#padfoot

283. At some point James Potter and Sirius Black found all of James’ old glasses from throughout his life and placed every single one of them on James’ face, all 12 of them, and wore them to transfiguration.

Mcgonagall was so done with their antics by then that she didnt even realise and just continued teaching the lesson as if nothing was amiss.

Someone had asked awhile ago about a post that explained each scene from the books about wolfstar subtext. The post I think they were asking about is something I used to link to in the sidebar but had since been deleted from livejournal.

However…

I was looking through my bookshelf this morning, noticed my first paperback copy of PoA and had sudden flashbacks from years and years ago of how truly nerdy I used to be about this ship I had copied all of that post into the corresponding margins. I didn’t do it with OotP because I didn’t have a copy of it at the time, kinda regret that now. But, thought I’d share this anyway

Also pictured is my favorite Marauder’s Map coffee mug

the title describes precise how I feel about this fic anyway enjoy ty for reading <3 hope you’re having a good sunny spring (or autumn) day

part 1-part 2 -part 3

“Sirius, why has Fabian sent me a letter to apologise to you?” Remus poked him in the stomach with his toes. 

“Hmm?” Sirius groggily lifted his head from Remus’ chest, trying to blink the sleep away. “Fabian… oh! Er—”

“He said he’s sorry for, and I quote, ‘inappropriate advances’ towards you, ‘due to some misunderstandings that had inadvertently arisen, I hope this will not come between our friendship—’” Remus read quickly, “Sirius, what happened?”

“Hm.” Sirius slowly pushed himself up onto his elbows, “that’s funny.”

“I for one have not seen Fabian this awkward about anything.”

“All that sounding formal too.”

“What did you do?”

“I umm.” rip the bandage off, “I kissed him. Or really, he kissed me.”

“Oh, so you’re branching out.” Remus drew up his knees and looked at Sirius lopsidedly, “but then why’s Fabian apologising? Unless you aren’t branching out, but you’ve not been dating for a while either, so is that why you— did you think you might be— oh, Sirius. Come here.”

“Huh?” Sirius said a little dumbly, but let Remus take him in his arms. 

“Who would have known all that was going on in your head, huh?”

“Is that supposed to be an insult?”

Remus laughed, Sirius scowled.

“Really, though, whatever worked or didn’t work— it’s alright. You know that, don’t you?”

Sirius bit his lips and grunted. “It wasn’t supposed to not work, though.”

“What does that mean?”

“This isn’t normal, is it?”

“What’s normal then? Having sex with boys?”

“Yes, obviously! Fabian’s fine!”

“But Fabian doesn’t want to have sex with girls.”

“Well yeah.”

“So it’s fine to not want to have sex with girls, and it’s ‘obviously’ fine not wanting to have sex with boys, it’s also apparently perfectly fine to want both— then why can’t you just not want either?”

“Yeah but. You have to want something, don’t you? It’s part of being human or whatever.”

“Pads, hate to break it to you,” Remus deadpanned, “but you’re actually talking to a werewolf.”

“That’s not what I—”

“And you happen to be a dog. Not really a ‘human’ are you?”

“I’m clearly more than just a human. So are you. That’s what Nietzsche meant by ubermensch right?”

Remus looked as though he seriously thought about the suggestion, “Sure. Something like that. And the ubermensch cares not about what’s normal, which are clearly all a farce.”

“It’s too early in the morning for this.”

“For what?” Remus said innocently? “Cuddling? You can get out now if you want. Or— is it too abnormal for a manly male friendship?”

“Shut up.” Sirius whined, snuggling even closer to Remus.

“Hiya lads!” James burst in through their door, “ooh have I come in on cuddling hour?” he said, and launched himself at them.

“Gerrof Prongs! You’re all sweaty and gross!”

“I’m joining too.” Peter poked his head out from the toilet, toothbrush still in his mouth. He ambled over and curled into Remus’ other side, butting off James to sprawl across the foot of the bed. 

-

“Wait a second.” the thought occurred to Sirius halfway thought the day, “Remus, how did you know Fabian’s gay?”

“Oh well,” Remus said breezily, “he told me he had a crush on me once.”

—

The Marauders had a motto— they did whatever they liked, long as no one got hurt. (well, no one who wasn’t a git). 

Then came the night when Sirius first failed his promise of never leaving Moony alone on a full moon. And—

“When we said we could do whatever we liked long as no one got hurt,” Remus said coldly, not looking at him, “this wasn’t what I meant.”

