ryebreadgf:

i hate to be this person because i used to roll my eyes at people who told me this but finally making myself go through uncomfortable situations for the possibility of joy has resulted in me being happier than i ever could have imagined being. i do think that you should always listen to yourself but i prevented my own happiness for a long time by not knowing how to tell intuition from overthinking and being too afraid and sticking to negative what if’s when i should have been sticking to positive what if’s. not every venture outside your comfort zone will result in some revelation that moves the earth under your feet but the probablilty of it is zero if you never venture out

talvin-muircastle:

unsystematicdissociatingsystem:

alwaysbeenarambler:

magicdragonkiddize:

teaboot:

laylamajandra:

sensei-aishitemasu:

lo-cotidiano:

jamaicanblackcastoroil:

futureblackwakandan:

cocoabutter-bae:

futureblackwakandan:

futureblackwakandan:

me hanging out with black people in the summer: “aye, yall don’t forget to put on sunscreen”

them: 

@flipflibberinflippinghell

Use the Walgreens Brand which is pretty cheap and it does wonders and doesn’t leave me with a white cast. And I’m dark as hell so I hate looking ashy but not all sunscreens are made equally and it’s one of the better ones I’ve used.

Wait cocoa/shea butter and coconut oil don’t protect you from the sun we really do need sunscreen??

Yea fam. All that “we don’t need sunscreen” shit is a myth. Combine that with the fact that most dermatologists don’t know how to spot skin cancer in Black people and it’s a nasty combination.

Yeah, it’s harder for us to get it but when we do it’s deadly. I know two people who died of skin cancer, both were Black.

“While incidence of melanoma is higher in the Caucasian population, a July 2016 study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology showed it is more deadly in people of color. African American patients were most likely to be diagnosed with melanoma in its later stages than any other group in the study, and they also had the worst prognosis and the lowest overall survival rate.”

-https://www.skincancer.org/prevention/skin-cancer-and-skin-of-color

Sorry about the link, I’m on mobile. But this is from August 2016, which I know isn’t the most recent but it’s still SUPER IMPORTANT. Y’all please wear sunscreen. With Google it’s even easy to find smaller, Black-owned brands.

https://blackgirlsunscreen.com/ is Black-owned!

I use this sunscreen from Walmart. It’s cheap, doesn’t leave a white cast, and smells pretty good.

Duuuude my family uses that and it’s Soo nice it even smells good

Same for brown people, are skin may be dark but we do burn!

Korean and Japanese sunscreens are also a great option for deeper skin tones! Their formulas are way more sophisticated that most US sunscreens, don’t feel greasy, and most don’t leave a white cast. Biore Aqua watery essence and Purito Centella green level sunscreen are especially nice and not crazy expensive

this. Is everything.

Please.

Black folks can definitely get sunburned, and I have seen some bad cases.

Find a sunblock that works for you and use it. Please.

low-or-no-dyspho-ria:

surreal-femme:

polyhedralprincess:

precioustranswoman:

There’s so much info about tucking and gaffs (less so) but to all new trans girls.. just get some cotton panties like boyshorts style and push it back gently.

 Like you might have to do slightly (slightly) more for tighter clothes or different fabrics but like… ya don’t need to tape yourself every day… or ever… and gaffs are good but unless you’re wearing something tight n thin cotton boyshorts or some other strong underwear will do the trick.

 Like all this info pretending like you need special gaffs, tape, to shove ur testes up into your inguinal canal, etc. is classist, physically harmful, and preventatively daunting information to be spreading without disclaimers like this.

Idk if this has been said before but a long time ago another trans lady and I kinda realized we could just wear 2 pairs of underwear and call it a day without taping or anything fancy. Its definitely a cheap alternative and Ive been doing it for 6 years

I wear jeggings to work and when im out and about and I never get looks or comments, idk if this is helpful to anyone tho

to every transfemme person: please read this it will save you so much time, money, and energy

I had a friend who wore some layers compression shorts and called it a day

kp-tyson:

This post continues the series relating to the Semantics of D/s and Advice for Doms, and specifically follows The Definition of D/s. It focuses specifically on the concept of Consensual Dominance and submission including:

• The definition of consent
  
• The challenges of consent
  
• Incremental and progressive D/s
  
• Hard, soft, and social Limits
• Planning the journey, training, and encounters
• Communication and trust in D/s
  
• Empowering the Dom

Most would agree that mutual consent within D/s relationships is a good and healthy thing. As previously posted in The Definition of D/s, power exchange is all about the Dominant taking the power of free will from the submissive to increase his own power. And the responsibility for gaining consent normally lies with the Dom. The concept of consent is complex even in vanilla relationships, it is exponentially more complex in the context of D/s. 

The Definition of Consent

Before we start talking about consent in D/s its useful to understand how consent is generally defined. Central to the principle of consent is the concept that every person has a right to personal sovereignty – the right to not be acted upon by another without giving clear permission.

Generally, consent can be defined as:

A clear and unambiguous agreement, expressed outwardly through mutually understandable words or actions, to engage in a particular activity.

Key features of this consent are:

• Consent can be withdrawn by either party at any point.
  
• Consent must be voluntarily given and may not be valid if a person is being subjected to emotional, psychological, physical, reputation, financial pressure, threat, intimidation, or fear.
  
• Consent to engage in one sexual activity cannot be presumed to constitute consent to engage in a different sexual activity
• Past agreement to engage in a particular sexual activity cannot be presumed to constitute consent to engage in a sexual activity again.
  
• Consent cannot be validly given by a person who is incapacitated.
  
• It is the responsibility of the person initiating the activity to get consent.
  

Its important to recognise that this definition is equally applicable to D/s as to vanilla sexual interactions, and across all sexualities and genders. It is how society as a whole defines consent. It is also important to note that each part of the world has its own legal definition of consent, that may differ from the above - go look it up for your part of the world.

The Challenges of Consent

The definition of consent seems explicit and clear, until real life is applied. That’s when consent becomes more of a challenge. One of the problems is the words ‘mutual understandable words and actions’ to give permission prior to the action.

For example, two people are on a date at the cinema. One touches the knee of the other. Although innocuous this is not consensual by the definition, unless there was some words or actions to give permission. The fact that the initiator has touched the other persons knee without complaint before is not permission, neither is the fact the initiator as touched the other persons nipple before. 

If the person initiating the action gets it wrong its at best inappropriate and at worst assault.

So what might these words or actions be that give permission? If the initiator wants to kill the mood, they could ask on text message ‘can i put my hand on your knee?’ and get an explicit ‘yes’ texted back so they had an explicit and documented permission prior to every sexual action they initiated. Obviously this is impractical and not very enjoyable. Likewise verbally asking permission for every sexual action would be also be ridiculous. 

For most of us, its not so much about giving explicit permission as much about not rejecting the action if it is welcomed. If the action is rejected in some way (the person pulls their knee away) then there is no consent, no permission. If an action is not rejected, it is accepted that the initiator can attempt a more daring action, or the other can initiate an action in return.

