayne.

Damian Wayne who is the leader of the Teen Titans at the age of nineteen, which Raven had been a member for seven years and at twenty-one she has been one of the longest active team members, alongside Garfield or also known as, Beast Boy.

'Garfield. It has to be him again.’ Damian thought bitterly as he gazed down on the floor with a darkened gazed. And how many times had he comforted her over him? Of all people, how many times had he comforted her over Garfield?

“Damian?” Raven called out in a broken sob as she wiped her tears and glanced to her left side to find, and to no surprise, that it really was Damian who was inside her bedroom. Garfield would never come to comfort her after their arguments, she came to realize at some point, the one that did that was Damian. When she met his blank gaze after he looked up from the floor, she couldn’t help but give a faint smile and cried again.

“We broke up again.” She cried into her hands and in response to her words, Damian just clenched and unclenched his right fist. Of course, Raven would not feel the turmoil he was feeling and had not seen his reaction. She always failed to notice him.

He wandered very frequently, like right now, if his existence held any weight to her at all. If he was someone that would make her react the way she was, about a man who didn’t see her value the way he did.

“And what? This is for the nth time. Am I supposed to be surprised?” Damian said in a rather cold voice laced with something else he couldn’t identify at that moment. But his breathing was uneven and yet Raven still didn’t notice as she stopped crying and stared at him- and he regretted his tone. He regretted making her look so broken and hurt and he simply just wanted to undo how he had said his words. But the thing was—he meant it, with every beating of his aching heart.

“You don’t understand.” Her voice comes out so weak that his heart sunk for her or maybe for him. “This time—” Raven’s eyes widened a bit. “This time—it’s for real. No more do-overs. No more makeup. This time—” Raven started to hyperventilate. “This time we’re really done.”

And saying the words aloud—despite it not actually being loud enough perhaps because of how broken and in pain she was, made Raven realize how true the situation really is. Only a tear slipped down her left eye as she sat there frozen and very unmoving. The situation sinking deeper into her soul.

This time it’s for real. The words echoed in both their heads, and yet their emotions towards those words were quite different, almost opposite.

How many times had he heard that-was he supposed to believe it? But seeing her empty gaze and unmoving body—he knew—that this really was for real. And in Damian’s mind he had already reached out to caress her face to comfort her.

There was a small amount of happiness in the back of Damian’s mind as opposed to Raven’s sheer grieve over those words: This time it’s for real.

'Until that 'for real’ becomes another lie.’ Damian’s mind couldn’t help but whisper to his heart, the small glimmer of happiness damped just as quickly as it came. He shouldn’t even find happiness in her sorrows.

“He says he’s leaving the team— he’s going to join Young Justice.” Damian was surprised to hear this as the information had not gotten to him yet. “He told me not to follow him—because this really is the end of the line for him and I.” She pressed her lips together.

He didn’t know what to say, how to comfort her at this moment. He stared intently at her but with as much a gentle gaze he could offer. If what she said was true, perhaps this was his chance. He shook his head, to shake the thought out as it should not be the priority now but he couldn’t help it. His heart has become so weary.

“Raven.” He called out to her as he approached her slowly. Her eyes flickered to meet his gaze and as she did so, silent tears fell from her eyes again. “Maybe that is a good thing.”

And Raven did not take it well. What did Damian mean? Her tears fell faster as she broke into a sob, she covered her mouth with her right hand, unaccepting of what he had just uttered to her.

“Raven.” He called her again, as he sat beside her and touched her left hand with his right hand. “This could be a good thing. You can finally let someone take care of you the way you deserve.”

This wasn’t what she wanted to hear and it wasn’t what she expected to hear from him.

Of all the times Damian had comforted her over her numerous break-ups with Garfield he had never—ever—said such a thing to her. And she felt as though he had punched her yet all she could do was wept loudly in response.

Damian sighed and hesitated to hug her, but eventually was able to wrap his arms around her shaking form. It was not the tightest hug he could give, but it was all that he could muster to give to her. And this time he couldn’t help but wonder if she could hear his aching heart from such a close distance.