It was the morning after, when Sirius tried to visit feeling like he had a rotting pit for a heart. And sure, of course, whatever he did or wanted to do was precisely who he was. But it was clearly far from fine, or normal, or good.

—

He talked to the boys about it at the start of sixth year. Everything in their dorm, the window panes, the bed curtains, hung exactly where they’d always been. Yet everything felt so strange. Remus was standing in the corner, listening carefully, but the air between them was still stilted.

“I get it, I think.” Peter said, “I might be the same. Is it like, you don’t really care what the other person is? Boy, girl, whatever?”

“Got it in one, Pete.”

“Yeah. I think I’m like that too.”

“Oh. Thanks for telling us.”

“But then,” Peter continued, “you don’t really want to kiss them or have sex with them.”

“That too.”

“Yeah, that’s the part I don’t really get.”

“It’s just,” Sirius scratched his head, “I don’t look at a person and think, I want to have sex with them. Ever. Or even kissing, but that’s— fine, I guess. Could do without it, though.”

He glanced over to find Remus looking straight into his eyes, gaze sharp yet unreadable. At what must have been Sirius’ worried look, Remus pressed his lips together in what could have been a tight smile. Sirius felt acknowledged and reassured nonetheless.

—

Having been paired with Lily Evans for Charms, with James looking on in resigned despair, must have been the funniest thing to have happened to him— in some universe where it didn’t happen because Remus probably had asked to not be with him. 

“I swear, Black, if you’re going to spend this whole time advertising James Potter to me I will make your life miserable.”

“Yeh. I know you could. But do you want to hear about the time he laughed so hard at something you said soup came out of his nose?”

But it turned out that it was just James who Lily was a threat to.

-

“You have a 

“You have a crush on Remus.”

“What?”

“You do. You’re staring at him all the time.” 

Sirius couldn’t quite talk about why he was looking at Remus rather than being with him; or about how every new day he still felt like guilt was being kneaded into him like dough. “Am I, not allowed to look at my friend?”

“You don’t stare at Peter like that, do you. Not even James.”

“Yeah well, what’s there to stare at?”

Lily laughed. “Sure.”

“It’s not like— I want to kiss him or anything.” Sirius said lamely.

“Oh come on. You think that’s the only symptom of having a crush? And it’s not like you have to want to kiss them to have a crush on them.”

“Nope Evans. You’re making no sense.” Sirius decided, “what does it even mean to have a crush, huh? Can you tell me that?”

Lily rolled her eyes “can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

-

It was quite unlucky the way Lily planted the idea in his head. It was quite unlucky the way he was noticing how much he noticed Remus. Remus, who sang Joni Mitchell in the shower and talked in his sleep. Who liked David Bowie way too much and gave the best cuddles. Who Sirius would clearly do anything for,

And he wondered.

-

The answer came on an unremarkable afternoon in the common room. Remus was playing chess with Peter, and when Sirius approached them, Remus looked up towards him, and unhesitatingly smiled. It was open and careless, a smile Sirius hadn’t seen directed at him for months. Then Sirius suddenly knew that they were okay. So much more than okay.

Remus, however, quickly went back to scowling at the game between him and Peter. He was so clearly losing.

Instead of directing his next play with his voice, Remus took out his wand, and started poking at his tragically few remaining pieces. 

“Remus, hey, what are you doing?” Peter immediately tried to grab at Remus’ wand, almost upsetting the board.

Remus showed no sign of relenting. Peter grabbed the board to take it away, a suddenly movement that badly startled some of the chess pieces. They started pointing their tiny arrows and canons towards Peter, firing at him.

“Ow! Alright.” Peter put his hand up. Remus smirked.

He stabbed at his remaining pawns until they looked like queens— with crooked crowns and third-handed gowns. But they apparently didn’t mind

“Queen to D4, queen to E5, queen to F4.” Remus said triumphantly, tapping at each of the transfigured pawns, “Oh hell yeh. Checkmate, Pete!”

Peter groaned. “I hate you!”

“I didn’t know you could be so blatant with cheating.” Sirius said breezily

“Sorry buddy,” Remus said, grinning, not sounding sorry at all. As Peter’s king has been felled, he waved a finite over the board, then stood to give his seat up. “Go on then, Pads.” 

And he sat serenely with a book, watching Sirius getting absolutely destroyed by a still-fuming Peter three games in a row. And Sirius could hardly pay enough attention to mind, because he’d just gotten Moony back, who was smiling and grinning and smirking at him, and all was alright in the world. 

—

It was a sunny weekend afternoon. The common room, albeit bright and warm and cosier than ever, was abandoned as expected. Except.

