Now I have a bit of company.

They’ll crack each other up

A pigment of your imagination.

is algebra.

You hit Rock bottom

It’s royalty free.

Apparently you’re supposed to blow out and remove the candles first.

They have an Elon Musk

But when I drink Fanta, nobody tells me I’m Fantastic. What is going on?

I don’t get enough compliments.

Please compliment me.

One of the best days of my life was the day I told my dad I was atheist.

For background - I’ve always had very open, loving, and socially liberal parents, but I was raised under a conservative, Baptist banner. We attended church every Sunday. In 1997, my father moved all of us to South Dakota because he felt that God had called him to attend seminary. I went to Bible camp every summer from the ages of 10 through 17. When I was 15, a friend asked me to baptize her; and I did. On my first day of 1st Grade, I sat with my dad on the floor of my living room - both of us kneeling, our hands folded in prayer across the cushions of the loveseat - and accepted Jesus into my heart. This is to say, my unraveling from Christianity didn’t happen easily or without careful and educated consideration. It was a slow awakening - it took years of travel, attending other religious services, making friends outside my church group and listening to their thoughts, views, and stories, then allowing those views to challenge my own.

I asked a lot of questions, and at some point, I could no longer justify the answers I was getting.

One day after a particularly long debate with a friend about heaven, I thought, “Maybe this is it, and we have to be good, nice people here because this is our only shot.” And it was the first time, in a long time, that I felt some semblance of comfort. It all suddenly made sense, and I knew right then that I was atheist.

But it would be about 9 years before I ever said those words out loud.

Which brings me back to my best day.

I had stopped to fill up my car at a gas station. I only wanted to put $20 in the tank because it was all I had in the bank until Friday - so, I was obsessively staring at the pump. As I watched the gauge tick upward, a woman walked up to me and asked if she could talk with me about her religion. Usually I’m very open to discussing faith, but at this particular moment, I wasn’t really paying attention to her, I was watching the meter. Without thinking, I quickly rattled off, “No thank you, I’m atheist.” It was the first time I’d ever said it outside of my head. Anywhere. To anyone. I was so stunned, I forgot what I was doing until I heard the audible “pop” of the pump’s automatic shut-off. I’d filled up with $26.80 worth of gas. Fuck.

Even though I was probably overdrawn, I felt indescribably light. I’d said something true and honest, and the world around me just continued and no one died and that woman at the gas pump didn’t scream at me or try to claw my eyes out, she simply smiled and walked away. Everything was justfine.

I had to capitalize on this feeling. So, I called my dad.

When he answered, the first thing I blurted into the phone was, “Daddy, I’m an atheist.” There was a silence, and then, “Yeah, I kinda figured.”

“You KNEW?”

“Sure.”

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

“Really? Really? You accept that?”

Then my dad said something that I wish every single human could hear from the person they love the most: “No. I don’t accept that. Acceptance is my most basic requirement as a parent. It’s the easiest thing I could do as your dad. It requires nothing more from me than….adequacy. Acceptance is tolerating something, even when you don’t like it. You’re atheist? Okay. Whatever. You’re a wonderful person. You’re a wonderful daughter. I love you, and every day you give me a reason to love you more. I’m so proud of you. Of your bravery and your honesty. Accept you? No. I don’t accept you - I ADORE you.“

Hearing that from my dad, even when deep down I probably knew that would be his answer, was such a satisfying relief.

That feeling is something I don’t want to take for granted.

What I’m trying to say is, if in this current social and political climate, you feel like there’s something about you that is different or weird or not “normal” and you think if you say it out loud the world is going to end, please know…

I don’t accept you - I ADORE you.

Night of the Living Bread…..

Hahahahahaha. It’s me, the Denny’s dad.

When exposed to pollen, bees develop hives.

Honestly not a big fan.

He made over six figures last year.

It reminded me of my teenage days.

When I used to see other teenagers make out in the park.

May he restaurant in peace.

I have no idea.

“Well you’ve come to the right place,” says the bartender. “What’ll it be?”

The man replies, “One water please.”

“Just a water??”

“Yeah, I have kidney stones.”

I know this had probably happened before but…

My dad and I are rewatching Infinty War and we just got to the part where Nebula yells, “WHERE IS GAMORA?” And my dad turned to me and said “Gamora is no more-a” and I started CACKLING.

If seagulls flew over the bay they’d be called bagels

This is why I love this girl. Meet my girlfriend.

dankmemeuniversity:

God I really want to get into clock building as a hobby but I just

Can’t

Make

The

Time

prince-of-the-palmtrees:

mynameiseyyyyyy:

rabababe:

mynameiseyyyyyy:

goingtohogwartsbytardis:

mynameiseyyyyyy:

Silmarillion AU where everyone’s a pothead

The Chillmarillion

where everyone’s an adrenalin junkie

The Thrillmarillion

Feanor hosts a BBQ after burning the ships

The Grillmarillion

AU where Melkor steals Fëanor’s prized pickle recipe

The Dillmarillion

Battle Royale AU for the Silmarillion

The Killmarillion

AU where everyone is a magical girl

the Frillmarillion