“I love him, Damian.” She wept as she gave him a tighter hug and Damian flinched at the words she spoke. But of course, Raven failed to feel it, just like the pain that he was clearly resonating from deep within his bones and soul.

Love? Damian wanted to snicker at her and yet it was also something that would be directed at him.

“Have I not tried everything to please him? Where have I failed?” She pulled away from his embrace, the distance between their faces only a mere two feet away. Her hands were on Damian’s chest as she looked up at him. “Am I not enough?” She sobbed as he furrowed his brows at the words he knew to be so ridiculous to hear.

Not enough? He felt the anger that he had buried a long time ago shimmer from very deep within him.

“Is my love not enough? Is this why he never chooses me? Didn’t I try everything to please him? Do I not deserve love? Is this why I’m always—just—I’m never chosen?” She ranted as her left hand wrapped around Damian and her forehead rested on the back of her right hand that was on Damian’s chest over his heart. And Raven continued to cry. Her words reflected the way he had been living for how many years now.

He silently bit his lip. Even though her hand was already resting so firmly over his heart, she still couldn’t feel or hear his heart breaking at that very moment. How many times had he let her break his heart over and over again?

“You call this love?” He whispered unexpectedly. And when Raven pulled away to look at him with confusion on her face—Damian understood that he had spoken his thoughts aloud. He can’t take it back now. He looked down at her, mirroring her confusion but water was pooling on his lower eyelids.

“How can you call this love?” He said in such a low voice with plain disbelief and confusion. “How many times have you cried over Garfield? How many times have you said you two will never get back together—and yet somehow you get back together—despite how many times he has hurt you. But you hurt him too—but still—the pain you two inflict on each other—when will it be enough?”

Raven felt like he had dumped cold water on her and as Damian looked at her expression- even, he had felt that he had dumped cold water on her.

His mouth quivered as he contemplated whether he should take it back-of how he should take it back. But he had meant every single word and Raven’s face was ashen from his words. She took in three long breaths controlling the ache in her chest. She found that at this moment, she was more hurt over what Damian said than over her breakup with Garfield. Damian wondered when his cycle would come to an end.

“How could you say that?” It came out barely as a whisper and her grief over her break up had become forgotten. She wiped the tears off of her face, as she completely pulled away from Damian by standing up from her bed.

“How could I?” He asked with a broken laugh as he stood up to face the door, Raven behind him as he secretly wiped the tear that slipped out of his eye. “How could you not? How many times have you two broken up in the span that I have been a part of the team? Let’s not count when I wasn’t part of the team! How can you—” A pause as he controlled his temper and the tears that wanted to fall. Damian closed his eyes as he deeply inhaled. When his green eyes opened there was a coldness befitting a son of an assassin and he turned to look at her.

“You two—not respect one another enough to just call it quits the first time—or maybe by the third time of your break ups. Why would you—you two—drag out this pain for all these years?” Damian’s voice had a hint of suppressed tension in it. And Raven laughed at his rant, but the laughter sounded so resigned that Damian’s heart couldn’t help but flinch. She had looked away from him as she continued to laugh.

“Of course, you wouldn’t understand how I feel!” Raven paused from laughing to stare at his green eyes coldly trying to compete with the indifference he was showing her. “I can’t believe that I had thought you understood me—I can’t believe I expected you to understand!” Another fit of broken laugher. Damian clenched his fist at her words. The disdain she had for Damian—he felt. And yet she still did not see his feelings- she still did not feel his feelings. How his heart at this moment was aching because of the love he had for her that he could never say out loud.

“I knew him for seven years Damian! Seven bloody years! And I love him. I love him so, so much.” And Raven could not help but start to cry again. “I love him- for seven years.”

It was a fact, it was undeniable. It simply is. He smiled brokenly at her, the indifference gone.

“Time does not guarantee that you are meant to be with someone.” Damian said it so simply and when the words fell on Raven’s ears—she froze.

“Why are you doing this?” She whispered not expecting an answer, as she simply had just spoken what was in her mind. She really did not expect this from Damian.

