#cant do this anymore
i know i am really not okay mentally when the new bnha chapter did not excite me as much as it usually does…. shit is kinda bad rn lmao
everytime he texts me, i want to reply right away. but i shouldn’t. he dosent care about me like he cares about her.
he will never love me like he does her.
the worst part about it is that i cant hate you. i cant. you have been nothinb but wonderful and loving towards me for the last two months.
it would be different if you were some cruel, horrible, manipulative person. but you’re not.
you always ask about my day. you ask me about how im feeling, if i am doing ok. hè asks me questions bcs ‘hè wants to get to know me better’.
he sends me red hearts and hè sends me drawn hearts on snapchat. hè is nothing but a wonderful and thoughtful human being.
we’re eachother’s number 1 best friend on snapchat for months now and we send a minimum of 300 snaps/texts a day, and not counting when we talk at school.
hè makes me laugh. hè distracts me when im having a bad day with a funny story of his. he asks me if i want to talk about it, and if i do he listens contently, if i say i dont want to talk about it, he drops it and starts another conversation.
so how can i hate someone like that. i cant.
and yet, when he asked me for girl advice on how to ask his crush to prom, everytging hurt. i trachee for the bottle and now im lying in my bed crying and drunk as i am writing this.
but he deserves her. shes pretty. shes skinny. shes not fucked. she hasnt been depressed for the last 5 years of her life. she never self-harmed. shes perfect for him.
i want to let go of him. i cant keep doing this to myself, but on the other hand, i deserve to get hurt. i care about almost nothing in this world, so i should feel what it feels like to get stabbed repeatedly.
he deserves someone like her. not like me.
I wish i could accept that nothing will ever change.
I know it’s getting bad again and i feel some kind of comfort in that.
It’s been getting harder to breathe..
I don’t wanna feel anything anymore
Good bye…
Me and my partner broke up today…So they is no point in keeping this blog. Good bye and thank you to everyone that followed/supported me. I love you all ~ ❤
Single again, but I still have a cg so my blog is here to stay. ~
