#rkmga5

-.✦･｡ﾟmga auditions:second skill
             feeldog’s part of ‘you got some nerve’ -.✦｡ﾟ

When Ryujin return to the practice room she is relieved. All the while she was out for the short twenty minute break she couldn’t help but feel like people were staring at her, knowing what a failure she has been. It’s more than likely all in her head, she know that incredibly well, but her fate lies in the hands of the judges and one rumor can end everything. Somehow she feel safe before the panel of experts, safer than with all of the other greedy auditioners at least. Ryujin’s trust in others perished the moment she learnt what Jimin had done, the crime that terminated them all and for what? A better position? She was selfish, much like many others here.

She is comfortable in front of the judges still as well as the song that she has prepared for the second skill performance. While she is absolutely more confident in dancing she has picked a song that speak loud and clear to her, at least the verse from Feeldog does. Days on end has been spent on this particular track and not only does the lyrics mean something, she truly just enjoy the beat. In Ryujin’s opinion, it’s a very strong track that she is proud to perform today– she has had to show what she’s got many times before and this audition is no different, aside from the fact that the people in front of her today are strangers instead of her coaches.

That does faze her at all however, Ryujin is calm. The lyrics of Feeldog’s part somehow fit with the gossip around Amarante, and it fit her very own personality. When she understood that it’s expected of them to have prepared two skills she knew immediately what she wanted to go for with the secondary one, Feeldog has been her celebrity crush for the longest time so it wasn’t particularly a difficult choice. The time limit of one minute however, had her struggle a bit. She has edited the sample so that the intro gradually build up since the track starts a while in, and when the music begin to play there it something that clearly change in her eyes.

It’s noticeable that she is here on business, that she’s serious as a contestant can possibly be because Ryujin know that she’s worthy. Playing around with the intro she deliver the words so effortlessly that she could fool anyone into believing that the lyrics are her own. The transition into the verse itself is slow but controlled at first, and when she ask if they even know what her name is she has changed it to her own. “My name is, RYUJIN.” When she rap she think about everyone who talk shit, who gossip and believe that they can chit-chat about this and that. All of their jibber jabber makes her eyes roll back, she wonder if they want to see her crazy.

미치고 팔짝 뛰겠어
I’m about to go crazy
너 때문에 미치고 팔짝 뛰겠네 정말
I’m about to go crazy because of you, for real
니가뭐라뭐라 떠들어대는 소리 때문에
Because of your jibber-jabber noise
정말 눈 돌아가겠어 진짜
My eyes are rolling back, for real
사람 미치는 꼴 볼래?
Do you wanna see a person go crazy?
어디 한 번 끝까지 너 가볼래?
Do you really wanna see the end?
존나 어이없네 얘 진짜 미쳤네 야, 야
You got some fucking nerve, you’re really crazy, hey, hey

The rap picks up and she deliver the lyrics with ease, with an advanced breath control she has absolutely no issue spitting the words with proper pronounciation. The lyrics speak to her on a deeper lever, they mean something to her which is easily heard through the way she deliver a verse that many would struggle with. Ryujin owns the scene, it is all hers to play with for those sixty seconds. It’s plenty of time, an entire minute is long enough to be performing on her own although she could wish that she had more time. She end the verse with a charismatic glare– and then she bow down with a little hint of a smile. While Ryujin wouldn’t dare call herself to be a real rapper she sure as hell manage to pull it off, memorising lyrics easily.

I-.✦･｡ﾟmga auditions:extra skill
             ambidextrous mirror writing in english -.✦｡ﾟ

There is a part of her that wonder whether a skill like this is impressive enough or not, whether it’s good enough to be aired on the show should she pass this audition. Everyone that she has shown it to so far has been mindblown but that does not mean that the production staff will be equally amazed, they are a much harder audience to please. Fair enough honestly, such a big show receive countless applications and there are so many auditioners that they are forced to split everyone into three seperate schools. The competition is fierce so obviously they will only pick those who are the most interesting, who will bring entertainment to the table.

Ryujin doesn’t have many talents like this really, which is why she ultimately chose it because she has little options to choose from. When asked about her special skills she nod slowly, she offer a gentle smile as she request for a piece of paper and two pens or pencils. Although the woman in front of her has her application form in front of her she possibly don’t know what the ambidextrous part of it mean, Ryujin wonder if she see a hint of confusion within the lady. She express her appreciation and thank the woman respectfully when handed over the requested items. This is when the smile turn into a small grin, “I’ll be mirror writing in English.”

   “With both hands,” she add to the information.

With a pencil in each hand she place the tips near the center of the paper, to execute this right she require enough space on both sides. She begin to write, both hands moving perfectly and simuntaneously; with the right hand does she write normally and with the left hand she write it  mirrored. ‘Hello, I am 18 years old, Shin Ryujin. My special talent is mirror writing.’  She’ll have to admit that she is indeed right handed so the writing on the left side is indeed a bit sloppier, but it’s still clear enough to be read without any problem. Putting the pencils down Ryujin pick up to show the camera what she has written and proceeds to speak the sentences out loud.

“Hello, I’m Shin Ryujin and I’m 18 years old. My special talent is mirror writing.” The words are coming out in proper English, with perfect pronounciation. Ryujin has learnt the language from her mother who was born in the US, as well as her grandparents who live there still. Finally it’s time for a short break and a bathroom break, possibly some food too and if she happen to find Soeun again then everything would be perfect. Ryujin doesn’t want to be alone out there.

-.✦･｡ﾟmga auditions:interview
             who is your musical inspiration? -.✦｡ﾟ

Gentle strokes of a brush caress her face as Ryujin sit in the makeup department, the artist is swift in her work and is preparing the dancer for a standard interview. She is comfortable here although having absolutely no say in her look, they are likely making it look as natural as they possibly can so she doesn’t give it much thought as she relax into the soft touches. She know that she isn’t necessarily the prettiest girl in the world but she is confident in her own skin, she rarely feel the need to cover up with makeup and if  she does wear any it’s the bare minimum. When she eye herself in the mirror she crack a smile, and thank the artist for the work done.

From one seat to another, Ryujin soon enough find herself in front of a camera, behind it is a new woman who explain that she will be asking some questions. A nod acknowledge what is coming and when the first question come up, the smile broadens a little. “First and foremost I have to say my oppa, if it wasn’t for him then I wouldn’t be sitting here today.” Ryujin still uses her step-brother as inspiration, even if he has retired from the musical scene a long time ago and has moved onto the next chapter of his life. “When I was young I used to play in his room while he worked on some tracks and sometimes, I apparently helped him unknowingly.” 

“He once told me that I used to hum things that he liked and that he has used those melodies that I murmured in some of his work. I can’t remember it myself but when I listen to his songs there is some sort of connection, I feel proud that I have contributed in some way.” She speak proudly about a memory that is incredibly dear to her, but she realise that she is rambling. It’s good to brag about a true role model though, both his musical and medical career stand as a motivation for her to move forward with her dreams. If he can produce music on the side of a heavy study like that, then she can also reach her dream. “He’s taught me how to produce my own music, so I really look up to him and he inspire me a lot. Aside from him, then Bigstar.”

She nod gently to confirm what she has just said. “They were the ones that actually made me want to step on a stage and perform. I always liked them a lot, especially Feeldog and Baram spoke to me. I also enjoy Bewhy and CJamm, they are my latest favourites.” Moving on she’s asked about her reasons to become an idol, the answer simple yet difficult to put to words. It’s more a feeling to her and though Ryujin is good with words, she struggle to find the right ones for this paritcular answer. “Ah… Do you know the feeling of listening to a song and then it just speaks to you in one way or another? Like, when music bring out emotions– I want to speak to people through my music, I want to give them something to relate to.” She nods again.

“If I can make others feel something by listening to my songs then I would be very happy,” she explain her reasons briefly. Next question is an easy one as Ryujin has but one more dream in her sleeve, she would love nothing more than to be signed with her favourite idols. However, it can be noticed that there is a hint of bitterness when she purse her lips together; she can only hope that she will be signed to a better company than her previous one. “It would be an honor should I ever walk the same corridors as Bigstar sunbaenims so I have to say TRC,” she allow herself to laugh due to he rown statement, a little embarrassedly at that. It would definitely be a dream come true if she ever have the chance to meet Feeldog, especially. 

“If not TRC, then I suppose Nova is a runner up.”

-.✦･｡ﾟmga auditions:strongest skill
            dancing to taylor swifts’ look what you made me do  -.✦｡ﾟ

Parting with Soeun leave her a bit insecure. At first glance there is nobody in the dance group that she know, she didn’t really expect to see any familiar faces either. While surrounded by a whole bunch of people Ryujin know that even if she was assigned the same school as friends she likely would not be able to find them in the immense crowd. Perhaps during the break but she’s not counting on it. Waiting there with other supposed dancers she begin to chat with the ones next to her that appear sociable, simple conversation to make the time pass.

“Shin Ryujin.” 

When the young dancer hear her name she squeeze the hands of a fellow auditioner that she made aquantance of, asking for her good luck and wishing the same in return. She is swift off her seat and head in to the practice room where it’s her turn to sell herself, where she has but one minute to prove that she is one that they want to see more of. When presented with those who are going to judge today she bend down in a polite bow, she is well aware of her position and the fact that these people are going to decide what will happene next in her life.

“Hello, I am Shin Ryujin. I am 18 years old and I will be dancing for you,” she is humble in her tone to shop proper respect to the judges in front of her. Standing just in her assigned spot it’s obvious that she is familiar with the procedure, Ryujin nod to the person in charge of music as cue to tell that she is ready. Her glance shift downwards to get into character but the moment that the song begin, the stare shoots straight up at the middle judge. Moves are controlled as can be, dancing is what she has been doing for so long as she can remember. 

She didn’t necessarily enjoy ballet when she started at the age of four, and she didn’t like it as she turned eight either. Moving into her nineth year is when Ryujin discovered her passion, it’s always been hiphop and more boyish dance routines. Each and every second count when she attempt to capture the heart and mind of a judge so she spend them well, executing the dance perfectly. Confidence radiate from her while she dance, it almost seem like it’s a different girl in front of them compared to the humple student that introduced herself moments ago.

A minute pass quickly, ended with a slow but strong move. Having laid down on the floor with her back facing down she allow her upper body to emerge, head hanging loose to make sure that she is ending her performance with a charismatic glare. Fingers close in seductively, one my one to make a fist which conclude her choreography. Once the music end she find her way back up on her feet to bow down to the judges once again, the schedule is tight so she know that she has to be moving as soon as possible. Ryujin is then lead to the next post on the agenda.

-.✦･｡ﾟmga auditions:arrival
             june 13th, school of performing arts -.✦｡ﾟ

Anger and pure bitterness consume Ryujin as she make her way towards the school that she was assigned to audition. It isn’t the first time that she has to sell herself and what she has to offer, but she can certainly hope that this is the last. Only a few months ago was she meant to debut with Starship Entertainment’s new girl group, Amarante; the happiness of achieving the opportunity to officially step on a stage was short lived however, when Ryujin and all the other girls were punished for jealous crimes that weren’t at all their own. The crime made by a lone member turned out to affect them all, each member had their contract terminated on the spot.

And nobody seemed to care. Although public, they were mere trainees after all.

As a high school sophomore she is assuredly used to an early schedule, the early attendance doesn’t bother her at all because Ryujin is meant to show up for school anyway. Sleepiness is evident on her features nonetheless, while knowing that she is more than worthy enough to be apart of the show she worry that her past failure might bring a poor impact. It’s nerve-wracking letting other people decide your fate, in this business talents doesn’t always matter. Ryujin has already got a chance to debut, so she wonder whether she will be given one more. She arrive with one of her close friends and former fellow members, Soeun, who was their lead vocalist.

No fucking way that they are at the end of the road just yet. When they finally come first in line she identifies herself and receive a hand written name tag, it almost feel like such a waste that she is here. It still baffles her that when one single person mess up, all of them had to pay the price. Staying close with her friend she head towards the gym for measurements, she always hated this part although unsure as to why exactly. Does it even matter, is what she use to ask because what does their height and weight got to do with talent? Standing there feeling like a child at the nursery they confirm that she had indeed applied correctly, as if she would cheat.