“Just because you know someone for a long time and love them just as long—it doesn’t mean you could not love someone with the same intensity even when you just met.” He continued on his voice soft and in a very resigned manner, and yet Raven wanted to scream at him and ask why he was continuing on.

Why was he doing this?

Her heart was aching enough already. Why were you adding to that? She wanted to say but found her lips could not form those words.

“Get. Out.” Raven heard herself say after a minute had passed, it came out softly and with no weight to it. Damian looked at her with evasive eyes. “Get Out.” She said a bit more firmly to which Damian stood unmoving with furrowed brows in front of her.

He seemed like he wanted to tell her more, but Raven did not allow him to. She wouldn’t let him break her heart again. Why did this feel even worse than her breakup?

“Get Out! I said get out!” She yelled. Damian glared at her with his jaw clenched and hands in a fist. She tried to match his anger as she glared back. But Damian knew he was at a loss, he would give anything to make her happy. And so he concedes and leaves quietly out of her bedroom. Before the door was fully closed, he heard Raven fall on her knees and wept again, muttering something he couldn’t quite catch.

“I love him- for seven years…” She whispered and repeated. She wondered for a split second if she was trying to convince herself of this fact. And she continued to grieve alone in her bedroom.

~.~.~.~.~

Damian was in the gym room of the Titan Tower. He was punching a sandbag with wrapped hands. He had been at the gym for a few days straight to vent out —in fact since his first failure at comforting Raven over her break up. He had tried to be unbiased, but everyone had a tipping point and Damian Wayne simply hit his tipping point on the matter.

Even so, he tried to act accordingly as the leader of the Titans. He had started comforting Raven in the pretense of his obligation as the team leader. But maybe it wasn’t a pretense—and if so—when had it started becoming a pretense? When did he start convincing himself that it was part of the duty as the leader? When it was clear-looking back- that he had a weak spot for Raven and that he gave her special treatment.

Raven and Garfield appeared to be as civil as they could around each other after their recent breakup. And finally, Garfield had talked to Damian about leaving the team. Something about moving up the ladder. And God hearing that made Damian want to punch the man.

What did that entail 'moving up the ladder’? Did Raven not fit Garfield’s desire—is that why they broke up this time around? She wasn’t too high up that ladder? But Damian never voiced out the thoughts that invaded him as he heard Garfield say what he did.

In fact, Damian tried not to comment about Raven and Garfield’s relationship, or lack thereof, just as he always had but the same could be said with anyone else. He tried to be as much of a team leader as needed be—and he did not—absolutely did not mention their personal romantic relationships with one another unless it was to remind them that he does not wish for it to affect the group dynamic. And maybe that was what led him to comfort Raven the first time around.

Damian valued the team dynamic too much just for a couple to ruin it. But when it was Raven who was so upset over her relationship, he would find himself in front of her door and then in her room, comforting her the best he could and with more effort than he would if it was someone else.

After Raven kicked Damian out over what hopefully was the last break-up of Garfield and Raven, Damian went out of his way to avoid Raven in the most casual and indifferent way possible. It almost bordered normalcy and yet it was clear that something had changed.

“Damian.” A familiar voice called out to him, but he did not hear it as he was focused on his punches.

“Damian.” He paused and Damian steadied his sandbag and turned to look behind him with furrowed brows.

“Raven.” He greeted simply and was about to continue punching the sandbag again. But she called out to him again and he sighed.

“What is it?” He asked indifferently and with a sharp edge, his hands on the sandbag, keeping up the appearance of steading it.

“I’d like to apologize.” He raised an eyebrow, shook his head and mock punched the sandbag and it swung a bit.

“You don’t have to—” He steadied the sandbag. “I should be the one apologizing.” His eyes do not look at her though.

“I suppose.” She said quietly after what felt like a minute had passed in silence with no apology from Damian. “But you made a good point.” He stiffly nodded, the apology he has been meaning to say was at the tip of his tongue. Another minute passed in silence.

“I know you’re looking out for the team. Thank You.” She said quietly, waiting for Damian to respond but he just nodded again and another minute of silence.

