-abuse tw-

so I’ve been thinking about the old shitty parent statement ‘i clothed you and fed you roof over your head you should be grateful etc.’ and I think I finally figured out what really bothered me about it (outside of the obvious that’s the bare minimum jesus) there is always this undercurrent to that. There’s an unsaid bit 'you should be grateful to me for doing these things, these fundamental caretaking activities, because I didn’t want to do them. I would’ve left you to the wolves if I could get away with it.’

Moving out of my parents’ home in a few days | My Thoughts

In just a few days, I’ll be moving out of my parents’ home and into my own apartment! While I’m very excited for this change, as the move-out day inches closer and closer, I’ve been experiencing a weird mix of emotions.

First, the usual emotions: joy, happiness, relief.I look back at the years I spent at my parents’ home and become even more grateful of the fact that I’m moving out on my own terms. Soon, I will become free of their prying eyes, their demanding expectations, and their strict household. (My dad had said, “You think you’re going to be free of us when you move out? Ha!” I know he’s trying to show he’ll still have ‘control’ of me when I move out, but let’s be real… If I’m not under their roof and am financially independent, their source of control is extremely limited, if that. My mom believes I am only moving out for one year and will move back in once I graduate with my Master’s degree. Ha! I plan to never move back in with my parents, if I can help it. Good riddance!)

But also, weirdly, I’ve also experienced “sadness”. I say “sad” in quotes because I know deep down, I’m not actually sad. I know that these are normal feelings, because it’s the start of a new chapter. While I’m sad to leave behind familiarityandcomfort, I am much more eager to leave behind the unforgiving and, imho, unrealistic Asian traditions/expectations held by my parents.

This is what I felt when I left to go to college: I knew it was a good move for me but I was still nervous because it wasn’t familiar: it was a new path I was trekking on. Of course, I’m older and wiser than I was when I was only 18. Which gives me the confidence to know that I’ll definitely be ok for this chapter!

Plus, my relationship with my parents was at its best when we were separated by distance. I’m fairly confident that me moving out will ultimately improve our relationship.

I can breathe.

I’m excited to share that I’ve officially signed an apartment lease and plan to move out of my parents’ home next month! Graduate school is going to be in-person for the next academic year (and my last year!) and I’m so so so excited for this move. Although great for my wallet, living with strict, Asian, narcissistic parents was not the best for my mental health. It’s been 3 years of me living with them after graduating from undergrad, and I am 1000% ready for this.

• No more of my parents demanding where I’m going.
• No more of my parents criticizing my spending habits when I get packages delivered.
• No more of my parents judging when or how often I hang out with my friends.
• No more of my parents trying to control my life.
• No more of my parents trying to pry into my life.
• No more of my parents restricting my freedom or giving me no privacy.

…

I can finally breathe. This truly is the start of a new chapter for me, and I’m so excited. :’)

Three Tips for Living with Strict, Asian Narcissistic Parents

1. Lower your expectations.

The reality is, my family is broken. Both of my parents have their Asian ideals and standards hard-wired into them, and I have more Western ideals. My mom is narcissistic and is prone to mood swings. My dad is unambitious and an enabler. My parents used to be physically abusive and verbally abusive (they’ve “grown” out of it as we aged; I think it’s harder to hit a 20-something year old versus a 10 year old, but hey). Unfortunately, it’s unrealistic to expect them to just “grow” out of the rest of their personality/being. I’ve lowered my expectations of what my parents should be, because otherwise they’ll never reach them and so I don’t constantly get disappointed.

2. Emotionally distance yourself and stone wall

What I’ve done this past few years (honestly, without thinking) is just keep things to myself, and not engage my parents in anything. Keep conversations light, short, and surface-level. The less they know about your life, the better! You better believe they’d use information as a weapon against you later!

3. Become financially independent

If they’re funding your lifestyle, I’m sorry – because it’s hard to detangle yourself out of that. Parents like mine like to hold over the fact that they have money and can control you. Once you become financially independent, you take away a HUUUUGGEEEE source of their “power.”

Living with Strict, Narcissistic Asian Parents | Breaking Out of the Comfort Zone

After I graduated from high school, I went to a college that was 400 miles away from my parents. The next 4 years were full of challenges and growth. And quite frankly, this was the time where my relationship with my mom was at its best. Let me say that more clearly: Distance is the best thing you can have if you have strict, narcissistic asian parents.