Consent is never a problem, until its a problem. We have thousands, if not millions, of sexual interactions throughout our lives. If someone makes an unwanted advance, we demonstrate resistance or lack of enthusiasm, and the advance stops. Most people pick up on the subtle signals that encourage or discourage a sexual actions, and are appropriately tolerant and forgiving when someone gets it wrong (or they just bitch to their friends about it), and theres no enduring mental or physical damage. 

Occasionally someone, bolstered by power or by lack of judgement, fails to recognise those signals and the action becomes non-consensual and damaging. This can be as much about the attitude with which the action was performed as the action itself, and normally follows at least one or more requests for the action to stop, or very obvious lack of agreement on the part of the victim. In the final analysis it is rightly established that consent wasn’t given.

D/s is all about the Dom taking the power of free will from the sub, potentially even when the sub resists, with both Doms and subs enjoying that power exchange. So the concept of consent is particularly important in D/s. It is especially important for Doms who usually bare the responsibility for gaining consent. 

Consensual Incremental Progression

The challenge of consent has been in existence since the human race was conceived. In the good ole days there was social conventions that dealt with consent. The initiator was always the man. He went to hold her hand, if that worked, he worked through the bases:

• 1st Base - Kissing, open mouth or just a peck.
  
• 2nd Base - Hands below the belt or on breasts. Fingering and hand jobs.
  
• 3rd Base - Mouths below the belt. Oral sex.
  
• 4th Base - Full penetrative intercourse. 
• Some people use 5th base to refer to anal intercourse (LOL).

Each of the bases has an implied series of incremental steps within it. For example, 1st base; a peck on the cheek, then a peck on the mouth, then longer kisses with closed mouth, then french kissing. If he tried to jump ahead to quickly, he’d get a swift slap to the face (which today could also be considered assault). He wasn’t allowed to get to 4th based (or maybe 2nd or 3rd) until they were married.

There’s an overall journey, starting at the first date through to getting married and having kids. On that journey the parties have numerous sexual encounters, and those sexual encounters are made up of interactions.

The important learning point in ‘working through the bases’ is the concept of progressively and incrementally more intimacy both on the journey and in each sexual encounter. Working through the bases in a sexual encounter ‘warms up’ both parties so there’s less chance of rejection. Working through the bases on the journey keeps it interesting and fun (although in vanilla sex the variety runs out quickly). Advances can be rejected at any point. If there is no objection the initiator can move onto the next incremental step. The initiator should not jump straight into penetrative sex as the first step on the journey, nor as the first interaction in a sexual encounter. 

Incremental and Progressive D/s

In D/s, the Dom takes a risk with every sexual action he initiates with another person, and the Dom does most of the initiating - he is in control. One way to mitigate the risk of misunderstanding is through small progressive incremental steps based on the assumption that the previous step, without complaint from the other person, is the basis for permission of the next progressive step. Like working through the bases, but D/s style.

D/s has 5 features that make the journey and sexual encounters different from vanilla sex:

• The D/s Journey has numerous paths. Unlike vanilla sex, the D/s journey has many more potential paths since its not just about penetrative sex, but also pain, humiliation, servitude, and many other kinks and fetishes. And society has not laid out a standardised path for D/s like ‘Working through the bases’ in vanilla sex.
• The D/s Journey has numerous destinations. The destination in vanilla sex is generally penetrative sex, at best in multiple positions, and marriage. Just as there are numerous paths with D/s, there are also numerous unique destinations. The D/s journey could lead anywhere depending on the people involved. Each D/s journey is unique in the path taken and the target destination.
• The D/s journey is based on Power Exchange. The activities in D/s intrinsically involve taking someones personal sovereignty and abusing it in some fashion. This is not the case in vanilla sex. 
  
• The D/s Journey builds on experience and training. There is technical expertise involved in being a Dom gained through experience. And a sub can be trained to take more abuse by the Dom, such that each encounter can become more intense, even with same activities. This is not the case in vanilla sex which requires minimal experience and training.
• The D/s relationship is one-sided in its nature. The Dom is generally the initiator, he is almost always in control of the encounter and the journey. The D/s relationship serves to pleasure the Dom, and the sub enjoys that dynamic. Whereas vanilla sex is for mutual pleasure, and both parties initiate sexual interactions.

Hence Doms, and subs, need to be very cognisant of the incremental steps and the overall direction of the journey. The fetishes, kinks, desires, and fantasies of individual Doms and subs are all dramatically or subtly different and can change from day-to-day. Some have a specific destination in mind, others like to go wherever the winds take them. When thinking about the incremental journey and potential sexual encounters, there are 3 dimensions to consider:

• The Power Exchanged. There are numerous aspects to a persons personal sovereignty - their body, mind, freedom, time, dignity, money, health, fitness, social life, etc. It is in the Doms nature to try to acquire as much power from the sub as he desires. The Dom may start by taking the subs body for a couple of hours, but incrementally and progressively acquire more of the subs personal sovereignty, controlling more aspects of the subs life, potentially until the sub is under the complete control of the Dom.
  
• The Method of Exchange. The methods through which the Dom acquires the subs personal sovereignty are also numerous. The subs freedom can be taken by controlling the subs orgasms to his gym routine, his body can be taken by restraining him, his physical comfort taken by CBT through to whips, his dignity taken by piss to sissification, his mind re-trained by corporal punishment or hypnosis, etc.
• The Intensity. As the Dom starts to acquire each aspect of the subs sovereignty, with the method of his choice, he starts small and progressively increases the intensity of the power he exerts and the power yielded by the sub. This is reflected in incrementally more intense pain, humiliation, restraint, servitude, etc. Gradually, the Dom trains the sub to take more and more intensity. For example, the CBT becomes more and more painful, the piss play more humiliating and degrading, the orgasm denial in longer periods, etc.
  

Since each Dom and sub has different experiences, fetishes, tolerance, and long term ambitions, it is important that the boundaries of sexual encounters and training are discussed in terms of the Power Exchanged, the method of Exchange, and the Intensity. This leads to second important concept in consensual D/s, that of Limits.

Hard, Soft, and Social Limits

Since the Dom is in control of most of what happens within the D/s journey and each sexual encounter, he needs to understand the boundaries of the subs consent i.e. the consent pre-agreed with the sub that gives the Dom some freedom to do as he pleases during the journey, sexual encounter, and the subs training.

The concept of limits helps the Dom determine if he wants to start a D/s journey with the sub, and also helps keep the D/s journey on track and fun for everyone. If the Dom is very keen to partake in D/s interactions that are outside the boundaries of the subs limits he should be careful about starting a D/s journey with that sub, even if he finds the sub incredibly hot. Since this could lead to non-consensual sexual encounters. Although it is possible that a subs may be persuaded to modify their limits over time.

Limits are set by the sub. They are the specific parameters of his personal sovereignty that he is not willing to yield, or those he will only yield after some resistance.