Time has come for her to part ways with her friend because ultimately, the two of them hold a completely different skillset where Ryujin is headed for the dancing and the other for singing. Although the youngest she find that she has to encourage the singer, to calm them down and explain that everything will be alright if they just mange to show the judges what they got. She smile at the elder, give her a tight hug before stepping off and up to the second floor where it’s time for more waiting. Her expression is hard to read for those who might not know her, which sometimes intimidate the others. If they get to know her, they will learn how endearing she is.

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5: episode 5, kyung’s outfit (lyrics + line distribution)
           performing block b “jackpot” with @rkjaemin & @rksuwoong 

They look absolutely ridiculous in their brightly yellow outfits that makes them all look like some giant bumble bees but honestly, Ryujin does believe that if they are going to have a fair chance to win this whole thing they need to walk the extra mile that she reckon some people will skip. It should be more than enough to gain attention though, and part of her love, love, love, that they are actually about to be this extra about the whole concept. They aren’t only covering the song, they are stepping into the roles with the same enthusiasm as Block B.

Considering how the week started it’s almost unbelieveable how comfortably Ryujin sit next to her partners, SUWOONG in particular, their first impressions of each other so turbulent it even resulted in the teen experiencing her very first migraine attack that sent her to the infirmary. If it wasn’t for JAEMIN then the trio would likely have been doomed because truthfully, the dynamic between them was just that bad. They call themselves the Golden Trio and are the very last to parform today; saving the best group for last, is what she like to believe. 

There are so many strong song choices this week but for some reason, she is confident in her own group. It’s a familiar trait for her to be convinced of the fact that her stages are good but it isn’t just her this time, Ryujin has such strong faith in the Golden Trio because they have been through both good and bad together, they have bonded in a way that she think has brought the three of them closer. The performances start off strong, some certainly more interesting than others, and she looks forward to the group that she shared practice room with.

Ryujin is beyond excited when they head down to ready themselves to perform, the eyes that she has felt piercing through her the entire month suddenly don’t feel so scary anymore since the truth has finally been brought to the table. CHAERYEONG,NAKYUNGandWOOJINstep away from the stage and leave it empty, ready for the very last group to perform. She walk out with the males that she has worked with for seven days straight, a cheeky grin playing on her lips as she know that they look silly. They introduce themselves, THE GOLDEN TRIO. 

“I’m Lee Suwoong, I’m Na Jaemin, I’m Shin Ryujin - And we are the Golden Trio!”

Not necessarily because they are the best, though she believes that SUWOONG would argue that they most certainly are– she too, honestly, but the group name means something more to complete their concept. As they shift into their positions she know that they are starting quickly, and she has to hit the beat, which has yet to be a hinder for her. They look stiff like dolls, which obviously is by purpose, their whole posture revealing what they are aiming for. Tense shoulders, bright smiles, head moving from one side to the other as Ryujin voice the first line.

0.00
저 오빠들 이상해
Those oppas are weird

She almost can’t contain herself when SUWOONG screams, that alone setting the mood for a great performance, but she remain professional and instead of laughing she grin genuinely as she move behind the elder as she and JAEMIN pose as the current backup dancers. They are swiftly and playfully shifting between who carry that particular role, depending on who’s in front doing their part. JAEMIN is the first one out with a proper verse, the two others dancing slightly differently to him before they hide behind him, only to pop out soon after to each his sides.

His rap is flawless in Ryujin’s ears and she is proud, in one way, to see him perform something like this. He’s quiet and usually keeps to himself, so that he agreed to such an energetic stage definitely took her by surprise. It’s fun though, they are having fun– she thinks, at least. She is preparing herself for for the next part of the song, the first verse that she has been assigned. It suited her perfectly, being able to pretend for a moment that she is the famous P.O of Block B– he’s not a dancer, they don’t have that in common, which makes it so much more fun.

Fit한 턱시도와 Brand new shoes
Fit tuxedo and brand new shoes
여비서와 Well-being food
Female secretary and well-being food
근사하게 외출준비,
Fabulously get ready to go,
눈떠보니까 꿈이야
opened my eyes and it was a dream

난 지금 레이스중
I’m in the middle of a race
내 출세가 남에겐 Bad news
My success to others is bad news

Midways into her verse the males position themselves perfectly to each her side, SUWOONGkneel in front of her to the right side while JAEMINstand suspiciously to her left. The former is supposedly, through acting, kicked away and at the same time the latter is knocked to the very opposite side. The first part of the rap lacks dancing from her side as P.O refrain from it during the original choreography, but when she moves into the short part of dancer and rapper U-kwon she get a chance to do both herself. The song has a short pause, before the refrain.

SUWOONG comes in strong as he always does, during a part that requires a power vocal. It’s potentially risky picking a song with such power vocals but Ryujin has faith in her partners, the very least she can do is believe in them as they have practiced their asses off for seven days straight to make it through. He and JAEMIN share most of the refrain as well as the bridge, she only has one line in there but that’s okay, she is about to deliver a full verse soon after anyway. High kicks, twirls and giddy moves shift into the puppeteer dance from the intro.

While the males stood in front during that particular part Ryujin slide effortlessly in, in front of JAEMINand lead the march of dolls until another playful fighting scene takes place to introduce her next verse. One apparent hit from one male, another from the other, twirl a few times and then JAEMIN kicks her off into the spotlight again. She absolutely loves this song, there is so much happening although there is a obvious red thread throughout the whole masterpiece. She grins broadly, the others waiting in the background for their choreo to start.

Aight-
나이를 먹어도
Even though I age
지갑은 탄력 넘치겠지
I bet my wallet will become very flexible
헛스윙 날려도 나,
Though I make a bad swing,
나이스샷이라는 Caddie
“nice shot” says my caddie
나를 무시했던 놈들에게
I will shake the hands of those who ignore me
복수대신 악수를 건네네
instead of getting revenge
조심해 넥타이와 손목시계는
Be careful, my necktie and wristwatch
목줄 또는 수갑으로 변해
becomes a collar and handcuffs

During the fourth line she swing her hand as if holding a baseball bat, the others pretending to watch the imaginary ball fly away. Part of her can relate to the lyrics that she’s assigned, from the very start to the end. These oppas are weird, they most certainly are. Fabulously get ready to go, opened my eyes and it was a dream, she was ready to debut but suddenly she was cancelled. I will shake the hands of those who ignore me instead of getting revenge, she is better than a certain someone who most definitely deserved revenge.

The beat shift slightly during her verse and while the origianl choreography calls for two girls, as backup dancers, and a somewhat suggestive squat, SUWOONG andJAEMIN came up with an alternative that they were both comfortable with. Ryujin follows the original choreography as the dance itself is rather basic, she’s only moving her free hand, lowering her body at one time, and then getting back up just in time for SUWOONG to lead her out of the spotlight like a cop and a criminal so that JAEMIN could step into center. They walk casually back and behind him, as to effortlessly claim the roles as backupdancers once again.

Refrain comes, refrain goes– bridge and finally, the final act of their show. SUWOONG, along with Ryujin, pretent to fight in a silly manner. One hit, another hit, Ryujin pretends to grab onto the other’s blazer before JAEMIN breaks them apart as he then lead them into the final refrain and thus the ending part. Ryujin was looking forward to this bit the most, the entire stage has been practiced to fit perfection but this last scene was something that they came up with all by themselves. SUWOONG, in fact, but she loved the idea so she went with it. They all share a line here and a line there, performing around one another just like practiced.

And then…

When JAEMIN voice that they have hit the jackpot they begin to toss out a bit of chocolate coins to the audience, like they are sharing their wealth with everyone else. It’s hilarious that they are the final group on the stage performing, having this ending to the whole lineup– the coins complete the act, in Ryujin’s eyes and she feel amazing as she close up the stage. Her eyes meet some random pairs in the audience, they meet the judges, and Ryujin is goofing around while having fun. 

라라라 라랄라, uh, Luxury Luxury life
Lalala lalala, uh, luxury luxury life
라라라 라랄라, Get that money money
Lalala lalala, get that money money
get that right
get that right
라라라 라랄라, Luxury Luxury life
Lalala lalala, luxury luxury life
Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky
Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky

NOTE!!please pretend like ryujin is as energic, joyful, playful and expressive as they are in the original performance stage. i know i didn’t get to write that obviously bc i’m short on time :(

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5:episode 4,outfit
            performing ed sheeran “cross me” ft Chance The Rapper + PNB Rock
            with @rksihyeon (lyrics + line distribution)
          mentioned briefly: @rkxsnh​,@rkhyeon​,@rkyeji​
            @rkxbin​,@rkheejin​,@rkjaemin​,@rkkyungsoo

Surviving to the next episode again and again has always been expected by the teen but the further into the competition she comes, the more anxious she honestly becomes. Working as pairs proves to be difficult for her even if her partners are the sweetest things, having had the experience of being betrayed before she can’t help but wonder if she will be once again. Last week she was paired with Sakura who she already know and are close friends with, which in honesty did make things a little easier, but when doubled with a stranger Ryujin was sceptical. The trust that she ultimately need to have in others has been so swindled to the point where it sincerely is difficult even trusting in her friends and aquaintances 

She learned rather quickly that her worries were unjust though, when she started working with Sia she noticed right away that the two of them get along well and that they do have each other’s success at best interest. Ryujin is a team player, she know that it is how they will make progress and it is simply who she is as a person– she will do whatever she can to make sure that not only does she pass to the next phase, but that her partner does as well. And that has nothing to do with the fact that they are eliminated in pairs this season. They practice mostly at 1MILLION dance studio, which is practically where Ryujin has grown up– having started dancing there at nine years old she is familiar there, and was the one to suggest it.

With the summer heat Ryujin made sure that they kept cool and relaxed by bringing the pair a chilled drink each, fruity smoothies for Sia and iced mocha lattes for herself. In return, the elder saw to it that the teen was well and sufficiently rested throughout their time together as a pair. In one way they behaved like friends who genuinely cared about each other’s well being– which ultimately is their stage concept as well, best friends who don’t let anyone in the way of their friendship. Both of them came with song suggestions, Ryujin proposing Ariana Grande’s song “Side to Side” but felt more inclined towards Sia’s option of Ed Sheeran’s “Cross Me” with Chance The Rapper + PNB Rock though both would be good alternatives.

-.✦･｡ﾟ

Seated next to Sia in their assigned seats Ryujin think that they look so darn cute in their matching outfits, the elder wearing the darker outfit while the teen wearing the lighter. Reason behind that obvious to them but likely slipping the audience; as a rap and vocal duo people do often see the rapper as the thug one and the singer as the innocent one, so they decided that today they are switching it up. Ryujin, the rapper, prepared the white and endearing look while Sia, the vocalist, preparing the more dark and mysterious vibe. “I’m so excited,” she note towards the other in a whisper while waiting for the performances to start already. Ryujin can’t wait until it all begin, and she’s so eager to watch Olivia with Hohyeon.

As well as Yeji and Changbin, and Heejin and Jaemin. Those are the ones that are interesting this week, in her personal opinion, along with the question– will Kyungsoo dance, again? 

Ryujin sure hopes that he will because she want to see a lot more of him and see what he has to offer. Compared to their blind date set up by their parents he definitely show other sides, all the while she can spot the same man that she already met before. Pairs after pairs perform on stage and soon enough, sooner than Ryujin has grown used to actually, it’s her turn to step up and she is confident as ever walking next to her partner who has such an amazing voice; their stage is different from what she has done so far, much different from it really, which makes it a little scary. Although they have both practiced hard, alone and together, and have come down to a satisfying stage, Ryujin can’t help but worry. What if the judges don’t like it after all? What if they expected something else, or perhaps even more of her already?

“5040 Shin Ryujin and 5026 Kim Sia.” They are finally called to the stage.