Why? They can’t control you. In my case, all my parents could really do was text or call me. Once the homesickness faded, we all got used to living without each other. My parents would check in with me occasionally but otherwise, let me live my life. We all knew we were just a phone call or text away. (Note: My parents didn’t mind me going to this far away college, because it was UC Berkeley and as we all know, Asian parents love to brag and take pride in rankings.)

Fast forward to today: After college graduation, I moved back home because I got a salaried position near my hometown. I worked there for 2.5 years, then was set to attend graduate school and was excited with the idea of moving away again. Unfortunately, COVID-19 happened and the entire academic year was online. Fortunately, the next academic year is planned to be in-person so I still get to move out!

Now that I’m at this point, I look back and wonder: “Do I regret living at home for the past 3 years?” And honestly, I have to reluctantly say “no.” As much as I did have extreme tension (!!!) with my parents, I have to admit I think the end result turned out ok. I did often feel socially “stunted” and that my privacy wasn’t always respected, however. But through these 3 years, I must’ve easily saved about $50,000 from not having to pay market rent, expenses, food, etc. With me in a master’s program, having this extra $50,000 is extremely helpful so that I don’t have to go into debt for education.

So I’m rambling here. What’s my takeaway?

• If you can, go to a college far away from home. At least far enough where you can dorm. Undergraduate years are a great time to find yourself.
• After graduation, consider your future plans. Are you considering graduate school? Are you still unsure about your career path? If yes, consider moving back home to help save while you think about how to proceed. If no, consider staying away from your parents! Or close enough to visit occasionally but far enough where they can’t control you. I know everyone says to live apart, but it’s 2021 and the reality is living expenses are CRAZY HIGH. Living with your parents is not nearly as stigmatized as it used to be.
• If you do find yourself living back at home (for whatever reason), make the most of it. Your parents will likely make you pay reduced market-price rent or if you’re lucky, no rent at all. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. If you have a transactional relationship with your Asian parents, just think of your stay as a temporary one. And one that ultimately helps your end goal.
• It’s also easy to stay stuck in this “comfort zone” of just living at home with minimal expenses forever. This isn’t great obviously, and is something I even succumbed to. You gotta grow! Live at home for a few years after graduation, but ALWAYS keep in the back of your mind your exit strategy. Are you staying at home until you get into grad school? Until you get your ideal job? Until you have saved enough for a car?

Of course everyone’s personal situation is unique so this post isn’t a cookie-cutter fit for all.

Alright, there are many of us out here. Long story short: our parents immigrated over to the US, we are first-generation Americans, and there’s often clashes between the Asian culture and the American culture. Specifically, this post is for those of us who have narcissistic, strict Asian parents. If you don’t meet these, I’m sure maybe this post may seem harsh.

Here are 10 things I want to share with my fellow Asian-Americans in similar shoes.

1. Know that your experience may be common among other first-generation Americans who attempt to normalize the parents’ behavior, but that the parents’ behavior is NOT ok. This is something that I see happening often. I’ll say something like “Yeah so they weren’t the best parents.” or “My parents are complicated people” and the person will say, “Haha but that’s what everyone our age [20′s] says about their parents.” or “But they’re your parents!” I’ve learned to filter people who are dismissive! (I much rather them say “Totally see where you’re coming from!” or “Oh, yeah I see.” and *acknowledge* my statement, instead of dismissing it.)
2. If your parents see you as an “investment”, you’re not the only one! My parents (especially my mom) see her children as investments. While I understand there’s some cultural aspect to this point of view, I see this mentality as objectifying children and something that is completely tasteless. Perhaps that’s because I’m apparently “Americanized.” I don’t think parents should treat their children as material objects, wanting to “cash in” on them later. Instead, I think if parents treat their children well, children will be likely to return the favor. You should not need to threaten or consistently remind children that they “owe” you.
   
