If present me would have time traveled to past me from four years ago, and told me that I would have sex with my wife three times in a row, only those three times would only consist of me on my knees in the floor between her legs giving her orgasms and would end after she was done, I would have called present me crazy. But here we are.
I found myself naked, kneeling down between her legs again last night. She is getting more aggressive and selfish with what she wants, and I love it! At one point, I thought she was done, as she had orgasmed, but one was not enough evidently, as she grabbed my head and forced me back down. I was straining so hard from this. I love it when she takes control and becomes a rough boss.
When she was finally done, I kissed her shoulder, her hip, and then her ass. She gently stroked me through my cage and said “Happy Locktober. Good night.”
I thanked her for being a wonderful generous queen this morning. I feel so gracious and thankful for her allowing me to pleasure her with my tongue, three times in a row.
We haven’t fooled around in quite a while. Last night we both had expectations that it would happen. After the kids were in bed, and the day was coming to a close, she wasn’t feeling it anymore. She apologized and started in with “maybe tomorrow”. I could tell she was upset because she thought I would be upset. I stood up, hugged her tight, told her I love her.
This morning I sent her a text telling her that she does not need to apologize for not wanting sex. That we are in a new era in our FLR, where she decides if/when/how we have sex. She replied “good to know”.
Now here comes the tricky part that it took a few years to realize. I don’t want to sit around waiting for her to initiate sex. I know that will be too much pressure on her, and will make her feel unwanted. I also don’t want her to feel bad for not wanting sex, when I clearly do. I told her the best way to handle it is to use it as a tease/taunt when I flirt or try to initiate sex. Use her power to tell me no. No apologies needed. This will stimulate and tease me, and leave her guilt free. Hopefully this works.
I also told her my concerns of anticipating her needs, doing all the chores without being asked would lead to her being happy, and thus, not being strict/cruel/bossy with me. It’s a weird off kilter dynamic but not doing what she asks only leads to her being upset, (and not in a fun your getting a spanking kind of way) and that’s no good. It’s like I need to put her in a good mood, to be in a “bad mood”. I think this is the key. First step, as always, communicate your feelings. That is how you work things out. She understood where I was coming from, and hopefully this new method will give us both what we are looking for.
Only 12 more days until I have a slight chance of being allowed an orgasm.
I’m starting to see a pattern.
Locktober - no orgasm or even erection.
NOvember - no orgasm.
December - We always head back home for the holidays a week before Christmas, and she always wants me on my best behavior and my full attention on her. So she denies me until we are back from the trip. By then it’s close to Christmas, so she waits until after that. I usually get one after that, one last orgasm for the year.
Hello everyone. 15,107 followers on here. That is insane! Thank you guys so much for all followers and the followed. I’ve enjoyed my time here, and made a few good friends. I know I haven’t been as active on here lately, but due to the changes coming, I doubt I’ll be on here at all afterwards (who knows what will happen)
My Love and I are still practicing FLR and chastity, (NOvember anyone??) If you have not yet joined, I spend most of my time on my discord. It’s a completely free voice and text site used for gamers mostly that I have turned into Chastity & FLR Lifestlye. We have quite a few members, and couples discussing all things related. We are a very safe community, and will kick any toxic or harassing people. There is a private channel that only keyholders have access to as well.(We even have a porn channel to keep the tumblr tradition alive!) Please come join us! https://discord.gg/67UCuYP
I have also started a Fetlife, as it seems a lot of our discord users will be going there as well, and it’s a nice way to stay in touch after Tumblr goes dumb. I’m just getting this one off the ground, so bear with me on it. https://fetlife.com/groups/181533
These new tumblr changes really sadden me, but they can’t hold a good community down! I hope to see you all in one or both of the sites above.
