Its tragic isnt it?

Feeling so alone in a world this full of people? 7.5 billion other souls on this planet and it feels like you are going through it all alone.

I hate that I’m always so alone, especially on nights like this where my depression gets the best of me and suddenly I realize how alone I am. I dont have anyone to turn to when this happens, I don’t have people who are actually there for me. No one ever knows what to do and I just feel like even more of a burden. I feel like a burden all the time and I dont know how to reach out to people when I feel like the world is coming down around me and it feels like the only thing that will make it stop is just to stop existing. I dont want to feel alone. I just want to be able to connect to other people without feeling like theres something wrong with me, like I’m broken.

My mental health has never been worse and I’m crying alone at 2am bc I don’t have people there for me and I don’t know how to change that.

Tonight is one of those nights where my chest feels heavy and I cant stop crying and I really just want someone to talk to.

I’m so tired of feeling so alone..

10/07/13 this man just came up to me on the street asking if i could buy him a sandwich, I’ve seen him before, multiple times actually. and i usually only ever have my card on me, and barely any money on that! so i usually apologize and shake my head and in response he usually curses under his breath or says something about people getting all high and mighty over buying him some food. i just ignore him. but today he caught me off guard. he approached, asked if i could buy him a sandwich because he hadn’t eaten in two days bla bla bla, and i said i could give him some spare change i had. i usually try to keep change in my pocket so i don’t have to dig around on my purse, but today my change was in my purse. that was my mistake. so i unzipped my backpack, pulled out my purse, and sitting right on top was a five dollar bill surrounded by ones, it was too late. i froze, because i knew he’d seen the money, but then i thought ah, what the hell, i’ll give him a five, no big deal. so i handed it to him and he looked in my purse and said how about those ones? i’m sure the rest is self evident. i don’t know what came over me, normally i can be pretty street smart but today my head hurts and ill i want to do is get to my next class and get home so i can hang out with people i love, or fall asleep…either or will suffice at the moment. most of the time i feel warm inside after helping someone, i feel like my steps are lighter, as well as my heart, i feel like people look at me and know i did something good for someone! but right now i feel heavy and dark, and when i walked away from that encounter i could feel people’s eyes on the back of my neck wondering why i gave into such a man. i say man, not scam because it might not have been a scam, he may have been truly hungry but it was after i gave hime the money, he wasn’t grateful he just mumbled about how i hadn’t given him enough. hadn’t given him enough? i gave him money out of my own purse and not only that, now i don’t have any money for the rest of the week. i feel taken advantage of. and it sucks balls. 

I am the villain of my ownstory

It’s over. That feeling, love, has broken me and saved me, but the only thing that brought me love is gone. He’s gone, and i never got to tell him.

You write YOUR secrets in a diary,

I write mine on my wrist.

It sucks when you are so numb you don’t realize when you cry until someone asks if you’re okay.

I’m a book with no plot

“I was never in love with him.

I fell in love with the Idea of love,

but sadly

I never thought that in reality

it is not so beautiful.”

Fuck blood is thicker than water.

At least water wanted me.

And at least made me feel welcome.

Blood never did that.