3. If your parents often criticize you by calling you “ugly”, “fat”, or “stupid, know that this is 100% a reflection of them, and NOT you. I am honestly pretty sensitive so this bullying used to really hurt my feelings. Now I am older and understand that they are reflecting how they feel about themselves and that they are massively insecure. While they try to say things like “Well, I say this because I care about you”, don’t believe it. What kind of logic is that? If your parents say these things to you, let it roll off and ignore them the best you can.
4. If your parents are money-oriented, keep your budget and monetary matters private. I understand where this comes from because many of them came with only the clothes on their backs to America. However, this does not allow them to control YOUR money and finances. Please, please, please make sure you have a separate bank account from your parents and that your finances are not co-mingling with theirs. Once that is established, make sure you keep your budget and monetary matters private. Don’t tell them your salary, your spending habits, how often you eat out, your big purchases, etc. Otherwise, they will use you or use the information against you. My mom will throw a literal TEMPER TANTRUM if she sees take-out in the trash cans. OR she’ll go “Wow, you eat out so much. Why don’t you ever buy me anything? You seem like you have so much money to spend.” I’ve had to hide Amazon packages from her, too. (Note: I’m good with money, so her critique of my spending is unwarranted.)
   
5. Nosy and intrusive parents? Keep conversations to small talk. Similar to the last point of how parents will use information they know against you… the best way to combat this is to just tell them less information. Of course in my specific situation, I can’t simply ignore or block them (nor do I think that action is entirely warranted … I just do limited contact). But I tell them small talk topics. Things I know they can’t really use against me. School, work, dog. I would NEVER, EVER tell them about my love life until I’m sure this guy is the one I want to marry, or something. My parents are much too nosy.
6. Strict parents, high expectations, and never satisfied… To an extent, I’m sure this has led to growth and higher accomplishments. But fuck, I hate when my parents have these crazy expectations of what I can do. And when I do well, they never say praise. It’s “expected” I perform well. Please know that all of your accomplishments take effort and you are appreciated! Even if not by your parents. 
7. If you have parents who are more “housemates” versus happily married couple, well… same. Divorce is very, very taboo in Asian culture, apparently. My parents will argue very often: loud screaming matches, doors being slammed, things being broken, cursing in their language. They’ve threatened divorce multiple times a year, but um they’re still together nearly 30+ years later. This has skewed my view of relationships. Truthfully, I had a period where I desperately wanted someone even if we might not be the best fit (high school/college), but now I’ve realized it’s better to be single than be in the wrong relationship. I am proud of my growth and single status - I’m working on myself, my goals, and my needs. If you have similar parents, please know that there ARE healthy, non-toxic relationships out there. If anything, view your parents’ relationships as what NOT to do.
8.  My parents have often simplistic views of medicine and health. And look, I get it, I know there is Eastern medicine. I cannot just “drink more water” and have everything be ok. I cannot just “eat vegetables” and have clear skin. I cannot just “drink Asian soup” and have all of my back pains gone. I understand the importance of diet, of course, but this is way too simplistic and often ignores science and modern medicine. To me, personally, it comes off as dismissive and disrespectful, especially when I ask my parents to respect my wishes (and my doctor’s) wishes to take medication/surgery/etc. When I was coming off a major 6-hour spinal surgery, my mom would refuse to let me take my pain medicine. Um, what? When my mom learned I was on birth control to control my periods and better my life, she threw my medicine away. I believe my health are private matters, and I don’t think anyone (except your partner) really needs to know your business.
9. Constant comparing and judging is a commonality with Asian parents. And I hate it. Why do I care about your co-worker’s daughter who I’ve never met?! The constant comparing makes everything in life feel like a competition. Now, when my parents try to compare or judge, I just nod and don’t give them any reaction. I’m secure in my own self and my accomplishments. I also think my parents just like to hear themselves talk… 
10. Lastly… know that you are not your parents. Just because you are genetically related to your parents, does NOT mean you will become just like them. You CAN break the cycle and be GOOD parents to your future children. The fact that you are aware your parents are not the best parents shows you are cognizant and recognize their behavior is not acceptable.

I’ll also drop two Reddit sites that have helped me: /raisedbynarcissistsand/asianparentstories 

HOWEVER, I would recommend you only spend 30 minutes a day on these sites because surrounding yourself in negative posts isn’t great for your mental health (at least for me, anyway). While it’s great to find relatable posts, I think it’s better for me to do a positive activity that boosts my mood, instead of stirring up anger and resentment (which is how I feel after viewing the sites for too long, lol).

Mom: Highly narcissistic, classic asian tiger mom, never satisfied with anything. Always pushes siblings and myself more and more. Has little empathy for others. Has a loud shrieking voice. Very temperamental. Extremely money-oriented to the point that she will throw a tantrum if she sees us buying take-out. Has allowed our dog to escape the backyard multiple times. Manipulative. Does not respect privacy or medicine. Thinks “drinking water” can clear up autoimmune disorders. Verbally and physically abusive.

