sickdelights:

Quiet bpd culture is wanting to threat suicide when someone’s leaving you but you’d feel worse cuz you think you’d be manipulating them into taking care of you when they really don’t want to so you just suppress your breakdown and suffer in silence instead

is this me splitting?

i have a new fp and yesterday she went out with her friends (we are online friends and we’ve only known each other for a month), she told me she was going with her friends (which makes it easier for me not to think she is mad at me or something). But after i spent the whole day waiting for her to come back she started telling me about how it was her night with her friends, told me she almost had sex, she hooked up with two guys and all that stuff and idk i am so pissed with her right now. i swear i just can’t talk to her right now. i really dont want to! I’m freaking angry at her for absolutely no reason!! i’m 100% sure im not into her in a romantic/carnal way its just friendship but even so i feel so pissed cause she is living her life?! at the same time i’m so scared he will see all the parts and leave me.

also yesterday i totally manipulated her bc i started telling her about my mental disorders and how i wanted to hurt myself while she was talking about her stuff (after i did that i felt so guilty and shamed bc i kind of ruined her mood which can make her not feel easy to tell me things anymore)

sickdelights:

what do you mean you don’t like me ???? i just matched your personality maybe you just don’t like yourself

babes i made this persona with my own two bare hands w all the fresh-picked ingredients that would make me perfect 4 u & also similtaneously a better version of u… babes y r u not desperately, all-consumingly in love w me yet … babes this is literally the one skill im confident in so why isnt it working… babes im trying my best 2 b my best self 4 u & this is srsly fuckin up the vibe

in the wake of the Depp/Heard trial’s presence becoming a nearly inescapable anywhere on the internet, please try extra hard to be kind to yourself. if you know that it’s bad for you to keep reading, please keep scrolling & block any tags people are using for this garbage. i’ll be leaving this here then disengaging too.

last night i reached a breaking point after accidentally getting into a conversation with my roommates about what purpose it serves as a publicized event. people either seem to be taking sides in what they see as a soap opera or taking the “mature, detached” approach of denouncing any real-world effect. this isn’t just celebrity drama. this is something that will deeply effect the way we look at both domestic violence and mental health. after years of academic research on personality disorders & years of following the personal experiences of people with personality disorders, as well as learning to manage my own bpd symptoms, reading the misinformation that’s being reported is so heartbreaking

here’s what happened & why it’s scary:

•mental illness has once again been used in a court of law to not only support abuse accusations, but also to delegitimize the opponent’s testimony

•the specific mental illnesses in question are all Cluster B personality disorders (BPD & HPD for Amber, NPD for Johnny), some of the most historically misunderstood & stigmatized disorders in the entire field of psychology

•it’s already very difficult to find professional help that isn’t dehumanizing - it just got harder (therapists often flat out refuse to treat people diagnosed or suspected of having a personality disorder)

•this is many people’s first time hearing these terms - abusiveness is now an inherent connotation

things to remember:

•throwing around the words “borderlines” or “narcissists” instead of “people with BPD/NPD” reduces a person to a diagnosis & reinforces stereotypes

•turning psychiatric terms into adjectives & using them in phrases like “narcissistic/borderline abuse” is the same as describing someone’s behavior as “bipolar” or “schizo” when it negatively affects you - it’s demonizing & ableist

•linking a particular style of abuse to a mental disorder allows anyone to look at an abuser and diagnose them with a mental disorder

•it also allows anyone to look at someone with a mental disorder and assign them the status of an abuser

•people (not diagnoses) are responsible for their actions & the effects of those actions

•diagnoses do not dictate personal ethics

•no one is a bad person because of their diagnosis or a good person despite it

•any type of abuse can be perpetrated by anyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical

•every person is different - celebrities in a disturbing legal battle are NOT the faces of personality disorders or really anything else that the general population should relate to

•this will continue to be an incredibly triggering topic for some people with a history of abuse, people with a personality disorder, & especially people with both

•people with personality disorders are much more likely to be abused than neurotypical people (certain symptoms + neurodivergence in general put us at greater risk) - not all of us are victims of abuse, but the majority are (sources below)

•please be sensitive & respectful - we’re humans too & feeling like our existence is being criminalized is really upsetting

•please educate yourself before you speak on the experiences of neurodivergency - bias is nearly unavoidable but it’s also pretty easy to detect even if academic resources are too dense for you

sources:

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dickssociation:

vacillating-bpd-queen:

dickssociation:

I’ve received a few questions about splitting & decided to make a post answering them!

