#implosive bpd
in the wake of the Depp/Heard trial’s presence becoming a nearly inescapable anywhere on the internet, please try extra hard to be kind to yourself. if you know that it’s bad for you to keep reading, please keep scrolling & block any tags people are using for this garbage. i’ll be leaving this here then disengaging too.
last night i reached a breaking point after accidentally getting into a conversation with my roommates about what purpose it serves as a publicized event. people either seem to be taking sides in what they see as a soap opera or taking the “mature, detached” approach of denouncing any real-world effect. this isn’t just celebrity drama. this is something that will deeply effect the way we look at both domestic violence and mental health. after years of academic research on personality disorders & years of following the personal experiences of people with personality disorders, as well as learning to manage my own bpd symptoms, reading the misinformation that’s being reported is so heartbreaking
here’s what happened & why it’s scary:
•mental illness has once again been used in a court of law to not only support abuse accusations, but also to delegitimize the opponent’s testimony
•the specific mental illnesses in question are all Cluster B personality disorders (BPD & HPD for Amber, NPD for Johnny), some of the most historically misunderstood & stigmatized disorders in the entire field of psychology
•it’s already very difficult to find professional help that isn’t dehumanizing - it just got harder (therapists often flat out refuse to treat people diagnosed or suspected of having a personality disorder)
•this is many people’s first time hearing these terms - abusiveness is now an inherent connotation
things to remember:
•throwing around the words “borderlines” or “narcissists” instead of “people with BPD/NPD” reduces a person to a diagnosis & reinforces stereotypes
•turning psychiatric terms into adjectives & using them in phrases like “narcissistic/borderline abuse” is the same as describing someone’s behavior as “bipolar” or “schizo” when it negatively affects you - it’s demonizing & ableist
•linking a particular style of abuse to a mental disorder allows anyone to look at an abuser and diagnose them with a mental disorder
•it also allows anyone to look at someone with a mental disorder and assign them the status of an abuser
•people (not diagnoses) are responsible for their actions & the effects of those actions
•diagnoses do not dictate personal ethics
•no one is a bad person because of their diagnosis or a good person despite it
•any type of abuse can be perpetrated by anyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical
•every person is different - celebrities in a disturbing legal battle are NOT the faces of personality disorders or really anything else that the general population should relate to
•this will continue to be an incredibly triggering topic for some people with a history of abuse, people with a personality disorder, & especially people with both
•people with personality disorders are much more likely to be abused than neurotypical people (certain symptoms + neurodivergence in general put us at greater risk) - not all of us are victims of abuse, but the majority are (sources below)
•please be sensitive & respectful - we’re humans too & feeling like our existence is being criminalized is really upsetting
•please educate yourself before you speak on the experiences of neurodivergency - bias is nearly unavoidable but it’s also pretty easy to detect even if academic resources are too dense for you
sources:
I’ve received a few questions about splitting & decided to make a post answering them!
Here u go:
What is splitting?
Splitting is a borderline reaction to something scary that results in deeming something or someone entirely bad or evil.
What causes splitting?
By “scary”, I mean something that threatens an idealization. For example, if someone I idealize as entirely safe, good, perfect, says something that hurts or disgusts me, they have betrayed the concept I have constructed of them, and I now see them as the diametric opposite.
Is splitting permanent?
No, not necessarily.
If given a reason to reverse the split, for example the same person goes out of their way to provide care or affection, the split may be reversed. If not, the split will likely fester and swell, cementing as a permanent hatred. Some splits are too deep to reasonably repair.
Can you split on things as well as people?
Yes.
While borderlines invest our most powerful emotions in people and interpersonal relationships, splitting on non-people is also possible. For example, if I am excited for a new job, then something goes wrong or is too challenging, I can go from loving to hating the experience almost instantaneously. If a city seems inviting and interesting at first, then a negative quality is revealed, I can go from loving where I am to hating where I am. If I develop an emotional attachment to an object, then the object is spoken about with hatred by a person I respect, I will often discard the object entirely.
Do borderlines need to act upon a split?
Of course not.
DBT is the overall most effective therapy for personality disorders, and one of its core lessons is the detachment of emotion from reaction. Self-control is difficult, but crucial. It is the greatest power you can develop against your disorder.
How does it feel to split?
For me, splitting is a panicked rush of betrayal that leads into feelings of hurt, anger, and revulsion. Splitting makes me incredibly upset, and often leads to panic attacks.
What are your personal experiences with splitting?