There are 3 types of limits that are key to consensual D/s:

• Hard Limits. Hard limits are the the boundaries of consent the Dom can never cross, the personal sovereignty that the sub will not yield. The Dom is non-consensual if he crosses the subs hard limits. Even though the Dom should never cross a hard limit, he can attempt to persuade the sub to remove it, or downgrade it to a soft limit, as he takes the D/s journey with the sub.
  
• Soft Limits. Soft limits are the boundaries of consent that the Dom may be able to cross, but not without some more persuasion. This is the personal sovereignty the sub might yield after some resistance, but also may never yield. The sub may not have the experience to say they are ok with an activity, or maybe haven’t been trained for it, or maybe they don’t find that activity hot but are willing to do it if the Dom is passionate about it. Along with each soft limit the sub must explain his reasoning to the Dom such that the Dom can work to overcome each reason for the limit and ultimately overcome the limit entirely, or at  least understand when to ignore the subs reasoning.
• Social Limits. In addition to Hard and Soft Limits the sub may also have Social Limits. The sub is only human, he must prioritise his submission to the Dom alongside earning money, relationships outside D/s, spousal relationships, hobbies/sports, parents, etc.  Many of these Social Limits will take priority over service to the Dom at some time or another - they can be hard or soft in nature, and different from one day to the next. 
  

Each limit can be expressed in the 3 dimensions of; The Power Exchanged, the Method of Exchange, and the Intensity. For example:

• Pain - The sub yields his physical comfort when he is flogged by the Dom. The sub may be ok with light flogging, have a soft limit for welts being left on his skin, and a hard limit for the flogging causing blood. The Power Exchanged is physical comfort (i.e. pain), the method is flogging, and the intensity has 3 levels for this sub - light flogging, welts, and blood. Not discussed were bruising being left for more than a couple of hours, nor the concept of being restrained while being flogged.
• Bondage and Restraint - The sub yields his freedom through chastity. The sub may be ok with wearing a chastity cage during play sessions, have a soft limit wearing a cage overnight, and a hard limit for wearing one permanently. The Power Exchanged is the subs freedom to orgasm, the method is restraint by chastity cage, the intensity has 3 levels for this sub - wearing a cage during play, wearing a cage overnight, and wearing a cage permanently. Not discussed was wearing a cage to the gym, nor cum control when the sub is not wearing the cage.
• Humiliation and Degradation - The subs dignity is yielded through humiliation/degradation when the Dom pisses on him. The sub may be ok with being pissed on, but drinking piss is a soft limit, and pissing in his ass or being pissed on in public is a hard limit. The Power Exchanged is the subs dignity. The Method is humiliation/degradation through Piss. The intensity has 3 levels for this sub - being pissed on, drinking piss, and pissing in his ass and being pissed on in public. Not discussed was drinking piss in public discretely, being punished when the sub fails to drink the Doms piss, and being hypnotised to love the taste of piss.
  
• Servitude - The subs time and effort are yielded through servitude. The sub is ok with being the Doms ‘Boot Black’, has a soft limit for cleaning the Doms apartment, and a hard limit for washing the Doms car in public. The Power Exchanged is the subs time and effort, the method is servitude through domestic chores. The intensity has 3 levels - boot black, apartment cleaning, and car cleaning in public. Not discussed was the concepts of cleaning the Doms apartment while being naked but for a chastity cage and taking a paddle across the ass when the sub fails to do an adequate job.
• Social Limits - The subs time and priorities are yielded. The sub may be ok serving the Dom on Wednesday evenings, has soft limits for prioritising the Dom over his sports on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and anything that interfere with his marriage is a hard limit. The Power Exchanged is the subs time and priorities, the method is his service to the Dom, and the intensity is the amount of time the sub spends doing his Doms bidding.

Thesub should set his limits generally and very specifically, if required. The sub should always be ready to describe his general limits to the Dom - especially hard and social limits. Common hard limits are scat, blood, permanent damage, anything illegal, unsafe sex, and financial submission. Common social limits concern the days and times the sub can serve, and how the subs relationships must be respected. Common soft limits are piss, doing stuff in public or being filmed, humiliation, servitude. If the sub has very specific limits he should also make these known - maybe he does not like sissification or diapers in particular. If the sub is too inexperienced to have knowledge of his specific limits he should explain that to the Dom, and highlight the areas he is more or less curious about.

TheDom should ask for specific limits in the areas he’s particularly interested in doing. For example, if the Dom is into cock and ball torture and breeding, he should ask about the subs specific limits in that area. Also, if he requires service at a particular time or place he should enquire about the practicality of this with his sub. The sub should read any enquiries as a potential direction the Dom might go and answer honestly, but recognise the Dom may be just exploring options without any intent to perform those activities. If the sub has hard or social limits in those areas where the Dom has particular interest, then both parties should consider not moving forward with a journey or encounter.

The challenge with limits are that its almost impossible to comprehend and communicate every nuanced limit in relation to a specific activity. And communicating intensity in a limit with a common context between Dom and sub is very hard, for example describing a level of pain or humiliation when the Dom and sub have no common frame of reference. 

Stated limits should not be taken as black and white scripts, but as concepts that overlap to give a picture of the subs true limits. When the sub says he as a limit for public play, but is ok with chastity cages, the Dom should figure out the sub might have an issue wearing a chastity cage to the gym and move ahead cautiously in that area. And where intensity is concerned, its important to for the Dom to build up the intensity from low to high gradually, and ask for frequent feedback to judge the pace, rather than leap in at high intensity even when the sub indicated he could handle it.

In addition to nuanced limits being hard to define exactly, they may not be set in stone - limits change and can be changed:

• Creative Doms - The best Doms are highly creative in their ability to contrive different ways of abusing their subs, and this is something that subs enjoy. But this involves highly complex and nuanced overlapping power exchanges, methods, and intensity. Creative Doms can think up creative ways of breaching the subs limits (even hard limits) in ways the sub accepts and enjoys.
  
• Inexperienced subs - subs may be too inexperienced to know or communicate their limits adequately. A sub may only know he does, or does not, like it after he’s tried it. A sub may start out with many hard limits which rapidly dissolve as he starts doing D/s.
  
• Limits relax over time - The subs limits generally relax over time and with experience. What was established as a limit at the outset of the journey, may not be a limit after many sexual encounters, and as trust builds with the Dom.
  
• Training subs - Training a sub can change his limits. The subs thought processes, behaviours, and ultimately limits can be consciously (or unconsciously) changed by the Dom through training - cum control to keep him horny, corporal punishment, and conditioning the sub with rewards can all change the subs perspective.
• Drugs and Alcohol - Doms and subs should be careful when using drugs and alcohol in D/s. What can seem a good idea to both Dom and sub while on drugs or drunk, they may regret when sober. And safety is always an important factor to consider. But Drugs and alcohol can be a legitimate way of increasing the Doms power over the sub, if both parties are aware and accept the effect. Poppers are often used by Doms to release the sub from his inhibitions. The sub may refuse to lick the urinal at the pub, but after a few big popper hits and sucking the Doms cock he’s on his knees and eagerly licking the piss splash from the bowl.

