#obi wan angst

Cruelty held in my mouth,

I shape your name so

sweetly

with my lips:

absolutions.

An open circle

of

salt and fire -

never complete.

I wandered into your

haunted house

and you made me put on

a ghost’s clothes and smile.

And,

for a moment,

the joy in your eyes was enough

(I was enough)

before it turned into

rage,

hurt,

longing.

My poltergeist boy,

with betrayal in your bones,

I love you.

Let specters dance between us -

for they can’t dry any tears.

Bury me in this

wailing graveyard

beside you.

Bury me holding you close.

My whole world and my

whole goddamn heart break:

beloved berserker

in my porcelain

hands.

The brightest star I orbited

fell out of the sky

and

crashed into me.

And it was the

loveliest pain

staring into your shine.

It was the loveliest pain

until

the inevitable destruction.

Sunlight and

fire.

Dewdrops and

tears.

Today is your birthday.

At first:

Joy, excitement,

love.

Then:

Bitter memories,

grief, pain, and

still

love.

Across the universe,

the tide of you sweeps in and

destroys

my sandcastle court

once again.

The pounding riptide

inevitability of

sorrow.

Today is your birthday.

Darling,

your

love and devotion

is worth more than a

collar

around your neck.

One day,

beloved,

you will learn that

love

doesn’t have to taste of

sacrifice,

longing,

and

pain.

One day,

beloved,

you will be enough.

rsblmng:

I loved you in all the ways that mattered:

The clasp of my hand when it lifted yours;

The curl of my lips to hide a shared joke;

My ever present self at your back.

I love you

But

You don’t believe me

As

Those words can never cross my lips.

Dear one,

The vow I’ve never had the courage to say,

Burns eternal -

Eating up the last one I ever said aloud.

Don’t leave me.

I am too weak for goodbyes.

I do not know who I am

Without you

Beside me.

rsblmng:

I never told you but

I kept a small box

of keepsakes from moments

I treasured.

When the dust cleared and the box was

returned to me,

I opened that box and saw

all the pieces I saved of you.

Every memento I kept

was a glowing reminder of

my love for you.

I buried them in the sand -

all those bits of happiness -

tilted my head down and

watered them with my

tears.

Let them blossom in the

heart of the dessert

and let me

burn

under your unforgiving wrath.

(“I still love you,”

is the secret

that blooms between them.)

I cried.

Later on with just the

moon and stars to watch me

(the same stars we cradled each other through fire and hurt)

I cried -

for me,

for us,

and,

most of all,

for You.

You,

who are what I made you to be.

(Everything but

mine.)

Hurt me one last time,

Beloved.

Just say my name when you

let me go.

Your paper-dry hands,

still the warmest I’ve ever held,

that last time.

I still love you.