#messed up
The only thing that describes how falling in love with the right person feels it is home. Suddenly having that constant feeling of belonging somewhere and to someone, constantly having the feeling of having every thing in the world, constantly knowing you are happy and it is all because you feel at home wherever you are, as long as you are with that special someone. That is what love felt like when I was in love.
But then it started getting hard. Our schedules kept us apart, my school and job kept me away for days and phone conversations got shorter and less frequent, meeting in person became a once a week thing, date nights disappeared from our lives, we started driving each other insane. When he left for a vacation and we didn’t speak for a bit more than a week, it felt good. It felt like freedom. I realized then, that I felt trapped in a relationship I was not able to keep alive. I realized that the same relationship that used to be my source of energy was draining me and that I was being unfair to me, to us, and mostly to him.
So I broke it off and continued my life like nothing ever happened. But then the volleyball season was over and so were my job obligations, then the school ended and the second my schedule cleared enough for me to catch my breath I broke. I knew, he was my one in a million, I knew he was the one, I knew there will never be anyone else like him in my life, but I also knew I put him through too much already and I was not going to put him through it again so I never bothered telling him I still loved him, even if he said it to me every time we saw each other on the street.
I often think about us. About what would happen if instead choosing work over him, I chose the other way around. I think how happy we could have been, how our lives would be different, but then I remember that he moved on and is happier than ever. I remember the time I saw them on the street and he looked at me with a huge amount of love in his eyes, but a love different from the one we felt before. I remember I knew then that it was as real for him as it was for me, that we were each other’s right person, but it was just the wrong time and now it is too late. He is in love with someone else, they are happy and so am I. I am happy for them. And I will eventually find someone I feel at home with too, I will be okay.
You know what sucks about sorry? It’s the worst word in the world. Because it always happens after you fuck up something good.
Shit, the stock market just f$cked me over!!!!!
One of the biggest ship letdowns that I have ever experienced was Gail and Holly. They were literal SOULMATES. Officer Lunchbox. I mean.. it was true love. That shit still has me messed up.
Picture if you will a mother of a family of four, whose children are sick and whose husband is out of work. This mother is the moral fiber of the family, and she represents the Democrats in our story today.
This mother is softer, loving, forgiving, and nurturing. While her Husband, who represents the GOP, is crass, foul-mouthed, and unpredictable with an occasional outburst of his violent temper.
Now the children - representing us - are very sick. They’ve been out of school all year with a virus and they’re getting quite restless. Doctor Fauci, the family physician, tells the family not to worry, the meds for the virus are on the way and soon, everything will be all right.
However, instead of the mother cooking a meal for her sick children and out of work husband, she decides to go out and murder someone in the next town because - as she tells the children returning home dripping in blood - “we need to protect the family and your father would have done the same thing. So if you want to blame someone for having no dinner and your mother being a murderer - your father is sitting right there.”
The father just rolls his eyes in response. You see, before the mother went out to murder someone, she cut out her husband’s tongue.
And that right there is how fucked things are right about now.
PJ
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It has to be messed up
or it’s not
my room
I wish I could replace my E.D. with another E.D.
I’m so fucking stupid
You know what sucks about sorry? It’s the worst word in the world. Because it always happens after you fuck up something good.
Please make this go viral.
It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen.
Reblog.
If you don’t reblog get the fuck out of here
U.S. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Live chat services are also available for anyone who doesn’t feel comfortable with making phone calls/talking on the phone.
Please reach out when you are struggling. You deserve so much more out of this life. Don’t ever forget that somebody loves you.
I don’t know what to add. Just, be safe out there. People will love you.
always fucking reblog
i love how agressive everyone is abt reblogging- it makes me feel ✨cared about✨reblog always
I was on the brink of suicide tonight and I thought about these things.. it’s so much easier to think “I will stop my suffering”, but you start someone else’s when you leave. And that’s what still keeps me here.
If I had left tonight I would not have been able to experience life just as simple as going outside to hear the birds and see the snow.
And the most important part for me is that my friend is pregnant and I really want to meet her child in the future.
“nothing makes me happy”
the smell of the pavement after it rains
opening a can of soda and hearing the little fizz
laying out in the sun and it’s so warm you fall asleep and wake up with a sunburn
clean laundry
blowing out a candle and seeing the smoke rise
the silence when it snows at night
when the sun pops out from behind the clouds and it gets really bright
finding a little place in nature that you didn’t know about before and going there all the time until you find another one
fresh manicures
crawling right into bed after a really hot shower/ bath when your hair is still wet and you’re bundled up in the blankets
watching your comfort movies all weekend
a dog getting really excited to see you and they do that stupid little smile and their tail is wagging
driving on a summer night and blasting your favorite song and belting it out because you’re the only person that can hear you
stupid things like that. i understand that maybe your job sucks, you think your families don’t care, etc. but if you can cling to the little, stupid things it will SAVE YOUR LIFE. i love you, i care about you. please.
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