Glancing over to the elder with a little smirk she reveal how much she crave to be on stage, if she can say so herself she believe that the two of them have prepared a strong performance– Ryujin has faith in them, and in in their stage. Once reaching up to the center she bow down in front of the judges, introduce herself and step into position. Ryujin begin the moment she get a cue from Sia, her verse starting off before the music come in. As she deliver her part she rap with perfect English as a result of having English speaking family members, she has spent so many summers in America with her grandparents she barely has an accent. They walk ahead together, oozing of attidude as Ryujin effortlessly pass her opening verses, and execute a little secret handshake of sorts that they prepared to show their close friendship during the second part of Ryujin’s verse making sure to hit it with the beat of the song.

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry ‘bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you, if you (Ryujin)

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry 'bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if-

While it’s originally a supposed love song Ryujin enjoy that they have attempted to switch it up like they did with their outfits, that rather bringing a romantic love song they turn it into about a friendship instead. Her verse came to a seemingly abrupt end but that is on purpose, just as in the original song. She doesn’t make too much out of herself when Sia  sing her part as it’s the elder’s time to shine, but she moves her body gently to the beat of the music. Sometimes encouraging the other with ad libs of ‘yeahs’ and ‘mhms’, nothing too extra. The music stops at Sia’s “ayy” but before anyone has the time to wonder if they are done Ryujin comes back around with a beatless rap consisting of the same verse that she opened with. This time, instead of ending it abruptly the two of them merge their parts into a smooth transision.

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry 'bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you

Sia sing the refrain with her beautiful voice and Ryujin can’t help but feel a little envious, having yet to gain any confidence in her own singing. The teen has given up that dream, and she has settled with the fact that she is a dancing rapper instead. Having two lines in this refrain she make sure that she understand what the lyrics are about, so when she deliver the words of ‘anything she need she can call me’ she look over at the elder with a smile and an endearing look in her eyes, as though the two are actually friends who will do anything for one another. She is surprised how well they work together on stage, considering the fact that they met as strangers. The part come to an end as all things do and finally, Ryujin is coming in with the actual rap. Due to her age, they decided that she would rewrite some of the lyrics.

And she ain’t messing with no other man
Now what you not gon’ do
Is stand there 'cross from me like you got Kung Fu
Death stare, crossed arms, running your mouth like a faucet
But you don’t know that my girl been doing CrossFit
Pew! Kung Pow! Knock you out with a cross kick
Blowing air out, wear you out, you exhausted
Know she gonna slide anytime you girlies gossip
Keep a lil’ blade in her smashin lip gloss kit, ayy
No one say hi to me without her
Better pay your respect to the queen
Better do that ish without a flirt
Gotta respect the HBIC
Couple of things that you need to know
If you still wanna be friends with me 

During her verse she use the technique that she always does during her raps, her mind doing that automatically by now; always think one sentence ahead, prepare the next sentence while delivering so that the words won’t stumble. The flow is a little strange to her but she manage it well, having practiced from dusk till dawn to perfect her part. That’s what she enjoy about these performances, that she don’t necessarily need a specific place to practice. When she near the second part of her verse she step closer towards Sia, and while she express the words ‘better pay your respect to the queen’ she motion with her fingers as though she’s crowning the other female. She grin broadly after that and finish her verse strongly, then gesture towards the elder who is assigned to end their performance with the song’s signature phrase. Happy with their stage she bow down again as a kind of ‘thank you’ for allowing her to perform again. 

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5: episode 3
             post performance interview
             mentioned: @rkyuna,@rksakura,@rkyeji,@junheerk,@rkchwev,@rksihyeon

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE RESULTS LAST WEEK?

Ryujin is tired of sitting still already and shifts in her seat, also partly due to the fact that she is not entirely happy with the results last week. Having made it through to the next phase there’s some people that she think have been sent home, who shouldn’t have been. “I was sad to see SHIN YUNA going home, maybe I’m biased since she is my friend but as her friend I know she has a lot to offer. I hope that she will get other chances to shine.” In her opinion there are other contestants who should have been let go but she decide against speaking her mind about that. 

HOW WAS IT LIKE WORKING WITH SAKURA?

Moving onto the next question Ryujin suddenly beams again, her collaboration with Sakura for this week’s recording has been such an amazing time and she can’t wait to tell about it. “It was honestly the best thing that has happened to me in this show so far! I enjoyed my time with her the whole time and whether we were practicing, out shopping for our outfits or making our cute boxes I had a pleasant time.” She nods enthusiastically, smiling broadly. “I think we worked well together, as you probably understand already,” she chuckles, “there were absolutely no issues.”

HOW DO YOU THINK YOU DID?

Pouting slightly as she sometimes does whilst in thought, Ryujin think back not only on her own performance but everyone elses. “I think that Sakura and I did quite good, our dynamic felt very sincere and the way she complimented me, and I her, felt satisfying and smooth. I want to say it might be one of my more favourable stages so far, I had so much fun.” 

WERE THERE ANY PERFORMANCES YOU LIKED?

If Ryujin could be honest she would say that she didn’t enjoy very many stages this week but in the end, that’s not something she opts to say out loud. All of the contestants that are still in this competition are definitely talented but the choices were underwhelming in her opinion, though it could be due to the fact that she is incredibly biased towards her own performance with Sakura and that to the point where nobody seemed to match up with them. Ryujin hope that the judges are as pleased with their stage as she is herself. “I’m pretty sure that it’s expected when I say I liked YEJI unnie’s performance with PARK JUNHEE, it was refreshing to see unnie sing on the stage today because I think that she has much potential in that area as well as dancing. I also think that Junhee did great, they were a good pair together. Hmm, and I enjoyed HANSOL CHWE andKIM SIHYEON also. Their stage was cute.”

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5:episode 3,outfit
             performing rhythm power “bond girl” with @rksakura(lyrics + line distribution)

While Ryujin experienced some unexpected stress after the recodring of episode two she has somehow managed to pull herself together, the fact that she’s paired with Sakura is enough to bring the spark back into her and combined with their song chocie, Ryujin is utterly ecstatic. It didn’t take long for them to come to an agreement, being friends from before sure did help but that isn’t necessarily the only reason that things went so smoothly for them. Practicing for their stage was nothing but fun and good times, their personalities fitting so perfectly together that it almost doesn’t feel like they are prepping for a competition at all. 

   At least to Ryujin.

As she’s rapping for the next mission Ryujin find that she can practice everywhere, even while they are making props for their introduction and while they are out shopping for their matching outfits. Having decided to wear a classy all black outfit Ryujin has settled with a simple pair of pants with a blazer and a cropped top, finished off with brightly white shoes. She wonder if the judges will know the reference when she bring a self-made propsto the stage, while Sakura is making her own take on the head Ryujin wanted to go with the original as Primary has made a presence in the original music video for Bond Girl. 

   Surely the judges will know, right?

Although Ryujin has signed up as a dancer she definitely has experience in rapping, she was meant to debut as Amarante’s rapper after all as well as practicing tecniques on her own time just for fun. So needless to say, she isn’t nervous about this particular stage. Just by practices she know that she and Sakura will make a great performance as their dynamic is excellent, if others won’t enjoy their stage she will honestly be surprised. Perhaps she is biased though, to their song choice as she absolutely love it and think that it was such a bop, as well as to her friendship with Sakura. That the two of them got paired, it was honestly just perfect.

Having arrived and found her assigned seat, Ryujin sit next to Sakura on the set. They are by those who perform lastly but she doesn’t mind, if anything she’s so excited to perform that she could wish that they were first. It might be better to be towards the end, however, so that they do not risk being forgotten by others should they have a more preferred stage. Theirs will be a whole lot of fun however, Ryujin is absolutely sure of that. She hold onto Sakura’s hand whilst watching others, for support to the other and strength to herself. Watching all the others on the stage makes her even more excited, she just want it to be their turn.

She watch especially close when Kyungsoo perform with Yugyeom, Yeji with Junhee, Heejin with Daniel, Chaeryeong with Joohyuk and Olivia with Youngjae. All of those pairs hold at least one of her friends, who she honestly is so proud of for coming this far along with her. Occasionally she lean in to Sakura, revealing thoughts around the different performances. Ryujin is surprised when she sees that Kyungsoo is dancing, not so much when Yeji sings because she has already seen that live in person when she managed to talk the other into an open mic together. Pair after pair set foot on the stage and eventually, it’s their turn to shine and boy, will they shine today.

“Next up is… #5033 Miyawaki Sakura and #5040 Shin Ryujin.”

Microphone in hand and box on her head, Ryujin walk towards the center with Sakura by her side who wears her very own personalised box. As it’s only for reference they remove what’s covering their heads after a respectful bow towards the audience, then placing it somewhere where they won’t stand in their way during the presentation. “I’m Shin Ryujin,” she say firstly, and wait for the other to state her name. “And we have prepared something fun for you today. Please enjoy.” Having cut the song to fit their time frame it starts off rather abruptly but they are well prepared, Sakura being the first one out to rap her verse. 

Ryujin stands just behind her but out of the way, it’s the elder’s time to shine. She emphasise some of the ending words to make a wholesome performance, dancing dorkily whenever she isn’t joining in. It’s obvious that Ryujin is comfortable on the stage, even when sharing it as it’s something she has practiced before. Not quite like this, obviously, but the experience come in handy nonetheless. She twirl in the background, hands doing their own things, and she bites down on her lip out of pure excitement. Sakura is nailing her part, and it’s just too fun being a part of a stage with her friend performing such a feel-good song like Bond Girl.

The moves that she has during this performance is completely different from the dances that’s been shown so far but honestly, Ryujin isn’t trying to show how good she is right now. She just want to have fun, and dance dorkily however her body decides to move. Once, she pretend to hide behind Sakura only to pop out and rap a word in choir before she continue to goof around whilst the other finish off her verse. Ryujin slides into the center as she take over the spotlight, Hanzoo’s part is short but important to build up to the refrain. Originally it leads up for Zion.T to sing but none of them are singers, so they leave that to the instrumental.

왜 내 집 주소 묻는데 AHA
아 왜 너 내 주민번호 묻는데 UH-uH
내 대답은 No woah 징그럽게 달라붙지 마
Girl, WOAH! 본드걸 ! 그만 끈적거려 너

She nails the part easily, if Hanzoo can pull it off without being a singer then Ryujin can as well with her deep voice. In the refrain they dance briefly but synchronised, both coming in to voice “BOND GIRL” while pointing at the audience with a finger gun. To fit the time frame they had to cut the refrain short so abruptly but fittingly, Ryujin move straight into Geegoin’s verse and she deliver it effortlessly. She has so much fun being in center, being backed up by Sakura who is doing her own thing behind her, much like what she did when the other was in the spotlight. Their dynamic on stage together is seamless, and accurate. Neither stealing time from the other.

난 제임스 본드, 이유 좀 묻지 말고
10미터 사정거리 필시 유지하고
미심쩍으니 내 옆구리 데우지 말고
나에게 떨어져 나 뜬구름 잡게 하지 말고
너 이뻐 그런데 왜 내가 좋니?
아무래도 딱 내 눈엔 심심풀이로 하는 놀이
다단계 아니지? 바란 게 내 맘이
아니라면 당장 가줘 제발 

From time to time she glance out in the audience, Ryujin want to connect to them and show that she performs for them all and not just the judges. A smile is present throughout most of the stage, only sometimes she’s looking serious or focused but that’s an obvious act. Using the techique she often does by thinking of the next sentence right away, she easily deliver what she’s assigned to rap, all the while continuing her fun little dance moves. And so, it’s Sakura who does Hanzoo’s part. Ryujin encourage the bridge by throwing out some ‘UOH’s and ‘YEAH’s before they roll into the last refrain. Jumping back as the refrain start, they begin to dance again like before, choiring ‘BOND GIRL’.

When the song ends they finish off with each their strong pose, Ryujin looking serious for just one moment before she break her composure and grin broadly like throughout the stage. She couldn’t possibly be happier with the outcome, looking over at Sakura with a ‘we did it’ look in her eyes. Bowing down in front of the judges once more, she then grab a hold of her Primary look alike box and skip off the stage with the elder. 