Dis is kinda what I imagined some of the boys from Haikyuu would do in an instance where you use the safeword. (Kuroo, Ushijima, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Bokuto)
All time jumped! Don’t you worry :) this is all when they are consenting adults
Kuroo
aware of your limits
can usually pick up when you’re not feeling good or not as excited
sometimes he gets carried away
degradation is usually where he excels
going a little too hard without realising
hears quiet sniffles and stops immediately
“colour?” He asks
he catches a glance at your face thats been away from his vision the whole time
its stained with tears
he pulls out right away without waiting for an answer
frantically rushing to put some pants on before throwing a blanket over you and caressing your cheek
as you cry he strokes your face gently
“shh its ok. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry”
guilt eats away at him
he asks permission to give you a hug
he pulls you in tightly and kisses your forehead
you sit on his lap in a tight embrace
Ushijima
baby unaware he can really easily hurt you
overwhelming strength and size thats hard to take
not sadistic in the slightest but still urges a safeword
has you on top and thrusting up
it hurts more than usual
like r e a l l y hurts
your eyes water in the way thats not the usual pain and pleasure watering
you dont want to ruin his orgasm but ouchies
your nails dig into his shoulders and you break out into a sob of messy pleading
“ r-red… red… red…” you voice breaks
he lifts you as soon as you started crying and holds you to his body
“are you hurt? What can I do?” he asks frantically
his strong arms keep you close to him. stroking your hair softly
he plants soft kisses on you cheeks and forehead
doesnt let go until he feels like you have fully calmed
checks in every few seconds and reminds you that he’s sorry
Kageyama
has had a really shitty day
decides to take it out on you in the bedroom
gag in your mouth and hands bound
he stands beside the bed, hitting various parts of your body too hard
his anger obviously present in the hits
he forgets your limit zones where he is not to hit in any circumstance, one of your only rules
he mistakes your back arch in pain for pleasure
until he notices your panicked breathing and tapping of your foot
he snaps out of it, pulls the gag out of your mouth and unbinds your hands
“Are you ok?” he asks
“you… you hit the spot. the spot kags”
he goes to touch you but you flinch
his face falls to horror
“I am so sorry baby! I…” he starts to tear up and runs to get you some water
he takes it really rough and does whatever he can to look after you all night
he makes you food and helps you bathe
Tsukishima
he is mean in the bedroom
always degrading
obviously very good at it
takes it too far sometimes and doesnt notice you being off
“tsukki…”
he wraps a hand around your throat and growls “shut up slut, I’m almost done. Then you’ve served your only purpose in my life”
it breaks your heart
you always felt like you weren’t good enough for tsukki
choking back on tears you wheeze out “red” with your lack of oxygen
as he lets go in shock you break down
sobbing and frantically apologising for ruining his orgasm
he pulles you onto his lap and rocks you gently
speaking gently with reminders of “I love you” “never apologise” “I didnt mean what I said”
soft kisses all over face
keeps you close to him all night and buys you flowers the next day
Bokuto
size also an issue
doesn’t understand that you have your limits to how much you can take
unintentionally hurts you if he goes too hard
gets overexcited and wants to please you
too much
you feel tearing and pure pain rather than pleasure
in an instant you say “red” as loud as you can
t s u n a m i of questions
“are you ok? did i hurt you? where does it hurt? anywhere else?”
carries you to the bathroom and runs a bath for you
cleaning you up all nice
helps you change and carries you back to bed where you cuddle up together
Listen, safe words are critically important. They’re non-negotiable, they have to exist in healthy BDSM.
But, we should talk a little about the fact that a good dominant / top shouldn’t be letting it get to a safe word situation. There is a whole lot more to all this than just going as far as you can and waiting for them to tap out. The dominant/top needs to be aware of when they’re pushing the envelope, we need to be watching for signs in the submissive / bottom of things going too far, we need to be checking in as things go on. When you’re taking the reins, you’re taking on a responsibility that is so much more than just agreeing to a safe word.