Dad: Extremely passive and uncommunicative. Slightly sexist attitudes, expecting females to cook, clean, and take care of him, but has improved a lot. Is not handy with repairs or fixes and usually ends up doing a half-assed job of it and makes the home lose value (i.e. our bathroom cabinets have ugly nails seen from the exterior, our shower faucets have broken pressure after he tried to fix the leaky aspect, our sink always floods every week because he won’t admit we need a plumber, etc). Also can be verbally and physically abusive but not nearly to extent of mom. Insecure about money. Very simple-minded. 

Older sister: Successful but a mini version of “Mom”. Can be very temperamental, moody, and hot and cold. Currently married and expecting their firstborn this month. Was usually the main recipient of my parent’s abuse growing up and ironically (or for that reason?), tries to forget the harmful past of our parents and family dynamic and selectively remembers the “good” parts only. Trying too hard to “revitalize” our asian traditions without any reciprocity from the family, who is disinterested and tbh should not be kept together for long periods because we’re toxic to each other. Seemingly has little connections/friends and seems lonely, a bit co-dependent on other people’s interactions.

Younger sister: Lazy, unambitious, needs her hand held for everything. Extremely co-dependent. The more artistic, creative sibling of the three of us. Likely has mild depression. Needs to mature more, too sheltered. After my older sister left, my younger sister became the main recipient of my parents’ abuse. Both sisters are fiery and hot-tempered, and clash with parents.

Me: Suffers from anxiety, and as a result often detaches myself from most situations and most people. Commitment-phobic because of parents’ relationship, but once attached to someone, likes the safety and security. Would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship (EXHIBIT A: MY PARENTS’ RELATIONSHIP). Yet ironically would stupidly go back to my exes than starting fresh. Have become more private about my life, which has helped my anxiety a LOT (also see “detached”). Too prideful of accomplishments, like school names and internships, like a dumb work rat in this cog of a machine. Can be petty and hold grudges, which is not great.

Hey parents,

It’s not healthy to fight so often. And it’s even worse to bring your children into the fight. 

K, thanks. Bye.

But in all seriousness, if two people are continually fighting about the SAME topic, something has got to change. Obviously something’s not working. 

I hate when my parents fight because: 

1. It’s not just a fight between them. Oh, no no. The entire house will feel the effects. My mom will act passive aggressive and slam doors. My dad will sulk and roll his eyes at my mom. They are both in bad moods that affect everyone. Everyone is walking on eggshells!
2. Even worse is when they TRY TO BRING US INTO THEIR FIGHT. Hey man, this is not my fight and I don’t have the energy to be involved in this. I hate when my dad goes, “Ugh do you see what your mom is doing? Why does she think all of this money is hers to spend?” I used to sit politely and squirm, but now that I’m older, I tell my dad, “Look. I’m not involved in this argument. Please do not involve me. I don’t know why she does what she does – ask her yourself –, and I don’t have time or energy or the mental bandwidth to be involved.”
   
   I sometimes feel bad for saying that – after all, I think my dad is just trying to vent (especially since it’s COVID right now so he can’t exactly go out with his friends). But um hello, I’m the CHILD. This is not healthy. Do not put me in between this.

I think I’ve gotten better with putting boundaries and prioritizing my mental health. I am not a listening ear to everyone. I am not responsible for taking care of everyone’s issues. Dealing with my OWN issues is already enough as it is.

Sigh. If anything, I guess my parents are perfect examples of what I should NOT do when I have my own kids. 

Raise your hand if so. ‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️

My mom’s voice is this uncomfortable, shrill voice. 

I can go deeper into this, like how her voice is triggering because it often results in:

• a heated argument
• a demand for me to do something for her 
• an insensitive comment about how I am stupid/fat/ugly/worthless
• an unsolicited probe into my personal life (when she found out I was on birth control pills, she THREW OUT MY MEDICATION) 

Whenever she screams my name (she’s always LOUD), I can feel my blood pressure rise. Clearly, my mom and I don’t have the best relationship lol. 

So I’ve finally come to terms (well, sorta) that my mom is narcissistic and acts very entitled. I also recognize that there’s a culture clash between her strict Asian culture & the American culture. Being first-generation American is a weird tug of war between the parents’ cultures & the American culture. 