Here u go:

What is splitting?

Splitting is a borderline reaction to something scary that results in deeming something or someone entirely bad or evil.

What causes splitting?

By “scary”, I mean something that threatens an idealization. For example, if someone I idealize as entirely safe, good, perfect, says something that hurts or disgusts me, they have betrayed the concept I have constructed of them, and I now see them as the diametric opposite.

Is splitting permanent?

No, not necessarily.

If given a reason to reverse the split, for example the same person goes out of their way to provide care or affection, the split may be reversed. If not, the split will likely fester and swell, cementing as a permanent hatred. Some splits are too deep to reasonably repair.

Can you split on things as well as people?

Yes.

While borderlines invest our most powerful emotions in people and interpersonal relationships, splitting on non-people is also possible. For example, if I am excited for a new job, then something goes wrong or is too challenging, I can go from loving to hating the experience almost instantaneously. If a city seems inviting and interesting at first, then a negative quality is revealed, I can go from loving where I am to hating where I am. If I develop an emotional attachment to an object, then the object is spoken about with hatred by a person I respect, I will often discard the object entirely.

Do borderlines need to act upon a split?

Of course not.

DBT is the overall most effective therapy for personality disorders, and one of its core lessons is the detachment of emotion from reaction. Self-control is difficult, but crucial. It is the greatest power you can develop against your disorder.

How does it feel to split?

For me, splitting is a panicked rush of betrayal that leads into feelings of hurt, anger, and revulsion. Splitting makes me incredibly upset, and often leads to panic attacks.

What are your personal experiences with splitting?

I split on my boyfriend almost every day, if not multiple times a day. I have never consistently argued with anyone except for him, probably because he is the most aggressive person I have ever allowed into my life. Every split is quickly reversed, which only exacerbates the stress and confusion. I’m really not sure if it’s getting any easier, but I’ve decided that this relationship is worth it.

I recently moved to a new city and reconnected with a friend who lives nearby. I was so happy to be physically close to them, since we had been emotionally close for so long, and I ended up spending a lot of time with them, expecting a best-friendship. However, my boyfriend didn’t like some of their behaviors, and even though he says he does like them, several angry tirades about some behavior at our house have caused me to split on them. I want to cut them off entirely, because now I can’t think of them beyond those negative words, but I’ll control myself and let it fizzle out politely. It honestly sucks, since I WANT to keep liking them so badly, and their behavior didn’t even bother me personally.

One of my worst fears is that someone I care about could split on me,because I know just how deep that hatred runs.

This is one of the best posts on splitting I’ve seen

Looking back on old posts now & this one, in retrospect, needs some edits. The last answer in particular makes me really sad since I now view that year-and-a-half relationship as the one that did the most damage to me.

All feelings serve a purpose and indicate a need that is either being met or unmet. Please don’t overlook or dismiss them. It takes a long time to unlearn the conditioning that feelings are silly or useless or irrational, but please try. Even if your reaction doesn’t neccessarily match the situation, even if your resulting behaviours are unjustified, the emotion is coming from a real place and it is crucial to explore what that is.

Splitting is essentially a mechanism of emotion, and therefore needs to be validated. It’s a coping mechanism hardwired into our brains to protect us, whether in theory or practice.

Splitting on anyone in your life every day cannot function as a part of any healthy relationship. If your triggers are being activated repeatedly, it’s your responsibility to clearly communicate your boundaries. If those boundaries are then intentionally or negligently violated repeatedly, if those triggers continue to be activated, that is emotional abuse. Please get out. Patience is important, self-discipline is important, tolerance and acceptance are important, but none of those skills can be practiced when you’re in a constant state of agitation caused by someone else’s lack of consideration.

I wish I had validated the emotions behind my splitting further and analyzed what was happening to me instead of writing them off purely as a counterproductive products of mental illness. If I had seen my constant splits as red flags, I could’ve saved myself nearly two years of hell and all the time spent healing from it.

opheliabpd:

These are some of the ways I have learnt to cope with my splitting. While they may not work for everyone or in every instance, hopefully someone will find some use in these strategies.