IV-I : apostrophe friends apostrophe — the second duos showcase 

              june 2019. mga 5 duos showcase part 2. wordcount: 1019
                   dancing to mantrabydrunken tiger&u go girl bykatie lee 
                                    mentioning:@rknak,@rkeunji

a sigh of relief. once again, jungeun was safe. right, safe. while she was grateful that she wasn’t eliminated ( and one of those that weren’t wildcard ), she was still safe. and safe wasn’t much if she wasn’t first place. but she supposed safe could do for now.

there was still another week for her, which meant another chance to display her capabilities in front of the whole world. she was blessed with such a good partner in eunji and she emphasizes that because she really wasn’t all that religious. she hoped that this week would bless her with another great partner. fingers crossed as she had a feeling of being paired with another friend, she hoped her feelings would become reality. name called, she released a sigh of relief when she realized she’d be with another friend.

jungeun and nakyung.

in their past, they’ve talked about performing with each other someday. while they weren’t the bestest of friends, their shared love of idols was enough to form a ( somewhat strong ) foundation. but this love of the idol industry is what set them apart.

its no secret that jungeun disliked certain idol groups and concepts, but it was those exact things that nakyung favored. jungeun was aware of it and tolerated it because that’s what friends do. accept each other’s differences. even if the difference was having an absolute lack of taste.

itwas a secret that jungeun had a secret twitter account. an account where she’d use the freedom of the internet to protect her fangirlish thoughts. an account where she’d use the freedom to argue with the same people who had a lack of taste—just like nakyung. but the other girl wasn’t just similar to those people. she was one of those people ( and to think jungeun was ever friendly with her ).

jungeun can’t recall when or how she discovered nakyung’s internet persona. she wasn’t even sure if nakyung knew what jungeun knew. ( probably not, the girl was really clueless. ) jungeun couldn’t blow her own cover. she too, had an internet persona. so, she decides to play a game of facades.

the two greet each other at the end of the filming. nakyung as sweet as ever and jungeun too. they agree on meeting times. text me. i’ll text you! the usual friendship exchange. then they depart, waiting for the next meeting.

they text each other during the nighttime, “expressing” their excitement to be working with each other. they agree to meet at the dance studio and jungeun—a wolf in sheep’s clothing—goes to sleep, waiting for the next day.

when the two meet, they immediately get to planning. since they were friends—correction—”friends,” they had an idea of what the other wanted to do. to an absolute lack of surprise, nakyung recommends eclipse.which, of course, jungeun rejects. they have a short compromise-forming discussion about it because that’s what friendswould do. they decide on a katie lee song, which was fine because katie lee was neverthe problem. 

it was her absolute lack of vision in regards to her artists. 

they decide to sing ‘u go girl,’ which jungeun confesses is an absolute earworm.but singing a cover of that song wouldn’t suffice with jungeun. jungeun was here to challenge herself. if they were taking the risk to cover oneceo’s song, they might as well go for it. so, she suggests the ceo that would be the riskiest for both of them. 

but mostly for nakyung because jungeun wanted her to workfor something ( without the grace of having minho fans support her by association ). 

jungeun suggests dancing to a drunken tiger song and she sensesthe slight apprehension on the other girl’s face. nakyung accepts the suggestion and the two waste no more time to practice. 

nakyung, jungeun admits, makes up for her lack of taste with her work effort. jungeun didn’t really expect a problem with practicing with the other. although jungeun wants nakyung to suffer internally, jungeun didn’t want to lose.thiswasa competition after all. her desire to stay overrode her infantile quarrels. so jungeun practices with nakyung, agreeing when they plan out the songs and parts. she practices the song every night, giving it her all. the two practice every day, trying to make this performance work. 

‘cause if it didn’t, jungeun didn’t know if she could continue this game of facades. 

the two arrive to the studio in suits and caps, trying to emulate the style of the trc ceo’s time. its a cycle. jungeun speaks with others as she waits for the boomto come, the boomcomes, the ceos enter, and the performances begin. 

“hello, i’m kim jungeun!” jungeun almost mocksthe way nakyung introduces herself when they enter the stage. this time, they have the microphones attached to their ears, so they could be able to dance. after their greetings, they step into their starting position, waiting for the music to start. 

hip-hop and pop. they’re almost polar opposites but jungeun and nakyung find the perfect medium to combine the two. the first part of their performance is stronger, they move fluidly to the music until the surprisecomes. they take off their suits, showing shorter and more brighter clothing. and they mix rapping and singing to perform the lines of the kt ceo’s famous song. when jungeun has to sing, she does what she usually doesn’t. winks, smirks, and overall flirtaciousness. 

she admits she has grown to like the song and she enjoysperforming it. but there’s the part of her where she doesn’t want to perform it. yet she powers through because she isn’t a quitter. she powers through the end of the song, relaying the ending english lines with the other girl until the song ends. 

the pair return to their seat and jungeun exhales. she just hopes this performance wasn’t in vain.   

II-II : chamber of reflection — the skill showcase interview

      june 2019. mga 5 skill showcase. wordcount: 906
            featuring: @joohyunrk@rknak@rkheejin@rkxbin

fix your hair here. apply more lipstick. it’s the same cycle once again. jungeun finds herself in another interview room, where she waits for the next interview to commence. she hopes its the same guy who’s been interviewing her for the past few sessions. jungeun thinks she might have formed a friendship with him, though its probably some form of delusion from finding out his name. kang-pdor something like that. she doesn’t actually want to be friends with him though, she just wants to irritate him with her answers. 

the door opens and he enters, with the same not this shit again face. but, she supposes its more like a oh, what shit are we getting into now face. jungeun thinks she’s warmed up to him. 

( and she hopes she’s warmed up to the viewers as well. ) 

the cycle included the interviewer wasting no time to get to the questions. there were fifty other interviews to do and time doesn’t stop for any of them. jungeun closes her eyes for a moment and wishes that she’d reach the point where she’d have a thirty minute interview. better yet—a documentary. 

— what were your thoughts about last week? 

“i worked hard. so i knew it wouldn’t falter,” jungeun replied. she thinks about this saying she heard about during her time in los angeles. “hard work will never betray you." 

she translates the term in korean and the interviewer nods once before moving on to the next question. 

—you had one week to prepare your performance. your name has been mentioned quite a few times. clue us in on your process. 

jungeun’s taken aback and she takes a second to process his string of statements. my name has been mentioned? she raises her brow in thought. she hopes they were only goodwords but she supposes its asking for too much if she wished that. she wasn’t one to sugarcoat her words. was she going to sugarcoat her words?

she reaches a point where she’s beginning to think too much. in reality, its been five seconds but there wasn’t time to spare. 

"oh,” jungeun jumps in her seat as she realizes she’s lost in thought. “right. process. do you guys even want to hear about that?" 

"we’re here for a reason, aren’t we?" 

”right.“jungeun runs her finger through her hair and takes a deep breath in. "so, i basically practiced non-stop. i don’t believe in breaks." 

"you don’t?” the interviewer is caught off guard, which catches jungeun off guard. she almost wants to say, we’re in an idol competition; no one has breaks in the idol world. 

“i mean, obviously i eat. i sleep. do the things to upkeep my survival but i don’t believe in slacking off. i practiced for ten or more hours everyday and spent the last day practicing in front of my team." 

"yourteam?” the interviewer asks and makes a ‘hmm’ sound. jungeun understands how it could have sounded pretentiousbut she wasn’t going to apologize for having a support system. 

“yeah my team.” she imitates his tone. “well, just some of my teachers and my mom. i got critiques thrown at me while i danced my routine, i think it helped.with the outcome. at least, it helped with how i performed it. i don’t know how others might have perceived my routine. but, i’m satisfied with my performance; i don’t want to leave with any regrets.”

—perception is important. one performance can look great to some but horrible to others. who did you think did the best under each skill? 

“honestly. i didn’t care for the rappers and singers.” jungeun says, as she crossed her legs and placed her hands atop her knees. “other than my friends,of course. heejin and changbin especially,i had no doubt they’ll always do great. but i’ve already rambled about them last week. do you want me to ramble on about them again?" 

the interviewer gives a go ahead gesture but jungeun decides to skip it. 

—did you pay attention to the dancers? 

”of course,“jungeun replies. "i’m a dancer. that’s one of the reasons why i didn’tpay close attention to the other performers. i think i was too immersed on focusing on mydirect competition for this week." 

—what did you think about the dancers today? 

"bae joohyun. she did bad.” that’s the first name that appeared in her head. she cannot sugarcoat the truth and its worse with dancing. you can seethe quality of one’s performance, there’s often no chance for explanation. “but, i feel like she should have done better. she shouldn’t have exerted herself too much. i could tell she’s a dancer and a good one. but dancers have their off days and she should have prevented it from it being today." 

"nakyung,” jungeun’s face turns sour as she thinks about the girl. they werefriends. or are,officially. but jungeun thinks about the time she found out nakyung was the user behind her enemyonstantwitter. jungeun knows its immature to think about but she couldn’t believe nakyung was someone who could have an absolute lackof taste. “she’s cute.it was cute, i guess. that’s what you expect from someone like her." 

the interviewer nods and jungeun knows its over. she’s said enough. she just hopes this isn’t her last.   

0-II : don’t go chasing waterfalls — strongest skill ( dancing )

         june fourteen. seoul arts high school. wordcount: 1074
                 quit by cashmere cat ( ft ariana grande ) : 4:33 - 5:33 !

her eyes follow the second hand of the clock mounted on the gym’s wall. the wait was so excruciating. she feels her eyes start to drift and she forces them open. as much as she can without the help of caffeine ( and she reprimands herself for refusing some this morning ). her eyes are forced open when she hears a staff member call out for dancers.she places two fingers on her wrist, feeling her heartbeat increase and goosebumps diffuse throughout her extremities. adrenaline—instead of caffeine—fuels her now. she stands up from her seat when told, following the staff members along with the other aspiring idols. 

her mouth is shut. she’s been to a hundred and one auditions before. auditioning wasn’t new to her and she’d be talking to her other auditionees with a certain swagger that signals her confidence. but is also meant to daunt others. this audition wasn’t like the rest—she’s nervous. unusually nervous and her heart beats faster as they’re brought to a hallway lined with chairs. she eyes the hallway leading to the staircase and the building’s exit. a small feeling in her heart tells her she isn’t readyyet and she should just leave.

but this is what she wanted, right? yes. sothere’s no going back now.

everyone was allotted a minute to showcase their skill. there wasn’t any chance to showcase more and she wasn’t certain there weren’t any second chances. there were seats lined up for the auditionees to sit but they were all dancers.( how could one expect them to sit? ) she peeks at her peers to her left, then her right. a few were completely still, some were completely performing. then there was jungeun. not too still but not too energetic. she decided to use her energy adequately or just a right amount—like an allusion to goldilocks and the three bears. 

she shook her arms and legs, letting blood flow and nerves fly away. eyes closed, she listens to the song she chose for her audition. she marks her steps, lightly punching her palm to the beat. her lips mouth the words, lyrics she’s heard over and over. 

“kim jungeun?" 

her final attempt to practice is broken when a staff member opens the classroom door, calling for her name. jungeun hands her phone to the staff member, song already queued up, following without another word. her body is in control now. not her nerves, not her thoughts. she’s practiced this, over and over. 

breathe, jungeun. 

her mother’s voice rings in her head and its like a switch was flipped. in the door and her nervousness was stripped away. she struts into the room, arms casually swinging side to side, with a smirk on her face as she maintains eye contact on the judges. her nerves try to fight back. five, six, seven, eight. jungeun counts in her head, numbers she’s heard countless of times, becoming a pillar of stability for her in nervous moments. jungeun stops in the middle of the room, exerting a single breath. 

her arms find their place inside her jean’s pockets. she decided to stick to a more comfortable outfit, leaving her makeup to be the accessory that pops out.

jeans, t-shirt, heeled boots. short dress, ballet shoes. fashion is important but whether you’re wearing a garbage bag or couture, your movements will always be the one speaking for you.  

her mother’s voice rings in her head "hey, i’m kim jungeun—” jungeun greeting in a calm tone. nothing too cheeryor nothing poisoned with aegyo.a greeting that’s her. she wasn’t in the miss korea pageant. she was just here to dance. “—and i’ll be dancing today." 

barely having time to get into starting position, a staff member takes that as the cue to start. the music starts to blare through the speakers provided by staff and jungeun’s caught off guard. she misses the first couple seconds but she doesn’t give up. 

when you’ve practiced something enough, your body will be able to move on its own. no matter what happens. it’s muscle memory. 

she catches on, starting to perform the routine she’s practice since february.she expected the mgas to return and so she practiced everyday. bit by bit, learning the choreography then altering it to her style. 