I split on my boyfriend almost every day, if not multiple times a day. I have never consistently argued with anyone except for him, probably because he is the most aggressive person I have ever allowed into my life. Every split is quickly reversed, which only exacerbates the stress and confusion. I’m really not sure if it’s getting any easier, but I’ve decided that this relationship is worth it.
I recently moved to a new city and reconnected with a friend who lives nearby. I was so happy to be physically close to them, since we had been emotionally close for so long, and I ended up spending a lot of time with them, expecting a best-friendship. However, my boyfriend didn’t like some of their behaviors, and even though he says he does like them, several angry tirades about some behavior at our house have caused me to split on them. I want to cut them off entirely, because now I can’t think of them beyond those negative words, but I’ll control myself and let it fizzle out politely. It honestly sucks, since I WANT to keep liking them so badly, and their behavior didn’t even bother me personally.
One of my worst fears is that someone I care about could split on me,because I know just how deep that hatred runs.
This is one of the best posts on splitting I’ve seen
Looking back on old posts now & this one, in retrospect, needs some edits. The last answer in particular makes me really sad since I now view that year-and-a-half relationship as the one that did the most damage to me.
All feelings serve a purpose and indicate a need that is either being met or unmet. Please don’t overlook or dismiss them. It takes a long time to unlearn the conditioning that feelings are silly or useless or irrational, but please try. Even if your reaction doesn’t neccessarily match the situation, even if your resulting behaviours are unjustified, the emotion is coming from a real place and it is crucial to explore what that is.
Splitting is essentially a mechanism of emotion, and therefore needs to be validated. It’s a coping mechanism hardwired into our brains to protect us, whether in theory or practice.
Splitting on anyone in your life every day cannot function as a part of any healthy relationship. If your triggers are being activated repeatedly, it’s your responsibility to clearly communicate your boundaries. If those boundaries are then intentionally or negligently violated repeatedly, if those triggers continue to be activated, that is emotional abuse. Please get out. Patience is important, self-discipline is important, tolerance and acceptance are important, but none of those skills can be practiced when you’re in a constant state of agitation caused by someone else’s lack of consideration.
I wish I had validated the emotions behind my splitting further and analyzed what was happening to me instead of writing them off purely as a counterproductive products of mental illness. If I had seen my constant splits as red flags, I could’ve saved myself nearly two years of hell and all the time spent healing from it.
These are some of the ways I have learnt to cope with my splitting. While they may not work for everyone or in every instance, hopefully someone will find some use in these strategies.
- When I feel myself splitting on someone, I acknowledge it. I tell myself that I’m splitting, and that it’s the disorder speaking, not me.
- If I’m splitting on a person, I try to distance myself from them to stop me lashing out. Being around them just increases the chances that I’m going to say something I regret and make things harder on both of us.
- Communicate with them. I have found a lot of success in actually telling the person that I’m splitting on them. “I’m getting really upset at you right now, but I know that it is irrational and just because of the BPD. I’m going to try to control it, but it might be best if I have some space until it blows over.” Surprisingly, a lot of people are far more understanding if I just tell them to truth.
- Keep a log (even if it’s just a note in your phone) of the times you split, and what caused them. You might be able to notice patterns or triggers, which you can then work on avoiding.
splitting is sometimes reversible for a lot of us - please remember to not act on devaluation of a relationship until you have the space to analyze whether you want that person out of your life for good
yall ever have those days when ur brain is like
hm… things have been 2 quiet lately…. 2 easy….. time 2 kick this up a difficulty level & go roguegobananasgob u c k w i l d
I saw yesterday that people with BPD don’t fall in love they just get obsessed and then bored in a vicious cycle with different people and honestly I did not need to be called out like that.
you’re either that type of borderline or you’re the type to fall in love then stay totally in love w the concept of that person from behind bars after they’ve framed you for murder. there’s no in between. (✿ꈍ◡ꈍ)
anyway you guys understand what its like to completely have no sense of self and just mirror the personality of every new person you meet becayse you can psychoanalyze them within seconds of saying hello. and then theyre convinced that youre soulmates but youre literally just adapting to their every move and essentially becoming another version of them until eventuslly you collect enlugh traits to form one fucked up personality of your own… right?
lololol bpd/aspd & low-empathy/hyper-empathy solidarity 4ever baybee
waking up with body dysmorphia & getting ready for another day full of possibility
“you can be anything you want to be! :) life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself <3”
personality disorder:
being a quiet, or implosive, borderline means you will internalize the anger and fear and sadness and guilt characterized by our disorder. we will deflect,repress, and compact our symptoms within ourselves, building resentment for those close to us when our suffering isn’t recognized. this will develop into self-punishment. we are far more likely than our explosive counterparts to hurt ourselves without warning or desire for acknowledgement. we shrink ourselves down so we aren’t burdens, but we don’t need to be small to occupy our own lives.