Yeah, safe word means stop. But lack of safe word does not necessarilymean go.
if i’m in the middle of receiving a punishment and i have to pee, i am allowed to safeword.
if my positioning is uncomfortable and keeping me from enjoying our play, i am allowed to safeword.
if you are about to punish me and i think we need to talk a little more about the supposed severity of my missteps, i am allowed to safeword.
if you just started punishing me and i realized i am not in the mental state to receive it right now, i am allowed to safeword.
if i’m not sure how to articulate my reasoning, or there isn’t really a solid reason that i want our session to stop, i am still allowed to safeword there is literally no instance in which i am not allowed to use the safeword we have agreed upon for my comfort and safety.
i will not apologize. i will not be made to feel bad. this is why there is a safeword to begin with and if creeps like dreamiedaddy wanna tell you otherwise they should be avoided at all costs bc they are not safe for you they do not have your best interests in mind they are abusers who have no business taking part in power-exchange relationship dynamics. period.
A safe word is supposed to be your ultimate way to get out of any situation with your partner: whether you’re uncomfortable, experiencing bad pain, feeling scared, or any other of a thousand reasons that make you feel the need and desire to stop the scene.
If someone tells you that you don’t need a safe word, that your safe word will be ignored for a night, or that you can only use your safe word in certain situations, you need to avoid that person at all costs.
If someone you’ve played with or your long-term partner has ignored your safe word at any point, you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with said person, because they cannot and should not be trusted.
You’re always allowed to use your safe word. You should never be made to feel guilty for using it. Proper use of safe words demonstrate trust, love, respect, and safety. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Remember
If you ignore a safeword and continue with play, then you are committing sexual assault / rape
Definitely worth a reblog.
My advise to all subs the moment your Dom/me ignores you for using safeword, time ot pack your bags and run away. A genuine Dominant person male or female will drop any play anything the moment you first utter safe word and hold you in her/his arms.
Remember, BDSM play act is for fun of both parties. Use safe word when you deem it necessary.
Subs- you are not less than equal. Never forget that. Anyone who says you otherwise is not a genuine Dom/me.
All of this
Truth.
Signal boost…
A true dominant should be always be alert and recognize other signs of discomfort and offer you a way out without breaking play. Lack of control on our end is never a valid excuse taking into account submissives are trusting us with so much.
Your safeword is a sacred thing, don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Sex workers CAN be raped. I don’t understand why that’s a difficult concept. Consent is required. Every single time. And in every moment. The excuse of “oh they live that lifestyle/it’s expected/slurs” is not acceptable. If someone says no, you stop. Period. Otherwise it’s RAPE.
I hope she can heal from this.
I had no idea. This makes me so sad.
this is important. shoutout to all you James Deen fans.
Hey guys, I’m hoping to get responses from the community here, to help someone. We’re seeking other people’s opinions and perspectives.
The situation… In response to a lot of arguing and the sub feeling like they weren’t being heard when they needed to be heard, a D/s couple agreed that the sub could safeword during disagreements to end the argument and to allow the sub to be heard.
Shortly after that agreement, an argument happened and the sub used the safeword, but the dom continued to defend ‘his side’ rather than end the argument or let the sub speak. How would you respond, and/or how would you recommend that this person respond to this situation?
A response sent to me via DM (and I was given the OK to share publicly).
I think that this is one of those situations where it is too easy to get distracted by the D/s portion of a “D/s relationship”, when this should be addressed more as a relationship issue. Most if not all couples will argue at some point. Some more often than others. And learning how to argue in a mature fashion is part of being an adult who is emotionally developed enough that they…. (TBC)
should be in a relationship in the first place. Lots of couples utilize a version of the argument strategy it sounds like this couple was trying to employ, where either side has the right to call “time out” when they feel that either they themselves, or their partner has gotten too emotionally heated for the argument to continue to be productive, or if they are afraid that someone will say something that they will regret later. It’s a great strategy. But just because it’s a great strategy doesn’t mean that it is an easy one. Often by the time that you realize temper are running high its really really hard to slam on the breaks. (Having typed that, I can hear someone trying to use that excuse for not stopping at the use of a safeword in a D/s context, and that just would not be cool.) But it takes practice. Hopefully the Dom acknowledges that he did not live up to the agreement they made about taking a time out during an argument, and re-commits to doing better. In time, with practice and forgiveness, I can imagine a future where this couple is arguing one minute and at the first mention of “time out” they freeze like kids playing freeze-tag, turn about and walk to separate corners to collect themselves and calm down. How long the time out lasts and how they should reproach the argument are things they should discuss ahead of time when they are not actually arguing about anything in specific.