( ** for reference, look at the girl on the left in a cropped long sleeve+shorts ** ) 

we’re heading deep
inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet
but i can’t hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine 

there’s a fluidity to the piece, a fluidity she’s been familiar with due to her background in ballet and contemporary styles. she lets her body contort, showing her comfort in her flexibility. the flexibility she’s earned through countless hours of stretching. stretching to make perfect battementsandpirouettes. 

in the fluidity, there’s also power. popping and locking warranted by certain beats. she thanks her lessons learned in jazz and hip-hop. lessons added to her base as she grew in her journey as a dancer. 

i can’t quit you 

when you’re on the floor, you leave everything on the floor. you give it your all. 

her mother’s words ring once more. she pauses as the music continues to play. the music stops for a second and she smiles at the judges. the choreography takes a turn as the song does. ariana’s singing is replaced by cashmere cat’s instrumental, as fluid movements are replaced by more powerful ones. movements that are borrowed from the veins of hip-hop dancing. she admits she’s not the best at the style, which is why she lived in america to train for it. 

and she’s thought about choosing a hip hop piece for this audition but she wasn’t going to chase waterfalls. not now, at least. but she decided to mix what she grew up with and what she recently trained in. this audition was a cumulation of her life as a dancer. this present bridging past and future, showcased through the piece she’s presented. 

yeah i’m gonna regret it 

as her performance ended, her feelings were anything but.a smile is on her face and she bows deeply. once. she stands up, smile still plastered as she tries to regain her breathing. 

“remember me.” 

she decided a long bow was enough for a thank you. but she wanted to let the judges know that she was someone to look out for. whether or not she made it to the next round wasn’t in her thoughts now and quitting her life a dancer wasn’t in the equation. not now. not ever.

there’s definitely no turning back now.

0-I : your uber has arrived — arrival

          june fourteen. seoul arts high school. six am. wordcount: 840

“jungeun we support your dreams but you know we had onerequest. one condition.you need to finish high school first." 

i know. she keeps her mouth shut but she really finds it unfair.it wasn’t like she was going to drop out if she joined the competition. it wasn’t like there weren’t any trainees who were simultaneously students—her school had plenty of them. 

she was young in the real world but the idol world moved considerably fast. there were already people her age debuting; her friends were joining the competition and she wasn’t getting any younger. 

"you’re not joining the mgas and that’s final. its too early for you.”  



jungeun looked at the trees and buildings blurring against the car’s speed. the sun was barely opening its eyes; shewas barely opening hers. a year has passed since the last mgas, she’s had to see some her closest friends and peers achieve their dreams ( which were equally hers as well ). she could say she was happy for them, yet she felt an odd mix of emotions. jungeun wasn’t able to join them. jungeun wasn’t able to do anything to achieve her dreams. 

she turned her focus to her parents sitting in the driver and passenger seat. she remembers barely being home when the fourth season was appearing. her sentiments towards her parents were too bitter but she couldn’t muster the courage to express her feelings. she knew they supported her but she knew how much her parents valued education. if she wasn’t planning to go to college, she should at least finish up high school.

that was all in the past now. 

jungeun learned that she couldn’t change the past. she could only move towards the future. jungeun unintentionally let out a sigh, earning the attention of her parents. the car halted to a stop, the blurry background changing into a collection of buildings. 

seoul arts high school. 

she was here. it was time. it was hertime. 

“remember, slow and steady wins the race,” her dad turned around, flashing her a reassuring smile. 

“you got this, sweetheart. you’ve trained for this moment. now it’s yours to take,” jungeun’s mom said, as she ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair she helped straighten this morning.

“thank you mom and dad,” jungeun thanked her parents with the utmost sincerity. she knew their support was hers—there was nothing stopping her. jungeun opened the car door and grabbed her bag. “wish me luck.”

it was to her advantage that the audition sites were at arts schools. she wasn’t at sopa but it didn’t make much of a difference. yes, the people in this particular situation are new faces and she didn’t have her friends with her. but she could adapt. she knew the feeling of auditioning in small classrooms and having to walk through hallways seeing others sing and dance in rooms.

she titled her head down to glance at the nametag on her chest—kim jungeun—which was to be on her at all times. the lady walking in front of her turned around and smiled. 

“nervous?” the lady, who junguen assumed was a worker, asked. jungeun shook her head,  flashing a light smile in response. thank god you’re not as mean as the other one, she thought, thinking of the receptionist with the sour expression. it was early in the morning, yeah. jungeun understands but a light smile would be nice ( and this is coming from a master of the RBC ).

they stop at the gym and the lady parts from jungeun without saying a word, finding it less important than collecting the clipboards on the tables laid out across the large room. jungeun scans the room, looking for somewhere to sit as she waited to be measured. 

she finds the process redundant. height and weight were questions on the application but she assumes not everyone is as honest as her. insoles are a thing, she says to herself. her eyes squint when she sees a familiar face. she almost laughs because of all the people who could possibly be her good luck charm, it wasn’thim. but here he was, being the nuisance that he is. just sitting in a chair, minding his business. he glances at her, immediately turning his head away to pretendlike he’s listening to the person next to him. 

woojin. i know you can see me. his lack of attention causes her to move closer to him, stopping at the empty seat next to him. 

“is this seat taken,” the blonde asks. she really didn’t have anyone to sit with, as heejin was assigned to a different school. ( she makes a mental note to thank her best friend for the good luck essay sent to her. ) he doesn’t answer—typical woojin. “good ‘cause i was just wondering. i like my space." 

jungeun emphasizes the last word as she took the seat next to the one she was inquiring about. she crosses her arms as she waits for her name to be called and measurements to be taken. 

this was going to be a long day..

II-I : putting the motion in emotion — the skill showcase 

      june 2019. mga 5 skill showcase. wordcount: 3713 (damn wtf my bad…ily bianca) 
                   dancing to bellyache bybillie eilish(1:24 - 2:46 ) / outfit
              tw: slight mentions of food and tough mother-child r/s
         mentioning:@rkheejin,@rkxbin,@rkpwj,@rkkyul,@yuzurk

jungeun finds herself sitting inside the darkness of one of her mother’s studios. she was definitely procrastinatingand although it was only ten minutes since she decided to turn the lights off, any second spent not dancingwas a second wasted. 

she couldn’t think of a choreography to choose. first of all, she couldn’t think of a songto dance to. she muses on the idea of dancing without music. tap dancing? that’s something she could do—if she didn’t take this competition seriously. 

“jungeun!” the blonde jumps as her mother opened the door of the studio. her mom opens the lights of the studio abruptly, shaking her head upon seeing her daughter sit in the darkness. jungeun stood up, squinting her eyes as she tried to adjust to the unwelcomed burst of light. “i did notcancel a sum of my classes and let you borrow one of my studios for you to just meditate in the dark!”

ah, the perks of having a mom who owned her own dance academy. 

as soon as her mom left the studio, jungeun slid across the room with her socks to turn the lights off once again. she wasn’t done with her odd way of brainstorming but she hastily activated her melon app to play music, to fool her mother into thinking she was actually practicing. 

sensory deprivation was her last resort to help her come up with ideas. taking away her sight and touch allowed her to be left alone with her thoughts. but being left alone with her thoughts was going into a weird territory. or was it just the billie eilish playing that made her think that way? jungeun grabbed her phone—now playing: billie eilish. 

yup, it was definitely the billie eilish playing. 

the lightbulb inside jungeun’s brain suddenly blinks and she jumps. she almost trips, almost losing her chance to compete but the literal light is opened. its time to dance. she couldn’t waste anymore time. 

— flashback: first episode filming and the day after —

kim jungeun. 

her eyes widen upon hearing her name called. she almost blurts out, “are they calling my name?” though, its obvious she is the only kim jungeun there. the list of names continues to be read, then a brief moment of silence is held before the CEOs mention the next challenge.

right.fifty people is still a large number. despite it being smaller than one hundred, it still signified that jungeun needed to step it up. as each round passed and more people continued to be weeded out, it became increasingly obvious that those who remained were extremely skilled. she wanted to be smug and pretend that some of them weren’t betterthan her but that wasn’t true.

as she leaves the studio with heejin, she congratulates some of her friends who’ve also made it. she sees changbin and playfully tells him, “i put a word in or two for you, it must have work.” she also sees woojin and she gives him a single nod when their eyes meet ( because frenemies never seem to congratulate each other normally ). 

jungeun goes wherever the celebration requires her to be at but all she’s waiting for is to be home.heejin drags her to a get together with some other contestants and she tries not to drink as she tries to pick at the minds of her competitors. she feels the drag on her body as time goes on and she waits for the perfect opportunity to say her goodbyesandsee you’s. a few hours pass and she finally finds herself entering the code in her front door’s keypad. she opens the door, a detested expression on her face. her parents stand up from their couch, hopeful expressions on their face. 

“honey,” jungeun’s father is the first to say something. based on his daughter’s expression, he’s wary of saying the wrong thing. “we’re sorry…" 

"huh?” jungeun raises a brow. she picks up her beloved dog and hugs him, expression immediately lightening up. “sorry for what? do we have food? i’m really hungry right now." 

"your expression.” he added. if she wasn’t sad about the audition, what else could she have been sad about? 

“oh,” jungeun put her dog down and walked forward to hug her parents. she couldn’t find the energy to yell ‘i made it!’  “i made it to the second round but i’m really hungry right now.”

the family find themselves in a late night barbeque restaurant. the blonde’s had her fair share of late night barbeque sessions for the last few months. she told herself that she wouldn’t eat anymore meat, especially when she was about to join a competition but she revises that this is her lastsupper.her parents are more than proud of their daughter and they repeat that sentiment for a good thirty minutes. her parents bombard her with questions about her day and especially about the ceos. 

how pretty did katie lee look in real life? junghoon! 

the conversation continues to be nonchalant but you can never separate a dance mom from her game. jungeun’s mom flips her role from a supportive mom to a pushy coach. “so, what are you going to dance to next?" 

the next morning comes and the mother-daughter pair enter their academy. jungeun’s mother leaves to go to her office to handle some paperwork, while jungeun walks towards one of the empty studios. jungeun’s mother graciously( or so the elder adds ) allowed her daughter to use one of the studios. not that jungeun was going to ask her mother for permission anyways. 

