#another day another post about obikin

My

starlight in a bottle boy,

burning up from the inside.

My beloved supernova.

Finally come to end it all?

Finally going to let us rest?

Solar flare,

don’t you dare

burn

our house

down.

Time can only

heal the entry wound of the

poison barb

you left inside me:

rotting love,

festering longing -

purple toxin living in my

blood.

Your hand in

my hand,

but

time struck and

you stumbled —

down,

down,

down —

oh,

were our shattered knees

and

scraped hands,

blood-tinged teeth —

were they worth it?

(Was it worth it to

clasp

our hands

so tightly that

one circle, two —

rings of fire,

surrounding us both

forever?)

My once known shadow,

but my forever estranged enemy,

held me so tenderly when I gave him what he longed for:

goodbye.

You love that little blade:

cradle it’s handle oh so gently.

Sing it soft songs to sleep.

Warm it’s metal with your rest laden body.

You love that little blade -

even when it cuts.

Have you ever loved in scales?

Perfect balance?

Perfect symmetry?

Each step mirrored -

where one goes, the other

follows?

The smallest shift in weight can

jar the balance -

a breath,

a kiss,

a tear,

a moment.

A clang as joints disband.

A crash to the floor as you

spin out of orbit.

It will never be the same.

You will never be the same.

But -

But,

once,

you were lucky enough to

love

in scales.

Once,

you were whole and

perfect.

Oh,

sweet memory,

the icy blade between my

bones.

Oh, sweet love,

the ailment lingering in my

blood.

Oh, sweet agony,

burning through my

lungs.

Oh, sweet lover,

lost from me

forever.

Oh, sweet sadness:

eternal companion and

penance.

And he saved you from

disaster and ruin,

your beautiful fire-starting boy.

The flames he lets lick your

salt-soaked remains

don’t change that.

Many times,

he saved you.

Many times.

(It only takes once for

destruction

to lay waste.)

(It only takes

forever for a

heart to break.)

Something tender,

something sweet;

loveliness found in

rotten meat.

And what of falling stars,

and crashing waves?

What of split tectonic plates?

What of

you,

me,

us,

and the yawning chasm

between?

(Do you still say my name like

the only

prayer

you’ve ever

known?)

And I wonder when I’ll stop

seeing your face

in every

tragedy and

betrayal.

One word,

never uttered,

forever lingering in my mouth

and

burning eyes.

One word I wished I had the courage to say:

Stay.

I opened my arms to comfort you

and

you went for my throat with a snarl.

Monsters need love, too

(but only on their terms).

I’m so tired of this

heartache

wrapped in

barb wired love.

Darling,

you are an

axe hammer

and, I -

a sheathed blade.

Do not forget:

we are both weapons.

(I know how to cut, too.)

And I am begging:

Don’t do this to him

(Don’t do this to yourself).

His end is not just his own.

Land of two setting suns.

Drink my daydreams of

us

from my

shivering

belly button.

Let me clasp my hands around you and

hold your

venomous maw

against my womb.

Beloved betrayer.

Erstwhile naysayer.

Dearest love,

I am

devoted

to you and your

damnation.

That poison from that cracked rock -

I drank it, too.

I drank it, too.

Lick the salt from my eyes

and

kiss the copper from my lips -

embrace me one last time,

beloved.

Sup on my sorrow and

drink me dry.

I would let you

bury your dagger

of

deceit and accusations,

as long as you did it

while

you held me

one

last

time.

You cannot save a dying star

(no matter how much you love it).

I’m still surprised

whenever I exhale and

there’s

no frost.

This beloved ice inside of me:

endless devotion to a

heartache

that’ll

never stray.

A snow angel in moonlight.

Do you remember how I loved you most?

I remember you.

Beloved boy,

my hands are shaking

and

the familiar tears are in my eyes once more.

I love you

but

I must be kind to myself, too,

so I close my shaking palms

(forever empty)

and blink my

forever wet eyes.

Beloved boy:

beloved heartbreak.