Obviously, all of these dynamics make the concept of consent in D/s a very grey area even with agreed limits. The Dom should plan the D/s journey, the subs training, and each sexual encounter thoughtfully in order to assure that limits are respected and only breached when the sub is ready for it.

Planning the D/s Journey, Sexual Encounters, and Training

D/s relationships can be short one-off sexual encounters or extended journeys with multiple encounters, some ongoing for years or even a lifetime. How the Dom plans a sexual encounter and the subs training depends on the extent of the D/s journey.

One-off sexual encounters should generally be kept within the Doms experience level and within the subs limits and training level, since there isn’t enough time to train the sub and establish the trust that would enable limits to be breached.

When planning a longer D/s journey that will involve numerous sexual encounters, and extended training regimes, the Dom should always start at the beginning and not presume anything about the unique journey with an individual sub. The Dom should:

• Set One or More Audacious Goals.The goals are fantasy scenes that the Dom would like to perform with the sub, or simply a sadistic intent to make the sub do more and more extreme play, or having complete dominion over the sub. Goals serve as the notional destination for the D/s journey. The goals should be aspirational, creative, and audacious but also somewhat realistic. Goals can be set within the subs limits, breaching only his soft limits, or potentially breaching his hard limits. They may challenge the Dom and/or sub, or be well within both their experience levels. Even if the goal is never realised, its the journey that is fun. Normally, a Dom would keep his audacious goal to himself. This enables him to refine and change the goal as the journey progresses, without committing to a specific destination, and to maintain an air of mystery about his intent. The Dom does not need the sub to consent to his goals, but he may chose it as an option.
  
• Understand the sub. The Dom must seek to know and understand the sub. The Dom must probe the subs limits, experience level, attitudes, physical fitness, likes and dislikes with respect to his audacious goal, but without giving away his intent (since he may change his goal based on the subs responses). There are numerous methods of discretely discovering the subs inner most thoughts on D/s activities and his limits. For example, sending the sub pictures of various D/s scenes and telling him to rank their relative hotness, asking him to comment on his limits with respect to those pictures, have him send his health and fitness stats, have him send a ‘Resume’ of all his D/s experiences with what he liked and disliked, message the subs previous Doms, tell him to complete the fetishes section on FetLife, or simply ask direct questions. If the Dom is experienced enough, and understands his sub enough, he is able to judge how and when to push the subs experience level and limits.
• Understand the progression to the goals. The Dom should think through the progressive incremental steps to get the sub trained for the goal. Identifying appropriate progressive steps that; take the sub through any restrictive limits, ensure the sub is trained and proficient in the methods planned, ensure the sub can handle the intensity, and ensure the sub is appropriately physically fit and groomed. If the progressive steps are too slow, the sub may get bored and end the journey. If the progressive steps are too fast, the sub may get scared and end the journey. The Dom must use his understanding of the sub to judge the speed of progression, and make adjustments as the journey progresses.

Once the Dom knows the sub, the direction of the journey, and the progressive steps, he can work to plan the subs training. The subs training regime can take place both with or without the Dom being present:

• Without the Dom Present. Training without the Dom present requires the Dom to have trust in the sub, but consent is less of a problem since the sub must perform his training under his own volition (hence can be a good way to work on the subs soft limits). The Dom may ask for evidence that the training has been performed, and implement a system of corporal punishment for when the sub fails in the training. Examples of this type of training are; wearing a butt plug to work as a step forward to a public submission goal, stretching the subs hole with bigger dildos to reach a fisting goal, gym training to lose weight or build muscle, licking some of his piss off his fingertips at the urinal as the first step to breaching his piss soft limit, sniffing the Doms jock with anal masturbation to key the sub to the Doms scent, only allowing anal masturbation to train anal orgasms, having the sub use his sub name on his cup at starbucks to further public submission, wearing dog tags as a precursor to a permanent collar, increasing use of a chastity cage, etc.
  
• With the Dom Present. Training with the Dom present can be done in all aspects of life, not just in a D/s sessions involving sex. Examples of this type of training include all those that do not require him present, but also; buying beers for the Dom at the pub then drinking his piss, licking the Doms sweaty armpits clean at the gym, etc. The most significant training for a sub with the Dom present will be performed during a sexual encounter, or a scene.

When planning a sexual encounter, aka scene, the Dom should consider the following:

• Before the Session. The Dom must consider all the logistics of the scene in detail - where and when will the scene take place, what equipment will be required, setting up the venue, music, who will be involved and in what way, how will everyone gain access to the venue, if other Doms will be there making sure they know the subs limits, ensuring privacy, etc. The Dom should enlist the help of the sub in some or all of the arrangements. Thinking through the safety of the scene is critical before the play takes place. The Dom must also decide how much of his planned scene he will share with the sub before hand, therefore how much explicit consent, bearing in mind the sub might not want to know.
• Crossing The Threshold. At the day and time of the scene the sub arrives at the scene and must cross a threshold. The Dom has arranged an obvious threshold that makes it clear that the sub is leaving behind his daily life, and entering a world where he is only sub. It is common for Doms to demand a sub to remove all his clothing at the threshold, and may add collars, chastity cages, harnesses, etc. Some Doms test the subs devotion by the threshold being the door of his apartment or hotel room, and the sub must strip naked outside the door (semi-public) and wait to be admitted. However the threshold works, it is an important mental switch for the sub as he crosses a consensual threshold into the scene (whether he knows whats on the other side or not).
• Warm Up. Just as with vanilla sex, a D/s encounter should start with warming up and turning on the people involved. The sub doesn’t have to be horny in order to serve, but it will make him more accepting of it. Getting a sub horny is normally as simple as having him sniff a jock, lick an armpit, or sucking the Doms dick. But the sub also needs warming up for the activities in the scene, especially if the Dom intends to push the subs experience level or limits. For example, if the sub will be flogged or caned, warm up his back/ass with slaps to get the blood flowing into that area. If the sub will take more nipple pain, then work his nipples over with fingers before hand. If fisting is on the list, then warm up the subs hole.
• The Play. The main event is one or more types of play - D/s activities. The play can be focused on the Doms pleasure, training the sub, or both. The sub may be punished, fisted, fucked, whipped, take piss, wax, skull fucked, etc. If the sub is being trained to take more pain, humiliation, restraint, or servitude the Dom will often reward the sub as it happens in order to reinforce the training and conditioning. The sub should let the Dom know if he is ever not comfortable with the play. Safety is always the priority. The Dom should never feel rushed in the play. The Dom must be mindful, cognisant of his subs emotional state, physical state, and safety - especially if the sub enters sub-space.
• Aftercare.After an activity has finished the Dom must bond with and comfort the sub, having food and water available for the sub can also help. The sub may need some time to ‘come down’ from his experience.
• Crossing the Threshold. When the sub is ready, he will then cross the threshold back into his daily life, hopefully with a grin on his face.
• After the Session. In the days following the scene, the Dom should check in with the sub to ensure he is emotionally and physically well. And to get feedback from the sub relating to the scene so that the next incremental step can be planned appropriately.