“I—I think I will take your advice—” Advice. She had called it advice; Damian’s eyes looked up at her. He was surprised to see her violet eyes look at him intently with patience. “I—I should move on—close that part of my life. Start a new book.” Damian’s right eye twitched in surprise. The apology he had been meaning to say still stuck in his mouth.

She smiled at him and she nodded and then did a 180 turn on her heel.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said but it was only a whisper. His disappointment and anger in his own inability to apologize properly made him clench his right knuckles against the sandbag, as his eyes followed her back. For a moment he thought she froze on the spot, but she continued to walk away.

'No. She had heard. But she did not give me a hard time over it.’ Damian thought as a faint rueful smile found itself on his lips.

She deserved so much better. He sighed aloud as he looked up at the cieling.

~.~.~.~.~

'Why was I back in this situation again? Had she not said that it was over for real then? I guess today is the day it finally became a lie.’ Damian stood inside of Raven’s bedroom as if he had seen a ghost.

Last time he was here—she was twenty-one. Now he is the twenty-one-year-old and she is twenty-three. Two years had passed since the last time he was in this situation—in her room—watching her cry herself raw on her bed.

And yet Damian knew—it has to be about him again.

Garfield.

His right eye twitched at the thought. An empty smile on his lips as he looked at Raven sob.

'Didn’t you say it was over—so what is this.’ The words never came out of Damian’s lips, but it almost had but she felt his intentions. And if Damian had known that his thought had been conveyed to her through his emotions—then maybe he’d think: for the first time she finally noticed my feelings.

Raven noticed that Damian had entered her room—how could she not with what he was emitting. It has been so long since the two were in this situation. It had been two years to be exact. And she felt guilty—because the last time he had comforted her in here—she said her and Garfield were really done.

And here she is—the proof of a lie.

“I—” Raven tried to muffle her cries but failed. “Him and I—we hooked up.” And to Damian those words were crushing but not as crushing as what the word 'hooked up’ entailed. Was she—she couldn’t be— “And so we secretly dated after that.” Damian couldn’t help but sigh when he heard her say that.

It wasn’t as bad as the thought of Raven being pregnant. He thought that he must be an awful person for thinking such a thing.

“But then… does that mean—” Damian looked at Raven in confusion, piecing something together in his head. How long has she been lying?

“For almost a year.” She softly sobbed as she wiped a tear away. Damian felt like he had been punched. A year. He had been trying to make her happy for two—but that one year—that half time he placed in effort, even when it was masked mostly as group activities—was happiness that Damian was not able to give her—but Garfield had.

And Damian simply saw the truth of the matter, the recent year when Raven seemed even more happier than the last—it was not because of him. He should have known. No—he must have noticed—Ah. That is right. He had seen the signs but chose to ignore it.

“Isn’t he with that girl named Terra?” Damian asked softly, quite blindsided by the truth. Raven nodded in response and he felt that same old anger he had not felt since that time two years ago—in this room, seeing her nod to his question- return to the surface. A symbol of agreement resulted in an anger that had been buried which was now reignited.

“But they had taken a break when Garfield and I got back together.” She quickly added before he could say something and oddly enough that subsided a bit of Damian’s anger. “It was just a hookup, no attachment. He was upset and hurt and I was lonely—and we knew each other well.” Raven had stopped crying at this point and was picking on her fingertips looking for hangnails with furrowed brows.

She sighed as she looked up at her ceiling as she let her silent tears fall, “It wasn’t supposed to mean anything—”

“But the love you had for him was reignited, right?” Damian couldn’t help but cut her off with a bite in his tone. And he chuckled—it was empty and shallow. “So, what is it this time? Am I supposed to be surprised you broke up again? Well this isn’t the first break up you two had—and last time surely wasn’t the last!” A hollow laugh came from Damian as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“God, how stupid!” Damian suddenly yelled and Raven stood up to glare at him.

“How can you call me stupid! I loved him whole-heartedly for seven years and I continued to love him for two more—you don’t forget that. Even when it’s muddled—it’s a fact that I have loved him for so long and invested so much into him—into me—for him and me- us. And even when we broke up—I will always love him. He will always have a special place in my heart.” Raven paused to calm herself, the words she was spilling felt as thought she was stabbing herself too. “Even when he broke up with me now—because he realized he loves Terra.” She bit her lip and Damian looked at her like she was the stupidest person on earth.