please teach yourself to communicate. practice effective and respectful ways to do so. this will be your greatest strength. nurture your vulnerability. nurture your ability to grow. dedicate yourself to it and don’t let go. you’re worth so much more than you think. your potential is staggering and your current state is the core of that.
even if you don’t think anyone else cares:
self-harm intrinsically damages others too.
self-hate intrinsically damages others too.
suicide intrinsically damages others too.
entertaining fantasies of of any of those intrinsically damages yourself.
reaching out for help doesn’t intrinsically damage anything. more often than not, it’s a step to repair it.
you have earned your voice simply by having it to use. use it.
you aren’t keeping anyone from feeling your pain by keeping the secret of being in agony.
pain is not a thing you own, but instead a thing you radiate.
being a quiet, or implosive, borderline means you will internalize the anger and fear and sadness and guilt characterized by our disorder. we will deflect,repress, and compact our symptoms within ourselves, building resentment for those close to us when our suffering isn’t recognized. this will develop into self-punishment. we are far more likely than our explosive counterparts to hurt ourselves without warning or desire for acknowledgement. we shrink ourselves down so we aren’t burdens, but we don’t need to be small to occupy our own lives.
please teach yourself to communicate. practice effective and respectful ways to do so. this will be your greatest strength. nurture your vulnerability. nurture your ability to grow. dedicate yourself to it and don’t let go. you’re worth so much more than you think. your potential is staggering and your current state is the core of that.
*literally blocks someone toxic then panics about being abandoned by them like a puppy with separation anxiety & a strong flight response*
& by “someone” i mean Men In General
*literally blocks someone toxic then panics about being abandoned by them like a puppy with separation anxiety & a strong flight response*
Bpd facts
-people w bpd have over active frontal lobes (the things that control emotion and memory)-ppl with bpd have amygdala glands that are 16% smaller (the part of your brain that regulates emotion)
-people with bpd experience pain similar to how others feel when they lose a loved one almost daily and over super minor things
-people with bpd will test others by pushing them away, in these situations reassure your loved one with bpd and if they still want soace give it to them but let them know youll be glad to hear from them again if they want to come back
-after an episode people with bpd most likely wont remember much of the episode and can bounce back fairly quickly after an episode which can be confusing
-when a person with bpd tells you they are suicidal, no matter how often, they mean it. Bpd is horribly, horribly painful
Hope this helps some people understand a lil better but theres precisely a shit load of info online so if you think you cant help your loved one with bpd, think again
the one about bouncing back from an episode quickly is SO important for people to understand as it can be almost as damaging and confusing for those witnessing the flip change of emotions as those feeling them
Just a slight correction to the first point - people with BPD actually have underactive frontal lobes, which are parts of the brain that regulate decision making and behaviour, not emotions (as in, the physiological experience of emotions) and memory. It has been found that the volume of gray matter in these areas is actually reduced in people suffering from BPD. (It makes sense considering how easily we’re overwhelmed by emotions and how hard it is to counter them rationally.)
Brain structures involved in the regulation of emotions and memory, such as the amygdala and hippocampus, however, are parts of the limbic system, located deep in the brain. Both have been found to be smaller and in a state of hyperarousal in BPD patients (which can explain the disproportionate intensity of emotions we experience).
It is also interesting that people with BPD have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their blood, and this is linked to the erosion of limbic structures.
right, this is important, ty
unpopular opinion: if people with bpd literally have their brains wired differently from birth then they shouldn’t have to wait until they’re 18 to be diagnosed. I know a lot of people who are younger than 18 who definitely have bpd that would benefit from the proper way to treat it. now they’re just struggling and nothing is working because they aren’t in DBT. I’m not saying that that particular therapy is a cure-all, but it’s supposed to help, and the younger you implement it, the better it’s supposed to work. thank you for coming to my ted talk.
One reason mental health professionals should be cautious handing out PD diagnoses is the prevalence of stigma in mental healthcare communities. Another is the self-fulfilling-prophecy aspect of professional “labeling”. Symptoms should always be taken quite seriously and treated as such, often done best with DBT.