• When I feel myself splitting on someone, I acknowledge it. I tell myself that I’m splitting, and that it’s the disorder speaking, not me.
  

• If I’m splitting on a person, I try to distance myself from them to stop me lashing out. Being around them just increases the chances that I’m going to say something I regret and make things harder on both of us. 
  

• Communicate with them. I have found a lot of success in actually telling the person that I’m splitting on them. “I’m getting really upset at you right now, but I know that it is irrational and just because of the BPD. I’m going to try to control it, but it might be best if I have some space until it blows over.” Surprisingly, a lot of people are far more understanding if I just tell them to truth.

• Keep a log (even if it’s just a note in your phone) of the times you split, and what caused them. You might be able to notice patterns or triggers, which you can then work on avoiding.

splitting is sometimes reversible for a lot of us - please remember to not act on devaluation of a relationship until you have the space to analyze whether you want that person out of your life for good

dickssociation:

yall ever have those days when ur brain is like

hm… things have been 2 quiet lately…. 2 easy….. time 2 kick this up a difficulty level & go roguegobananasgob u c k w i l d

sofakinghillarous:

I saw yesterday that people with BPD don’t fall in love they just get obsessed and then bored in a vicious cycle with different people and honestly I did not need to be called out like that.

you’re either that type of borderline or you’re the type to fall in love then stay totally in love w the concept of that person from behind bars after they’ve framed you for murder. there’s no in between. (✿ꈍ◡ꈍ)

noka-latte:

anyway you guys understand what its like to completely have no sense of self and just mirror the personality of every new person you meet becayse you can psychoanalyze them within seconds of saying hello. and then theyre convinced that youre soulmates but youre literally just adapting to their every move and essentially becoming another version of them until eventuslly you collect enlugh traits to form one fucked up personality of your own… right?

lololol bpd/aspd & low-empathy/hyper-empathy solidarity 4ever baybee

waking up with body dysmorphia & getting ready for another day full of possibility

“you can be anything you want to be! :) life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself <3”

personality disorder:

dickssociation:

being a quiet, or implosive, borderline means you will internalize the anger and fear and sadness and guilt characterized by our disorder. we will deflect,repress, and compact our symptoms within ourselves, building resentment for those close to us when our suffering isn’t recognized. this will develop into self-punishment. we are far more likely than our explosive counterparts to hurt ourselves without warning or desire for acknowledgement. we shrink ourselves down so we aren’t burdens, but we don’t need to be small to occupy our own lives.

please teach yourself to communicate. practice effective and respectful ways to do so. this will be your greatest strength. nurture your vulnerability. nurture your ability to grow. dedicate yourself to it and don’t let go. you’re worth so much more than you think. your potential is staggering and your current state is the core of that.

even if you don’t think anyone else cares:

self-harm intrinsically damages others too.

self-hate intrinsically damages others too.

suicide intrinsically damages others too.

entertaining fantasies of of any of those intrinsically damages yourself.

reaching out for help doesn’t intrinsically damage anything. more often than not, it’s a step to repair it.

you have earned your voice simply by having it to use. use it.

you aren’t keeping anyone from feeling your pain by keeping the secret of being in agony.

pain is not a thing you own, but instead a thing you radiate.

being a quiet, or implosive, borderline means you will internalize the anger and fear and sadness and guilt characterized by our disorder. we will deflect,repress, and compact our symptoms within ourselves, building resentment for those close to us when our suffering isn’t recognized. this will develop into self-punishment. we are far more likely than our explosive counterparts to hurt ourselves without warning or desire for acknowledgement. we shrink ourselves down so we aren’t burdens, but we don’t need to be small to occupy our own lives.

please teach yourself to communicate. practice effective and respectful ways to do so. this will be your greatest strength. nurture your vulnerability. nurture your ability to grow. dedicate yourself to it and don’t let go. you’re worth so much more than you think. your potential is staggering and your current state is the core of that.

borderline-and-languages:

bpd-ptsd-ednos:

tofutitties:

Bpd facts
-people w bpd have over active frontal lobes (the things that control emotion and memory)

-ppl with bpd have amygdala glands that are 16% smaller (the part of your brain that regulates emotion)

-people with bpd experience pain similar to how others feel when they lose a loved one almost daily and over super minor things

