#ill be okay

The only thing that describes how falling in love with the right person feels it is home. Suddenly having that constant feeling of belonging somewhere and to someone, constantly having the feeling of having every thing in the world, constantly knowing you are happy and it is all because you feel at home wherever you are, as long as you are with that special someone. That is what love felt like when I was in love.

But then it started getting hard. Our schedules kept us apart, my school and job kept me away for days and phone conversations got shorter and less frequent, meeting in person became a once a week thing, date nights disappeared from our lives, we started driving each other insane. When he left for a vacation and we didn’t speak for a bit more than a week, it felt good. It felt like freedom. I realized then, that I felt trapped in a relationship I was not able to keep alive. I realized that the same relationship that used to be my source of energy was draining me and that I was being unfair to me, to us, and mostly to him.

So I broke it off and continued my life like nothing ever happened. But then the volleyball season was over and so were my job obligations, then the school ended and the second my schedule cleared enough for me to catch my breath I broke. I knew, he was my one in a million, I knew he was the one, I knew there will never be anyone else like him in my life, but I also knew I put him through too much already and I was not going to put him through it again so I never bothered telling him I still loved him, even if he said it to me every time we saw each other on the street. 

I often think about us. About what would happen if instead choosing work over him, I chose the other way around. I think how happy we could have been, how our lives would be different, but then I remember that he moved on and is happier than ever. I remember the time I saw them on the street and he looked at me with a huge amount of love in his eyes, but a love different from the one we felt before. I remember I knew then that it was as real for him as it was for me, that we were each other’s right person, but it was just the wrong time and now it is too late. He is in love with someone else, they are happy and so am I. I am happy for them. And I will eventually find someone I feel at home with too, I will be okay. 

Hey fellas, I hope you’re doing well. Im writting this from my university.

Maybe some of you noticed that I has been more disconected than usual.
Last week I was very busy, also there were some terrible problems with my PC and Internet.

the good news is that the internet problems are being fixed (Seems like it was a problem in all my street, so everyone were having issues) And i’ll be back between today and tomorrow (I hope…)

For everyone who is waiting for their YCH, Im sorry if this has been a bad experience for you, I haven’t forgotten your pictures and once I reconect, I’ll send you your pictures :)

Until then, just be patient :)

Now Here’s a MSpaint Cream

See ya!

It’s like I have to constantly try to remind myself that I’ll be okay….but I wish it didn’t have to be like this…I wish I can just be okay.

Why does anxiety hit you like a truck at the most inconvenient times

While I was walking hand in hand with another soul. You approached me, after shouting my name. My breathing became heavy because you murdered my heart nearly half a year ago. You proceeded to look into my eyes, once my favorite image. And speak to the guy, whose hand I was holding. You said to him “ I loved this girl with all of my heart and I still do, I was planning on marrying her one day but I did not think that I was making her as happy as I should have been so I left her for a girl that would not care anything about me, a girl that I could not hurt. I regretted losing her weeks after I made the biggest mistake of my life. I think about her everyday. So please take care of her heart and love her endlessly like I should have. Please love her for me There is no other girl out there like her, trust me I know.” and then you walked away. 

It’s so easy for a woman to be touched as if the person touching her loves her.

It’s so sad that beautiful women get told “I love you” just so their body can be touched…