Now I know I said that I thought this was a relationship issue and not a D/s issue and I still think that this is true. But because the couple agreed ahead of time to try to use D/s in their arguments, I think it’s worth while to address that element of it.
First off, the Dom did not stop at the use of the safeword. That is Bad! Full stop. No excuses. He has to own up to that. Regardless of whether he was right or wrong in the argument, if he agreed that when they were arguing he would recognize the safeword and stop to give his sub space, and he did not, that’s on him. He needs to own up to that.
Next I would want to know more about the dynamic of their relationship. Are they full on 24/7? where she is never not his sub? If that’s the case do they have protocols for how she is supposed to bring disagreements to his attention and how he is supposed to respond to them? If so it sounds like they might not be working and should be re-examined. OR do they some times take of their D/s hats and just exist as boyfriend and girlfriend? That would make a big difference in how they should expect the other person to behave in an argument. Without knowing more about their dynamic I hesitate to lean too heavily on this, but I am tempted to say that as much as the Dom was at fault, the sub is not blameless here either. she was not tied down, she was completely within her rights to stand up for himself, and say “I said RED LIGHT (or whatever thier safeword is). You agreed we would pause any argument when I said RED LIGHT.” And if he did not stop, it was up to her to walk away. I’m not trying to blame the victim here, but I don’t think there is a victim. From what little I know, I think most of the fault lies with him, but I also think it’s important to remember that she was never powerless either.
Anyway, those are just some off the hip thoughts I had when I saw your post. I am curious to see what else other people have to say.
When I saw @amysubmits’ post asking for help helping this couple I had a few quick off the cuff thoughts that I wanted to share, but I didn’t want to go to the time and effort to put all those thoughts together in a cohesive format for a reblog, or to add all the appropriate tags that I try to include on all of my posts, so I just messaged @amysubmits. But having done that I was really curious how things worked out for the couple and what else other people would have to say.
I was a little surprised (although in retrospect I suppose I should not have been) and a little disappointed. What I saw was a lot of people piling on about how awful the Dom was for not properly respecting the use of the safeword. And before I go any further I want to say unequivocally that a safeword should always be respected! Part of what makes BDSM work and keeps it safe for all those involved is that safewords MUST be absolutely sacred.
That said, it’s a popular trope in the online BDSM community to come down like a ton of bricks on Doms behaving badly. And up to a point that’s as it should be. Those in power must be held to a higher standard, and BDSM is all about a shift in the power balance in a relationships. But I think that a lot of people loose sight of the fact that no one does anything perfectly in the beginning. Everything takes practice, and practice means failing sometimes. Both Doms and subs will make mistakes from time to time, and that’s okay as long as they own up to it, and work to do better moving forward. If we abandon every relationship that hits a rough patch and write off every person who isn’t perfect 100% of the time then we’ll never get anywhere.
From time to time you will see people commenting on how there is a lack of good Doms out there. Part of that is because being a Dom is a hard thing to do right. Easy to do wrong, but hard to do right. But t might also be because, as a community we have very little tolerance for anything less that perfection in a Dom, and I have to think that scares off more than a few who could grow in to great Doms if they were given a little patience, and were allowed to fix their mistakes, and to grow from them.
What we should be more concerned about is not the one offs, but patterns of behavior. Okay so this Dom did not respond appropriately to the safeword. BAD. Was this the first time? Did he own up to the mistake? Or is this part of a larger pattern? Does he refuse to admit doing anything wrong?