Damian suddenly laughed, it was a rather wholehearted laughter and yet it held such muted grief.

“You think I called you stupid?” He looked at her in the eyes, and something about his stare hinted to a degree of insanity. “You actually think I called you stupid?” He shook his head with a faint smile on his lips as he glanced at the space beside her. “I’m the one who’s stupid!” Raven took a step back in confusion as she studied Damian with a knot in her chest—she thought that Damian looked a little mad.

“I like you! For the longest time, I have liked you!” Raven looked at him as if he had grown an extra head. “I might even actually love you—but what do I know—after all—you said it yourself: I don’t know what that is like!” Raven looked at him thinking when had she said that, and she realized it must have been the last time they were in this room together when he was comforting her. She had opened her lips to tell her that: that was not what she had meant, but Damian continued on.

“But you never noticed my feelings for you! I was just a fly in comparison to Garfield. Maybe if I wasn’t three years younger than you—then maybe you might take me seriously! Or maybe if I had known you first than Garfield—then maybe you would actually look my way!” Damian’s stare had started to become a hateful glare. “You know when you two broke up for reals-” He said mockingly. “I thought that maybe—maybe—this was it. This was my chance to get you to notice that I have liked you for the longest time. Maybe this was the moment you would let Garfield go and let someone else show you—just how much you deserved to be treated. How special you are to that one person—how important you are to at least one person.” Damian’s angry glare softens into resignation.

“It didn’t have to be me. It could be anyone.” He paused as he pressed his lips and squeezed his eyes shut for a second and he looked at her again. “That is fine. I don’t think I deserve that kind of special someone to dote on—and love me.” He paused again, but Raven didn’t know what to say as he looked down on the floor. “But I wanted you—” He looked back at her again with mournful eyes. “I wanted at least for you, to be happy. I wanted to know that all the years you spent crying over some stupid guy over a stupid little thing because of a stupid relationship—is happy. I wanted that for you.” He pressed his lips together as he shook his head and evaded her shock eyes.

And then the silence allowed the two to think of what had just happened. It gave Damian the time to really process what was happening—what he had said and he was shocked at what he had done.

No.

He had just confessed to her.

No.

He looked up at her with a shocked expression, his eyes so wide in realization. He had said aloud the thoughts that have been plaguing him for years, the glimpse of how his thought process has changed as Raven’s relationship with Garfield became a bane of his existence—of what he thought was also her’s and Garfield’s.

Damian’s face paled, wishing he could take back what he had just said and done. The secrets and frustration he had held in was finally said. And it sat between them rather heavily.

“I—” They had both spoken at the same time and a pause followed. Damian stared at Raven, unsure who had spoken—was it her or him. Before anything else could be said and done, Damian stormed off with his fist clenched and with long strides close to a dash.

Damian had been punching the sandbag aggressively for almost two hours now following his confession. He was embarrassed and frustrated. And thinking of so many ways to take back what he had said and done. Prior to those thoughts, he had evaluated how he could have handled the situation better.

Damian gave the sandbag a very powerful right punch that the poor weakened sandbag gave in to the hit. His fist was inside the sandbag and as he was about to pull his fist out, the sand spilling out from the hole, he heard Raven calling his name. He turned to his left to look at her with furrowed brows, and her eyes shifted from him and the sand pouring out from the sandbag, her expression worried.

Raven had been calling out to Damian a few times already before he had noticed her. If Damian knew he would be greatly disappointed with himself.

“Damian…” She started at Damian’s fist that was still half inside the sandbag.

“Look—forget what I had said. I said it to distract you. I did it as my obligation as the team leader.” He said coldly as he fully retracted his fist from the sandbag, more sand poured out from his action. He looked away from her as he checked his fists for damage. He was surprised to see that he had bruised and had cuts on his hands. His right hand had the most damage.

“No.” Raven said as she took a step forward, he turned his head at her with a glare. Raven does not back down. “We need to talk about this.”

