We often discard good advice because we don’t like the source.

Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to appear weak in front of them, and other times it’s because we are trying to save face after having treated them badly.

Emotional maturity is achieved when we are willing to learn from our enemies and loved ones alike.

It’s achieved when we are more focused on growth, than we are on how we may appear to others.

Emotional maturity is key to living with authenticity, and serving with conviction.

But, emotional maturity is not something that you can pursue directly. It is an outcome.

What we need to pursue directly is connecting with the gratitude of who we are, while seeking understanding of why they are who they are.

We must seek to understand the value of every good quality, positive trait, and also every flaw, while embracing how each of these contribute towards making up the whole of who we are as a human being.

Emotional maturity and quality of life, and relationships, follow from there.

Any other approach is not sustainable, because every other approach will be dependent on how others treat us, before we will be able to show up as our best selves in that moment.

Own Your Life. If not, someone else will.

#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #ownyourshit #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #emotionalmaturity #eq (at The Egosystem)
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There’s a difference between being a victim in the moment, versus holding onto the victim mindset long after the moment has passed.

We hold on to the victim mindset when we need others to recognise our struggle, or to acknowledge what we’re having to overcome or deal with.

The only reason this becomes necessary is because we feel unappreciated for the most part.

More than this, we also believe that if we don’t have the victim card to play, we will have no excuse when we fall short of the expectations of others.

The victim mindset is therefore a result of us believing that we’re not worthy in our own right, that’s why we need to give others something to appreciate about who we are and why we are that way.

This is a classic example of a self-defeating behaviour.

In addition to all this, when we’re in victim mode, we place demands on others to compensate for our shortcomings, resulting in strained relationships because they become responsible for how we feel about ourselves, while also having to take up the slack that we leave behind because of how exhausting the victim mindset can be.

You owe it to yourself to rise above the impact of your last experience. Waiting for justice or retribution, or even an apology only results in you placing your life on hold, and most often has zero impact on the one who treated you badly.

Don’t give them power beyond the event. If you do, you’re feeding the very cycle of abuse or bad behaviour that you feel victim to.

#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #ownyourshit #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #selfloathing #selfharm (at The Egosystem)
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Live to love, to laugh, and to leave a legacy.

It is only through truly appreciating who we are, that we will be able to leave an imprint of love in the hearts of those we cherish.

Until we connect with that gratitude of self, our efforts will put smiles in the hearts of others, while our own faces carry smiles that barely reach our eyes.

Without such gratitude, our laughter will be nothing more than an attempt to release, in that moment, the heaviness that we harbour within.

And our legacy will be one of sacrifice and martyrdom, teaching our loved ones to sacrifice themselves in the service of others, while not teaching them how to connect with the sweetness of such service.

Material success is only a blessing if it uplifts, rather than enslaves.

Wealth that enslaves is the wealth that strokes our ego but deprives us of the joy of human connection, or denies us the bonds of beauty that feed our souls.

Laughter should not be sourced from a business deal that outwitted our opponents.

Such laughter will mock us in our later years when we realise that our fascination with wealth was merely a drop in the ocean of joy compared to the joy that we could have achieved in investing our incredible talents to brighten up the faces of loved ones, or even strangers.

Wealth is a means to an end. Don’t get so caught up in the means that you completely lose sight of your end.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #love #laughter #joy #optimism #inspiration #leavealegacy #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself (at The Egosystem)
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The next time you find yourself having a disagreement with someone, consider if the way in which you conduct yourself is to demand that they show you due respect or consideration, or are you trying to establish understanding.

When we feel taken for granted or invisible in something that is important to us, we’re more likely to become defensive, aggressive, or passive aggressive in our efforts to get our point across.

If we’re not aware of our need for significance, we will go in search of significance in almost every setting.

This is how we end up yelling at cashiers, losing ourselves to road rage, and being argumentative with co-workers, as just a few examples.

Understanding why we feel insignificant is the first step towards breaking that cycle.

Understanding why those who are significant to us are not treating us with the significance that we need is the second step.

And the third step towards breaking this cycle of rage or bitterness at the world is to understand why we need such validation to feel significant before treating others in a way that is true to who we are, rather than being driven by the anger or disappointment that we feel.

Emotional mindfulness is core to the above, and having a healthy self-worth is what makes it possible to pace ourselves in our efforts towards creating the understanding and establishing the bonds that we believe will improve the quality of our relationships.

It always starts with you.

If you need help to understand what drives you to be less than who you want to be, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183, and let’s get the conversation started.

#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #compassion #sincerity #authenticity #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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While there may be truth in the saying that money doesn’t buy happiness but at least you can choose your misery, we need to consider if we really want to be choosing our misery or experiencing happiness?

It all starts out with good intent.

Earn some money to improve your quality of life, or create a home environment that is welcoming and comfortable for those you love, and hopefully in the process, feel appreciated for your efforts.

But what happens when that appreciation is not as forthcoming as you need it to be?

Sometimes, we look for that appreciation in a specific shape and form, and if it doesn’t appear in exactly that way, we assume that we’re not appreciated.