I love you most of all.

Beloved boy turned to broken man,

who held his heart like glass in his hands.

Give it to me.

Give it to me and dry your eyes.

My scarred palms know this task well.

Cruelty held in my mouth,

I shape your name so

sweetly

with my lips:

absolutions.

Lonely boy turns into lonely man -

lonely boy with ever-empty hands.

Lonely boy ripped from his mother -

lonely boy who never believed love from another.

Lonely boy who was so sweet -

lonely boy, now picking blood from his teeth.

Lonely boy, let reason wake.

Lonely boy, let go of your heartbreak.

Lonely boy, you’re all I hold dear.

Lonely boy, you’re all that I fear.

Lonely boy, enshrouded with sorrow -

lonely boy, don’t leave me tomorrow.

Lonely boy, please don’t go.

Lonely boy, I love you so.

Lonely boy, please trust my love.

Lonely boy, aren’t I enough?

An open circle

of

salt and fire -

never complete.

I wandered into your

haunted house

and you made me put on

a ghost’s clothes and smile.

And,

for a moment,

the joy in your eyes was enough

(I was enough)

before it turned into

rage,

hurt,

longing.

My poltergeist boy,

with betrayal in your bones,

I love you.

Let specters dance between us -

for they can’t dry any tears.

Bury me in this

wailing graveyard

beside you.

Bury me holding you close.

My whole world and my

whole goddamn heart break:

beloved berserker

in my porcelain

hands.

The brightest star I orbited

fell out of the sky

and

crashed into me.

And it was the

loveliest pain

staring into your shine.

It was the loveliest pain

until

the inevitable destruction.

Sunlight and

fire.

Dewdrops and

tears.

Some honesty:

some days

(like today)

I am

99% salt water

and

1% regret.

(And yet, still 100% yours.)

Today is your birthday.

At first:

Joy, excitement,

love.

Then:

Bitter memories,

grief, pain, and

still

love.

Across the universe,

the tide of you sweeps in and

destroys

my sandcastle court

once again.

The pounding riptide

inevitability of

sorrow.

Today is your birthday.

Lingering longing

cupped in

shaking hands;

beloved boy forever

watched

behind

closed eyes;

shuddering sobs

stifled through

smiling teeth.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I want you, I want you, I want you.

I fear you, I fear you, I fear you.

Hiding light in

shadowed sorrow.

Darling,

your

love and devotion

is worth more than a

collar

around your neck.

One day,

beloved,

you will learn that

love

doesn’t have to taste of

sacrifice,

longing,

and

pain.

One day,

beloved,

you will be enough.

rsblmng:

When the heat begins to roil and bluster,

sticky sweet and after-tinged sour,

I can almost taste you in the air -

of forgotten nights and

almost kisses,

hands clenching around nothing -

oh, I can almost taste you.

Of soft hearts and fanged mouths:

what does a

monster‘s kiss

taste

like if it’s

everything you’ve been waiting for?

I told the truth

and

broke both our hearts.

I told the truth

and

you called me a liar.

rsblmng:

I loved you in all the ways that mattered:

The clasp of my hand when it lifted yours;

The curl of my lips to hide a shared joke;

My ever present self at your back.

I love you

But

You don’t believe me

As

Those words can never cross my lips.

Dear one,

The vow I’ve never had the courage to say,

Burns eternal -

Eating up the last one I ever said aloud.

Don’t leave me.

I am too weak for goodbyes.

I do not know who I am

Without you

Beside me.

rsblmng:

I never told you but

I kept a small box

of keepsakes from moments

I treasured.

When the dust cleared and the box was

returned to me,

I opened that box and saw

all the pieces I saved of you.

Every memento I kept

was a glowing reminder of

my love for you.

I buried them in the sand -

all those bits of happiness -

tilted my head down and

watered them with my

tears.

Let them blossom in the

heart of the dessert

and let me

burn

under your unforgiving wrath.

(“I still love you,”

is the secret

that blooms between them.)