Damian was contemplating how to bolt from this situation and Raven could tell his intentions. So, before Damian could act about his thoughts, she grabbed his fists and he flinched.

“Seriously, we can’t have our leader’s fists injured.” She said as she checked his injuries up close, turning his fists in her hands, taking her time. He was quiet but his jaw was locked and his brows so closely knit to each other.

“I—” Raven looked up at him, straight into his eyes and Damian was startled as his eyes met hers. “I had noticed your feelings before.” She softly confessed and Damian’s fists clenched, before he could yank his hands away from hers- Raven firmly held his hands in hers. “I had noticed.” Her expression seemed to have glazed over and she sighed aloud and dispelled her thoughts.

“I had noticed. But it became overlooked as I was more focused on—other things—” And for a moment her eyes glazed over again. “On Gar.” A sad smile on her lips.

“His love overshadowed your little crush on me. I—focused on him and me so much that anything else was just white noise. I forgot that you had a crush—it was just an afterthought that was forgotten.” To Raven, Damian looked as though he wanted to yank his hands off of hers and storm off, but with clenched jaws he fought not to. “And I am truly sorry.” She said as she healed his hands.

Raven licked her lips and pressed it together but her eyes looking at the ground, “And—yes—our age had been a factor – why I didn’t take you seriously. There was one time that I considered the possibility of dating you. And our age gap-” Raven made a displeased face. “bothered me. And three years, I know it isn’t much,” She glanced at Damian. “But it’s undeniable that at some point I was of legal age and you weren’t. And that—that unsettled me. But mostly—it’s because of my love for Garfield- that made me always overlook your crush. And—I really am sorry.”

Raven was looking at Damian with wavering eyes, she felt guilty, but she was also very sincere on her apology.

'This,’ She thought. 'is the final push I needed to really move on from Gar.’ As she lets go of Damian’s hands.

“I hope, everything said and done today—doesn’t affect our relationship—in fact I hope it clarified the things between us.” Raven said dispelling the guilt she had. “You are a great leader Damian, you always think of everyone, and I guess that is why you never said or did anything that could be permanently damaging to the team.”

With that Damian buried the thoughts that he was having, like did he have a chance to be with her now? No—Raven is right—he couldn’t risk the team dynamic. But he also came to love her a little bit more. She seemed to always see something more in him, things he could never see in himself.

'It’s probably why you never attempted to confess to me—to not add to the mess that was Garfield and me.’ Raven had mulled over in silence with a smile that was neither sad nor happy. Which made Damian curious if it was a smile out of happiness or sadness because then he would know the meaning behind her smile.

~.~.~.~.~

Three months after Damian’s sudden confession, Raven took the initiative to go to Damian who was in his bedroom.

It was rather late at night but she had made a decision already and wanted to tell Damian at that very moment. The room was rather dark but they were both used to it, their eyes adjusted well or maybe even better at the dark.

After Damian’s confession, their relationship was rather strained- how could it not be with such a revelation? But the two worked hard to flatten out the strain and finally they were in a position that was back to normal but never quite the same. But it was perfect—in the oddest way—it was perfect and they were content.

“Damian, I know it’s late…” Raven rubbed her left elbow with her right hand. “But with everything that has happened these past few months—I know I have to tell you this now.”

Hearing this Damian was worried. “Please Raven, continue.” He said as he pats the space beside him, on his bed. But she shook her head in rejection and she avoided his gaze. He understood that the words she was going to say were difficult on her part, and he waited patiently. He quietly observed her as she chewed on her lips and finally sighed.

“I’m planning to leave.” The oxygen in Damian’s room felt like it wasn’t enough for him to breath. And Raven instantly became worried seeing him in a mix of shock and fear. She approached him cautiously, her hand extended towards him. Raven was two steps away from Damian when he suddenly shot up to his feet and she froze as she studied him.

Damian was ashen, his jaw clenched and his fists flexing, but his eyes that were on her—seemed to go through her and in his green eyes she saw him shredding his initial reaction into oblivion. He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath and when he exhaled, that was when Raven found herself unfrozen and had touched Damian’s arm. She looked up at him, a fear in the base of her throat that felt like it was going to burst, but he only glanced at her in silent confusion.

