#im fat and ugly
Me during a fast when someone asks if I’m hungry
GUYS MANIFEST ME WEIGHT LOSS PLEASE, I DONT WANT HAPPINESS I WANT TO BE SKINNY
(￣▽￣)ノHey guyss, so i woke up bitter because im still fat.
i need someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok. i need someone to tell me everyone isn’t going to leave me. that life gets better because i can’t do this anymore. life is so painful and ever is exhausting.
would i be prettier if i was skinner? would i be more loved if i was skinner? would more people have cared if i was skinner? why couldn’t i be skinner?
• leave
• leave
• get help before it’s too late
• leave
• delete this app
• LEAVE
to “newbies” in the ana community:
this is gonna be a long one but if the title applies to you, i IMPLORE you to read the whole thing. if it doesn’t, please reblog. you might save someone from this fucking nightmare.
i found a diary entry on the day that i decided to go on tumblr and search up “thinspo”. i was feeling awful about my body for some time but never really thought about calories or eating less or anything.
i wrote (verbatim): “i don’t want to have an eating disorder or anything, i just want to lose 10lbs”
not even a month later, it was like nothing could stop me from reaching my goal. i kept telling myself i wasn’t in too deep. i ate 500 cals a day and no more. i exercised 300 cals away.
now, the only thing i want is that blissful ignorance. not even thinking twice about my body. not caring what i ate. understanding the boundaries of healthy eating. not feeling faint and dizzy when standing up.
I WISH THAT I HAD SEEN A POST TELLING ME THAT IF YOURE LOOKING AT THINSPO “just to motivate you,” THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A PROBLEM AND THE START OF A CYCLE YOU WILL REGRET EVER BEGINNING AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ADDICTION TO STARVING. at this time in my life i would listen to NOBODY and NO POST could stop me from slowly crawling into the arms of my developing eating disorder. BUT IM BEGGING YOU, IF YOU ARE BEGINNING THIS STRUGGLE, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL. you see all these posts telling you that over 1,000 calories is disgusting and so on, DO NOT LISTEN. PLEASE! you have no idea how quickly this shit can get in your head. no matter what your intentions for going on the ana tags are, LEAVE THEM NOW IF YOU STILL CAN. LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK. OR ELSE YOU WILL END UP DISORDER RIDDEN AND HATING YOURSELF LIKE ME, because once you’ve been here long enough, it doesn’t matter if you hit your UGW or you’re still at your sw; you will always always always see yourself as fat. that is a promise. and it’s disgusting.
this is a dirty, horrible disease that teaches you to hate yourself. it perpetuates symptoms of anxiety and depression and causes thoughts and feelings that you never believed possible in yourself. it destroys your identity, your relationships, you family life, your grades, your ambitions, and your health. if you have a choice not to fall into it, DONT FUCKING DO IT. don’t fucking do it for the love of god.
h4te:
Y all can always pop in my dms i’d be glad to talk with anyone
everyone deserves to eat (yes that includes you person reading this)
everytime he texts me, i want to reply right away. but i shouldn’t. he dosent care about me like he cares about her.
he will never love me like he does her.
… yeah so if you wanna be my ana buddie dm me
I don’t want to be skinny. Well, I want to. But I want it so bad, it’s deeper than that. I want everyone to worry about me. People to think, that if they touch me, I’d break in a thousand pieces. I want them to think, that I’ll die if skip another meal. I want strangers to ask me if I’m anorexic. I wanna be disgusted by food. I want that everyone has to force me to eat. I want everyone I know to ask me if I have ate enough, and even if I’d answer „yes“ they knew Im lying. I want to look as fragile on the outside as i am already on the inside. I want people to care about me, trying to protect my, maybe I just want attention… yeah, maybe that’s it. I’m faking it for attention…
I just want people to worry