The reddit thread r/raisedbynarcissists definitely helped me realize that my mom is a narcissist & I could relate to a LOT of posts there. But I also close out of that page after around 10 minutes because surrounding myself in negativity like that can get exhausting. 

I am very grateful and appreciative for all the things my mom has done that have shaped me into where I am today in life, but with that being said, I can’t ignore the bad parts either.

• She is very temperamental. Anything can tick her off. And you best believe, if SHE’S in a bad mood, the WHOLE HOUSE is affected.
• She acts very fake & is very image-oriented. Seeing my mom switch from yelling at us to sweetly chatting her friend on the phone the next minute is… scary.
  
• She acts entitled. Chalk this up to culture clash maybe, but I absolutely despise how she sees her children as her “retirement plan”
• She is never satisfied. It’s just exhausting to be around someone who is never satisfied. Some recognition of all the work I put in would be nice; don’t act like it’s so easy.
• She is incredibly money-oriented. I have to hide receipts and take-out boxes the rare times I do spend money or she will throw a *temper tantrum*. And not to toot my horn, but I’m good with money (debt-free, read handful of financial books, got a 401K & IRA, minimal expenses, etc)
• She is very childish and lacks maturity. Something about her is just off. She often uses my little sister as the scapegoat, and it’s like “um, mom - you have problems with me, my little sis, my older sis, and my dad. what’s the common denominator here? it’s you”
• She constantly insults and puts me down. She constantly says I’m fat, stupid, and ugly. None of which are true - I’m closer to underweight than overweight; I graduated from UC Berkeley & attending UCLA; and honestly, this is a bit full of myself, but I find that I’m good-looking. I have no issues getting attention from guys (though it’s usually my anxiety that stops me). Her constant belittling actually ruined my self-esteemed growing up.
• She is too proud to ever apologize. Good luck trying to hear the words “I’m sorry” from her because she will never say them. If she’s wrong, she expects you to move on. If YOU’RE wrong, she’ll constantly remind you of it and belittle you.

I hope this post doesn’t come off as petty. But fuck, does it feel good to write it all down in one list.

Anyone else have a parent that ticks off these too?

Woke up, and my mom is already in a bad mood. The thing is, she doesn’t internalize her emotions or try to work through them herself. If she’s in a bad mood, the ENTIRE house will 1) know it and 2) be affected by it.

My mom likes to start arguments for the STUPIDEST reasons. I genuinely think that she gets joy from starting drama, and that she acts out because she wants attention. My mom is an interesting person to study, to say the least.

Latest argument she initiated? Screaming at my dad for sleeping on the couch and drooling. She says it’s disgusting that saliva’s on the couch, that there’s a bed for a reason, that he’s lazy for falling asleep watching TV on the couch, etc. And to be fair, I get it - but at the same time, she is being WAY. TOO. DAMN. DRAMATIC. about this whole thing. 

So what if he drooled on the couch a bit? Make a note, have a calm discussion, move on. There is NO need to start an entire fight from this, wake up the entire house, and cause everyone to be in a bad mood and walk on eggshells. 

I had been really looking forward to moving out for grad school but then COVID-19 hit and everything is shut down. Grad school is online now and there is literally no reason for me to move out of my parents’ home (besides the toxic home environment which I can bear if I save $ and can graduate without debt lol). It makes ZERO sense for me to move out to my own apartment in LA, spend $1,200+ A MONTH on rent, when school is 100% online. So sigh, I’mma just vent about the situation instead.

I also am really, really, really(!!!) cognizant of my own behavior and making sure it doesn’t mimic or is similar to my mom’s. I absolutely HATE being compared to my mom or even used in the same sentence as her. I think by studying my mom and seeing what ticks her off, I learn what NOT to do as a person. How sad is that.

Perhaps the hat should have spent more time on Draco’s head. Maybe it would have screamed “THERAPY!” rather than “Slytherin!”.

Credits to @perhapsarat on Instagram (formerly @/fleamontpotter)

My bullet journals aren’t just a hobby (though, I won’t say no to cute washi tapes and stickers!), they’re a lifeline in this chaotic world I live in. 2020 had so many cancelled/rearranged plans that I had to keep track of, tasks to shuffle around depending on a dozen other factors, and my own schoolwork to finish up. Having a structure daily, weekly, and monthly was certainly a great help. It really took out the pressure of not knowing what to do each day or trying to ensure I didn’t forget something only for it to come back and cause me to freak out or panic.