Sirius caught Remus sitting at the piano, stumbling through the chords of Starman, while singing along under his breath. Sirius grinned widely, creeped over, lightly pushing Remus till he budged over, and plopped himself down right by him. 

“Want me to teach you?” He doesn’t wait for an affirmative, “Like this, see—” he wound an arm around Remus to place his own hands over Remus’. 

He shuffled their hands to correct Remus’ awkward finger positions, one chord at a time through the whole song, then back to the start and again. It was slow and awkward, punctuated by intermittent laughs, huffs of frustration, Sirius playfully slapping Remus’ wrist when he got it wrong, again.

“You are literally breathing down my neck.”

“This isn’t fair. You could be so good at this, your hands are so big. You barely need to spread your fingers for the octave.”

“What’s that got to do with the timing? My brain is literally trying to split apart—”

After another suppressed grunt that escaped as a squeak, Remus laughed softly and shuffled away from Sirius.

“Alright you, go on.” At Sirius’ raised eyebrow, he added, “You’re clearly itching to play yourself.”

“Well, alright.”

Sirius dramatically cleared his throat, wiggled his fingers in the air. Slowly, he lowered his hands to the keys, and then he was off. The familiar chords filled the room, ringing more crisp and delicate than the twangy guitar of the original song. His fingers raced up and down the keys, at times leaning close into Remus to reach the keys. Remus leaned back into him. As the chorus came up, he turned his head to look at Remus, grinning madly as he belted about starmen and children losing it. Remus had the crinkle by his eyes, head nodding in beat as he softly hummed along. His eyes flitted between Sirius’ eyes and the way his fingers flitted over keys, adding flourish between lines of lyrics almost by instinct. 

Finishing on a glorious glissando, Sirius let out a long happy sigh. He took a moment to ponder almost in amazement at the way his hands were poised on the piano. This was the most fun he’d had playing the instrument perhaps ever.

Sirius turned his head, and it was to catch Remus with a small smile again.

“What?” Sirius said, his own grin softening.

“Show-off.” Remus said fondly, shoving at him.

Sirius laughed brightly, “Hey, here, let me teach you a couple more—”

That’s how Lily found them, huddled close over the piano. Low laughs between them underscoring melodies that edged between rock and classical. 

Remus was the first to see her, a curtain of sunlight away, standing near the common room entrance. “Lily! Come here!” he called her over.

Sirius wondered how long she’d been standing there watching them. 

-

“Sooo are you in a relationship?”

“Who?”

She gave him an unimpressed look.

“Alright, alright.” Sirius laughed, “But no, obviously not. Remus doesn’t even want a relationship.”

“How dare you decide what he wants or not?”

“No, I’m Serious,” he said— Lily glared at him, daring him to make the joke, so he had to let it pass— “Moony doesn’t care about girls— or boys. Moony cares about books.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “well he could change, couldn’t he?” 

Sirius rose to retort, but snapped his mouth shut at Lily’s single raised finger.

“And this isn’t really about Remus. I’m asking you, Sirius. Would you want to stand and watch Remus in a relationship with someone else?”

The thought left a funny feeling in his stomach, though decidedly unpleasant.

“… No.”

“I thought as much. So you want to be in a relationship with him.”

“I mean— not really, not like that.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, like James wants with you?” 

“God. You just had to bring him up.”

“As is my duty.”

Lily sighed. “But think about it, won’t you? About what you feel about or want with Remus. You’ve got to at some point.”

-

It all came out in a rush, when the two of them were alone under their tree by the lake. 

“I am in love with you, I think.” Sirius said into the sun.

Remus lifted an eyebrow. “You think?”

“I— think. Yeah.”

“But what does that mean? That you’re in love with me? Rather than plain old loving?”

“I don’t know. Just, more. Possibly.”

“How exactly?” Remus asked in a murmur.

“I… don’t know.”

This wasn’t how Sirius thought it was going to go at all. 

“You love me, Moony, don’t you?”

“‘Course I do.”

“But in the same way you’d love James and Pete.”

“Obviously not,” Remus closed his eyes against the sun, “you’re not James and Pete.”

“But I mean like—”

“I know what you—”

“— As a friend. You love me as a friend.”

Remus opened his eyes, turned to look at him. He pushed himself up onto his elbows.

“Well, what’s the difference between your closest best friend and your boyfriend or girlfriend?”

“Pft. Boyfriends and girlfriends are so much sillier.”

“What about, say, soulmates?”

Sirius didn’t answer for a very long time.

“There’s no difference, is there?”