However, once a minor has a PD recorded recorded on their charts, it can be more difficult to find proper care, even if that person still has a lot more developing to do. The trend of telling Girls Who Have Intense Emotions that their core personality is inherently DISORDERED is more damaging than holding off on officiating a half-baked diagnosis and only treating symptoms in the meantime.
I am personally pro-self-dx for minors over the age of 15, but I think that mental healthcare professionals shouldn’t risk the safety and self-identities of minors.
trauma-r-us-deactivated20211010:
who else is terrified of becoming a monster like your abuser but at the same time wonder how satisfying it would be to take revenge upon them.
like i want to hurt others to show i am in pain but i avoid doing it for obvious reasons, but i just,,, want someone to pay for the hell i went through
it isnt fucking fair lmao
“if i could make them feel a hurt with deep & aching roots mirroring that which they forced upon me… maybe they’d say, it was real.. i see that now. i was wrong. i was wretched. you didn’t deserve it. i’m so sorry. how can i ever make up for this thing i’ve done? sweet child, what have i done? you loved me when you shouldn’t’ve. thank you.”
in case it’s needed today:
you’re NOT a bad person for needing too much.
you’re not even a bad person for expecting too much.
we all do sometimes.
teach yourself to allow room for disappointment.
teach yourself to provide for yourself gently & to find others who will do the same.
there will be times when neither your needs nor your expectations will be met.
this is alright. this is normal. this will pass.
it will take time & dedication & failed attempts but you can do it.
in case it’s needed today:
you’re NOT a bad person for needing too much.
does anyone know why some people with PDs think that they’re divinity etc. like where does it stem from/wtf is it
Invalid although this answer is when applied to PD diagnosees as a whole, I’ve talked to others about this as well as feeling it myself, so here’s my 2-n-a-half cents…
I think a really important factor of how we are taught the concept of divinity is ‘inhuman power beyond human comprehension’.
Not only are we dehumanized and otherized by… everyone…. both in amicable misunderstanding AND cruel discrimination, but also our intensity, in whatever form that may take, falls outside the realm of human 'normalcy’. Personality disorders are essentially, I think, various patterns of atypical intensity.
Therein lies our power. Our intensity drives that within us which cannot be felt by most people. It may be tormenting, overwhelming, unbridled, but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that it is a significant internal force.
We are mysteries. And we are deeply alone, save for each other. However, that depth is our own. I think there are few of us who can say that the most profound of our identifying experiences has been really understood by someone neurotypical (or perhaps even non-_PD). This isolation can either be interpreted as a wretched inferiority or, OR, as something ethereal.
Malevolent or benevolent, seraphim or demon, identifying as not-of-this-world seems to be quite a popular coping mechanism among us. There, our imperfect integration, our social/emotional destitution, our lonelinessthat very much makes us who we aremakes sense. Who wouldn’t seek comfort in the supernatural when faced with the sentence of being unnatural?
Angels find solace where born-brittle-then-broken humans cannot. It’s much lovelier that way, anyway.
high empathy/low empathy/no empathysolidarity!
bpd/npd/aspd/hpdsolidarity!
cluster bsolidarity!
personality disordersolidarity!
this is what im here 4!
if it is easier 4 the world 2 label us as Intrinsically Bad People then we have 2 watch out 4 each other!
that is all have a nice day love u
*scrolling thru the bpd recent tag to feel less alone & yet again finding a new crop of untagged graphic self-harm triggers & selfies / self-promos that dont belong in our community tag*:
hmm. this is not what i wanted but IS what i deserve. self care?
yall ever have those days when ur brain is like
hm… things have been 2 quiet lately…. 2 easy….. time 2 kick this up a difficulty level & go roguegobananasgob u c k w i l d
hey siri?
how do i tell whether something i wanna do is actually good for me or if it’s just a placation for my greedy mental illness :/
hello? siri? please dont leave me
summer is upon us again so!
remember u arent any less of a person if u aren’t making money! if u can’t handle a job right now! if u aren’t doing the great things ur friends r doing! if some days you need 2 stay @ home all day! if you don’t do all the things you told yourself you would do! if ur body doesn’t look like u want it 2!
plz prioritize ur happiness & care w/o setting standards that dont fit⚘
i hate the trope of bpd recovery like… i’m never going to recoverfromsomething that’s inherently disordered abt who i am as a person so can we focus instead on what’s attainable like coping & managing & growing into the idea of loving ourselves?? thx
borderlines need softness from people so badly because every angle and every edge in our lives is made so hard by our disorder
one of the best feelings that comes with high empathy is touching someone you love & feeling their body as an extension of your own
You’re not faking it.