In my original message to @amysubmits I mentioned using the strategy of couples who find themselves in an argument that is spinning out of control calling “time out” or hitting “pause”, until they’ve had a chance to calm down, and they are ready to have a more productive argument. When I mentioned it I was very much thinking of Lily and Marshall from HIMYM. https://youtu.be/h93KR6_AXu4?t=76 As silly and immature the gang from HIMYM can be a lot of the time, being able to pause an argument is really a very mature relationship tool. It’s a lot easier said than done! Some people have that kind of self control, when their emotions get worked up and they are only partially aware of what’s coming out of their mouths, to be able to shut up, close their jaw, seal their lips, walk away, and to calm down, but some people spend their entire lives working to gain that kind of self control. I’m not trying to make excuses for bad behavior, but I do think that we should be a little less glib about condemning people who are doing their best and working to be better.
Now it may be that the Dom in the original scenario is not emotionally mature enough yet to be in a BDSM type relationship, or even a long term adult relationship. Or maybe the sub is more emotionally developed than the Dom and she needs to find someone more on her level. But it’s also possible that they are the next lily and Marshall and they both have some growing to do together, and in the long run it will only bring them closer together.
Okay that ran way longer than I intended, but I hope that someone out there found it useful.
Personally, I am a fan of the traffic light system.
“Are you green?” ““Yes Sir. i love this so much, i am so totally green!”
or…
“Ummm… i’m yellow Sir.” (Meaning, “i like this. i don’t want to stop, but i need to slow down, or catch my breath, or this is getting close to RED let’s back it down a couple notches so that we can keep playing.”)
or…
“RED!” (Meaning all play and kink stops immediately and the physical and mental health of all participants are attended to.)
That said, this made me laugh, AND it really appreciate the thinking behind it.
Also too, I just wanted to clarify. The sleep deprivation at the beginning of this week was not something MLAM did to me. It was the result of decisions I made myself. I wrote that lost and had that hesitation about safewording while and because I was so sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation impaired my ability to play safely. I won’t be doing that again, except as something I plan and discuss with a partner.
I don’t normally have the slightest hesitation to safeword or state a limit if I feel I need to. That’s true with MLAM, even over the long distance, and even if I previously had (unwarranted) concerns about consequences that made it trickier, I still did it. This shit is supposed to be fun.
With MLAM, we have a discussed and agreed upon goal of pushing boundaries, so I push myself further than I would with other people, which makes deciding to red out a more difficult decision, just in terms of figuring out how far I can push myself without breaking. Additionally, the type of play we’re doing long distance is mental and emotional, and very rarely physical, which means I take longer to decide about stopping things because I can. And I often start out thinking I’m not willing to do something, and planning to tap out, only to find myself excited about doing it after thinking about it for a while.
I find safewording or declaring limits to be an incredibly simple decision with other people (not that I rush to do it, but it’s pretty easy to tell if I need to, and I don’t hesitate for any reason), and with pain or other physical play.
Note: I wrote the beginning of this in the middle of trying to decide if I needed to safeword, and I only changed a couple of words afterwards. It’s a pretty good picture of my thought processes and patterns at the time. I was at work and my mind was a fucking mess, so I decided I needed to write something to figure things out. It’s not a super fun piece of writing in large part.
SPOILER: A few hours after I wrote this, although I was still in a fucked up mental state, I did eventually ask, “I’ll still do the rubber bands and I guess the dildo tonight if you want, but is it okay if I say "Red. Pause until I’ve slept.?” Of course, he responded “It’s always OK to use your safewords.”