Then Sirisu saw. It’s what Remus has been trying to show him. Remus has been trying to show him for years. Every act of trust and loyalty and forgiveness and tenderness, though Sirius didn’t realise, they had been talking with their souls. 

And Sirius saw in Remus what Padfoot, as a dog, had known since he laid eyes on Moony the very first time.

The realisation hits him with the weight of the entirety of the blue sky. Bright light and white clouds stood as witness.

The sun was on his neck, the wind was in his face. And Sirius felt so high like he was sailing.  

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you are my soulmate.”

The shock of a smile that emerged on Moony’s face— so careful and tender and subtly making his entire face glow up from his crinkled eye to his lifted cheeks. It made Sirius want to bottle it and hold it forever. It made Sirius feel so proud to have been its cause.

“I think you are too.” Remus replied.

-

fin.

with the number of times I’ve googled this at some point I’ll actually end up memorising the moon phases from 1971-77 damn

here are part 1andpart 2

Early December of fifth year, Sirius turned into a dog.

He was the first out of the three of them to get it. In the tiny space between their beds, a huge black dog jumped around ecstatically, tongue rolling out by instinct, beaming back at three huge grins of the other boys. 

It took a while to settle into Padfoot’s mind, it took a while to understand the words again as a dog. But that first time, all he could remember feeling was that when looking at Remus, there was something he recognised in him with a bone-deep conviction— and he knew Moony must have felt it too. All he could remember seeing was the way Moony looked back at him, reached out to him, bursting with disbelief and awe and happiness. 

James tried to pick him up from behind, Padfoot tried to shake him off. It ended up being a bear hug and a tumble onto the floor.

“Oy Pads you’re so heavy — Mhmhrg—” he screwed his eyes shut as Padfoot licked all over his face.

-

Sirius knew it was going to come up like this. But that didn’t lessen how awful he felt.

“Remus, please.” he pleaded again, looking at the ground between their feet.

“I can’t let you.”

“Wasn’t this the whole point? Letting us come with you?”

“Not with only one of you! Fuck, Sirius. I know the wolf, you know what the wolf would do. You think I will lock you in there all night alone with it?”

“I will bloody well go find you then!”

“No don’t you dare.”

“But how could I just sit in the dorm doing nothing while you’re out there—”

“You’re not doing nothing! You’re keeping me safe by staying safe yourself— If I’d hurt you, Sirius, I would— fuck. I’d rather I died.”

Sirius rushed forward, closed his arms around Remus and held on as tight as he could. “Don’t. Don’t say that.” He said, voice low. It terrified him to know when Remus said something like this, he’d truly meant it. “Before the next moon. James and Pete will have gotten it too. You’ll let us come with?”

“I—” slowly, Remus lifted his arms to wrap around Sirius’ back, “we’ll have to see. You need to be powerful enough to hold me down. I can’t risk hurting any of you.”

“The last.” Sirius pulled back, grabbing his hand and seeking his eyes, “This is the last moon you spend alone. I promise.”

Remus looked away, “I can’t promise you that, Sirius.”

-

“Sirius, stop.”

Ever since Remus has gone down to the shack alone, Sirius had been pacing the room back and forth. Even Peter had started to protest.

“Pete I just, I can’t believe I’ve still got to sit here, not able to do anything.” 

“Your walking a hole into the floor is not going to help him.”

“Argh.” Sirius pulled his hair in frustration. “I can’t stop thinking about it, alright? I should be there!”

“You’re not, and you won’t be tonight. It is what it is, just sit down!”

Sirius was stunned to a stop. Peter was almost never this blunt. James came out of the bathroom then, already in pyjamas, and pushed past him towards the door.

“Prongs, where are you doing?”

“I’m going to find Dorcas, and ask for Care of Magical Creature notes, because Remus was too distracted today,” James said quietly, a hand on the door, “and then I’m going to bed, so I could wake up at sunrise to get Remus from the shack.” 

He pinned Sirius with a look, then slipped through the door.

Sirius breathed hard through his nose. He glared at the closed door and tried to push down the flare in his chest, before marching towards it himself.

“Where are you going?”

“For a walk.”

- 

Sirius had almost made it out of the common room when a voice called out.

“Hey, Sirius?”

“Not now—”

“No, Sirius, wait—”

Sirius turned around. It was a girl from his Runes class, looking at him expectantly. He almost cried out in despair— not now of all times. 

“Monica?”

