#another day another heartbreak

Have you ever loved in scales?

Perfect balance?

Perfect symmetry?

Each step mirrored -

where one goes, the other

follows?

The smallest shift in weight can

jar the balance -

a breath,

a kiss,

a tear,

a moment.

A clang as joints disband.

A crash to the floor as you

spin out of orbit.

It will never be the same.

You will never be the same.

But -

But,

once,

you were lucky enough to

love

in scales.

Once,

you were whole and

perfect.

And he saved you from

disaster and ruin,

your beautiful fire-starting boy.

The flames he lets lick your

salt-soaked remains

don’t change that.

Many times,

he saved you.

Many times.

(It only takes once for

destruction

to lay waste.)

(It only takes

forever for a

heart to break.)

And what of falling stars,

and crashing waves?

What of split tectonic plates?

What of

you,

me,

us,

and the yawning chasm

between?

(Do you still say my name like

the only

prayer

you’ve ever

known?)

And I wonder when I’ll stop

seeing your face

in every

tragedy and

betrayal.

I opened my arms to comfort you

and

you went for my throat with a snarl.

Monsters need love, too

(but only on their terms).

I’m so tired of this

heartache

wrapped in

barb wired love.

And I am begging:

Don’t do this to him

(Don’t do this to yourself).

His end is not just his own.

Land of two setting suns.

Lick the salt from my eyes

and

kiss the copper from my lips -

embrace me one last time,

beloved.

Sup on my sorrow and

drink me dry.

You cannot save a dying star

(no matter how much you love it).

I’m still surprised

whenever I exhale and

there’s

no frost.

This beloved ice inside of me:

endless devotion to a

heartache

that’ll

never stray.

A snow angel in moonlight.

Do you remember how I loved you most?

I remember you.

Beloved boy,

my hands are shaking

and

the familiar tears are in my eyes once more.

I love you

but

I must be kind to myself, too,

so I close my shaking palms

(forever empty)

and blink my

forever wet eyes.

Beloved boy:

beloved heartbreak.

I love you most of all.

Beloved boy turned to broken man,

who held his heart like glass in his hands.

Give it to me.

Give it to me and dry your eyes.

My scarred palms know this task well.

Lonely boy turns into lonely man -

lonely boy with ever-empty hands.

Lonely boy ripped from his mother -

lonely boy who never believed love from another.

Lonely boy who was so sweet -

lonely boy, now picking blood from his teeth.

Lonely boy, let reason wake.

Lonely boy, let go of your heartbreak.

Lonely boy, you’re all I hold dear.

Lonely boy, you’re all that I fear.

Lonely boy, enshrouded with sorrow -

lonely boy, don’t leave me tomorrow.

Lonely boy, please don’t go.

Lonely boy, I love you so.

Lonely boy, please trust my love.

Lonely boy, aren’t I enough?

I wandered into your

haunted house

and you made me put on

a ghost’s clothes and smile.

And,

for a moment,

the joy in your eyes was enough

(I was enough)

before it turned into

rage,

hurt,

longing.

My poltergeist boy,

with betrayal in your bones,

I love you.

Let specters dance between us -

for they can’t dry any tears.

Bury me in this

wailing graveyard

beside you.

Bury me holding you close.

My whole world and my

whole goddamn heart break:

beloved berserker

in my porcelain

hands.

The brightest star I orbited

fell out of the sky

and

crashed into me.

And it was the

loveliest pain

staring into your shine.

It was the loveliest pain

until

the inevitable destruction.

Sunlight and

fire.

Dewdrops and

tears.

One day,

beloved,

you will learn that

love

doesn’t have to taste of

sacrifice,

longing,

and

pain.

One day,

beloved,

you will be enough.

I told the truth

and

broke both our hearts.

I told the truth

and

you called me a liar.

rsblmng:

I never told you but

I kept a small box

of keepsakes from moments

I treasured.

When the dust cleared and the box was

returned to me,

I opened that box and saw

all the pieces I saved of you.

Every memento I kept

was a glowing reminder of

my love for you.

I buried them in the sand -

all those bits of happiness -

tilted my head down and

watered them with my

tears.

Let them blossom in the

heart of the dessert

and let me

burn

under your unforgiving wrath.

(“I still love you,”

is the secret

that blooms between them.)