So, last night I was trying to finish the rest of the 30 minutes of fucking my ass with the dildo. I was dumb, and after my Skyping with MLAM ended, I was dumb and ate (I had barely eaten anything all day) and wrote my assigned post first. It was 5am before I started trying to fulfill my assignment. I was walking from my bedroom to grab the dildo from the kitchen, thinking about what I was going to be doing, when everything just hit me. The last week, the start of my new job, the bad shit from Monday, and most of all, the pure exhaustion from only sleeping 2 hours the night before, and the knowledge that I would be getting that little sleep yet again. I stopped mid-step and collapsed, choked out “I can’t do it.” and started sobbing hard. I eventually got up, still crying, got the dildo and went back to my room. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and kind of laughed at myself for being so silly and crying.
I went back to my room and when I got down on the floor, I was about to stick the dildo down my throat when I started sobbing again. I let loose this time and just lay there, sobbing, curling in on myself like a fetus, and shaking. I thought I couldn’t control it, but then I tried and I did manage to push it down. I stuck the dildo in my mouth and the sobbing started again. Granted, that made everything all mucousy and I did get a fairly slippery dildo out of it. I kept crying, sometimes sobbing, sometimes not, and I started pushing the thing into my hole. The sobbing started up again, along with the fetus curling, so I let go and the dildo popped out. I started a text to MLAM, saying I couldn’t do it, wanting to make it clear that I’d tried hard. I stopped halfway through, not wanting to be a fucking disappointment. I decided to keep trying. I couldn’t put it in my mouth again to lubricate it more, because of fecal contamination. Not entirely sure what to do, I used my clean butt plug to get more, smeared it on, and pushed a couple fingers in and out of my ass a couple times. I pushed the dildo in and started fucking my ass with it. There wasn’t enough lubrication. I kept at it, but eventually stopped in less than a minute. The sobbing started again, this time exhaustion was mixed with fear and shame. Fear of the punishment for being a fuck up. Shame about failing so quickly. Fear that I’d never be able to get it right. Shame for not being able to do something so fucking simple. Fear of becoming unwanted and being tossed aside.
I tried a bit more, but just couldn’t. I’d start sobbing each time, push it down, try again, sob again. I finally finished the text I’d started. I said “I couldn’t do the other fifteen minutes. I got two hours of sleep last night and I’m going to get that tonight because I was doing things and all of a sudden it was 5am (that’s on me, but still) and I thought about doing the other fifteen and I just sort of started sobbing. I did get sputum and get it in my ass but I keep sobbing, mostly because I’m so tired, and it just is way past the point where it’s enjoyable at all. I tried really hard to push past that, but it’s not working. I even feel shitty because I’m not doing it, but I just can’t right now. I’m sorry, sir.” I thought maybe he’d be understanding. I didn’t put it in parentheses, say OOC or “Real talk” or safeword. I was tired, but I’m not sure if that’s the reason I didn’t do any of that. It was a large part of it, though. I cried myself to sleep, worried and scared, but thinking maybe it would be okay.
In the morning, I sent him another text, “So, now that I’m not quite as exhausted as I was last night, I think a big part of why I got overwhelmed last night, besides exhaustion, was a mental block about the sputum. I want to just use that, like you said to, but I also get upset/agitated thinking about using only that. Is there any way that I could please be allowed to do my best with the sputum and use lube as backup? Maybe just until I get the hang of it, like the first week? Please, sir? I so want to please you and do as I’m told, but I’m a disappointing little bitch and I have to work up to it.”
I headed to work, exhausted but not upset. Then his response came. I went to the bathroom to read it. I could tell from the part I could see that it was not the understanding text I’d hoped for. I got to the stall and read it.
He said, “Why is the lube such a sticking point for you? You’re clearly not even concerned about lubrication because sputum provides that, it’s the physical object of lube itself that you covet. Why? Also, I cannot believe, you little bitch, have once again failed to follow an order so quickly. You should have done the fucking before the post, as the length of the fucking was a known quantity, whereas writing could have been modified” and gave me a punishment involving snapping rubber bands on my tits and the soles of my feet.
I started to cry. Other people were in the stalls nearby, so I kept it quiet. I sat down and pissed, masturbated and cried. At work. I stole three rubber bands on my way back to my desk.