—flashback over—

jungeun’s happy that an idea finallyappeared in her head because if it hadn’t, she might have tap-danced her way into the third round. it has only been three hours since she’s started practicing ( and a day after the first episode filming ) but she couldn’t waste anymore time. after sifting through songs and facetiming some of her colleagues, jungeun came up with a choreography to perform.

she wasn’t going to lie and say that she didn’thave any apprehension about the choreography she was going to perform. 

versatility wasn’t foreign to her but was taking a risk the best option for her? she presented an energetic yet flirty image with her first episode performance, which seemed to work. but, she couldn’t fall back on what’s safe. 

safe always gets boring somehow and jungeun was notboring. 

the choreography the dancer was performing was something she was definitely comfortable with. its style more in the vein of the styles she grew up dancing in—contemporary, modern, lyrical. but, its expression was definitely not something jungeun frequently played with. 

it was compelling, yet a bit creepy. 

was she ready for creepy? she knew that she wanted to stand out as much as possible but she didn’t know if giving the judges nightmareswas the best way to do so. either way, she pushed her apprehension aside and began to practice memorizing the steps. if she spent more time worrying, she wasn’t going to have anytime practicing. if she wasn’t going to spend time practicing, she wasn’t going to the third episode and so forth.

five, six, seven, eight. she chants those numbers dozens of times over the next few hours, to the point where she was certain she could do the choreography in her sleep. bathroom, eating, and sleeping are the only breaks she allows for herself. 

there’s a point where she’s exerted her muscles too much to continue practicing for the day. she was too lost in the music to realize that she stepped out into a completely pitch black academy and her mom no where to be found. 

goddamit, dancing to a billie eilish song was a bad idea. 

the next day arrives and fortunately, a paranormal experience exacerbated by the billie eilish songs she was listening to didn’t occur. again, she only takes breaks for the bathroom, eating, or sleeping. the rest of her time was spent on ensuring she had the technicalities down. if the first day was spent ensuring she got the choreography right until she was able to do it in her sleep, this day was spent ensuring she was able to do the choreography right if she magically projected out of her body ( if that was even possible ). 

the third day was new. she was getting to the point where muscle memory took the wheel. all was left was for her to make the choreography her own. to add her parts of her identity. to make breathe lifeinto it. 

she admits she was getting bored of performing in front of her reflection. she thought of anyone she could perform it to. her friends who were trainees were obviously too busy. heejin was singing and changbin was rapping—having them in the room would probably be simultaneously distracting. there were a few other contestants she knew but she didn’t have much trust for them to be in the room with her. 

ugh. 

she grabs her phone during a water break as she thinks of possibly the lastperson on earth who she wanted in the room with her. but, she was getting bored ( and maybe lonely ). 

kkt — to: park woojin

> hey. my mom owns a dance academy and has an extra studio that i’ve been practicing in. i don’t know if you’re still hoping that dancing thing would work out for you but if you needed a place to practice, i have one.
> *address attached*
> not that i want you there. my dad just tells me i need to do charitable things monthly. so this is my act of charity for this month.
> but if you decide to come, bring earphones or whatever. i don’t want to hear your annoying ass music.

she’s surprised when she sees her mom and the drummer/dancer at the door of the studio. she opens it, only to hear her mom say, "oh, i didn’t know you were planning to do a couple dance.”

jungeun ( and she’s sure woojin as well ) almost blurts out a loud what the fuck. but, jungeun closes the door without saying anything else and glares once at her mom. mental note: have the ‘he’s just a colleague’ conversation with mom later. 

the studio is big enough for the two of them…to be on separate sides of the room. they have earphones or airpods, in jungeun’s case because she alwayshas to mention it, placed in both of their ears. 

jungeun plays her music too loud to hear what the boy was dancing to but she assumes its either r&b or hip-hop from the flow of his movements. her goal was to immerse herself into the choreography she’s chosen, so she tries to lose herself in the music to focus on her facials and expression. her choreography is a bit out there and she notices woojin give her a whole ’what the fuck’ look through the mirror. she mouths, “fuck yourself” through the mirror and the two continue to dance while mildlyminding their own business. 

there was a point where she feels her stomach growl and she says the first thing to woojin since he arrived. “are you hungry? can—go to the convenience store with me. i can’t have you alone in the studio. your metal energy might thrash my mom’s shit and i’dbe the one getting into trouble.”

the two grab snacks, which jungeun graciouslypays for and tells him that its no big deal like a broken record. when the two return to the studio, they eat in silence as if a live ASMR mukbang was being filmed. they only speak when jungeun throws a packet at him and does the opengesture; he doesn’t understand her, so she shakes her head and says, “open.” she notices her tone is too demanding, even if it was towards him. “please.”  

he throws the packet back at her, almost spilling the contents all over the floor and she just sighs instead of calling him stupid. the two continue to practice in their separate sides of the studio. jungeun almost wants to ask him for his constructive criticism but she could read his expressions through the mirror. her pride was also a factor—she’ll never bow down to ask him for help in something thatimportant. when the night falls, the two leave the studio without any word except for jungeun telling him, “don’t let the monsters chase you.”

goddammit, listening to billie eilish for ten hours really was a bad idea. 

the next few days are spent perfecting her performance. the choreography was down but she needed to fullyembrace the oddities of it. she also spends time shopping. she wishes it was for leisure but she wanted to make an impression. at least, that’s what her excuse was for spending almost one hundred thousand won. 

in an almost rocky-like sequence, she asks her mom and most trusted teachers to help her sharpen her choreography. she performs it over and over again, having critiques thrown at her while she dances. more power! extend your leg out more! hold that pose more! keep it at 90 degrees! 

she dances until sweat is dripping down her forehead and pain is felt when she tries to inhale. she knows its over when her mother says, “alright, let’s get dinner now." 

jungeun’s mom was caring as a mother but tough as a dance instructor. since childhood, jungeun only remembers her mother supporting her dreams without question—from the simplest to the largest. but when it came to dancing, jungeun’s mother became more critical. jungeun supposed it was due to her mother’s background, considering she was once a prima ballerina. eunbi only stepped down on her own accord, not because she got into trouble or was physically inept. she was once the best, so she expected her daughter to be the best or better. 

jungeun would remember her mother immediately running to her side when she fell off a slide or swing as a child, immediately kissing the injury and buying the young girl her favorite ice cream. yet, her approach changed when jungeun would fall during a dance practice. did you flex your abdomen? your balance is weak, that’s why you fell. do it again. 

"kick their asses tomorrow,” jungeun’s mother suddenly breaks the silence in their car ride. “you got this.”

jungeun tries to hide a smile. you got this—its the first time she’s heard her mother say that in regards to a performance. and its all she needed. 

jungeun finds herself in a mnet recording studio once again. its like last week’s configuration but smaller. the change forces the blonde to put things in perspective. there’s less of them, so the competition is greater. jungeun scans the room for who really made it; there’s definitely more faces she’s familiar with than not. she says hi to those she knows and to a few she recognizes from the get-together yuzu held. 

her heart beats faster when she thinks about the fact that she’ll specifically be against other dancers. she’s sitting next to one—kyulkyung.she notices the raven haired girl was wearing shoes and she raises a brow. “no ballet today,” jungeun asks, tone playfully curious. jungeun taps her vans together unconsciously. she sees another competitor and possibly her life’scompetitor—woojin. she thinks he’s in good hands; she could tell from the day they practiced, when she was pretending to mark her steps to watch him dance instead. 

yet, pride is the devil on her shoulder. so she tells him, “i hope practicing at my mom’s studio saved you.”

when jungeun returns to her seat, she rubs her knees and spends the rest of the time waiting to talk to heejin and whoever else surrounded her. the loud boomplays once again. the lights shining on the five figures. the slow walking. she knows its all dramatics—tv ratings and all. though she really thinks she might be at mount olympus, waiting for the gods’ judgement upon her.

the festivities commence and the carousel of performances turn. everyone seemed to share the same thought; they needed to step their game up and it showed.she didn’t care much for the rapping and dancing performances, except for a few. scratch that, except for heejin’s. they’ve mentioned their ideas to each other once or twice but jungeun wanted to be surprised.so, she tells her best friend not to spoil her performance before hand too much. she claps when her best friend performs, stands up even. she holds her hands together by her cheek in awe. it seemed like heejin took a risk as well but jungeun had no doubt in the brunette.    

she claps out of respect for the dancers and rappers but she does so in a zombie-like fashion. she wasn’t paying much attention to analyze their performances. but she remembers a few that stand out. most of her attention is saved for all of the dancers. her eyes trace their steps and she counts the music that plays, wishingthat someone would miss a beat. she doesn’t notice much mistakes, causing her heart to beat faster and stomach to cramp. its anticipation and anxiety, every performance is spent with her internalizing wishes of being called next.   

finally, her name is called. she takes off her shoes before stepping on stage. she isn’t completely barefoot, as dance paws are worn around her feet. as she walks to the stage, which seems like forever,she thinks about how dance paws are one of the greatest invention known to dancers. less bulkier than wearing shoes but safer than being barefoot. she doesn’t think there’s anything greater than these, except for spandex. maybe.

its a bit redundant to introduce herself. its obvious. kim jungeun equates to dancer. instead of opening her mouth, trying to sass one of the judges, jungeun instead steps center stage. she stands still—arms relaxed to her sides, legs parallel to her shoulders. head is slightly dropped, as she waits for the technicians to play the music she provided.

sittin’ all alone mouth full of gum
in the driveway
my friends aren’t far
in the back of my car
lay their bodies

one of her favorite things about lyrical choreographies is that they were a blend of different styles. there was a certain point of grace that it required. it wasn’t graceful enough to be considered ballet. yet, there were pockets in the beat that required may require to pop or lock. but, the choreography wasn’t completely hip-hop. her extremities extended, like water flowing through a river, as billie sang and abruptly stopped, like water crashing onto a rock, whenever a clickwas heard. 

she appreciated the hybridity in lyrical routines. it was kind of like the warmporridge of the three bears’ and she was literally( thanks to her dyed hair ) goldilocks. but her favorite part of lyrical routines was its open gate of expression. she was allowed to give into the song and bare her emotions on the floor.  

if a song was a sorrowful ballad, she was free to contort her face to one of sadness. and maybe, if she was able to, cry on command. but this song required her to be one that’s lost.not lost in love or lost in dreams. but lost in thought and maybe darkness.  

where’s my mind
where’s my mind 

her limbs and torso aren’t the only parts of her body that contort. usually, dancers were advised to smile and keep their facials intact. even if they were in pain or tired. but, the lyrics were clouded with darkness and confusion. she forces her face to express the pain of performing the choreography. she admits it wasn’t a pretty face but matching the routine was more important for her. 

maybe it’s in the gutter where i left my lover
what an expensive fate
my V is for Vendetta
thought that i’d feel better

during her practices, she was apprehensive about this part of the routine. if she was doing this for a normal competition, she would have noproblem about it. but, this was largely an idolcompetition. and idols weren’t expected to be ugly or thrash around the floor. there’s a feeling in her gut that this portion would be edited into some sort of meme but she loses her pride on the floor. she moves on the floor, crawling and reaching for something. she tries to paint a scene with her expression. she wants the audience to wonder: what is she reaching for? is she trying to fight something? 

she was an actress and this was her big scene. the climax of the film. every movement brings her physically closer to the judges’ table. she decided that she would put her struggles into motion. everytime she moves her hands to reach, it represented the dreams she’s worked so hard to grasp. its hard to grasp and obstacles seem to find their way to her. she tries to express it by looking like she’s fighting against something. struggling. 

but now i got a bellyache 

the music briefly stops. the song takes a slight turn, playing billie’s altered vocals and a different beat. she dances with a smile on her face now as choreographed movements return. they’re faster than the first half of the choreography, some steps birthed by hip-hop routines. she didn’t look like she was struggling anymore. she was closer to achieving her dreams. being on the stage, she had nothing to fear and nothing to run from. 

she ended her routine on the floor, fluidly moving into her final position. she turns her head to the face at the judges, a smirk on her face appearing as the music ends. she stands up and bows to them, as she tries to control her breathing rate. she returns to her seat and the judges waste no time calling the next performer. the carousel moves once again, as jungeun tries to control her adrenaline rush. when it subsides, she feels her stomach contort again as the time for judges to evaluate draws closer. 

maybe i really do have a bellyache.  

I-II : ...but it must be said — the callback interview 

      june 2019. mga 5 callback auditions. wordcount: 1372
         featuring:@rkxbin,@rkheejin,@rkpwj,@rkyuna,@rkjeonghxn

fix your hair here, apply more lipstick. after her hair was returned to the half-up, half-down ‘do it was in, she was told to sit inside a smaller room. based on the equipment set up and sole chair in front of the cameras, she knew she would be interviewed.good, because i have a lot to say. she thinks its a good thing people couldn’t read thoughts. although most of her thoughts are verbalized anyways.

jungeun takes a seat on the chair; its high enough for her to dangle her legs as she waits for the interviewer. would it be one of the CEO’s? she knows the idea is probably too far-fetched but she hopes that the zero point one percent chance becomes true. the door opens and she stands up to bow and introduce herself. she bows first. “hello,” the blonde introduces herself. she chuckles when she realizes who her interviewer would be. the same interviewer from the general auditions. “i’m kim jungeun." 

she says her name with a slight giggle, as the interview displays an obvious not this shit again face. they both sit down in their respective seats and once again, he wastes no time.  

