#classical memes
Ladies, if he:
- never texts you back
- is always sleeping too much
- is generally unhealthy
- had a spiritual experience in Vienna
- dreams of uniting serious and light music
He’s not your man. He’s Soviet/German composer Alfred Schnittke.
classical music comment sections on youtube are the highest form of entertainment
It’s inappropriate to say “go die” to someone, unless they just asked you who’s your second favorite Hungarian composer.
Scriabin was born on christmas…
Jesus was born on christmas…
…therefore…
Where did the stereotype of classical music being boring and/or relaxing come from??
Like… have those people ever heard anything by Paganini? Bartok’s Piano Sonata?? The fucking Rite of Spring???
Is all classical music just Clair de Lune to these people?
i want to fight mozart but i’m weak and he’d probably kick my ass
cancelling plans is ok. having a married girlfriend is ok. going on dates with her while her husband is there is ok. eating only white foods is ok. owning 100 umbrellas is ok. do what you need to cope :)
it’s the 25th my dudes
y'all know what it means
MerryScriabmas!
timetolistentothepoemoffire
because like… Martinu was very relatable. like,,
mood
same bro
contemporary era is INTERESTING
modernism is GROUNDBREAKING
romantism is EMOTIONAL
classical
baroque is BEAUTIFUL
‘The grave of the Russian composer Alfred Schnittke in Novodevichye Cemetery in Moscow is surmounted by a stone on which is engraved a rest beneath a fermata with a triple forte noted at the bottom: A very, very loud extended silence.’
- John Biguenet, Silence (London: Bloomsbury, 2015), p.49.
The fermata suggests the indicated notation (in this case, a rest) is to continue at the discretion of the conductor. When the chosen conductor arrives, Alfred Schnittke will rise again.
that’s for orchestral pieces though, in solo pieces the performer decides how long to hold it… which means,,
the chosen conductor isn’t needed, Schnittke will rise when we need him the most
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Boulez: Fight that fucker. Normally you’d have nearly a 50/50 chance of winning, but with all the pent up hatred all of us secretly have for him, the stress hormones should make it easy for you! His music just… idk, it sounds punchable. Do. It.
Cage: Don’t do it. DON’T. Even though you’ll probably win, the emotional toll it will have on you will be humongous. You’ll slap him, he’ll cry, you’ll cry, and your life will be much sadder knowing that you made Cage cry. I suggest a friendly hug instead!
Eastman: Do NOT. You will not survive. He will roundhouse kick you, bite off your nuts, feed you to the wild animals, and make soup with your bones. Attempting to fight him is a deathwish.
Ligeti: It really depends. If you wanted to brute force through the fight, sure! Go ahead, piece of cake! Fight him! But if you wanted to tire him out first, 8/10 times Ligeti wins. Way too mentally strong for the average fighter. Full of stamina. Don’t.
Messiaen: Bird people are sensitive. He fought in a war but i don’t think that’s important in this particular case, since he is a bird person. Just punch a bird, and then punch Messiaen when he’s crying on the ground! Easy win.
Penderecki: Do not fight him. I do not have a reason for this, it just seems like a bad idea.
Rautavaara: I don’t think that it’ll be too hard to fight him. If he’s as bland of a fighter as his life was bland, punching Rautavaara is a great idea! Plus, bird person tactic applies here too, so that’s an extra perk of fighting him.
Schnittke: I mean… It’d be easy, you’d pulverize him in a couple punches, but… Why would you? Punching a paralyzed guy doesn’t sound very nice of you. Fight him, but only if you have no honor.
Xenakis: DO. NOT. I repeat, DON’T FIGHT HIM. First off, he’s a hardened war veteran, probably knows a couple ways to kill you with only his pinky finger. Secondly, he’s such a math nerd. Xenakis would probably calculate the exact velocity of your punches and dodge them in a split second. Don’t fight.
What your favorite composer says about you
Mozart: You love the “uh oh stinky” meme, youtube pranks, and/or fart jokes
Bach: You seem detached and emotionless but you’re actually super sensitive
Beethoven: Your diet consists of only coffee and your own tears
Brahms: You love the dark academia aesthetic
Pachelbel: You’re the kind of person to say you like all kinds of music, but only listen to pop
J F Rebel: You look for people who say that they like all kinds of music and show them mongolian throat singing
Bartok: Your biggest desire is to go absolutely feral and live in the woods
Kodaly: Your biggest desire is to live in a cozy cottage with like 10 kids
Dvorak: Your biggest desire is to be a bog witch and/or goblin
Berlioz: Yandere animes are your guilty pleasure
Paganini: You love showing off
Liszt: You’re probably a huge simp for him ngl
Smetana: You get attached to places more than to people
Rachmaninoff: You love suffering
Chopin: You have a huge playlist of sad sounding pieces for you to cry to
Scriabin: You used to have a Welcome to my Twisted Mind tumblr blog
Shostakovich: You probably think he’s cute and refer to him as “shosty” or “the shost”
Saint-Saens: You were always told that you’re smart as a kid, and it messed you up
Debussy: You cried during every single disney movie
Ravel: Well, you’re not a percussionist, that’s for sure (alternatively: you love water)
Satie: You used to consider yourself “not like other girls” unironically
Schoenberg: You’re either very chill or horribly elitist. No in betweens
Cage: You listen to those relaxing recordings of rain sounds
Xenakis: You are ready to fight anyone who says math is boring
Schnittke: You listened to the most unwanted song and you think it’s a bop
me: don’t feel bad if you enjoy some more popular pieces!! love hungarian dance 5? valid. love clair de lune? valid. love waltz no. 2?? very valid.
also me: i hate bolero more than ravel himself hated bolero
why did the violinist have no problem playing sonata 3 “ballade”?
…
because it was ysaye
[it is a 4 panel comic.
1st panel: Julius caesar, saying “how many layers of wall are you behind right now”
2nd panel: Vercingetorix, responding: “like maybe 1 my dude”
3rd panel: Caesar, saying “you are like a little baby. watch this”
4th panel: map of the siege of alesia, with “wall” overlaid on top]
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[the picture is of the Roman empire in the 300′s BC. Underneath is a survey with the entries “I will protect it”, “I want to see it grow up healthy”, “I want to conquer my friends and neighbors for it”. All are marked “Strongly Agree”.]
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augustus: u are strong and a leader, but guide with a light hand. also, ur a hunk
agrippa: u are a kickass best friend and just generally awesome
julius caesar: u are a military genius and widely popular, but also unaware of ur own limits sometimes. u may be too quick to forgive.
livia: u would do anything for the people u care about. also, you’ll get slandered 2000 years after ur death as evil because misogyny
virgil: you’ve probably watched bee movie at least 10 times
sappho: ur gay