Even though the Dom will probably not to reveal his audacious goal to the sub, he may discuss what he has planned for an individual encounter. The less the sub knows about the plan, the greater the intensity of his submission. The Dom may incrementally provide less information about his plans as the journey progresses. The Dom must use his understanding of the sub to judge the appropriate level of information he must give prior to an encounter to ensure an appropriate level of consent. Many Doms and subs expect each scene to be fully negotiated before hand, others do not.

Trust and Communication in D/s

Trust is probably the most important component of a D/s relationship. It is slow to build, and quick to destroy. Trust is a two-way street between Doms and subs - and both directions are equally important:

• The Dom must trust that the sub will indicate if he’s not comfortable, and sub must trust his Dom will adjust his actions accordingly, and each without judgement or reprisal.
  
• Doms and subs must trust they will be understanding, tolerant, and forgiving of any mistakes the other may make in actions or communications. Subs often fantasize about certain scenes but when it comes to reality they hate it. Doms often misread signals or progress to fast/slow.
  
• Doms and subs must trust that the other is embarking on the D/s relationship with some awareness of what is involved. Power cannot be exchanged without trust.

Constant communication is the key to building trust. Communication is not only verbal and explicit, but also through subtle and implied; hesitation to follow an instruction, moans of pleasure, signs of panic, eager enthusiasm, subtle hints where “no” actually means “yes”, etc.

Doms must learn to read, and subs learn to give, both verbal and explicit, and subtle and implied communications. And those communications understood within the context of the individual D/s journey.

Empowering the Dom

The bottom line in D/s is that the Dom has and takes power, and the sub gives up his power. Both the Dom and the sub like it that way. Both like the Dom to be confident and empowered in order to take charge. The Dom is empowered by:

• Incrementally progressive power exchange without rejection.
  
• Clearly stated limits with explanations of reasoning.
  
• A good understanding of the subs experience level, attitudes, likes, and dislikes.
• A thought out plan for the journey, scene, and training, with mindful execution.
  
• The subs constant communication with the Dom.
  
• Established trust based on a common understanding of D/s.

These things enable the sub to empower the Dom to take control of their joint D/s journey, and have a lot of fun along the way. The Dom must feel empowered to dominate without guilt, shame, nor regret.

If the Dom is empowered and the sub isn’t indicating stop, the Dom has a solid green light to go!

Doms bear a heavy burden with the power and control they command, but it is in their nature to wield it, just as it is the subs nature to yield it. 

A Final Word on Consent

Consent is an important concept, but also one that only becomes a problem when it is perceived to be breached. If we focused on the strict written definition of consent, as permission prior to every action and as if it were a legally binding document, then nobody would have any fun, and D/s and vanilla sex would be dead. Doms must be empowered to lead, and subs must follow, each being mindful to their respective inner-nature and acting in accordance with the principles that keep D/s appropriately consensual.

Be safe out there everyone!

The secret behind envy

The secret behind envy

When you are jealous or envious of someone, of what they have or have accomplished, you’re truly just staring at your own potential, and wondering why you haven’t unlocked it yet. Deep down, you want to unlock that potential, but for various reasons, the false solutions you’ve created around yourself to protect you from perceived harm and danger have barred you access from reaching and fulfilling…

View On WordPress

http://whispermewonders.tumblr.com/ask

I’ve been looking through some blogs today and I’ve found some people who I feel like just need someone to talk to or someone to listen to them. I may be wrong in my assumptions, and I know that some people would rather be left alone or think that it’s none of my business, but…

If you wonderful people, my followers, have any questions, complaints, achievement that may be regarding your day, how things have been recently, or just want to have a conversation with me, feel free to message me in my ask box!

If it makes you feel more secure about telling a complete stranger about your struggles and achievements, just know that I’ve given advice many times to not only my friends (who are my age, 16-17), but I’ve also been able to help out those younger and older than me. I belong to a youth group outside of school where I’ve been able to do this a lot, and when I graduate, I do also plan on studying psychology. I am truly interested in understanding others and giving aid to them. I WILL try my best to help you out! I really want to have the opportunity make anyone’s day better, if I just could.

Boyfriends, relationships, break-ups, friendships, family, achievements, personal struggles, OR WHATEVER IT MAY BE that you’re concerned about, please don’t be afraid to voice out what you think. Blow off some steam by talking to a friend or anyone who will listen to you. It’s good for you.

So what are you waiting for? I WILL be wearing my heart out on my sleeve for you. I WILL listen to you. I promise. (:

<3

–

I am officially opening my advice section on my blog!

Just click on of these to get started:

http://whispermewonders.tumblr.com/ask

http://whispermewonders.tumblr.com/ask

http://whispermewonders.tumblr.com/ask

1. Don’t overload your first semester. Starting college is a huge transition and you will likely be more tired than you would be otherwise because you are trying to adjust. Also, college classes go at a different pace than high school, so while taking 4 classes may not sound like much, it has the potential to kill you if you’re not careful

2. Don’t worry if you feel overwhelmed and lonely. First semester sucks for pretty much everyone. It takes a while to find the type of people you can connect with. 

3. Start or join a small group. I’m speaking from my experience as a Christian, but this applies to other religions/groups as well. Second semester I started a Bible study for girls with an acquaintance, not only did it provide a weekly spiritual re-centering, the intimate atmosphere of praying, talking and studying the Bible together led to some of the closest friendship I had.

4. Even if you feel insecure, reach out to people. Likely, they’re wishing someone would reach out to them as much as you. Most of the time, people will not find you annoying for initiating conversations or suggesting hang outs. Get to know people in your classes. Even if it’s just the person sitting next to you. Even if they don’t end up being a close friend, it’s really nice to have at least one familiar person with you.Go to events. It will be scary. You will not know people. You may be miserable. You may come away having met or made friends with no one. But eventually, you will start to recognize people. And even that is valuable when you don’t know anyone. It helps you feel a lot less lost.

5. Stay out of relationships until you have a solid girlfriend base. Let’s be real, relationships don’t always succeed, and not having a good support group can make a break up a hundred times worth.Don’t be afraid to drift from your high school friends, but also don’t cut them off. It’s good to explore new friendships, but high school friends can be dependable, long term friends that can be there for you in the absence of new friendships. 

6. Confidence and kindness go a long way in making friends. If you are confident and kind, it is safe to assume assume that people like you.

7. Don’t neglect your spiritual life. It’s so easy to do when you’re so busy, but finding a church community can be a great source of community. Connecting with God can help a lot with loneliness and fear.

8. Don’t stay up too late even tho you have the freedom to do so. IT’S NOT WORTH IT! Getting enough sleep will help with avoiding the freshman 15, help you do better in classes and overall make you feel better.

9. If you hate your major, give it at least a semester, but after that don’t be afraid to change it. Everyone has moments of doubt about their major, but make sure you aren’t confusing overwhelmed-ness for dislike of your major. Also, first semester you’re often taking pre-reqs so five yourself time to actually see what real classes in the major are like

0 - The Leap this is when you take the plunge and let yourself begin to fall. 