“I don’t plan to leave now—I was just making you aware that I will—maybe in a few months.” She blurted out, in order to speak before Damian could. “I think it’s for the best—it’s still kind of hard to see Garfield. Especially now—no maybe particularly now—because I really want to move on from him.”

“He will always affect you.” Damian whispered with the smallest hint of resignation. And before Raven could acknowledge it, he added, “It can’t be helped, our team and Young Justice cross paths now and then—and recently it seems to be more frequent.” His tone was that of a firm leader that Raven completely forgot his previous remark.

“Yes, that is exactly it.” She softly agreed. In the silence that followed she realized that she was still resting her palm on Damian’s arm, she pulled away quickly and looked away from his general direction.

“I’m not planning to leave anytime soon—so you really don’t have to worry about my replacement yet.” She said jokingly but he only quietly nodded as he observed her.

Not even a week after Raven’s revelation of leaving due to the difficulty of seeing Garfield, the three found themselves in a room in the Titan Tower. Damian was standing in front of Garfield while Raven stood by Damian’s left side with her arms crossed over her chest. A rather strained triangle was formed between the three.

“We need your help on this Damian, I’m here to try and convince you.” Garfield said as Damian took notes on Raven from the corner of his eyes. She looked as neutral as she could, but he knew that she must be having difficulties seeing him so soon— with Garfield acting as though him and her were not a thing a few months ago.

“I don’t think I need convincing, Garfield. If it’s an order from the league I cannot say no to it.” Damian simply responded.

“Well, that is true, but I guess I am here for formality’s sake.” He replied but his eyes glanced at Raven, who had caught his eyes and so did Damian.

“Raven is my right hand, and she has been in the team the longest. We will discuss how we can best assist and inform our team.” Damian firmly decided, Raven nodded her head, arms still crossed.

“Oh—well—” Garfield glanced at Raven then Damian, “I thought maybe I could—”

“We need to discuss how best to help as soon and as quickly as possible.” Damian cuts in, and Raven nodded again silently. Garfield at this point is blatantly looking at Raven. He had intended to try and talk to her, but it seemed that she did not want to.

“I—” Garfield had begun to say.

“We will contact you Gar.” Raven quietly said before Garfield could say anything else.

Maybe she did want to talk to him, it’s just that they were more focused on the mission and intel he had just provided. Garfield thought as he nodded absent-mindedly.

Damian turned to leave and Raven followed before the conversation between the three could be dragged out by Garfield.

Damian walked quickly to his room and Raven followed absent-mindedly. When they arrived in Damian’s room, Raven just stood in the center blankly. Damian cleared his throat.

“I know this isn’t the best place to bring you in—” She heard him say and she glanced at her surroundings, realizing where she was. Damian had led her to his bedroom. “But you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to.” Raven simply shook her head.

“No. I am a part of this team; I am just as responsible as you are Damian.” And he knew her well enough to know that Raven had made up her mind, and that she will not change her mind. If only he had known then, what would happen in the mission- because he had allowed her to go, then maybe things would be different for him and her.

“I know you wanted to leave because of Garfield—and this happens—if you ever want to leave this mission half-way, I totally understand.” Raven looked at him with a gentle gaze, glad for Damian’s thoughtfulness. But this was work, she should be able to do this mission. And maybe—this should be the last. And she nodded as she responded to his offer, little did Damian know that Raven was thinking of having this as her last and final mission as a Titan.

A good way to end a bad relationship she supposed—working one last time with an ex she was trying to avoid.

“I need to call in for a team meeting.” Damian sighed while shaking his head and putting a hand on his forehead. And she smiled faintly at him, but her mind steered back to a green skinned boy, she still knew she loved.

~.~.~.~.~

Damian did not expect things to turn out like this. They were pushed in a corner, the creature facing his direction trying to spot anyone on his side. Tim was somewhere behind the creature tending to a team member who had fallen. Damian was unsure if Tim was tending a Titan or a member of the Young Justice team from his hiding place behind a car.

