#first love
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special
Radiohead-Creep
When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
Creep- Radiohead
And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had
Like some kind of madness
Was taking control
Madness-Muse
I can’t get these memories out of my mind
And some kind of madness has started to evolve
I tried so hard to let you go
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole
Madness-Muse
Yes I have known, I can be wrong
Maybe I’m too headstrong
Muse- Madness
Those sweet memories
Will always be dear to me
And girl no matter what was said
I will never forget what we had
I never felt so in love before
“There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how. Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me, ‘cause after all you’re my wonderwall.
Wonderwall- Oasis
I can feel you there.
‘Cause love is such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves
Love of my life, you’ve hurt me
You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me
Love of my life, can’t you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don’t take it away from me, because you don’t know
What it means to me
~Queen
Hero and Sydney in the trailer for First Love
Did she just?
She did THAT.
Camila did THAT.
MOTHERFUCK-
I’M UGLY CRYING OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST-
SON OF A BITCH
“You remember your first love because they show you,prove to you, that you can love and be loved, that nothing in this world is deserved except for love, that love is both how you become a person, and why.”
Aza, Turtles All The Way Down
thanks to iceland i can post on tumblr dot com
“I guess I’m not really over you if I still search for you within other guys.”
“Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips, and then I’ll go.”
Someone Great (2019)
Eu sabia que ela tinha vontade; eu também queria muito. A vida nos deu o presente e a maldição de encontrar cedo o amor: nos conhecemos na escola e fomos o primeiro tudo um do outro. Linda, ela recebia muitos elogios e ousadias de outros homens e eu percebia que às vezes ela se sentia balançada. Ela gostava muito de sexo e eu sabia que seria uma injustiça que passasse pela vida tendo provado apenas o homem da vida dela: eu.
Então apareceu aquele rapaz em nossas vidas: colega de faculdade dela, sempre que nos encontrávamos no intervalo, ele vinha acompanhá-la até onde eu estava. Percebia no jeito com que se olhavam, no carinho com que se tratavam, nos olhares furtivos dele para a bunda dela assim que virava após se despedir que eles se desejavam. “É ele” pensei.
Naquela tarde, quando ela veio me encontrar, pedi que ele não fosse embora: “Vem com a gente” Minha namorada não entendeu, mas ele aceitou e veio com a gente até o tronco em que namorávamos nos intervalos. Ela sentou-se e eu pedi que ele se sentasse ao lado dela. “Vocês combinam: teriam sido bons namorados e lembrariam com carinho um do outro pelo resto da vida… mas acontece que ela encontrou o homem da vida dela antes. Mas vocês fariam um casal bonito: consigo imaginar vocês namorando, se beijando… mas na verdade eu preferia ver isso acontecendo” Eles estavam supresos e um pouco embaraçados, mas não ofendidos; na verdade sempre sonharam com aquela oportunidade. Olhei para o rapaz e sorri. Ele entendeu: envolveu a minha amda e puxou-a para junto de si. Timidamente, ela colocou a mão sobre a perna dele. Beijaram-se. Beijaram-se longamente e os beijos dele escorregaram para o pescoço e logo sua boca se dedicava aos seios dela. Sentei-me atrás dela e segurei a blusa, facilitando o acesso dos beijos dele. Depois segurei a mão da minha amada e a guiei até o começo das coxas dele, onde podia sentir o volume do pau sob as calças. Ela abriu e o pau duríssimo saltou para fora. Sussurrei no ouvido dela: “Chupa, amor. Chupa ele, vai” De modo que ela se inclinou sobre o pau do amigo abocanhando-o. Ele fechou os olhos e em pouco tempo jogou a cabeça para trás: percebi que gozava, que derramava-se inteiro na boca da minha namorada. Ela soergueu-se deixando corpo se apoiar no meu: abracei-a.
Voltamos os três conversando animadamente, sem constrangimentos, como se apenas tivéssemos tomado café juntos. Despedi-me dela com com um beijo [os lábios mornos e molhados] e vi os dois saírem juntos em direção a aula que teriam.
Post link
Find someone who puts your phone on the charger when you fall asleep.
My sleepless nights never seem to end, but at least I get to lie next to you for hours with no interruptions. I’m glad I get to be the one to brush your hair out of your face and wonder what you’re dreaming of.
