Imma try to not eat today

Because I failed every other time so :,)

can someone be my buddy, just someone i can talk to about anything going on

i’m back and definetly not doing better than ever

last few days have been on my period and been having a hard few days

i wish i can go back and to tell myself to stop eating.

day 4: felt so drained today, woke up at 6 cause i had a class at 8 and then my first meal was at 1 and testerday i had dinner around 8pm, so that means i technically did a 17 hour fast¿?¿

wow i didn’t know it was that long until now and ngl i feel pretty great about that. haven’t done a fast in ages, let alone one that lasted that long

oh ya and today was the first time that i had a single-serve meal and i was full after it!! like full to the point that when i was asked if i wanted seconds i said no right away!! like usually i would say yes, then realize taht i shouldn’t and then decline later. but today’s reaction was so quick i felt so good!!!

so today was a very good day

day 3: had a peanut butter sandwich, an apple and apple sauce and a granola bar

weighed myself and i’m 165 about 2-3 pounds to go before monday

the worst part about it is that i cant hate you. i cant. you have been nothinb but wonderful and loving towards me for the last two months.

it would be different if you were some cruel, horrible, manipulative person. but you’re not.

you always ask about my day. you ask me about how im feeling, if i am doing ok. hè asks me questions bcs ‘hè wants to get to know me better’.

he sends me red hearts and hè sends me drawn hearts on snapchat. hè is nothing but a wonderful and thoughtful human being.

we’re eachother’s number 1 best friend on snapchat for months now and we send a minimum of 300 snaps/texts a day, and not counting when we talk at school.

hè makes me laugh. hè distracts me when im having a bad day with a funny story of his. he asks me if i want to talk about it, and if i do he listens contently, if i say i dont want to talk about it, he drops it and starts another conversation.

so how can i hate someone like that. i cant.

and yet, when he asked me for girl advice on how to ask his crush to prom, everytging hurt. i trachee for the bottle and now im lying in my bed crying and drunk as i am writing this.

but he deserves her. shes pretty. shes skinny. shes not fucked. she hasnt been depressed for the last 5 years of her life. she never self-harmed. shes perfect for him.

i want to let go of him. i cant keep doing this to myself, but on the other hand, i deserve to get hurt. i care about almost nothing in this world, so i should feel what it feels like to get stabbed repeatedly.

he deserves someone like her. not like me.

Swimsuit

I was excited to buy a new swimsuit.

I chose a very cute one, peach colored, bare back, one piece. I haven’t used one in two years.

But when I tried it on, body dysmorphia knocked on the door: knock knock, you look deformed!

I notice every lump, every shape, every imperfection and they horrify me.

At that moment I saw a tear come out of my eyes. I took it off immediately. I told the saleswoman that it didn’t fit and almost ran out of the store.

When will I be able to try on clothes without feeling bad?

My mom bought cookies

I don’t know how to stop thinking about eating them.

I know that when I taste a single cookie, I’ll end up eating all of them.

I don’t want to binge.

What should I do?

Ribs

I wanted this so badly, every bite less, every second of exercise made me feel good.

I wanted them to see my ribs and that they thought it was easy for me to be thin, that everyone would stare at me and smile at me because I was pretty.

But when they look at my ribs, they feel terrified, they beg me to eat, I made my siblings cry, they thought I was going to die.

This isn´t the kind of care I expected.

I’m pretty, I’m depressed

5 things that nobody tells you about ed

1. At first everyone encouraged your weight loss, now they look horrified as you weigh even grapes.
2. You know you’re destroying your body and you feel good about it?
3. You’re never in control, it’s food what controls you.
4. What’s the point of looking good if you don’t even have the energy to get up because you’ve only eaten half an apple?
5. You never get to feel happy because a small part of you knows that you’re wrong. The scale will say what it wants, but your mind will never agree.

I know having an ed isn’t something to be proud of.

Too much of everything becomes unhealthy, it includes stop eating.

Staysafe♡

Oh honey, do you want to go shopping?

I hate going to buy clothes.

When people ask me why I don’t like shopping, I tell them it’s because it bores me, but the truth is that when I go into a store, I’m excited to see all those dresses and skirts, but then when I see my reflection, I remember that my body doesn’t look the way I would like it to and that probably none of those clothes will look good on me.

Those thoughts make me want to cry and I get frustrated, I leave the store and come home with empty hands and an empty stomach I don’t want to fill.

Stay safe♡

Hack #15267

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this:

I CAN’T EAT S L O W L Y

I usually eat very fast and I know that this influences the way my digestive system digests food, but I am so used to eating in that way, that the classic advice of “eat slower” doesn’t work for me.

First I have to get used to my mind, because it is a habit that I’ve ingrained from forever.

What I do to “train” my brain to eat slowly is to use the cutlery the other way around.

If I eat soup, I do it with a fork, if I eat chopped fruit, I do it with a spoon. In this way it is more difficult for me to eat and I do it slower and in fewer better bites, which psychologically makes me feel as if I had eaten a lot.

It may seem ridiculous at first, but it’s a small change that makes a big difference.

Pd. I only do it when I’m at home, because people might see it as something weird lol

Staysafe♡

This is for an ask I got from iwillgetskinny. Check them out.

Okay. I make a salad everyday and always diffrent but under 100cals. My tips are never skimp on lettuce, pick the right dressing, and have some fun toppings.

I own arround ten different dressings (fight me) but I put up my three favorite. Calorie wise zesty Italian, sundried tomato, and greek feta. All between 5-35 calories a tablespoon. (Today I put 2 tbsp zesty for 10 cals total).

For toppings I did an assortment of veggies with lots of onion because I feel weird today and feta. I often use rasins or nuts instead of cheese though.

I hope this helps.

Also I eat with chopstics so it takes longer.

Thanks guys.

So, back at weight loss again. I’m going to loose 20lb in three months, just watch me.

FIRST THINGS FIRST IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW A QUARTER CUP OF UNOILED SUNFLOWER SEEDS IS ONLY45CAL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

They take about an hour to eat when you have to crack the sheel and all.

Godspeed lovelys.

P.s. what tags are safe these days? I was gone for a year.

Food and Calories

•  Small bowl of meat with a slice of bread (Cultural dish, Homemade, don’t know the calories but if I had to guess about 320?)
  
•  Some cranberry juice (60 cal)
  
•  2 sips of coffee with a bit of milk and sugar in it (Maybe 20 cals lol)

TOTAL: Approx 330-500 calories

Exercise

• Emi Wong’s 15 minute leg slimming work out (Youtube)
• Cleaned my yard?
• Walked up and down the stairs a couple times, not sure if that counts as anything.

Extras

• I took some vitamins and drank a couple glasses of water so that’s fun 
  

Let me know if you guys want progress pictures every week or so, I’ll for sure gross y’all out by how fat and ugly my ass is LMAOO but yeah let me know.

world-of-cherry-blossoms:

Kinomoto Ka

world-of-cherry-blossoms:

Iiniku Ushijima

so happy that i got my apple watch, it’s been my best investment this year…

Why does fasting make you feel so good?