Terra attacked the albino twenty-foot creature. And Raven who was on the far side of Damian’s general left area, heard Terra’s battle cry. The next thing Raven knew was a knot in her heart as she heard Garfield who was in vulture form, screaming Terra’s name.

Raven instantly stood up from her hiding place and ran to the center still very far from Damian. Raven saw Terra’s body flung towards her general direction and Raven catched her by putting a shield around Terra which slowed and protected her from a dangerous fall. But the act left Raven extremely vulnerable.

Garfield had landed near Damian and shifted back into human form. Raven’s eye caught the black eyes of the creature—if you can call them eyes. And she realized what it was about to do, she placed a force field around herself quickly as she reprimanded herself for her stupid move of going out of her hiding place to help Terra out. She knew completely that her decision was impaired due to Garfield screaming Terra’s name with such fear. She hated herself for being affected by it.

She hated that she still places him in high regard.

Suddenly—it was quiet. Raven’s face twisted into confusion. The shield around her was up, so why did she feel the blood drain from her? She felt rather weak. She heard Garfield screaming her name—she couldn’t help but smile. Thinking that Garfield could still scream her name the way he did when he screamed Terra's—was oddly comforting. She turned to look at her left where Damian and Garfield were, confused as she could hear another male call her name.

Raven’s eyes landed on Damian’s face, a contortion of shock and fear and maybe five other more emotions that she could not quite place. He was screaming her name, looking as though at any moment now, he would run to her. And she was even more confused. She turned back to look at the creature, but with her gaze that was casted down, she noticed what had happened.

Yes, her shield was up. But there was a black spike that passed through her shield. No—it wasn’t that it passed through, it seemed that her shield allowed it to—or to be exact her shield couldn’t close onto the black spike. She followed where the spike continued on after passing her shield, and she was in a state of serenity to see that it hit her- just below her sternum.

The mix of screams from Damian and Garfield was something she tried to focus her mind on.

Her shield dissipated as she found herself coughing blood, and the black single spike on her chest retracted. She stared at the creature blankly as the spike entered its palm. Raven slowly dropped to her knees; her brows furrowed. She could not think straight.

They were still screaming her name. She turned her head, initially planning to look at Garfield, finding it so very odd to hear him call out her name the way he was. She never knew that he would be worried about him like that after everything they had been through. But when she turned her head to the left, as her body tilted back—it was Damian who her eyes laid on.

And her eyes widened as she realized the truth. She could only hear Damian’s screaming now—but she was aware that Garfield was screaming her name too because he was in clear view from where she now laid. But her eyes focused on Damian.

For the first time she had seen and felt Damian’s fear, something she was certain he couldn’t express prior to this moment in time. She could just feel him telling her not to give in, but her eyes were droopy. She felt tired.

And for the first time she truly felt his feelings for her. The rawness—the intensity. How could she have missed it?

Raven tried to extend her hand to Damian, feeling rather guilty—and hoping she was at least able to convey her apology though the act. But it was so very difficult to keep her eyes open.

'I should have known.’ Raven thought as she tried to keep herself conscious. 'I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. I should have given you the chance—I should have taken the chance sooner to move on from a relationship that did me no good.’ Raven thought she saw Damian running towards her—but maybe it was just an illusion.

'If there is some other life—I wish to give you a chance. I wish to be happy with you.’ She swore to herself.

And her eyes fluttered shut. Raven was unsure if she indeed felt her body being lifted up from the ground. Damian held her gently in his arms as he glared at the creature’s back who was currently distracted by Tim on the other side.

'I should have seen and felt you. I am a pathetic empath for missing such an important thing. It was clearly so obvious—and clearly in front of me. You do love me Damian, I wish I could tell you that. You had loved me for the longest time—and I did not notice.

It’s pure and true—it is still love; The love I have been wanting—I’m glad I got it from you.’ Raven silently confessed to herself, the words she wished he could hear, she wished that she could have confessed it to him.

~.~.~.~.~.

This is a 3-part one shot.

Finale:Reciprocate III: The After

Tumblr: Eleanore_Delphinium

A03: Eleanore_Delphinium

FF: karencow