#mental ill health
this is it!
this is the sign that you were looking for - the sign to make fresh efforts, the sign to move forward, and the sign to let go of your inhibitions.
it’s a new day. try again. it’ll be worth it ✨
I’ve been having a pretty shitty two weeks. I’ve been crying a lot. I’m 17 almost 18 (saying this just for context) because of some things that’s have happened in the past I live with my step grandparents.
They don’t take my mental health seriously. It took me like 3 years to get therapy. They lied to me and told me that they didn’t have the money for bit since either was in foster care my insurance covers all of it. It took my dad passing away an my school guidance counselor giving my a form to see the in school therapist to finally get one. Along with lying to me they also guilt tripped me into not getting one. They also at first refused to get me medication when I asked. My mental health has gotten so unbearable since July last year. It’s not related to the cover lockdown though.
But now I have medication and a therapist. My grandparents act like I’m perfectly fine. Even though I’m pretty much still just as mentally unstable. I was just happy for a couple months. I know this is normal for people who have depression. But my grandparents don’t. Since I haven’t been feeling well the past two weeks. I haven’t cleaned my room. My grandmother saw and decided to add cleaning our rooms as a chore. And said that it’s a skill we need to learn since where going to have roommates. An now they tell me and my sister to clean our rooms like where 8 year olds again.
I clean my room on my own and my grandmother knows that. If u have depression you know it’s had to have the motivation to do anything. For the last couple weeks I haven’t had the motivation to take shower, brush my teeth, wash my makeup off. I’ve just been crying the past couple days to the point that my head hurts the next day.
My sister had to clean my room for me because I just couldn’t and she didn’t want me to get in trouble. My little sister shouldn’t have to do that. She’s the only person that cares about my mental health and she can hardly do anything to help me.
I’m going to try to move out as fast as I can because I can’t stand living here anymore.
Music is powerful. Research shows that music can alter a person’s mood and behaviour, as well as their physical body.
The Benefits Of Meditation Music
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation literally grows your brain
- Meditation increases blood flow to your brain
- Meditation reduces cortisol production,
- Meditation reduces blood pressure and heart rate
- Meditation increases neuroplasticity.
- Meditation increases the production of good neurotransmitters including serotonin and dopamine.
- Meditation triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which enables us to rest and recover from stress.
- Meditation causes muscle relaxation.
- Meditation slows the ageing process.
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation reduces stress related conditions such as anxiety and depression.
- Meditation increases stress resilience.
- Meditation increases positive emotions
- Meditation increases focus and present moment awareness. When we meditate, we stimulate the pre-frontal cortex.
- Meditation increases emotional stability and intelligence.
- Meditation increases your capacity to learn.
- Meditation increases empathy and compassion.
- Meditation increases a sense of connection to your self and others.
- Meditation increases your sense of purpose and meaning.
- Meditation improves sociability.
My suggestions for Morning meditation
Relaxing Music, calm piano music
Morning Meditation and Relaxation classical music
Music is powerful. Research shows that music can alter a person’s mood and behaviour, as well as their physical body.
The Benefits Of Meditation Music
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation literally grows your brain
- Meditation increases blood flow to your brain
- Meditation reduces cortisol production,
- Meditation reduces blood pressure and heart rate
- Meditation increases neuroplasticity.
- Meditation increases the production of good neurotransmitters including serotonin and dopamine.
- Meditation triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which enables us to rest and recover from stress.
- Meditation causes muscle relaxation.
- Meditation slows the ageing process.
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation reduces stress related conditions such as anxiety and depression.
- Meditation increases stress resilience.
- Meditation increases positive emotions
- Meditation increases focus and present moment awareness. When we meditate, we stimulate the pre-frontal cortex.
- Meditation increases emotional stability and intelligence.
- Meditation increases your capacity to learn.
- Meditation increases empathy and compassion.
- Meditation increases a sense of connection to your self and others.
- Meditation increases your sense of purpose and meaning.
- Meditation improves sociability.
My suggestions for Morning meditation
Relaxing Music, calm piano music
Morning Meditation and Relaxation classical music
Very helpful
Sometimes you need that reminder. Here’s to all that need this reminder as do I.
-RB
Pay attention to the signs. Not everyone can be open about it.
-RB
Finally, I’m Over You.