“Yeah, I thought, well.” She peeked up at him, a shy small smile at her lips, “I wouldn’t have come up to you, but it’s almost Christmas…”

The common room was quiet at this time, but there were still more than a few pairs of eyes looking towards them. He could almost hear the other girl’s heart pounding out of her chest. 

And Sirius, truly in accordance of all his self-destructive tendencies, thought, fuck it. 

He forced a weak smile which could have passed for a sly smirk, and said, “Well, do you want to go for a walk with me, then?”

Her eyes widened, “yeah, that sounds good. Really good.”

“Where do you want to go? Out of the grounds?”

“But how could we?”

“Oh, I know my way around. Don’t worry.”

-

Whatever possessed him to take Monica out here to Hogsmeade, to the clearing looking towards the Shrieking Shack, he regretted it now. The ramshackle cabin stood not half a mile away. They could hear the noises coming from it. It made Sirius want to tear out his chest— and to know that was probably what Remus was doing to himself now—

They hear a howl. 

“What’s that?” Monica grabbed his arm tightly in alarm.

“Oh, it’s haunted. Didn’t you know? Most haunted house in Britain.”

“Really?” her eyes widened, flickering in the moon. “Sirius, I’m scared.”

Sirius laughed flatly, “What’s there to be scared of? You live in a castle full of ghosts.”

“But— what could be making those noises? That can’t have been a ghost.”

“What do you know, must be Moaning Myrtle’s party.”

She chuckled tensely. “Yeah. Must be.”

“Stop you worrying. We’re fine.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do.”

“Oh.” 

She was trying to look into his eyes now, though he could barely see her face. With where they were standing, her visage was entirely hidden in shadow, while Sirius’ own was fully lit by the moon. He sighed to himself. Tomorrow she’ll probably be telling her friends all about seeing the moonlight in his eyes, or something. She started to lean in towards him.

–

“Sirius, Sirius wake up.”

“Hmm? Moony?”

It wasn’t Moony, it couldn’t have been. It was a small, feminine hand that was shaking his shoulder repeatedly. They’d fallen asleep in the kitchens after they got back.

“It’s morning. We’re going to miss class. Who’s Moony?” 

Sirius snapped up. He missed the sunrise.

“Fuck.” 

“Hey, it’s alright. Breakfast’s just started, I think. And we could just eat here.” She walked around the baskets of fresh pastries, but all that the smell did was make him sick.

“I’ve, I’ve got to go.” He said, scrambling towards the door. He didn’t stop to explain or to placate the startled girl.

“Oh, alright. See you soon—”

Sirius raced through the empty halls, breath wheezing painfully in his throat, heart pounding louder than his echoing steps. If breakfast was starting, then it must have been around two hours since the moon has set. Fuck. He wanted to punch a wall, he wanted to punch his own face. He could have cried because how could he?

-

It was clear from the moment he fell by Remus’ bed with the others that he wasn’t the only one furious with himself. 

“Remus, hey.” he said breathlessly, “Hi, you guys.”

“Hey Pads.” Peter replied quietly. Remus gave him a closed-lipped smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and James wasn’t looking at him. 

“Remus, how are you feeling?”

“Same as always.” he shrugged.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I’m sorry I didn’t go pick you up.”

“It’s alright. You never had to.”

“No—”

“Yeah, it’s fine. We managed alright with the two of us.”

“Hm.” Remus snorted lightly, “only needed two babysitters today.”

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Well, I suppose not. Pomfrey has got me all patched up.”

“We could get some food.” James spoke for the first time since Sirius came in. He looked straight at Sirius. “Padfood? Should we nip down to the hall?”

Sirius nodded slowly, stood up, and followed him out.

-

It was rare to see James Potter angry. It was even rarer to see James Potter angry at Sirius Black.

“Right. So out with it. Where were you all night?”

Sirius looked for the words to explain.

“Peter said you went for a walk. But you weren’t just strolling around moping by yourself, were you?”

Sirius looked away.

“Were you with someone else?” James asked sceptically. “Sirius, who were you with?”

Sirius took a deep breath. 

“Monica.”

“What?”

“It was Monica. Gryffindor girl from Runes.”

“Sirius, what the fuck?” James stopped in his tracks, and pulled Sirius by the arms to face him.

“She came up to me, alright?”

“Why the fuck would you have— you said you were worried. Your way of showing that is to find some girl to snog and gallivant around all night?”

“That’s not what I—”

“So you’re saying you didn’t go around with a girl instead of sleeping and coming with us this morning?”

“You’re— not being fair— that’s not what it was like.”

“Then tell me what it was.”

“Well let me explain then.”

