#quiet borderline
trauma-r-us-deactivated20211010:
who else is terrified of becoming a monster like your abuser but at the same time wonder how satisfying it would be to take revenge upon them.
like i want to hurt others to show i am in pain but i avoid doing it for obvious reasons, but i just,,, want someone to pay for the hell i went through
it isnt fucking fair lmao
“if i could make them feel a hurt with deep & aching roots mirroring that which they forced upon me… maybe they’d say, it was real.. i see that now. i was wrong. i was wretched. you didn’t deserve it. i’m so sorry. how can i ever make up for this thing i’ve done? sweet child, what have i done? you loved me when you shouldn’t’ve. thank you.”
in case it’s needed today:
you’re NOT a bad person for needing too much.
you’re not even a bad person for expecting too much.
we all do sometimes.
teach yourself to allow room for disappointment.
teach yourself to provide for yourself gently & to find others who will do the same.
there will be times when neither your needs nor your expectations will be met.
this is alright. this is normal. this will pass.
it will take time & dedication & failed attempts but you can do it.
in case it’s needed today:
you’re NOT a bad person for needing too much.
does anyone know why some people with PDs think that they’re divinity etc. like where does it stem from/wtf is it
Invalid although this answer is when applied to PD diagnosees as a whole, I’ve talked to others about this as well as feeling it myself, so here’s my 2-n-a-half cents…
I think a really important factor of how we are taught the concept of divinity is ‘inhuman power beyond human comprehension’.
Not only are we dehumanized and otherized by… everyone…. both in amicable misunderstanding AND cruel discrimination, but also our intensity, in whatever form that may take, falls outside the realm of human 'normalcy’. Personality disorders are essentially, I think, various patterns of atypical intensity.
Therein lies our power. Our intensity drives that within us which cannot be felt by most people. It may be tormenting, overwhelming, unbridled, but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that it is a significant internal force.
We are mysteries. And we are deeply alone, save for each other. However, that depth is our own. I think there are few of us who can say that the most profound of our identifying experiences has been really understood by someone neurotypical (or perhaps even non-_PD). This isolation can either be interpreted as a wretched inferiority or, OR, as something ethereal.
Malevolent or benevolent, seraphim or demon, identifying as not-of-this-world seems to be quite a popular coping mechanism among us. There, our imperfect integration, our social/emotional destitution, our lonelinessthat very much makes us who we aremakes sense. Who wouldn’t seek comfort in the supernatural when faced with the sentence of being unnatural?
Angels find solace where born-brittle-then-broken humans cannot. It’s much lovelier that way, anyway.
high empathy/low empathy/no empathysolidarity!
bpd/npd/aspd/hpdsolidarity!
cluster bsolidarity!
personality disordersolidarity!
this is what im here 4!
if it is easier 4 the world 2 label us as Intrinsically Bad People then we have 2 watch out 4 each other!
that is all have a nice day love u
*scrolling thru the bpd recent tag to feel less alone & yet again finding a new crop of untagged graphic self-harm triggers & selfies / self-promos that dont belong in our community tag*:
hmm. this is not what i wanted but IS what i deserve. self care?
yall ever have those days when ur brain is like
hm… things have been 2 quiet lately…. 2 easy….. time 2 kick this up a difficulty level & go roguegobananasgob u c k w i l d
hey siri?
how do i tell whether something i wanna do is actually good for me or if it’s just a placation for my greedy mental illness :/
hello? siri? please dont leave me
summer is upon us again so!
remember u arent any less of a person if u aren’t making money! if u can’t handle a job right now! if u aren’t doing the great things ur friends r doing! if some days you need 2 stay @ home all day! if you don’t do all the things you told yourself you would do! if ur body doesn’t look like u want it 2!
plz prioritize ur happiness & care w/o setting standards that dont fit⚘
i hate the trope of bpd recovery like… i’m never going to recoverfromsomething that’s inherently disordered abt who i am as a person so can we focus instead on what’s attainable like coping & managing & growing into the idea of loving ourselves?? thx
borderlines need softness from people so badly because every angle and every edge in our lives is made so hard by our disorder
one of the best feelings that comes with high empathy is touching someone you love & feeling their body as an extension of your own
You’re not faking it.
People who fake things do it because it makes their lives easier to fake it.
Of all the people I’ve met who are so worried that they’re faking their chronic illness, or autism, or adhd, or depression, or whatever else,
Not one single one has had their lives made easier because of their condition.