1 - Falling This is the honeymoon phase everyone talks about. Includes giddiness, constant excitement, dreaminess, drawing hearts everywhere, smiling all the time. There’s also a fair amount of anxiety as you aren’t sure yet if it’s right. This is especially true if you’ve been hurt before. 

2 - Sinking This is when the crazy giddiness starts to wear off. You’re still falling, but more slowly, there’s more substance, and a warmth and peace starts to grow around your relationship. 

3 - Digging You find yourself on solid ground. All the low hanging fruit of getting to know each other is gone, to get deeper you have to really dig into who they are, ask deep questions, have big conversations. It takes effort, but it’s worth it. Deep friendship starts to form. It’s more work, but the reward is also greater.

4 - Building You have become each others’ best friends. You know each other SO WELL. You start working as a team, creating, planning, making memories, establishing relational and life habits and having experiences. What you build now will become the foundation for a life together into the future. 

what comes after these stages? I don’t know yet. I guess we’ll find out :) 

I’m a Christian, and partially because of that, my boyfriend and I have decided to wait until marriage until having sex. this is an idea I grew up with, and committed to at an early age, but no one told me HOW HARD it would be. we all know guys have high sex drives. no one told me girls did too. anyway, for those of you who find yourselves in the same or a similar predicament, here’s some things that have worked for me: 

1. There are three paths. One leads to holding hands (e.g. bumping elbows, brushing fingers), the second leads to kissing (touching faces together), and the third leads beyond that. Know which path you’re going to choose ahead of time, and don’t start down the path that you don’t want to go along. It’s a lot easier to stay outside the gate than it is to go back once you’ve started down the path. 

2. Keep yourself accountable to either a person or your journal. That will help you gauge right/wrong (i.e. if something isn’t right you’ll likely be hesitant to write down or tell someone that you’re doing it, especially if you wrote/told them ahead of time you wouldn’t do it). 

3. Going backwards ISN’T THAT HARD. I was always told that once you’ve done something, you can’t stop. that’s not true at all. it’s actually easier than holding back on something to begin with because having done it removes that “forbidden fruit” effect, and you realize, oh, not doing it actually isn’t that hard. (this may not go for some of the more emotionally intimate stuff). all this to say, if you’re doing something that you want to stop but feel like it’s too late because “you can’t go backwards”, it isn’t too late. 

4. Don’t keep bringing up the thing you’re trying not to do with each other. make a plan then DON’T talk about how hard it is to stay at – you’ll likely convince each other of a LOT like that. 

5. Find the sweet spot, where staying back is easier than going forward. There comes a point where the self control of staying a bit back is less effort than the self control required to ‘safely’ go forward – like staying closer to the edge of a river and fighting the urge to go out further is easier than fighting the current while you’re in it. 

6. NEVER do something just because other person wants to. Your dis-want is more important than their want. Similarly, you must be willing to not do something that the other doesn’t want. Don’t use the fact that the other person wants to do something as an excuse to do something you really aren’t sure you’re comfortable with 

7. Avoid media that gets thoughts going. Half the battle is in your thoughts. Don’t make it harder for yourself than it needs to be. 

8. Accept that you won’t get it perfect and you’ll make mistakes. It’s a learning curve, and you’ll have to make course corrections. Mistakes aren’t un-fixable. The important thing is that you learn from them and don’t let them happen again. 

9. If you’re a Christian, remember that God forgives. In the words of Jesus, go, and sin no more. If you’ve messed up, ask God for forgiveness and strength, then pick yourself back up and do better. 

hope this helps! 

sapphicsinthecloset:

i’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 years (since we were 15) and just about 3 years ago i began to question my sexuality. i was raised in a religious household and because of this the idea of being queer legit never crossed my mind until i moved away for university. just about 4 months ago my boyfriend and i opened our relationship up so that we could explore different things that we have always wanted to. unfortunately, the open relationship has been working for me but not really for him and everytime i come back from a date our conversations usually end with him in tears and me feeling guilty and sad about everything. after sleeping with some women i now know for sure that i am bisexual and that i really enjoy being with women but i am feeling so torn about my relationship and what all this means. also, i have been way more sexually attracted to women than i am to men and i just haven’t been feeling it with my boyfriend but i also am dealing with a lot right now so it kind of makes sense i guess?? i just don’t know if we are meant to be or if i am hurting both of us by trying to make it all work. i have no one in my life who understands or can relate to this so any advice would be so helpful!!! thanks so much

Hey, I know it’s been tough being in a relationship, especially if it’s open. You enjoy being free and discovering this new part of yourself; you’re changing, while your boyfriend is probably feeling left in the dust.
It’s natural to want to hold onto relationships even when they’re dead weight. If you seriously want to work on your relationship, make it a closed one for the time being and begin to heal with him and grow with him. But if you’re just not feeling it anymore with him and don’t think that will change then cut your losses now for his sake as well as your own.

witch-magic:

windvexer:

1. FINISH WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

► DO NOT walk away from an uncompleted ritual

► DO NOT walk away in the middle of a spell

Grab your notes and close everything down. Dismiss any spirits or entities you are working with. Close down the circle. End the ritual. Diffuse the energy of the spell and close it down. If you were enchanting an item, announce over it that it is closed and nothing more may come in or out.

Spells and rituals are little portals of power; if you leave one open without closing it, all sorts of things could get screwy and come through.

2. End any spooky/witchy atmosphere immediately.

• Blow out all the candles.
• Put out all the incense.
  
• Turn on all the lights.
• Turn off spooky chanting music. Turn on some happy music or better yet, a non-supernatural television show or movie you love.
  
• If you were enchanting an item, immediately put it in salt.

3. Don’t destroy the items/notes you will need later.

Trust me, do not throw away the spell you wrote or the objects you were working on. If things go wrong in the future you will needthese to fix the problem.

► Immediately write down exactly what happened. Write down every deviation from the spell that you did. Write down exactly what you said and saw during any visualizations. Write down exactly when things started to get freaky.

► If you were enchanting an item, keep it in a black bag filled with salt until you are ready to deal with it.

4. Cleanse.

Use an energy cannonball to purify the space you were working in. Burn rosemary and bay leaves to fumigate the area, or spritz a premade water solution if you can’t have smoke. Pay special attention to all ritual tools.

If you feel the need to, cleanse yourself by visualizing the power of the smoke enveloping you and driving away any bad vibes; or take a shower if you really feel something has gone wrong.

5. Get out of the area you were working in.

Go to another room. Leave the house if possible. Seek the company of others or turn on the television if you are alone.

6. Do mundane things for a while.

Eat a nice meal. Drink a big glass of water. Go for a jog. Do some chores. Put anything magical totally out of your head. Absolutely do not focus on how weird things just got.

7. When you are ready, return to the area you were working in.

Relax yourself and judge the energies within the room. Are things still ‘creepy’? A heavy-duty cleansing is in order. Do you feel as if someone else is there? Open a window and command it to leave - if it does not, more fumigation or a banishing is required.

