person a has bad eye sight; like really bad and they can’t see most things without their trusty glasses. person b decides to give person a an eye test. person b writes something down on a piece of paper and tests person a. of course, person a can’t read shit and has to squint or complain that person b was too far away. then suddenly, person b moves closer to person a, fully aware that person a can see properly now, and asks them to read the paper aloud. person a smiles and whispers an ‘i love you too’ as person b shoves the piece of paper in person a’s stupid looking face.
the only thing person aandperson b wants to do after their exams is to watch frozen two: now, they’re randomly singing ‘into the unknown’ everywhere they go, and everyone who witnesses this just wants to shove a slipper up their asses.
Tim Drake: I was about to fall asleep and thought ‘holy shit I’ll die someday’ and I looked at my phone automatically to see a post that just says ‘Paul dano knuckle tats’ and laughed so hard I choked on my own spit. Anyways god bless
PREMISE: Even cops need a cool friend. When two aspiring crime scene technicians are looking for a place to work while chasing the big break that will let them join the NYPD, hip Detective Mike takes them in and lets them use a back room in his awesome crime lab as a place where they can work on crime scene stuff, hang out with their friends, and even drink some beers!
CHARACTERS: Jesse Frampton and Lee Burke are two wannabe crime scene investigators who spent years analyzing blood samples and performing gun ballistics tests at different venues around the city, but never quite felt like they had a real home where they could just do their thing, ya know? Detective Mike is an awesome investigator who knows tons of really cool people but is still really nice and humble about it and never makes Jesse and Lee feel like they’re not as cool as him, even though clearly they are barely cool at all. Plus, Mike’s crime lab is awesome, with tons of cool pictures on the wall and a great jukebox. Jesse and Lee always really appreciate Detective Mike’s support and encouragement when they show him their weird projects.
NOTABLE EPISODE: Detective Mike has a cool birthday party and the rookies are really happy to be invited (S02.E14 – “Cool, We Got Invited!”)
CATCHPHRASE: “Yeah, we have a cool friend.” / “We actually know the coolest cop in New York.”
TRIVIA/MISCELLANY: The character Detective Mike is based on a real person who the showrunners know and admire.
The Informant! (2009) Dir. Steven Soderbergh, Cin. Steven Soderbergh
“Paranoid is what people who are trying to take advantage call you in a effort to get you to drop your guard. I read that the other day in an in-flight magazine.”
It’s late and you’re snuggling in with your f/o for the night. they notice that you choose not to place your head against their chest and they decide to ask you about it. though it’s not all that embarrassing, you still blush. most people find listening to someone’s heartbeat as they cuddle romantic, but you on the other hand…well, let’s just say that that is the opposite for you. constantly hearing someone’s heartbeat in your ear is sensory overload for you. when you explain this to your f/o, they don’t sneer or roll their eyes at you. they understand, and are always aware of their cuddling positions with you from then on.
Nimue leaves the office embarrassed, but returns at her next appointment ready to exact her revenge on the strict Miss Malone. “The Cane in the Cupboard” starring Nimue Allen and Molly Malone at Dreams of Spanking.
This is my mom. If you’ve read my short story “Salted,” this is who Garchi is based on.
When she was 7, she tried baking a cake all on her own. (In my story, it’s a chocolate cake because chocolate being poisonous to aliens was an added layer of space orcs shenanigans. The one my mom made was a basic yellow cake or something.) She’d helped my grandma make them before, so she grabbed this old cookbook and got to work. Being 7, she didn’t understand fractions. Thankfully, this particular recipe called for ingredients in whole measurements.
All except for salt, apparently.
My mom says she remembers being confused for a while and trying to figure out what ¾ meant. It was the only thing that made her pause, so that’s why she says she’s pretty sure it’s the reason salt was the only ingredient that turned out wrong. She decided it must mean 3+4 teaspoons of salt.
My grandad was the first one to come in from the fields. (Yes, my 7-year-old mother was baking in the home unsupervised. It was rural America in the 60s. Thems different times.) He’d been working hard and was hungry and the cake smelled great, so he cut himself a big ol’ slice! Just like Vera in the story, he took a big bite, paused, ate the rest quickly, got a drink of water, and left to go back to work outside.
My mom tried a piece and spat it out. Same thing with my grandma and uncles when they tried some. Not even the dog would eat it.
I love this story. Obviously- I mean, I based one of my stories on it! Grandad was well-known in the small town we lived in for how active he was, the work he put into his yard and flowers, and how he went out of his way to make people laugh and tell jokes, or challenge people to race him on his mobility scooter when he rode it down the street to the post office. Grandkids loved his collection of joke books- And the candy stash that was never hidden all that well. He loved his family, especially my mother, who was his youngest child and only daughter. He proved that love in many instances, but my mom remembered that eaten slice of super-salty cake well enough to retell it time and time again to her own children. I like to think that he and my grandma, both of whom grew up during the Great Depression, watch over their still-living family and descendants and cheer us on as we try our best in a world that’s changed so much.
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