It makes their lives harder, and the guilt they feel because they think they’re faking it only adds to that.
You wouldn’t fake something to make your life harder.
So don’t worry about it, okay?
You’re not faking it.
And you deserve support and treatment.
but…a t t e n t i o n
and ;
romanticization
dont 4get!
~*self-pity & excuses 4 shitty behavior *~
I’ve received a few questions about splitting & decided to make a post answering them!
Here u go:
What is splitting?
Splitting is a borderline reaction to something scary that results in deeming something or someone entirely bad or evil.
What causes splitting?
By “scary”, I mean something that threatens an idealization. For example, if someone I idealize as entirely safe, good, perfect, says something that hurts or disgusts me, they have betrayed the concept I have constructed of them, and I now see them as the diametric opposite.
Is splitting permanent?
No, not necessarily.
If given a reason to reverse the split, for example the same person goes out of their way to provide care or affection, the split may be reversed. If not, the split will likely fester and swell, cementing as a permanent hatred. Some splits are too deep to reasonably repair.
Can you split on things as well as people?
Yes.
While borderlines invest our most powerful emotions in people and interpersonal relationships, splitting on non-people is also possible. For example, if I am excited for a new job, then something goes wrong or is too challenging, I can go from loving to hating the experience almost instantaneously. If a city seems inviting and interesting at first, then a negative quality is revealed, I can go from loving where I am to hating where I am. If I develop an emotional attachment to an object, then the object is spoken about with hatred by a person I respect, I will often discard the object entirely.
Do borderlines need to act upon a split?
Of course not.
DBT is the overall most effective therapy for personality disorders, and one of its core lessons is the detachment of emotion from reaction. Self-control is difficult, but crucial. It is the greatest power you can develop against your disorder.
How does it feel to split?
For me, splitting is a panicked rush of betrayal that leads into feelings of hurt, anger, and revulsion. Splitting makes me incredibly upset, and often leads to panic attacks.
What are your personal experiences with splitting?
I split on my boyfriend almost every day, if not multiple times a day. I have never consistently argued with anyone except for him, probably because he is the most aggressive person I have ever allowed into my life. Every split is quickly reversed, which only exacerbates the stress and confusion. I’m really not sure if it’s getting any easier, but I’ve decided that this relationship is worth it.
I recently moved to a new city and reconnected with a friend who lives nearby. I was so happy to be physically close to them, since we had been emotionally close for so long, and I ended up spending a lot of time with them, expecting a best-friendship. However, my boyfriend didn’t like some of their behaviors, and even though he says he does like them, several angry tirades about some behavior at our house have caused me to split on them. I want to cut them off entirely, because now I can’t think of them beyond those negative words, but I’ll control myself and let it fizzle out politely. It honestly sucks, since I WANT to keep liking them so badly, and their behavior didn’t even bother me personally.
One of my worst fears is that someone I care about could split on me,because I know just how deep that hatred runs.
This is one of the best posts on splitting I’ve seen
The whole concept of unconditional romantic love fucking bothers me.
I used to idealize it, now it’s just irritating whenever I see it.
Let me tell you, my love damn sure has conditions, and plenty of them. You have to treat me well, support me, respect me, and above all be honest with me - and that’s just the first tier of my conditions.
Do not love someone without conditions. Do not love them without boundaries. When you do, you lose who you are and you don’t have your needs met.
this includes lovers, friends, & family
letting yourself romanticize your abuser or ignore your abuse is self harm
even good people can do bad things & loving those bad things is dysfunctional
Cluster B buds, I’m working on a project and I need to know: what part of your personality disorder is a strength? Eg. I’m borderline and that sort of has a tendency to wreck friendships and myself, which sucks, but also I feel deeply and that’s not always a bad thing. Message me!
I can empathize & connect with people on a level that requires deeper emotional labor than most people are capable of providing. I’m also very patient with the feelings of others & the intensity of my emotions allows me to access incredible parts of my artistic abilities!
We don’t get very many chances to be positive about our disorders, so yall should take a sec to add some positivity to this one. :*)
talking constantly abt ur fp must b a bpd thing bc i would LOVE 2 have like 1 conversation where im not a background character in my own life but will that ever happen? lmao nah
is it just me or does any fuckup noticed by an angry older man / father figure feel like an absolute death blow
damn bro i could b bleeding 2 death on the ground from 43 gunshots & i still would b telling myself im faking it 4 attention lmao