Judge your ritual tools and determine if they will need additional cleansing. If you were working on an object, determine if it has been corrupted or if anything is wrong with it. If so, put it back in the salt and deal with it as soon as you can.

8. Take a break from witchcraft for a couple of days.

9. Figure out what went wrong.

Fear is never a good thing. There is a difference between embracing the darkness and being afraid.

► Fear can be caused if an entity showed up you were unprepared to deal with.

► Fear can be caused if your intuition (or perhaps a spirit ally) was warning you that what you were about to do was a really bad idea.

► Fear can be caused if you tap in to powers that overwhelm you.

You need to figure out what went wrong. It isn’t a situation where you can say “oh well” and try something else later - because you screwed up, and next time you may not get an adequate warning before things go to hell.

Important!

If you’re struggling to get through something particularly challenging, come up with a reward that you’ll give yourself when you finish the task. It can give you the extra motivation you need to keep pushing on.

fictionwritingtips:

Often I see writers striving to reach a certain word count instead of worrying about by type of content they’ll be producing. I also often see writers attempting to stretch a scene out instead of simply sharing the bare necessities. I’m not saying that you can’t be detailed in your writing, but realize that some things are better without excessive detail.

Here are a few reasons why less is sometimes more:

Too much detail can cause your readers to lose interest

If you go on and on about a character’s appearance or about how a room looks, your readers will eventually feel bored by it. Not only that, but they’ll feel like you’re holding their hand too tightly. Leave some stuff up to the reader’s imagination because they’ll never picture it exactly how you intended.

You don’t need to explain everything

Not everything needs to be explained or sorted out or tied up. As I mentioned before, readers can figure it out themselves as long as you drop enough information. You don’t have to have a character enter a room and describe every little thing they see. Most people don’t think like that in real life.

More can sometimes lead to info-dumping

You don’t want to info-dump. Too much exposition can ruin a novel. You need to trust your readers to discover certain information on their own or find a way to seamlessly add it to your story. Give it some time to naturally occur!

It’s more important to show

We’ve all heard show, don’t tell a million times, but it really means something. Don’t say your character is tall, dark, and handsome. Show us through the way they act. Reveal through the interactions with other characters. Don’t flat out tell us information, show us through the narrative.

-Kris Noel

writeworld:

cincocosas said: Hi, do you have any advice for writing a musical play? Thanks

I confess that I am not very knowledgeable on this topic. Though I’ve written songs and plays, I have never written a musical, and so I cannot offer you any advice from firsthand experience. Bearing that in mind, I have five tidbits of very general advice and a bunch of links for you! 

1. Read Musicals. I feel like the fact that you ought to watch musicals should go without saying, but you should also read them. The Book (a.k.a. the Libretto) contains the stage directions, dialogue, song lyrics, etc. for a musical, and you should read as many as you can get your hot little hands on. Just as a novel writer should read novels, a writer of musicals should read (and watch) musicals. 
2. Practice dialogue. Get really good at characterization and plot development through dialogue. You’re not going to have the luxury of narration in a theater setting, so learn the art of storytelling through the voices of your characters. 
   

   Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother had big eyes.
   
   becomes
   
   LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. My, what big eyes you have!

   We’ve got a whole tag devoted to dialogue. You may find some useful posts there. 
3. Get a partner. It’s great to have someone to talk to about ideas and to help develop your story. Also, writing duets and ensemble pieces becomes much easier with another person around. 
4. Learn to read and write sheet music. Hopefully you play an instrument like the piano—knowing how to play an instrument will make writing a musical so, so much easier—but not everyone can read and write sheet music. You can learn using resources like this one. 
5. I also recommend that you choose a format for your playwriting and stick to it. That will speed up editing and simplify things when you have to refer back to different parts of the musical as you write. Trust me. A single, consistent format is super helpful.  

Articles

• How To Write a Musical by John Kenrick
• Stephen Schwartz - Tips for writers
• Writing For Musical Theatre by Perfect Pitch
• On Writing A Musical by David Reiser
• Playwriting 101 by Jonathan Dorf

Books

• Writing Musical Theater by Allen Cohen
• The Musical Theatre Writer’s Survival Guide by David Spencer
• Beating Broadway: How to Create Stories for Musicals That Get Standing Ovations by Steve Cuden
• Writing The Broadway Musical by Aaron Frankel
• Words with Music: Creating the Broadway Musical Libretto by Lehman Engel and revised by Howard Kissel
• How Musicals Work: And How To Write Your Own by Julian Woolford
• Making Musicals: An Informal Introduction to the World of Musical Theater by Tom Jones

Maybe some fellow writers will comment on this post with their advice on writing a musical! Would anyone be willing to share their musical-writing expertise with us?

• yonder-window said: As to musicals, one of the most important things is that there must be a damn good reason the characters sing. Songs have to go to places the dialogue doesnt, they can’t rehash anything that was spoken. They have to build past speaking emotionally.

Thank you for your question! 

-C

not-so-classicallytrainedwriter:

So every now and then writer’s block takes this horrible form where you have an excellent idea and excellent characters and all the write stuff but for whatever reason, you just cannot get it out of your head. It’s super frustrating and you end up staring at an empty Word document for an hour trying to put these incredible ideas into words and it’s just not happening.Here is how to knock yourself free from writer’s block: 

• Pick a different scene. So you have the ideas for the story. Maybe the opening you had in mind will come later, but don’t not write the story because of that. So pick a scene that comes a little bit later and just start writing that. It doesn’t have to be perfect but sometimes working on something different will get the old cogs rolling just as they’re supposed to. 
• Do a quick writing exercise. Pick a super quick writing prompt and just start writing the first thing that comes to mind. I know this sounds weird, but because it’s not your awesome project that you have in mind, you can just let it go and write whatever’s on your mind. It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t have to make sense, but it’ll make you write. After a couple good exercises, I’m always back and ready to write my initial project again. 
• Take a walk. Sometimes if you’re really struggling, you just need to take a little break. Sure, you’ve got the idea, but sometimes it helps to just sit on it for awhile. I suggest going for a walk, the fresh air will help get rid of the frustration and you’ll have some time to think about your ideas more relaxed. 

These are all tried and tested (by me!) - happy writing everyone!

writeworld:

Anonymous said: I’m currently writing my first ‘first make out’ scene. Mainly because I have never got this far before, or because characters are either too young or already established. But…how do I put this…how do I make it not suck? Thanks to such delights as the horror that is the 50 shades trilogy, I reeeeeeaaaaallly don’t want to go there. but at the same time I want more than just they kissed, then they snogged. it was hot. (Also medievalesque fantasy, to make it harder) Help!

Research, lots of practice and good editing, my friend. These are the keys to honing your writing skills, and they apply to pretty much every situation wherein you might think, “How do I make this not suck?”