The longer we’re together, the less I know what “impossible” means. It’s like you’re removing that concept from my life entirely.
You tell me I’m your flower, but you’re the sunshine that’s helped me grow.
We have a whole life ahead of us to live.
It’s like I’m living in a dream, and with you in here with me, I don’t ever want to wake up.
With you, I am invincible.
It’s been 10 days since I learned that an old friend of mine passed away. I’ve been ruminating a lot on the last 10-20 years - time spent with and without him actively in my life.
In addition to being one of my best friends, Greg was also my first big love, my high school boyfriend, and band mate.
I fondly remember riding around town in his Dodge Shadow as he sang The Beatles’ “Two of Us” to me. The countless hours watching Anchorman and This Is Spinal Tap. Seeing the inspiration for his Abe Lincoln tattoo happen in real time and then being with him when he got it. So on brand for him.
I cannot tell you how much fun and laughter we shared together as friends, as a couple, and within our group of friends. Through Greg I found an extensive collection of friends - his social network was huge. People loved him. I loved him.
He helped reinforce my love for The Beatles and classic rock by sharing his music collection for me. He even paid for my first tattoo - The Beatles logo on my left forearm! For years I’ve contemplated covering that tattoo with something else…how grateful I am now to not have made that choice. I get to keep a small part of Greg with me for the rest of my life.
Though we hadn’t spoken in many years, I thought of him often. He was with me during some of the hardest and most devastating moments of my life. We had a stubbornly complex relationship and I regret many things that were left unsaid. I hope he knew how much I cared about him and how much he meant to me…even now.
Love and miss you always, Greg.
“You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead”
Best love triangle
Meant to Be (Soulmate AU, the end.)
:) I know it’s been a lot of time in between each chapter, but I’m glad I saw it through, I think it’s a nice wrap-up to this.
Pacing her apartment, the girl, covered in little bruises still, slapped a palm to her forehead. Stupid, stupid! She’d just let him take off before they could even work anything out, no place, no time—what had she been thinking?
“I am such an idiot,” she moaned into her hands. As Raphael had instructed, she had, in fact, called the police once her strange rescuers fled from the scene, but the procedures that ensued from an assault case had occupied her for a few days. Three, it was; too long for her liking. She racked her brain trying to figure out how to find him again. And if she didn’t, all she could do was hope he was the smarter of the two and would find her.
Raphael. The corners of her mouth dared to smile a bit despite her current issue. That name suited him.
It appeared that he’d lived a rough life in some capacity. There were scars on his face from God knew what, and he carried weapons and tough stride. Though, his colleagues were all a little different in appearance and gestures. Where did they rest their heads, she wondered. Not in a place like hers, clearly. And his clothes…
Yes, Raphael was gruff. But maybe just a little handsome, in a way—she blushed at the thought. You can’t not remember that character. He looked like he could bench a truck.
She’d lately been taking a cab home due to the incident, but there was only one place they could possibly convene: the alley. A dank, kinda dirty, rat-here-and-there kind of place. Or the rooftop, if she could even get up there. Who wouldn’t want to get to know their prince here, she thought sarcastically.
What do people usually do when they’re getting to know their one true love?
On the window sill her phone chimed twice, calling her over. She wandered to her window and gazed out. On the sidewalk below, a couple strode down the concrete, both holding a bag of takeout between them. And suddenly, she had an idea.
Where exactly was that alley again?
He jumped past one, thought it didn’t look familiar and went on to the next. It was about the hour that they’d crossed paths and he felt rushed like he was running out of time, impatient as he was. Until his phone vibrated from his pocket and demanded his attention.
The screen lit, Donnie’s ID. He pursed his scarred lips and picked up.
“Need some help?” asked Don in his cheeky way. Raph could see the smile across the phone.He’d been expecting some kind of nagging or squawking over his departure, but it was just Donnie trying to be helpful as usual. He would have to pay him back for the solid.
“Sure,” answered Raph.
“Sending the location now. It should show up on your GPS. Oh, and don’t worry about you-know-what."
"Say what?”
Studying the address, he opened his mouth to speak, but Donatello was already cutting him off. “Gotta go, bye!”