— kim jungeun-ssi, how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?

"ifelt,” jungeun paused. “happy. being an idol has been my dream since childhood. i’m happy i could finally do something to pursue that dream. i didn’t get to have a chance to do it last year." 

— why not?

"i wasn’t allowed,” jungeun felt so cheesy saying that. she felt like an elementary school student. “but, its fine, i had to finish high school first anyways. education is important." 

—did your parents not allow you? your parents, by the way, are pretty impressive. your mother used to be the grand prinicipal for the seoul national ballet, right? 

jungeun decides to dodge the first question. it wasthe truth, yes. but she didn’t want her parents to be viewed as too controlling. it was also choice to respect their wishes anyways. "i didn’t allow myself. like i said, education’s important.” jungeun nodded as her mother’s background was revealed. she didn’t add it on her application purposely. she hatedbeing told that her efforts were just handed to her. but she expected that someone would find out. 

“yeah, its no surprise that i’m a dancer then, right? being a one herself, my mom has higher standards for my output as a dancer. i can’t just rely on genes or family name, i had to work hard to get here." 

—dancingruns in the family then. how does this stage compare to the others you’ve been on? it wasn’t such a challenge, right? 

"not really,” jungeun’s telling the truth. dancing on a stage or competing for a prize was not a new battle. “but i think its the most expensive stage i’ve been on." 

—and the most expensive spotlightstoo.

jungeun’s surprised he references and remembers her first interview. see, i knew you were interested in what i had to say before. "yeah, kept me warm." 

they both laugh, a break in the interviewer’s usual demeanor. but he doesn’t falter further and continues with his questions.

— so it wasn’t a challenge? even when the judges were revealed? 

"ohthatwas a challenge indeed.” jungeun recalls her little banter with the trc ceo. she hopes he didn’t take her sass the wrong way. “but it was a honor to dance for them. that’s so cliche, but really. it was. i don’t want to jinx anything but if i didn’t make it through, i think they’ll know i’m someone to look out for." 

—besides the judges, it seemed like there were faces that were familiar to you. you sat next to jeon heejin, what’d you think of her performance? 

"ilovedit. am i being biased? she’s worked hard to perform on this stage. she wouldn’t be my friend if she didn’t.” jungeun pauses. the last statement probably came out too harsh but it wasn’t false. “i mean, i try to motivate my friends to do the best they can and they do the same to me. i try not to surround myself with others who don’t have passion for what they do; it tends to drag me down as well. skill can be sharpened but passion has a rawness to it—”

“—and i think that’s something heejin has. we’ve been friends since high school. her performance was an accumulation of her many years of practice and dedication. sounding like an absolute angelis just a plus.”

—it seems like you two are really close. how about park woojin? we’ve seen you talking to him quite a bit during the general auditions. 

her demeanor changes. crap, why’d you have to mention him out of ninety-nine others. “ohhim,” jungeun purses her lips. “he wasn’t bad enough to have gotten eliminated from the general auditions. i’m surprised, i guess he can do something else other than dr—”

jungeun doesn’t know if he and his band were still undergoing their hannah montana double life type of thing. so dramatic. if gaga can go from pop’s resident “weirdo” to raw country songstress, being in a rock band and doing idol shit was nothing.the interview was the perfect time to reveal his whole gig as a drummer but she decides not to. she respects him somewhatto give him the authority over his image. “—drag his feet across the floor like he’s playing just dance or dance dance revolution. i never seen him sing, that caught me off guard. whatever, he’s not too shabby at it. he sounds nice, actually. he should do it more often." 

she trails off with the last sentence, saying it in an almost-whisper. if it were ever aired, she didn’t want him to become all smug because of one compliment. 

—how about the other performances? do you have anything to say? good or bad. 

"hm. seo changbin. he’s crazy talented, isn’t he? he says he’s a quiet person. he is, but when he opens his mouth to speak, it really means something.” jungeun says it with sincerity, considering changbin is one of the only men she can tolerate. “you could tell it by his performance, he’s alwaystrying to create something new. so the judges should give him the chance to continue to display it.”  

“shin yuna. baby shark was solast year and that twist. it was a twistbut c'mon, its so expected.” jungeun slightly rolled her eyes. “she’s beautiful, though. at least she has that." 

"there’s so much to say. so much people too,” jungeun says it with a chuckle. if she had the chance, she wouldsit there and mention every. single. performance like she was an NBA commentator. score! foul. another three from the dancer from busan. 

—i could tell, i see your gears turning. but we don’t have the time. how about onemore.

“yoon jeonghan. i liked his song selection, it seemed like he was baring it all on the stage. but it would be embarrassing if he got eliminated. being too raw for nothing. it would be a shame.”

—you seem to have a lot to say about your peers’ performances. how about you? how do you evaluate yourself?

jungeun takes a deep breath. “i did my best. i’m not perfect, so there’s always a better possible output. but, i did my best and i put my allinto that stage. i think it would be unfortunate if i were eliminated. i still have a lot to show." 

—i see. well, good luck, jungeun-ssi. 

"thank you,” jungeun says, bowing as she left her seat. 

“see you soon.” she says the last line with certainty and with a dash of hope, hoping to manifest her future. she can’tbe eliminated so early. she’s so close to her dream and it would be a shame if they took it away from her. 

( and as much as she hates to admit it, she’d blame herself more if she didn’t do her best to stay. )

 I-I : god, nor buddha — the callback audition 

       june 2019. mga 5 callback auditions. wordcount: 1813 ( tw : anxiety ) 
           dancing to superloveby tinashe ( 0:00-11 song intro ; 1:50 - 2:36;2:44-58 outro)

there’s a pit in her stomach. she’s not sure if its butterflies. perhaps its the egg casserole she ate this morning? or worse—anxiety.she can’t pinpoint what it is. but she definitely knows that she doesn’t appreciate the feeling. 

she remembers her heart beating rapidly after seeing a callbackemail. she couldn’t believe it. well, not really. she couldbelieve it. she expected it even. but she’s trying this new thing called humility.apparently, it brings good fortune. 

she laments if she pulled out all the stops for her audition at seoul arts.it must have worked if the judges wanted more. or maybe, it was all due to her outrageous interview. it might have been her speed painting skill. she’s full of maybes and perhaps lately but one thing’s for certain. she put everythingin that audition and if she put her all in one simple audition, she decided she would continue to do so. all and all, until she couldn’t perform anymore. 

though, she’s sure that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. no—she hopesit isn’t going to happen anytime soon. ( humility. ) 

jungeun read the email once, then twice, then thrice. making sure she understood what was said. making sure she knew what to preparefor because she was sure there was much more in store than what was written. for the short time she was given, she practiced for hours on end. the night before she had a good night’s rest, the morning of a proper breakfast and tightly tied shoelaces. she was ready..

or so she thought.

her eyes widened as she entered the auditorium. suddenly, it felt real. her mouth is wide open, saying words like, this is it, we’re here to her best friend by her side. they find seats to sit in, two out of one hundred. 

dancing in front of judges was one thing. a filmed audition was another. dancing in front of her peers? a battle.this was war and jungeun, in all her dramatics, was in the front line. she needed to stand out; she couldn’t stand to be part of the ninety-nine. she needed to be that one. 

it was now a waiting game, with a mix of a reunion, inside the large room. jungeun noticed a few familiar faces here and there. some she cared about and some she definitely cared less about. she yelled a few hellos to the former group and a curt smile to the latter group ( she wasn’t in the mood for any theatrics ). 

she thought about running to the stage, starting an impromptu random play dance or dance battle. anything to rile the audience up. most importantly, anything to gain attention or a warning that she wasn’t one to be idle. she hesitated a bit but the anxiety was enough to completely discard the idea. instead, she decided to observe her peers. who was a quiet one? who would be a good ally?

jungeun tried to gather information from what she could see in her peers. the action almost causes her to lose focus on most of her surroundings. she jumps in her seat when she hears a giant boomfrom the speakers. five figures follow the noise and jungeun jumpsin her seat. it doesn’t take much to figure out whothe figures are.

if performing in front of her peers was like a battle, then performing in front of the big five CEOs was like judgement day. a good or bad battle but you die either way, getting automatically sent to the gates of heaven to determine whether you’ll be a martyr. alternatively, landing in a boat on the river styx. or perhaps being reborn, a sequela from never obtaining nirvana. jungeun really feels like she’s in the presence of deities. it wasn’t too far-fetched. now that they knew the big five were judging, it really felt like their fates were in the hands of gods. they even entered the scene like they were gods—large shadows that eventually presented larger-than-life individuals. jungeun prays to god, buddha, even aphrodite and any deity around for the judges’ mercy.

jungeun turns her head towards heejin, squeezing the brunette’s hand. if jungeun felt nervous, she assumed those feelings were her best friend’s as well. she’s so thankful she’s with heejin for this one. being away for the first audition was bearable but she needed her for this one. after a few words, the auditions begin. some good, some bad, some…questionable.overall, she knew that this wasn’t going to be easy but she always believed success tasted better when it was well earned.

jungeun reacts accordingly. it isn’t surprising to find out that she spent an hour or two thinking about what imageto present at this audition. cheerful, supportive girl just happy to be there? overly critical and smug girl? she could have been one hundred and one different girls. one hundred and one different cliches.but, she decides to use the greatest cliche of them all—being yourself.

she smiles when she’s interested in a performance. or, a habit she learnt from dance studios in LA, her woo’sandaw yeah’s when someone just does it right.she raises a brow when she’s dissatisfied with a performance. she doesn’t stop to make an oohface when a note isn’t reached or a beat is missed. she takes the occasional glance at the judges, trying to see if her reactions matched with theirs’.

the performances go on and on like those automatic doors that spin. its almost like a routine, which she gets bored of. until, its hertime to go on stage. 

she stands from her seat, smiling at the little line of encouragement from heejin. she feels her knees wobble slightly, making her reprimand herself. walk, jungeun. right, left. left, right. suddenly, she finds herself on the stage. it takes her a moment to speak. looking at the judges, then ninety-nine others felt like a giant first day of school scenario. 

“hi, i’m kim jungeun.” what kind of generic ass greeting. it was all she can muster to say, nerves trying to fight for control. she didn’t stutter ( thankfully ) but she knewshe could say more. without a plain tone, at that. 

“hello jungeun,” it was tiger jk’s turn to speak. the ceo lazily flipping over her file while speaking to her. “so can you tell us what you’re doing today?" 

”can i just show you?“ jungeun replies. fiesty but not forgetting to say it with respect, because she couldn’t afford having an attitude scandal before she even started. the judges are a bit taken aback, wondering where the seemingly nervous girl present a few seconds ago went. 