“Alright, go on.” James paused at the hall entrance, arms crossed and disbelieving glare sharp behind his glasses.

“I was— worried, I told you. I—” Sirius paused and took a couple of deep breaths. This was James, he reminded himself, James out of anyone wouldn’t hate him. “I’m not like you, the way you always just know how to mother hen us, how to be the most help rather than proselytising or sulking, I—” Sirius peered at James, who was now biting his lips and looking more worried than angry, “I got carried away brooding rather than— doing. The girl just— got in the way. I didn’t want her there, not really. But I know. I’ve been a piece of shit to everyone.” he said quietly to the ground.

Sirius heard James’ long sigh as they began walking again.

“Padfoot?” 

“Yeh?”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Nah. It’s alright. It’s not a big deal.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“You got us so fucking worried, Pete thought you must have gone down to the shack, but. Well, as you said, it wouldn’t really help anyone, would it?”

“Prongs—”

“Also, I just don’t understand why you still do it. This whole girls thing. Has it ever ended well for anyone ever?”

“Well I don’t know what makes you keep going after Evans even though you clearly annoy the fuck out of her.”

“Bloody hell, you’re such an ass.” James said as he pushed open the hospital wing door. 

-

“You guys alright?” Peter asked, head tilted.

“Padfoot is being a git.”

Remus lifted a questioning eyebrow.

“Nah, we’re alright.” Sirius breathed out, shoving the basket of food at Peter. 

-

“So have you told James or should I tell James?”

Sirius’ head snapped up from where it rested on Remus’ hips to look at him. Peter and James had gone to class; Sirius quietly elected himself to stay.

“What do you mean?”

“What you were doing last night? Who was it this time?”

“I— what?”

“You came down, didn’t you? To the shack.”

“How… did you know?”

“The wolf could smell you.” Remus gave him a dry, wry smile. “The both of you.”

“Did you know who it was?”

“It did.”

Sirius’ heart dropped. He hadn’t realised. “It didn’t make things harder?”

Remus shrugged, looking straight ahead. “I don’t know.”

“Are you angry?”

“I could be.”

Sirius looked down, carefully reached for and held the bandaged arm. Remus didn’t push him away. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand. Sirius, I simply don’t understand.”

“The girls thing?”

“Whatever you’re calling it.”

“Yeah. Prongs said that too.”

—

On Christmas morning, Sirius received an enormous blurry picture, taken by Peter, of the most magnificent stag— and a howler from James yelling excitedly about it. In his room, Sirius cheered to himself, loud enough to rival the howler. It was worth everything Walburga might have put him through.

In January, it rained on the night of the full moon. The grounds were slippery and freezing and wet with mud, but they led Moony out of the battered cell, tumbled around and chased each other with so much freedom he’d never known. And in the morning, as they picked their way back in the grey light, muscles bruised and aching, teeth chattering and limbs about to freeze off, Sirius could only think it was all so worth it. 

—

When Monica finally approached him after days of glaring from the distance, Sirius was almost relieved to get this over with.

“The entire holiday, no notes, no letters, what was I supposed to think?”

“I told you, I can’t send letters from that madhouse!”

It took a turn, however, when Monica grabbed him and tried to kiss him— Sirius flinched away. 

“Why don’t you kiss me?”

“I just don’t feel like it, alright?”

“And why have you never asked to have sex with me? In fact, I don’t think you’ve asked any of the girls you’ve been with.”

“Morgana’s fuck. Have you been asking around? How fucking petty can you—”

“But why is that? Is it ‘cause you don’t know how, or because you can’t?”

“Woah, lay off, won’t you?”

“—Because you’re a bit of a freak, aren’t you?”

Before she could have gotten another word in, Sirius pulled out his wand and hexed.

He’d hear about a detention by the end of the day, but having to be seen walking to the hospital wing with nose hairs trailing to the ground might just get some of them calling her a freak as well.

-

Sirius found Remus just where he expected to, curled into a sofa with a book. Sirius made a beeline towards him. 

“You have five seconds to get off me.” Remus said, eyes not leaving his page.

Sirius whined, face buried in Remus’ lap. “I could blackmail you into keeping me.”

“With what?”

“The fact that you talk in your sleep.”

“Where did— that come from?” Remus lightly knocked his head with the book’s spine, “also, I most certainly do not.” 

“Did too.”

Remus groaned.

“You really should stop drinking tea before going to bed.”

“Shut up.” Remus muttered.

Sirius smirked into his thigh.

—

Fabian came to visit McGonagall for some war business in spring, and he made time especially to catch up with Sirius, the good chap. They were on the far side of the lake when the-girls-thing came up.