Another piece of the puzzle fell into place today.

My trauma response is now clearly evident (hindsight is 20/20, right?) and I can trace it back to as far as when I was 6 or 7.

As soon as I recognised “fawn”, it was like an entire section of my memories was instantly rewritten. I wasn’t “sucking up” to teachers and other authority figures, I was desperately trying to survive by making sure they were happy with me!

I was badly bullied for what seemed like attention seeking and bootlicking in secondary school. And I hated myself for doing so. But now, right now, I realise that I was just trying to keep myself safe in an unpredictable world (though, admittedly, school was much safer than home).

Perhaps now I can begin to forgive myself what I did to survive.

Other people learnt what patterns were in maths worksheets and those fun little activity books for kids.

I learnt what patterns were in observing my parents’ unpredictable abusive behaviour in the hopes of making it more… well, predictable.

This might be oddly specific but does anyone else get anxious when you’re filling up forms (for school, work, job applications etc) and you struggle to think of someone to put in the Emergency Contact(s) field?

I recently realised that I don’t have anyone suitable. I don’t want to put my parents nor my sibling, I don’t have any close friends that I’d want to make decisions for me, and I don’t have any other trusted adult.

Sometimes it’s the little things like this that are the saddest, and I realise how lonely some days can become.

All things considered, I suppose going to therapy while still living in the place where people hurt you is a lot of trying to stop the burning process just after you’ve been splashed with boiling water. You’re hoping to minimise the damage that you’ll get - that you’ll have to put up with afterwards.

I was 18 before I was supposed to, so now, I am 18 when I’m not supposed to.

- my thoughts on having to mature faster than your peers because you were abused, neglected and/or parentified.

A thread on some double standards in parenting. It made me think for a good 20 mins. I’ve started to see this in my childhood memories but this really gave some concrete examples to latch on to. Identifying how it wasn’t me being “selfish” or “cruel” or “manipulative” or “rude”, but instead, just a child trying to make sense of the world and emulating what my parents did.

Credits: Blimie Heller (IG: unconditional_parenting) https://www.instagram.com/unconditional_parenting/p/CZFRMQALF-U/?utm_medium=copy_link

My thoughts on this, as a CPTSD survivor:

Parents who see and point out only the flaws and “bad” parts of people makes the world seem like an even more dangerous place.

As a child who was neglected and abused by family members - the very people I was supposed to be able to trust to love and protect me - I was already convinced that people in general weren’t safe. Then I listened to my parents constantly saying stuff like “that neighbour is a selfish, hard-hearted woman who wouldn’t help you” or “the newspaper boy is a lazy good-for-nothing kid who will probably steal your Amazon package if it’s left on your doorstep”.

Is it any wonder why I grew up hyperindependent and terribly afraid to show any weaknesses or vulnerabilities? I grew up thinking that the world was so damn unsafe.

And years later in therapy learning that it was never true, none of it at all, and I’ve been afraid my whole life of nothing.

How NOT to advertise or promote a conference/workshop/talk on trauma.

~

A light-hearted post for a change here. Hoping that I can at least put a smile on someone’s face, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

But seriously though, seeing this ad pop up while scrolling through IG stories damn near made me choke on my morning coffee.

Things parents/caregivers should not comment on:

1. Your appearance

2. Your weight

3. The food you choose to eat

4. Other personal choices that affect only yourself (e.g. which classes/ electives to take, buying items, going to therapy)

To all the shiny medals and pretty trophies that I’ve chased after…

To the folder of certificates I have amassed over the years…

And to the honours I have never stopped yearning for -

Today I learnt that I never wanted you in itself. I wanted the safety I thought you would bring, with each one of you hopefully being THE achievement that would make my parents finally love me wholly and unconditionally.

When you’ve been raised on so little, you start to believe that you don’t deserve or need much to survive… when in reality, we do.

And I think that’s one of the most damaging things our childhood could have taught us.

The Unique Features of Complex PTSD

How to begin explaining what Complex PTSD is to people who don’t have it, and/or don’t know about it:

CPTSD is “a result of trauma that was prolonged an[d] all-encompassing enough to actually change the victim’s fundamental personality”.