People who fake things do it because it makes their lives easier to fake it.
Of all the people I’ve met who are so worried that they’re faking their chronic illness, or autism, or adhd, or depression, or whatever else,
Not one single one has had their lives made easier because of their condition.
It makes their lives harder, and the guilt they feel because they think they’re faking it only adds to that.
You wouldn’t fake something to make your life harder.
So don’t worry about it, okay?
You’re not faking it.
And you deserve support and treatment.
but…a t t e n t i o n
and ;
romanticization
dont 4get!
~*self-pity & excuses 4 shitty behavior *~
I’ve received a few questions about splitting & decided to make a post answering them!
Here u go:
What is splitting?
Splitting is a borderline reaction to something scary that results in deeming something or someone entirely bad or evil.
What causes splitting?
By “scary”, I mean something that threatens an idealization. For example, if someone I idealize as entirely safe, good, perfect, says something that hurts or disgusts me, they have betrayed the concept I have constructed of them, and I now see them as the diametric opposite.
Is splitting permanent?
No, not necessarily.
If given a reason to reverse the split, for example the same person goes out of their way to provide care or affection, the split may be reversed. If not, the split will likely fester and swell, cementing as a permanent hatred. Some splits are too deep to reasonably repair.
Can you split on things as well as people?
Yes.
While borderlines invest our most powerful emotions in people and interpersonal relationships, splitting on non-people is also possible. For example, if I am excited for a new job, then something goes wrong or is too challenging, I can go from loving to hating the experience almost instantaneously. If a city seems inviting and interesting at first, then a negative quality is revealed, I can go from loving where I am to hating where I am. If I develop an emotional attachment to an object, then the object is spoken about with hatred by a person I respect, I will often discard the object entirely.
Do borderlines need to act upon a split?
Of course not.
DBT is the overall most effective therapy for personality disorders, and one of its core lessons is the detachment of emotion from reaction. Self-control is difficult, but crucial. It is the greatest power you can develop against your disorder.
How does it feel to split?
For me, splitting is a panicked rush of betrayal that leads into feelings of hurt, anger, and revulsion. Splitting makes me incredibly upset, and often leads to panic attacks.
What are your personal experiences with splitting?
I split on my boyfriend almost every day, if not multiple times a day. I have never consistently argued with anyone except for him, probably because he is the most aggressive person I have ever allowed into my life. Every split is quickly reversed, which only exacerbates the stress and confusion. I’m really not sure if it’s getting any easier, but I’ve decided that this relationship is worth it.
I recently moved to a new city and reconnected with a friend who lives nearby. I was so happy to be physically close to them, since we had been emotionally close for so long, and I ended up spending a lot of time with them, expecting a best-friendship. However, my boyfriend didn’t like some of their behaviors, and even though he says he does like them, several angry tirades about some behavior at our house have caused me to split on them. I want to cut them off entirely, because now I can’t think of them beyond those negative words, but I’ll control myself and let it fizzle out politely. It honestly sucks, since I WANT to keep liking them so badly, and their behavior didn’t even bother me personally.
One of my worst fears is that someone I care about could split on me,because I know just how deep that hatred runs.
This is one of the best posts on splitting I’ve seen
The whole concept of unconditional romantic love fucking bothers me.
I used to idealize it, now it’s just irritating whenever I see it.
Let me tell you, my love damn sure has conditions, and plenty of them. You have to treat me well, support me, respect me, and above all be honest with me - and that’s just the first tier of my conditions.
Do not love someone without conditions. Do not love them without boundaries. When you do, you lose who you are and you don’t have your needs met.
this includes lovers, friends, & family
letting yourself romanticize your abuser or ignore your abuse is self harm
even good people can do bad things & loving those bad things is dysfunctional
Cluster B buds, I’m working on a project and I need to know: what part of your personality disorder is a strength? Eg. I’m borderline and that sort of has a tendency to wreck friendships and myself, which sucks, but also I feel deeply and that’s not always a bad thing. Message me!
I can empathize & connect with people on a level that requires deeper emotional labor than most people are capable of providing. I’m also very patient with the feelings of others & the intensity of my emotions allows me to access incredible parts of my artistic abilities!
We don’t get very many chances to be positive about our disorders, so yall should take a sec to add some positivity to this one. :*)
talking constantly abt ur fp must b a bpd thing bc i would LOVE 2 have like 1 conversation where im not a background character in my own life but will that ever happen? lmao nah
is it just me or does any fuckup noticed by an angry older man / father figure feel like an absolute death blow