-people with bpd will test others by pushing them away, in these situations reassure your loved one with bpd and if they still want soace give it to them but let them know youll be glad to hear from them again if they want to come back

-after an episode people with bpd most likely wont remember much of the episode and can bounce back fairly quickly after an episode which can be confusing

-when a person with bpd tells you they are suicidal, no matter how often, they mean it. Bpd is horribly, horribly painful

Hope this helps some people understand a lil better but theres precisely a shit load of info online so if you think you cant help your loved one with bpd, think again

the one about bouncing back from an episode quickly is SO important for people to understand as it can be almost as damaging and confusing for those witnessing the flip change of emotions as those feeling them

Just a slight correction to the first point - people with BPD actually have underactive frontal lobes, which are parts of the brain that regulate decision making and behaviour, not emotions (as in, the physiological experience of emotions) and memory. It has been found that the volume of gray matter in these areas is actually reduced in people suffering from BPD. (It makes sense considering how easily we’re overwhelmed by emotions and how hard it is to counter them rationally.)

Brain structures involved in the regulation of emotions and memory, such as the amygdala and hippocampus, however, are parts of the limbic system, located deep in the brain. Both have been found to be smaller and in a state of hyperarousal in BPD patients (which can explain the disproportionate intensity of emotions we experience).

It is also interesting that people with BPD have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their blood, and this is linked to the erosion of limbic structures.

right, this is important, ty

basically–borderline:

unpopular opinion: if people with bpd literally have their brains wired differently from birth then they shouldn’t have to wait until they’re 18 to be diagnosed. I know a lot of people who are younger than 18 who definitely have bpd that would benefit from the proper way to treat it. now they’re just struggling and nothing is working because they aren’t in DBT. I’m not saying that that particular therapy is a cure-all, but it’s supposed to help, and the younger you implement it, the better it’s supposed to work. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

One reason mental health professionals should be cautious handing out PD diagnoses is the prevalence of stigma in mental healthcare communities. Another is the self-fulfilling-prophecy aspect of professional “labeling”. Symptoms should always be taken quite seriously and treated as such, often done best with DBT.

However, once a minor has a PD recorded recorded on their charts, it can be more difficult to find proper care, even if that person still has a lot more developing to do. The trend of telling Girls Who Have Intense Emotions that their core personality is inherently DISORDERED is more damaging than holding off on officiating a half-baked diagnosis and only treating symptoms in the meantime.

I am personally pro-self-dx for minors over the age of 15, but I think that mental healthcare professionals shouldn’t risk the safety and self-identities of minors.

sickdelights:

Don’t ask me “wyd” i really just be in my room going insane and being a danger to myself

People exhaust me

“How are you doing?”

Now that you mention it I remember again how shitty I’m doing so thanks for that ♡

Me * trying to find references/photos of people with short haircuts who could look like a girl, so my family won’t get mad at me for wanting a “boys haircut” *

God I miss your hugs….

Am I actually having trouble breathing or is just my anxiety kicking in?

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

Fuck I don’t wanna do this anymore.

I’m so tired of this world.

Me * being too anxious and depressed to go to work * “I CAN’T”

Also me * being too anxious to tell my boss I can’t go to work cause of my anxiety and depression…and instead goes to work * “…. It’s just 8 hours… 7 if you finish fast and your boss is having a good day”

…….all I want is to sleep the entire day please

Do I identify as non binary or is it just me hating myself to the point that being enby and choosing they/them pronouns seems to be the furtherest away from myself?

Anyways happy pride month ️‍❤️

You really can’t take the hint can you??

I’m so tired of existing

For the fact that I don’t even wanna be alive, having to celebrate your birthday and being reminded of it just feels like a stab right into my soul with my eyes wide open. But hey “Happy Birthday to me”, right?

You go to bed to wake up again.

Everything’s the same. All over again.

All we wanted was a place to feel like home.

“you can always talk to me if you feel like that”

I did, but you weren’t there…

Fuck fuck fuck when I need you you’re not there I thought you were my friend

9 am and I already had a panic attack at work. Going great so far…feel like I’m disappointing everyone no matter what decision I make.

Love sharing music with people. It’s the best way to get to know someone without having to talk.

Everything is going too fast. Please, it’s suffocating me, let me catch my breath.

“Praise God Hallelujah I’m still depressed”