Firstly, research. If you’re okay with this, find some kissing scenes from movies and tv shows to watch. (But know that these scenes are not for realsies; they feature actors pretending for a camera, actors who are probably pretty uncomfortable.) Or you could amp up the adult-factor and find some true(er)-to-life pornography to study. Read books with make out scenes. Even if they’re not books you think are particularly great, you can still learn what not to do from them, and that’s knowledge worth having.

You could even ask people (friends, not strangers on the street) about what they like when it comes to makin’ out. I’m not sure whether to advise you to be sneaky about getting your answers or to just tell your friends why you’re asking. Your call. 

Or heck! Do some makin’ out of your own, if you like! Pay attention to how you feel, but don’t ignore your other senses. Take mental notes on your experience for later. (And try not to be too obvious about your research. I’d hate for you to be an inconsiderate make out partner.)

Next, practice. Write make out scenes. All the time. Freewrite whatever comes to mind at first. You can get pickier with the specifics later. For now, just write. Different time periods, locations, situations, partners. Change it up. Try stuff out. Weird stuff. Tame stuff. Experiment with word choice and sentence structure. Experiment with the ratio of dialogue to narration to character thoughts. Experiment with your characters’ senses. And verb tense. And point of view. Write stuff that you’d like to experience, and maybe stuff that you’d never want to do yourself. 

Seriously, just try all the things. Take note of what you think works and what doesn’t work. 

Now, edit. Hack up your work and stitch it back together. Rewrite. Switch up point of view or tense or anything else. Expand on your descriptions or narrow them down. Delete adverbs. Or not. Choose stronger verbs. Clean up your pronouns. Tweak the tone of the scene or its circumstances to suit your needs. 

Providing, of course, that you are comfortable with others reading your work, get feedback on your writing to level up your skills even faster. You can take that feedback back to your practice sessions with you. It can help you better understand what works for your readers and trust me, even if you don’t end up acting on the feedback you get, it’s still worth having.

Criticism toughens you up. Compliments keep up your morale. Both can get you motivated. Do yourself a favor and get some feedback on your work.

I have two make out scene-specific bits of advice for you. They are as follows:

1. Pay attention to the imperfections. Bumping noses, having to shush each other to keep from getting caught, breaking out into giggles in the middle of a kiss, yanking pillows out from under your head to get comfortable and accidentally hitting your partner in the face, having to stop a kiss in order to take a breath (or to swallow), digging your fingers into your partner’s skin so hard they hiss with pain and bat your hand away, making a silly joke when the mood gets too serious, breaking a kiss because this is a bad idea only to change your mind the next second… Nothing is perfect. Making out is no exception. A lot can go wrong, you know, or at least not completely right. Make the scene memorable and add in some imperfection. Heap on the imperfections and create a moody, dysfunctional scene, or sprinkle them in to keep things light and sweet. Just make sure they’re there. 
2. Use all of your senses. I’ve mentioned this a couple of times just in this post, but I can’t stress it enough: smell, touch, sight, taste, sound, balance, temperature, proprioception, and others. (This includes magical senses, too, I guess. I don’t know your life.) Lots of people leave their intimate scenes at touch and sight. Branch out, yeah? Smell his aftershave. Taste her cherry chapstick. Hear xyr whispering something inaudible onto your skin. Shiver. Sweat. Get vertigo. Forget up and down and where you are. You’ve got a whole body to work with, so use it! 

We have a tag called kiss for just this sort of thing. Here are some useful posts from it:

• Pucker Up!
• shackleboltrps on kissing scenes
• pulpofiction on writing a kiss
• How to write a kissing scene

If you’re looking to get a little more hot ‘n’ bothered, check out our sex scene tag, especially Smut Guides of Tumblr.

Thanks for your question, and I hope this helped!

-C

legit-writing-tips:

Those of you who’ve been through any more advanced writing classes or workshops, whether it’s in the academic world or for the purposes of creative writing, have probably already heard that passive voice should be avoided in your writing.

This is more or less true. Passive voice is a no-no about 99% of the time. However, it shouldn’t be banned from your writing outright, and there are occasions where it can be useful. 

Let’s start by clarifying what passive voice is. As its name suggests, passive voice indicates that something is being done to the subject of the subject of a sentence, rather than the subject of the sentence performing some action. 

Ex. “John was struck by lighting,” (passive) as opposed to “The lightning struck John.” (active)

“Angela was shocked by Robert’s words,” (passive) as opposed to “Robert’s words shocked Angela.”

The reason it’s generally suggested that you avoid passive voice is because it has a tendency to really slow a piece of writing down. It can also be a bit monotonous when used in excess, and can make a piece of writing feel almost “academic”, and very dry. 

This is exactly what makes it useful in some occasions. When you want to slow down the action in a written piece, passive voice can serve as a much needed time-out for the reader. 

To be a bit more specific, passive voice can really serve its purpose when you want to show your character experiencing something, rather than actively taking part in a moment within your narrative. You should still keep it brief and limit how much you use it, but the upside of that is that the less you use it, the more of an impact it will have when it does make its way into your writing. 

fictionwritingtips:

If your book requires a lot of scene changes, you should learn how to craft unique locations that help drive your story forward. In fantasy novels (or just most novels in general), no one wants to read a book where all the scenes takes place in the same location. Obviously this depends on your story, but you’ll most likely need to switch it up a bit.

Think about Harry Potter—most of the early books take place at Hogwarts, but Hogwarts is so interesting and there are so many mysteries, it never gets boring. Hogwarts itself is a location, but all the pieces that make up Hogwarts keep it fascinating. Even if the story does take place in the same location, you need to make that location interesting. There can be different aspects of it that you and your readers can explore, just like at Hogwarts.

Here are a few ways to craft unique and interesting locations for your story:

Think about how your scene would change in a different location.

Try imagining a scene in different locations and see what’s most interesting. A scene in a science fiction story might be more interesting in a busy space port, than in a boring normal room. The locations you choose should affect the story somehow. For example, a space port would allow you to explore the different types of people in your sci-fi world, which would let you explain how people interact with each other. Use the genre to your advantage and craft your locations accordingly.

P.S. I don’t really know if a space port is a real thing, but in my mind it’s an airport for space ships in the future. ^_^

Let your locations motivate you.

There are certain scenes that get me excited and I can’t wait to write them. That can have a lot to do with the location of your scene. If there’s a really cool place you want to explore in your own story, you’re probably excited about getting to it. That will help you stay on point with your writing goals. Don’t be afraid to try something new or create a location that you’re not sure is going to work. You might surprise yourself and add unique elements to your story you wouldn’t have otherwise. Locations can inspire you to take your story in a new direction, so let them!

If there’s a location you’re not sure about, take a little extra time to plan it out.

Sometimes we don’t plan out our locations enough because we think they’ll flesh themselves out. However, if you don’t truly know the scene you’re about to write, you run the risk of creating a boring story. Maybe sketch a room or write down what you want to be included. This might help you in the long run because you’ll have something to reference back to. You’ll also be able to figure out what you want each character to be doing and what the possible distractions are. Write enough so that your readers will be able to visualize it too.

-Kris Noel