It no longer hurts when I think about you. You no longer take any space in my mind or in my heart. I thought those two months meant more than what it truly was. It was a passing infatuation. And that’s okay. You helped me with something so important. You helped me move on from my ex fiance. I thank you for that. Now I’m no longer haunted by the thoughts and memories of either of you. I miss no man anymore. I’m free from you. Free from him. I thought it would take longer to get over you because you impacted me in such a huge way but 3 months was long enough. I don’t need you nor do will I ever want you again. You really missed out on something beautiful. Because when I love, I love hard. I love with every fiber of my being. It’s okay. Someone deserving of that kind of love will come along and appreciate what you threw away.
Life Is Good.
I’m doing better. Neither manic nor depressive. Loving to the place and roommate. Not worrying about men. Staying single. I’m just enjoying life at the moment. It’s calm. I love it. My roommate has a pup. A 2 year old pitbull. She’s adorable. She makes living here even better. While he’s at work I take care of her. She’s on her period so I cut a hole in a pair of my panties and stuck a pad in it so she can walk around. Otherwise she would be in the kennel. But I’m having fun. Cleaning, taking care of the apartment, taking care of the pup, cooking. I feel like a mom again. She’s so cuddly and clingy like my former pup Ember. She reminds me of her so much. Me and the new pup have already grown so close. I love her already. She’s just so sweet. I didn’t know I was missing this that much. She is filling a void inside of me I didn’t know I had. I get to mother something again. It’s amazing. It feels so good. Life is good.
Thinking Clearly
So I’m more balanced. Thinking clearly. In no way do I want to be intimate or sexual with a man. I’m so uninterested. I haven’t even been flirting with a single guy. This is new. I’m usually always talking to atleast one person. I’m just happy I didn’t just go sleep with random guys or hop into another relationship like I normally do. I’m just completely over it right now. And although I miss my ex. I’m starting to get over him too. I don’t think about him all the time anymore. I don’t listen to his music every day anymore. I don’t text him. I see his posts on Instagram and yes those moments it gets to me. But I tell myself that he doesn’t love me. He’s not thinking about me. He doesn’t miss me. This doesn’t hurt him. He’s moved on. And it helps me. I’ll get over him. And hopefully I keep this disinterest in dating and men for a while. I want to stay single. Live for me. Make money for me. Living for other people has gotten old. I need to focus on me because I can make good things happen for myself if u just try harder.
FUCKKKK!!! Fuck this. Maybe I need to be hospitalized. The decisions I am making lately. I’m fucking up big time. I’m not seeing it until I get really high and am in the situation already. I’m at my best friends. You know. The guy, who is in love with me. Yesterday was valentines day. I worked then spent it with him. Well, I took his virginity last night. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m just going and doing everything that feels good without thinking of consequences. There’s literally no “stop and think”. Just do. I’m spending money I don’t have, buying and doing drugs.. TAKING MY BEST FRIENDS VIRGINITY! I’m so fucking stupid. I think I really need to be hospitalized. Like right now.
Schizoaffective Borderline and My Clarity Moments
So now that I’ve had my “clarity moments” at this guys house. I’m completely uninterested in him. He’s just a product of my manic episode. And I stayed the night. We didn’t have sex. I just slept. Had to sleep after that horrible trip I had last night. I just need to get to work and get ready and just get on. Distract myself from my problems. Work is a good distraction. I need to focus on that. No fucking guys. Seriously. I just honestly wanted to fuck him. I wasn’t considering a relationship of any type. But still. No sex either. Just stay focused on work. If I’m horny I’ll masturbate. Oh well. No. Guys.
MANIC, AGAIN.
I’ve just realized that I’m manic as fuck. The whole relationship with my ex was all part of my manic behavior. I didn’t even like him. I was pushing my feelings from my ex onto him. It wasn’t about him at all. In reality I didn’t like much about him at all. Then deciding to move in with him. Impulse move. I would never have made a decision like that if I was in a depressive episode. Like girl are you stupid?
Warum kann man keinen Selbstmord begehen, ohne jemanden damit zu verletzen? Man trifft so eine Entscheidung immer mit schlechtem Gewissen anderen gegenüber.
Hey du da draußen, ja genau du. Würdest du mich echt verstehen wenn ich dir berichten würde, wie Scheiße es mir geht und wie gerne ich einfach nur für immer einschlafen möchte. Dieses Leben ist unertragbar für mich. Ich will weg von hier. Kann ich deine Hand haben? Wirst du mich halten können?
Indem andere Menschen nur denken dass du faul bist aber du eigentlich genau weißt, wie depressiv und verletzt du in deinem Bett liegst und keine Lust mehr auf dieses Leben hast.
Sometimes I don’t want to pretend I am strong. Sometimes I want someone to hug me and say “It’s alright..”.
The face of depression.
Original Quote Rumourtalks
Dat face tho