“So, who’s the latest bird in your series?” 

“Oh, um. There’s really not been anyone for a while.”

“How come?”

“Got a bit bored, I suppose.”

Fabian laughed, “What, so they’re up to your standard now, are they?” he said, waggling his brows.

“I mean. It’s just girls, it’s just kissing. No big deal.”

Fabian looked at him curiously.

“It wasn’t particularly interesting.” Sirius continued, “But I just thought I might as well, since the girls seemed to like it so much. I could probably do without all the nonsense that comes with, to be honest.”

“Mate. Why are you doing it if you aren’t having fun?”

“Oh you know. I thought it’s just something you do for them. Stuff like buying flowers and chocolates.”

“Buddy, you know your average bloke actually enjoys that kind of stuff, for himself?”

“I do too,” Sirius said quickly, “sort of.”

“Oh, but you know what I mean.”

Sirius lifted an eyebrow, and looked at him. Do I? 

“Then what about you?” he eventually asked.

“Me? I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort.”

Fabian winked. Sirius felt his cheeks warm— as he never did, with a girl.

-

At some point, they had started kissing. And Sirius had immediate thought, yeah, this makes so much more sense. And for a moment he was perfectly content, everything was glorious clear, until—

Until Fabian’s hands wandered down and down and pressed between his legs, Sirius froze. There was precisely one memory his entire brain short circuited to.

He shifted his legs unfortunately over Fabian’s lap, only to find that Fabian was hard. He sprang up. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Fabian looked at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry, Fab, mate, but— no.”

-

Remus was sitting on his bed, again with a book. Sirius immediately crawled in next to him, curling into Remus’ side. It was warm and safe and familiar and comfortable and was about the only thing that would have made him feel better.

-

“Argh!” Remus cried out in frustration, snapped the book shut and threw it down onto the bed.

Sirius, who had draped himself across Remus’ back and was reading with his chin on his shoulder, jerked up in alarm. “Wait what’s wrong?” He said, startled.

“I can’t stand him. Anthony is such a prick.”

“What are you talking about? I like Anthony!”

“Why in Merlin’s hell would you say that?”

“Well he’s cute. And soft. I like it when they’re all quiet and gentlemanly on the outside but burns on the inside, you know? Sensitive and passionate and hey, you know, he’s a bit like you, isn’t he? The sarcasm streak checks out for sure.” 

But Remus was looking at him with creased brows and mouth slightly agape. He looked a bit horrified. “Oh god. You’re right.” Remus muttered, and sighed resignedly, “fair enough. Another one of those, huh? Can’t make his mind up about anything, spends his time daydreaming about ideals and pretends to have principles but doesn’t do a thing in real life to fight for them.”

“Hey, that’s not what I said!”

“Same difference.”

“That’s not how it works, you’re supposed to see that he’s a good person.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “then why’d you tell me Anthony’s like me?”

“Stop that, Moony.”

“Oh, I mean. Sure, one might enjoy seeing themself reflected in a character, therefore catching where you shine and accepting your flaws,” he said robotically, “But I don’t. I don’t want to read about myself. I annoy the hell out of myself!”

“What are you even hating about Anthony?” Sirius said bewilderedly. 

“Come on, Pads, are we even reading the same book? Obviously Anthony should have stuck with his wife and child! Instead of running off with that boy. Gods. And the way he made Terrence drop everything in his life too—”

“Yeah but think what he’s feeling— he’s lost a family once, he must be terrified of losing it again.” 

“Oh he’s such a coward! Running off to have his adventure because he’s scared of what his past meant, running away whenever things start to intimidate him!”

“It’s not just some adventure, what if they were unhappy about what their life was? What if they felt so hopeless the only thing they could do was to run?”

“They weren’t hopeless, they were so far from hopeless! Anthony could have had a happy home— he could have had a family! And Terrence, Terrence had everything set up, a career, a community, a future, and how could he have just thrown that all away?”

“Yeah but he’s gay! He’s trying to be true to himself!”

Remus blinked, “He’s gay? I didn’t think he was?”

“Remus!” Sirius keened, caught between a squeak and a laugh, “He’s literally running away with a boy.”

“Though he clearly liked women too?”

“Where did it say that?” 

“Well where did it say he was gay? Anthony adores his wife!”

“If he does then why would he be running away?”

“Exactly! He’s a coward!”

“That’s just what you see!”

