day 4: felt so drained today, woke up at 6 cause i had a class at 8 and then my first meal was at 1 and testerday i had dinner around 8pm, so that means i technically did a 17 hour fast¿?¿
wow i didn’t know it was that long until now and ngl i feel pretty great about that. haven’t done a fast in ages, let alone one that lasted that long
oh ya and today was the first time that i had a single-serve meal and i was full after it!! like full to the point that when i was asked if i wanted seconds i said no right away!! like usually i would say yes, then realize taht i shouldn’t and then decline later. but today’s reaction was so quick i felt so good!!!
the worst part about it is that i cant hate you. i cant. you have been nothinb but wonderful and loving towards me for the last two months.
it would be different if you were some cruel, horrible, manipulative person. but you’re not.
you always ask about my day. you ask me about how im feeling, if i am doing ok. hè asks me questions bcs ‘hè wants to get to know me better’.
he sends me red hearts and hè sends me drawn hearts on snapchat. hè is nothing but a wonderful and thoughtful human being.
we’re eachother’s number 1 best friend on snapchat for months now and we send a minimum of 300 snaps/texts a day, and not counting when we talk at school.
hè makes me laugh. hè distracts me when im having a bad day with a funny story of his. he asks me if i want to talk about it, and if i do he listens contently, if i say i dont want to talk about it, he drops it and starts another conversation.
so how can i hate someone like that. i cant.
and yet, when he asked me for girl advice on how to ask his crush to prom, everytging hurt. i trachee for the bottle and now im lying in my bed crying and drunk as i am writing this.
but he deserves her. shes pretty. shes skinny. shes not fucked. she hasnt been depressed for the last 5 years of her life. she never self-harmed. shes perfect for him.
i want to let go of him. i cant keep doing this to myself, but on the other hand, i deserve to get hurt. i care about almost nothing in this world, so i should feel what it feels like to get stabbed repeatedly.
I’m obsessed with this dress but I know I’ll never be able to wear it like that, but my cousin, she’s like my real life thinspo. Literally, and she doesn’t even try. She eats 24/7 and is so dainty and cute. I love my cousin with my heart, I really do, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to look like her, just for one day.
Is it me or does anyone else on the heavier side of the ana scale let out a huge sigh when they see a skinny angel call themselves fat and stuff?? Like I just mentally
these two outfits have become my biggest motivators to stay on track.
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my friends want to have a picnic in the summer just like we did last year. but last year i wanted to drown myself in the lake because I was a fat chunk of meat next to all these tiny people . so this year I have to be tiniest. which shouldn’t be hard. if i get to my goal weight that’ll definitely make me skinniest. so yeehaw
Anybody have C Cup or higher boobs at their starting weight? Did they decrease in size as you lost weight or are they the same size as before?
When I was losing more frequently i noticed my bras were spacey but nothing too noticeable. I’m scared I’m gonna get to my goal weight and still have these gabonzas on my chest and it’s gonna make my back problems worse.
I didn’t think I’d be back here but i am. I attempted recovery since I was away from home and away from the downpour of comments on my body. But after coming back for a month I fell back into old habits. I’m back. And worse.