"go ahead then,” the ceo replies. jungeun thinks, hopes, he was pleasantly surprised with the shift. she said words that shown she wasn’t one to be truly timid, but now it was time to do what she did best—show it. 

jungeun smugly smiled and turned around to get into starting position. the spotlights moved to shine on her, allowing her to soak it in before the music started.

love, love, love, love
love, love, love, love

her back was still faced away from the audience, but her body started to move. she allowed herself to let the music run through her limbs and hips.

super love
they will never love you babe, like i love you babe

she turned around once she heard the super love, strutting forward in a slower fashion. she mouthed the words to the audience, finger waving from side to side at they will never love you. she smiled at like i love you, her preparation to shift from slower to faster movements.  

i’m sophisticated, super classy, uncle luke, freak, nasty

she started to dance to the choreography she’s practiced over and over. she admits she wasn’t the best at choreographies that required an immense amount of power and sharp movements. but, a good thing about dancing was that there was always room for adding your own style. 

through the years, she found strength in the fluidity she earned through her training with ballet and contemporary. she hit the sharp moves the choreography required but allowed herself to melt with the melody where it allowed. 

jungeun matched her facials with the vibe of the song. she recalls having difficulty with what kind of song she wanted to choose. she wasn’t one to be sensual. she definitely wasn’t one to be cutesy. going full on girl crush was something expected of her, so she didn’t want to do it. this song was flirty, sexy, bubbly but above all fun. jungeun kept a smug smile on her face as she danced. it was perfect for the summertime ( and jungeun pats herself on the back for choosing to dance to it. )   

her wavy hair bounces along with her every step. she chose an outfit that would stand out—heavily tailored pants with a red tank top. of course, it was all in red. the color of love, passion, anger, and warmth. personally, her favorite and luckycolor. 

jungeun’s learned that its better to lose yourself in the music and focus on the outcomes later. thinking too hard gives a window for lost of movement control. but, jungeun decides to take a risk and pay attention to the audience reaction. just a peek. she doesn’t see everyone ooh-ingorahh-ing as she expected. but she doesn’t falter. its not her fault that some people are just lackluster from their performance and reaction. ( in her humble opinion. ) 

i want you, i want you, i want you to be my baby 

she strays from doing the choreography at this point, removing the bun from the top of her head, letting her hair fully flow in all its power. moving her hips and feeling the music, she moves in a circle, raising her hands up towards the audience. she throws her hair tie to the side of the stage before moving to the floor to finish up her routine. the floor portion of the routine wasn’t toomuch. mostly because she wasn’t the most comfortable about sexily dancing on the floor. but, she didn’t want to look like a mop ( having hair that resembles one doesn’t help either ). 

baby say you promise you will never change
you know, you know, you know 

as the song slows down, she slowly stands up and returns to her first position by putting her hip out and placing her hand on it.  

the dancer turns around and bows to the judges. she walks away from the stage, allowing the rotating door of performances to continue. she doesn’t bother to say anything, because she said it herself—she’llshowthe judges what she’s made of. 

she just hopes they were able to see it properly.

0-V : sing your heart out — second skill

        june fourteen. seoul arts high school. wordcount: 852
               ( acapella ) lights by ellie goulding : 0:00 - 0:55 !

jungeun’s exhausted at this point. she tries not to display it but she’s ready to nap. no—she’s ready to hibernate. this day was really a test of her stamina and patience,the latter being run thin by certain people. ( one specifically named woojin. ) 

she almost screams grace when she hears the announcement for their allotted twenty minute break. aside from a short bathroom and refreshment break, jungeun decides to keep her focus on the audition. to her belief, any time spent that wasn’t towards getting a few minutes of practice was time wasted. so she decided to use it to practice for her second skill.  

until a few months ago, singing was more like a hobby. 

first and foremost, she was a dancer. in a group, she never thought of being assigned anything but main dancer. yet, the idol world is always changing and she has to change alongside it. she admits that she isn’t the best singer. yet she buffers the damage to her ego by thinking she’s not bad at all.apply practice where needed, that’s all. 

she finds herself a small corner that doesn’t have much people. she has learned that the second skill presentation was purely improv.so, she couldn’t stray too much from what she was good at. most importantly, she couldn’t stray from what she was comfortable at. 

she was not mariah. she was not whitney. she was not beyonce. 

she wasn’t even selena gomez. 

to put light on the shade, jungeun decided to sing lightsby ellie goulding. there wasn’t any vocal acrobatics jungeun would have to put her vocal cords in. but it also wasn’t boring.most importantly, it was a song jungeun could relate to. 

she thanks her time lived in america for strengthening her skill in the english language and subsequently, strengthening her understanding of the song. she found herself relating to parts of the song, the lyrics captioning certain parts of her personal journey. she remembers the darkness she felt last year, feeling trapped and unable to pursue her dreams. 

but that was in the past. completely in the past. she hammered that thought in her head throughout the day. she was here now, at the fifth mga’s, ready to pursue her dreams. 

she was happy that her first audition was for her strongest skill. in all honesty, she’s exerted most of her energy and effort towards her dance performance. she doesn’t regret it, knowing that she put her all into the skill she’s most passionate in.    

still, it doesn’t hurt to try. the twenty minutes pass in the blink of an eye ( and she isn’t so sure she was able to practice singing much ). 

the process repeats. stand by practice room, watch people practice, get called, walk in confidently. 

the staff in front of her are now familiar faces, but this is possibly ( yet not hopefully ) her final performance. she bows in front of them, “hello again, i’m kim jungeun and i’ll be singing ‘lights’ by ellie goulding today.” 

she starts to sing the song, taking her time to savor the song. she tries not to sing too fast out of nervousness and she tries not to sing too slow, making a snoozefest out of herself.

i had a way then 
losing it all on my own
i had a heart then
but the queen has been overthrown

her singing voice is light and airy as it always is. ( maybe even nasally at times, if you find her annoying. ) she closes her eyes, trying to feel the music that isn’t in the room. 

and i’m not sleeping now
the dark is too hard to beat
and i’m not keeping up
the strength i need to push me

she’s thankful that the song doesn’t require high notes, vibrato, or anything too advanced for her. it requires sounding good at least, so she tries to annunciate the words to her best ability. she doesn’t mumble, afraid of turning into an indie girl meme on american twitter.  

you show the lights that stop me turn to stone
you shine it when i’m alone
and so i tell myself that i’ll be strong
and dreaming when they’re gone
cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home
calling, calling, calling home
you show the lights that stop me turn to stone
you shine it when i’m alone
oh

she continues to sing, eyes fluttering open as she nears the end of the chorus and her performance. she ends the last line with an added oh, a word that wasn’t in the original. she bows to the judges once more, thanking them. 

“thank you.” jungeun says. 

“thanks,” one of the staff members say, obvious wear in their voices. she remembers she wasn’t the only one that was absolutely exhausted. she hopes that her performance, her overall performance, was enjoyable enough for her to move on to the next round. but it was out of her hands now and into the universe’s. she did what she could, she tried her best.  “you may return your nametag and leave. good luck.” 

0-IV : if you leave it all on the stage, what else do you have left? 

        june fourteen. seoul arts high school. wordcount: 616
                extra skill : speed finger painting !

there’s another moment of silence between the interviewer and jungeun. my extra skill should just be winning staring contests, she ponders for a moment. its the interviewer’s turn to clear histhroat now, mirroring jungeun’s earlier action towards him. 

“so, speed painting?” the interviewer squints his eyes to check if he’s reading correctly. the blonde is a bit amused, as its the first time she’s heard him saying anything on script. something that isn’t monotone. 

jungeun grabs her canvas bag, taking out a small ceramic tile and a palette. to save time—because who wants to watch someone mundanely prepare a palette—she prepared the colors she was planning to use the night before. 

if she gained her love of dance through her mom, she gained a love of art through her father. okay, maybe not alove,she adds.but an appreciation. ( she was just “too cool” to admit she cared about her dad’s passions as well. )

one of the other staff members prepare to bring another desk forward to her but jungeun shakes it off. jungeun adjusts herself in a way that allows the camera to capture the small tile. without a word, jungeun starts her self-proclaimed extra skill, index finger picking up a bright blue paint. she dances her finger around the top portion of the tile, replacing white with blue.

the interviewer expects her to speak. after whatever absurd bsshe decided to say during her interview, how could she possibly stay silent?but she supposes that staying silent might be the best. have those words linger in his mind and hopefully the viewers’ minds forever. 

after adding another color or two, she decided that she couldn’t just sit still and paint. she realizes that her skill gives her an extra opportunity to talk. it gave her an extra opportunity for the viewers to get to knowher. 

“you know,” jungeun finally opens her mouth about one minute in, as she adds a darker color for contrast. “my dad always told me slow and steady wins the race." 

"he lectures me a lot. i guess its natural, he’s an art professor. he also loves to tell me about rembrandt,” jungeun continues. “a name i could barely remember." 

she says the word in english, adding a play on words. if she wasn’t going to impress with her main extra skill, she might as well add a few other skills she has in her arsenal. wordplay was one of them. 

"he also says that everything is not what it seems at first—” jungeun adjusts her tile towards the camera more. one can tell that jungeun’s trying to paint a landscape. but it was a work in progress. it wasn’t the final product. so it could be interpreted in different ways. 

and the interviewer was possibly interpreting it as a piece of crap. 

jungeun eyes the interviewer glancing at his watch. she senses his impatience but she knows she has his interest. if she didn’t have it, he would’ve told her to stop secondsago. 

jungeun reminisces her father’s words. the words uttered to the interviewer were words her dad said to her approximately a year ago. those words were consoling, words for a distressed jungeun unable to join the mgas that year. she supposes that its all full circle. she completely faces the tile towards the camera.

she switches surfaces, now using the edge of her index finger and nail to add more paint to the picture. “—things may seem uncertain at first." 

waves, then birds are now seen on the tile. she completes the quick painting, facing it towards the interviewer.  

“—but they always seem to work out in the end.” 

0-III : hello, how are you? i’m fine, thank you. and you? — interview

        june fourteen. seoul arts high school. wordcount: 658

jungeun clears her throat. she wasn’t entirely sure if this was appropriate, trying to start an interview on her own terms and all. but, she didn’t want to awkwardly wait for the interviewer to start. she wasn’t a fidgeter and she wasn’t going to start today. 

the interview raises his eyebrow and continues to finish whatever he was writing on her file. she’s about to clear her throat again, when he signals for the cameraman to press the ‘start’ button. 

this is the second time i’ve been told to start. without a cue, she complains in her head and she’s sure the interviewer read her thoughts. or perhaps, read her face ( which didn’t require much to decipher ). 

— why do you want to become an idol? 

he starts without missing another second. this is it. the question. she wonders what everyone would say. i want to be an idol, i’ve been dancing since i could walk. i was inspired by chi chi, ever since then, it was history. 

she tried to recall how many people she saw in the gym. was it twenty? or fifty? it could possibly have been above one hundred. there were so many possible answers. there were so many opportunities to say clichedanswers. if jungeun wasn’t going to stand out for her talent, she might as well stand out for something. 

she lamented at the notion of becoming a variety-dol or a comic relief. in all honesty, she wasn’t quite comfortable with it. but this was a competition. 

“i was born in the winter,” she replies after a brief moment of silence. the interviewer raises his brow againat the off-topic answer. “but i hatecold weather. do you know how cold it gets in seoul? i hate those long padding jackets too.” 

the interviewer nods reluctantly. she’s going a bit too off-topic but he decides to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

“being under spotlights. that keeps you warm. that keeps mewarm.” the interviewer is relieved that the blonde is somewhatback on topic. “but besides keeping me warm. literally.they’re a guiding light. i’ve always been under some kind of spotlight—whether it be small dance studio lights or big theatre lights.” 

“spotlights are like a guiding light to me. they show me that what i love to do and who i am are worthy enough to be highlighted. so i want to stay under them forever and maybe i can be a spotlight for someone. keeping them warm when their heart is cold and giving them light when their future seems dark.” 

“and that’s what being an idol should be about, right?” 

—which artists inspire you?  

jungeun notices the interviewer’s look of skepticism turn into a slightlyimpressed one. ( but slight is better than nothing. ) he replies with the next question. 

“ariana grande, rihanna, global icon,” jungeun lists out names as he hits said names that were printed on her application. “to name a few.” 

“women who blaze trails inspire me. i’ve always been told i’ve been strong. a bit fiery”she’s honest. she doesn’t try to sugarcoat herself. she doesn’t try to paint a “princess” picture. she’s rough around the edges, but that’s jungeun. that’s her.and that’s who’ll she present. 

“but i just try to speak my mind. i want to express myself the way i want. like these artists, i want to show something new. something fun. burn the stage.”  

—what company or companies do you see yourself in? 

“nova, royal.” jungeun answers bluntly. “do i have to tell you why? you’ll just see why i’m a good fit for these companies.” 

“thank you.” the interviewer says, as another staff member opens the door. 

“thank you.” jungeun returns the words, hoping her words made a statement.