“And Terrence too. This whole thing of ruining your life but it’s okay and it’s romantic because it’s for love, it’s just— I don’t understand why anyone would think that’s worth it. And for Godric’s sake, it’s another person you’re giving up everything for. It makes no sense. Who in their right mind—”

“How d’you know it makes no sense for someone else? I mean just look at James with Lily, he’d clearly do anything for her, and it doesn’t always mean you have to ruin your life, Merlin.”

Remus shook his head slowly, “No you’re right. I still just don’t understand. Not James either.”

“Well then don’t say it like it’s something universal if it’s only you who don’t get it!”

Remus’ face did a funny twist. Then he let out a huff of air, and turned to Sirius who instantly grinned at him. Remus shook his head again and laughed.

“Ugh. I want to read something else.”

“Yeah alright.” Sirius flopped onto his back, “have you got the Muggle philosophy books? Nietzsche maybe?”

“He’s a bit weird about women and all.”

“Moony he’s weird about everything. I think he’s funny, and anyway we can make fun of him and laugh at how he’s wrong.”

Remus chuckled, pushing off the side of the bed towards their bookshelves, “As you wish.”

-

“Do you want to kiss me?” Sirius suddenly said, some time later. The two of them were still curled around a book in Remus’ bed, close and warm and comfortable under the duvet.

And Remus looked like he wanted to laugh, “Not particularly, why?”

“Oh.” Sirius said, and then started to grin. “Well, good. Me neither.”

And Sirius felt a weight in his chest evaporate into thin air. It was so easy. It was as simple as that.

-

part 4

unpopular opinions/my accepted head cannons: ✨marauders edition✨

• Remus x Sirius
• James and Sirius were best friends but Sirius was also very close with Remus before they got together
• James x Lily
• Regulus was actually an enemy of Voldemort’s the whole time but acted as though he was a death eater in order to successfully “betray” him
• Marlene was the second best quidditch player on the team (to James)
• Remus was “one of the girls” (he had a special bond with the girl friends that the other marauders didn’t have)
• Remus and Lily had a very close friendship and definitely gossiped about each other’s relationship to one another
• Regulus is bi or pan
• Lily’s smarter than Remus
• Peter was always a bitchass fuckhead
• Sirius paints his nails and sometimes Remus will too
• Sirius does like to wear dresses/skirts sometimes but only around remus, James and Lily bc he gets insecure (poor baby )
• Remus admired James growing up and wanted to be like him until he found himself
• Remus is bi
• James was always kind of insecure but used his cockiness and confidence to cover it up
• Sirius had longer hair all his life bc it pissed off his mom
• Remus and Sirius are both switches depending on the(ir) mood
• Lily is a top
• James is a switch
• Peters a bottom
• Remus and Sirius have a couples tattoo
• The marauders have matching group tattoo
• Sirius always felt guilty for leaving Remus thinking that his best friends were dead and boyfriend was a killer who betrayed them
• Snape never loved Lily he was just obsessed

marauders favorite artists (modern and older):

• prongs: Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Ed Sheeran, maroon 5, MARINA, The beetles, Fleetwood Mac, niall horan, 1D, Adele, Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, Beyoncé, Billy Joel, Bruno Mars, Demi Lovato, Little Mix
• padfoot: Stevie Nicks, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, the beetles, mother mother, girl in red, mcr, fob, Taylor Swift, Nirvana, louis tomlinson, The 1975, 5sos, Beyoncé, Conan Gray, Lana Del Rey
• moony: Hozier, clairo, David Bowie, girl in red, Fleetwood Mac, harry styles, The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift, niall horan, Lin-Manuel Miranda, The 1975, Alec Benjamin (?), Beach Bunny, Janis Joplin, Billy Joel, Coldplay, Elton John, Lana Del Rey
• wormtail: *insert artists who make bad music and are bad people*

marauders favorite Taylor swift albums-

• prongs: fearless, lover, red
• moony: folklore, evermore, fearless (Taylor’s Version)
• padfoot: reputation, 1989, red (Taylor’s version)
• wormtail: reputation (just bc he’s an absolute ass), Speak Now, evermore

just my opinion tho

favorite character : *has been alive for a suspiciously long time in the series*

People who love this character and have been emotionally scarred from past favorite characters’ deaths: that fact that you’re alive is a miracle…jus stay alive, that would be enough

kasjophe:

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so

- Sirius Orion Black

Reference:X

Context: [insert]

Pose reference by the lovely @mugges

More Harry Potter fan art! I gave drawing @bcdaily ’s Commentarius gang a go because I don’t give the marauders era enough love tbh

‘Cause I knew everything when I was young
I knew I’d curse you for the longest time