[Note: It was at this point that I started writing, so the rest is in present tense.] I feel empty. To be honest, I’m not sure if I want to step out and safeword. Part of me knows that I can. Part of me feels like I can’t, not without consequences. Like if I safeworded, he’d decide I was boring and get rid of me, or at least play with me less. Phase me out. Maybe for a better model. Part of me just wants to say “No.” in response. Or “Mental block. Like I said. And k.” Another part wants to do the thing he said, but just not respond. As I wrote this, the other part, the little feminist bitch part, got larger, and I fell back into that headspace somewhat. Still not sure what I’m going to do. For now, finish the workday.
————-
I wrote this next bit after I was feeling better/right before I posted this on the tumblr.
Part of the reason I did safeword was that I kept crying at work. Enough for my office mate to ask if I was getting the sniffles and offer tissues. After he left for the day, the tears and snot just started flowing (I do not cry cute.)
About an hour after MLAM told me that of course I could safeword, and I responded “Red. Pause until I’ve slept,” I followed up with a request for reassurance, since he hadn’t really given me any, and part of the reason I safeworded was because of the fact that I felt like I couldn’t safeword without consequences. I hesitated for a while before saying that, and even talked to Legal Lolita about it briefly. I didn’t want to be needy, or demanding, or annoying, which pairs nicely with those feelings of being tossed aside for being boring. Even the message I sent asking for reassurance was all hedging and “kind of” and “if that’s okay with you.”
I must have still been in a bit of a state, because of course he wasn’t going to be mad at me for being clear about my needs. He said “Sure, what’s up, gorgeous?” That made me start to cry again, this time from relief. I explained my feelings about being afraid he’d think I was boring if I safeworded, and he said “Nope. Everyone safe words. And if they don’t, then you’re not finding the edge. And if you don’t find it, how can you push boundaries? :)” Which is just so perfectly true and so him to say.
I read that a couple times and thought about it. I realized that the limit I hit here wasn’t about the dildo or anal or lube. It was about playing while sleep deprived. I lost much of my ability to separate roles from reality.
Having gone through that and out the other side, I’m really fascinated. I definitely want to push that boundary again with MLAM, just not while I have to be at work, and I’d much rather do it in person. I really like the fact that I truly felt like he was mad at me, disappointed in me, and that he might just drop me for not doing what he wanted, no matter what. That could be hella fun in person, and also I think being able to hug and cuddle and talk afterwards would be very important.
I think that my fear about being abandoned for being boring if I safeword is the much clearer articulation of a nagging feeling I’ve had in the back of my head. Like I couldn’t tell where my boundaries were or if I could have limits. It’s absolutely not the result of anything MLAM did. It’s just me up in my head with my insecurities. Now that I do believe that I’m attractive, they jumped to another quality for me to worry about. It’s probably why I kept apologizing for safewording for a while. I already talked about that one with MLAM and had him reiterate what I already know, which is that safewording doesn’t mean I’ve fucked up at all. It means we’ve found a boundary, and now we can play with it, which I really enjoy.
I still need to talk about all of this with MLAM, and talk theory and practice with some other people, as well, but now that it’s all over, I’m glad I had this experience. Also, I’m going to work on my sleep schedule. Good night.
“I like your number system for pain but I would probably add in a color too because I might say 7 and the person may think they need to stop or ease up. So for example 7-Green would mean it hurts but I like it. 10-fucking red would mean it hurts too bad and needs to stop. Just what I envision in my mind.”
This is fucking brilliant. This adds a whole new dimension to the “calibration” process for assessing pain levels. For some people, a “7″ might be excruciating and needs to be stopped at once (so, a “7 Red”). For another person, with a different tolerance for and craving for pain, a “7″ might be excruciating but they are loving it (so, a “7 Green”). I hope my Followers like this idea as much as I do, and use it to dial in their impact play for the maximum enjoyment and benefit of both partners.
This is absolutely brilliant in its simplicity. I’m going to be incorporating this into future sessions.