“Don?” Raph said. The call ended and he stared at the address, puzzled. This was four blocks over and not where he remembered it to be. He wasn’t that unobservant. It was the only real lead he had to go by, though, so he set off toward the new destination.
He flipped over an AC unit and landed on the lip of a roof adjacent to the one that marked the tiny red dot on his phone, skidding to a stop at what he saw.
Little candlelights littered around a blanket with white boxes and a couple of plates, the girl in question scuttling around trying to get things prepared. There was a container of some kind of sweet. Raph watched as she multiple times relit the same candle, only to have the breeze blow it out, followed by her anxious groan. She went back and forth with it until she gave up and fell back onto her rear.
You’re kidding me, Raph thought, scooting to cover. The whole display was a bit pitiful. Now he understood the mysterious address. But how did she know to come up there? Don’t tell me Don contacted her?
A typical dinner date with a mutant, stuck onto the top of a building to accommodate his…conditions. She didn’t really think that was how it could go, right? That they could just sit down and have a meal together like nothing was wrong with that picture? It all seemed so wrong, too casual for what it was, false comfort. All of the candles went out and left her sitting alone in the dark, making her dig through her bag for her phone.
She rubbed her forehead and leaned back onto her hands, looking all around her as if surveying the cityscape for something. Her foot was tapping more and more rapidly. Cracking open one of the boxes of takeout, notably, no steam rose. Raph felt a pang of pity.
It was awkward and he just couldn’t understand the idea of hers, but never had anyone do anything like that for him. Not like I ever had ‘em lined up to take me out to dinner. But after some consideration, for someone like him, he supposed that it was the thought that counted. It didn’t make the approach any easier. He stepped out into sight and whistled curtly, holding up his hands as if to say he wasn’t a threat.
No, this ain’t awkward or weird at all. Couldn’t be, he mused with sarcasm. His long strides had him there a little quicker than he would have liked. He felt lumbering and intrusive.
“You’re not serious, are ya?” he asked from the distance, eyeing the setup skeptically. She closed the gap between them as she fixed up everything and made it neat again. He waited for her to finish, shifting around on his feet.
She responded, “Your…brother told me to meet you up here. I don’t even know how he got my number.”
“He’s got the means. And the fancy little dinner was his idea, too?” he snorted.
Her face fell almost imperceptibly. Back it up, put it in reverse, he sighed to himself. Why was he like this? Why did he always have to say what he was thinking?
“'Cause it just…seems like something…he’d do,” he added reluctantly, wanting to wince. “That’s Donatello for ya.” A few uncomfortable seconds went by. He started to panic when she gave him a questioning look. “But I know he didn’t, I’m just bein’ an ass.”
“You’re not,” she let a breath out, mustering a hesitant smile, “I know it’s kind of stupid. I just thought that…"
He rose a brow.
Sitting herself down on the blanket, she looked up at him, and his heart started to quicken. "You ever had takeout from here?” she asked in a soft tone, forcing a laugh. He knelt down rigidly. The whole thing was uncomfortably small for him. "I don’t know what you guys eat in the sewers, but I figured that this was the least I could do. For us.“
He’d been opening up one of the boxes and inspecting the contents when his eyes went wide. ”'Us’?“ he parroted, dropping the container and spilling some of the noodles.
"No, no, no, not ’us’ us, I meant as in, getting to know us, we—getting us to know each other,” she stammered. “Sorry. No, that’s not what I meant. I just thought it would somehow be less weird.”
“You’re sittin’ across from a mutant turtle freak, don’t you think that’s weird?” he said.
Raph could have let out a sigh of relief, but felt he wasn’t out of the thick of it yet.
He wasn’t expecting the smile, the warm eyes. The “I don’t think you’re weird.” he heard.
Needing something to occupy himself with, he snatched one of the cans of cola and popped it open. Before he started to chug, he replied, “Sure, ya don’t think I’m weird."
"Okay, then I’m weird too,” she said, tilting her head to catch his eye. He glugged the whole can of cola.
“Oh, you’re weird, alright,” he chuffed as he wiped his chin with the back of his hand. “I mean, look at ya. Putting together all this so you can eat cold noodles with a giant turtle ya just met. Is this what you call 'fun’?”
“They’d still be warm if you’d gotten here earlier. And for the record, I am having fun,” she said, dipping into her own food. “Come on, eat, Raphael. Please."
