#female aspergers
What? Why am I shaking? Heh… well… uh… can I go outside? It’s hot, right? Yeah. Outside. That the door? K bye…
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For some of us, motherhood is neither an option nor desire. Autism for me means feeling disconnected from even those closest to me, but with the complications of being cognizant of that gap. I could never love a child the way a child should be loved, and I have no desire to try. I know what it feels like to be unwanted, and to realize that my parent is unable to provide affection or appropriate parental support even if they wanted to try. It isn’t always “different when they’re yours”, and that isn’t a gamble I’m willing to take on someone else’s life.
So to the countless strangers, colleagues, and minor acquaintances who seem obsessed with my uterus, fuck off. My reasons are valid, but they are none of your business. The least you could do is be grateful I’m not contributing to overpopulation or risking increasing the social burden of my physical conditions by sharing my DNA.
Parenthood is difficult enough when you love and want your children. I have so much respect for autistic parents who are out there doing their best to raise beautiful people. I support your decisions, so please - I hope you’ll be respectful of mine.
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Okay but can we talk about the literal hours of mental preparation required to participate in any type of social interaction?
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Am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Have I remembered to ask about them? What if I monopolized the conversation again? Did I interrupt? Have they lost interest?
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What I decided to do about my diagnosis…
https://autisminwomen.com/2017/04/24/autistic-thumbs/
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Social skills can be a foreign language to us: We can learn it, but what comes natural to you doesn’t come natural to us. Don’t call us rude if we prefer to be alone, don’t laugh at our social struggles, we’re trying, and any ableist reaction isn’t going to help us
What you can tolerate may be intolerable to us: We process things differently. We often can’t cope with certain sounds, too much visual information can drive us into overload. Certain textures can also be intolerable. We’re not exaggerating if we say something is too loud, we’re not lying if we can’t cope in a busy area
Meltdowns are not tantrums, and we may need time to shutdown: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, meltdowns are not tantrums, we are not doing it intentionally. We are doing it as a fight-or-flight response. And likewise for shutdowns, don’t question if we go non-verbal, and please understand we may need time alone
Stimming is generally a coping mechanism: This is a trait commonly mocked by ableists. We use stimming as a way of coping. It may look weird to you, but we do it for many reasons. To keep us focused, to calm us down when feeling overloaded, to express emotion
Special interests aren’t weird or dangerous: If I had a penny for every time an allistic person implied my special interest was unhealthy and should be discouraged, I’d have quite a lot of pennies. It’s only weird to you because you don’t understand the joy it gives us. And you may worry that infodumping about one topic could discourage people from talking to us. I can’t speak for all autistic people on this, but I for one would rather be friends with someone who accepts my special interests, at least then I’m being myself
Just because some of our stims look different, and may be “socially acceptable” behaviors like listening to headphones of using a seat warmer, that doesn’t mean we need them any less to cope.