He started to refute it, tried to get his guard back in place again, but his mind couldn’t find the words. How badly he wanted to say "you’re not having fun, you’re just tolerating me,” or “you’re kidding yourself”.
After a moment of squirming and trying to find something to bite back with, he picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. “Nah,” he finally said. Then mumbled, “No way."
"Way,” she chuckled, taking a sip of her drink. Raph shook his head.
A silence befell them. The self-consciousness was somehow worse when he was only being observed, which he knew by the gaze he could feel on himself past the chopsticks feeding noodles into his mouth. She can’t possibly like what she sees. Get real. I’m gross.
“Can you stop your starin’?” he eventually snapped, narrowly avoiding crushing the takeout box on the concrete beneath them. “Didn’t your mom or whatever ever tell you that’s rude?"
It was pretty dark around them, but between talking and eating, she’d managed to keep a few of the candles lit. The warm glow it casted on her face didn’t miss him, neither did her sheepish expression that held the possibility of a blush. She uttered an apology and averted her eyes. She couldn’t have been looking upon him with any kind of joy. That’s what Raph truly believed, at least. So why did it feel bad?
"I think I just can’t stop looking at you, Raphael, truth be told,” she said. His heart did skip that time. Oh, how he hated yielding.
He narrowed his eyes, “Whaddya mean?"
"You’ve got a lot of scars,” she mumbled, leaning in. Without the disgust he’d imagined she would. “And your eyes are pretty."
"Pretty?” he scoffed. He was getting up, now. She scrambled onto her feet as well and reached out, just missing his arm.
He’d yanked his arm away. She corrected herself, “They’re not like anything I’ve seen!"
Well, you don’t have any business looking at me that close.
”(Y/N).“
Her smile left. He stood square before her as if on display. But his brow ridges were furrowed in, creating the intimidating visage she recognized as the first thing she’d ever seen of him. "What?” she asked.
Motioning to all the stuff at their feet, he questioned, “What’s all this for, really?”
“I–I don’t think I understand."
"You, doin’ all this. Over some silly birthmark?” he pressed. “I can’t figure out what’s goin’ on in your head and it makes me—"
She interrupted him. He went still as she slowly took his hand and balled his shaking hand, cupping it in hers. Lightly trembling, not from anger, not from fear. Those trepidatious shakes he’d felt many times before, but never with another person. Never like that.
"Confused? Mad?” she finished for him. All the words he couldn’t quite find found themselves in the flutter of his stomach. They were caught on his tongue.
She was wrong. That wasn’t it. “No,” he could finally say, his voice low. “I don’t know.”
It took two of her hands to wrap fully around one of his, but she wouldn’t let go. Raph wouldn’t dream of trying to tear away from her delicate grip. “Do you think we can figure it out together, then?” she inquired softly.
“I…I don't—"
Lifting his hefty hand, she planted a light kiss on his knuckle, feeling the rough skin on her lips. Raph was absolutely stunned and could not move.
"I hope this tells you all you need to know,” she stated, drawing away. Her back turned to him. The longest ten seconds of his life passed and he only regained the ability to move once she started to walk back to the stairwell, lunging forward to grab her shoulder before she caught the door. Careful to not hurt her.
Turning her around to him, he swallowed, “We ain’t had dessert yet.”
Raph never wanted to stop seeing her eyes shine like they did.
He prompted them to sit down this time, his hand running down her arm as he leaned back. Even then he was too shocked to smile, or make any other face, for that matter. She simply smiled at him.
“Right. Dessert,” she winked.
In the end, Raph still couldn’t totally shake his tough shell off. But he suddenly had the patience to try, just maybe, a lopsided grin forming as she divided the cake.
“…and two for you, because you’re a big guy…"
He let her continue for a moment before getting closer. "Ya know, think I want to get to know ya without these stupid birthmarks, (Y/N),” said Raph with a smile that he didn’t bother to hide. She glanced up at him, wondering. “So let’s do it over again. I’m Raphael, but it’s Raph to you."
Taking her focus off the cake, she slid his plate to him. "Without the marks?"
"Forget about 'em. We’re strangers."
She laughed sweetly, "Then I’m (Y/N). Nice to meet you, Raph."
After that, they shook on it over dessert, and marked the night that the walls Raphael had put up began to crack.