That’s when our relationships become transactional as we start comparing who does how much to maintain the standard of living that we’ve grown accustomed to, while dismissing the efforts and intentions of the one doing all that.

Valuing yourself comes before any expectation or need to be valued by others. If you don’t value yourself, you’ll look for that validation or appreciation to be served up in a specific way by others, thereby holding them accountable for how you feel about yourself.

That’s how you end up having a life full of things, but a heart that lacks contentment.

It always starts with you. You teach others what is important to you by how you treat them.

And when you value yourself, you’ll realise that when others don’t value you, it’s because they’re struggling with their own self-worth and not because they don’t appreciate you or your efforts in their life.

Own your life, and your emotional wellbeing will take care of itself.

#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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Arrogance is the belief that we’re better…humility visits us when we realise that we’re not.

The root of arrogance is insecurity, but that’s a discussion for another day.

If we’re sincere about wanting to benefit others or wanting to create good for those around us, when we get it wrong and we’re corrected, we’ll appreciate it.

In such cases, we’ll eat gratitude pie, not humble pie, right?

So, when it feels like we’ve been made to eat humble pie, we need to consider what our intention was behind what we did before we got things wrong.

On the surface, our intentions always appear noble.

But it’s that appearance of nobility that distracts is from sincerity.

When connecting with or checking your intention, be sure to dig deeper than what you experienced in that moment.

It’s only when we connect with our intention, our true intention, that we’ll be able to recognise how others are not deliberately malicious or selfish in their actions.

Instead, it will allow us to connect with empathy to the emotional needs that they have.

That’s how we break cycles of unhealthy behaviours.

Perhaps if we eat more humble pie we’ll discover gratitude?

#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Sometimes, we’re so focused on reacting to the disrespect that we receive from others that we don’t realise how we give up our self-respect in the process.

If we continue in reaction mode for long enough, we’ll find ourselves not only returning the favour by treating them the way that they treat us, but we’ll also find ourselves blaming them for our response.

That’s when we go beyond losing our self-respect and we begin losing ourselves completely.

Strangely though, we’re unlikely to do this with everyone.

We’ll often encounter total strangers or mere acquaintances who will treat us badly, but we’ll ignore them and continue focusing on what is important to us.

Therefore, the answer lies in how much significance we place in those relationships to which we lose ourselves.

The more significant that we want to be in their lives, the more we’ll convince ourselves about their significance in ours. That’s how we become emotionally invested in being treated with respect by them.

The less respect we receive, the more intense our emotional experience, resulting in us fighting fire with fire. In other words, giving them a taste of their own medicine.

That’s when respect becomes optional. When we convince ourselves that treating others the way that they treat us is in fact justice, when the truth is that it is returning their bitterness with our bitterness towards them.

That’s how we give up the good of who we are.

The greatest tragedy in all of this is that when we lose ourselves, we also lose sight of the struggles, or the low self-esteem that they’re experiencing which causes them to treat us badly.

Instead of breaking that cycle, we feed it, and in the process, harm ourselves as much as we believed they were harming us.

When respect becomes optional based on how we’re treated by others, we give them the power to define how we feel about ourselves.

To whom are you giving your power today?

#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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I’ve often advised someone about something that I truly believed them to be capable of achieving, and the response I received was, “Not everyone is like you!”

Henry Ford said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Sadly, too many think that they can’t, and then blame the world for the state in which they find themselves.

But why would someone willingly put themselves down, or sell themselves short?

Did I hear you say fear of failure? No. That’s what we see, and often what they feel on the surface.

Dig a little deeper and you’ll realise that failure is such a threat because it threatens to reduce our significance among those who are important to us.

It’s the threat of insignificance through being incompetent or unsuccessful that fills us with the fear of failure.

But, we must always remember that fear is only the response to what we’re assuming is the probable outcome of our efforts.

In other words, when we’re convinced that we won’t be able to accomplish something, or we have doubts about achieving it, the assumptions that we’ve made is what we’re focused on. Hence the feeling of dread or fear when we contemplate the future outcome.

Hence the fear of failure.

The important question to consider is therefore not if we’re capable of achieving that goal, but rather why is our feeling of significance as a person defined by our level of success?

And before you say it’s because people judge you as a failure if you don’t accomplish things the way you’re expected to, the next question you should be asking is why does the judgement of others define your self-worth more than your opinion of yourself?

People’s opinions will only weigh you down if you give them permission to do so.

Talking about permission, when was the last time you gave yourself permission to learn from your failures instead of judging yourself for failing?

#optimisticquotes #mentalhealth #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Godliness, like humility, is lost the moment we lay claim to it.

It is something that we may exhibit in our conduct or demeanour, but not something that we can directly claim.

It is our ability to manifest the attributes of the divine in our character and in our treatment of others without wanting to appear pious or godly in our approach.

The need to claim such attributes of godliness reflects the insecurity that we feel about our standing among those around us.

The moment we’re focused on how we appear to others, we begin to lose ourselves to their validation.

Similarly, the moment we claim godliness, we lose ourselves to arrogance.

And arrogance is only required to compensate for our insecurities. It is a mask to hide our shame, or to claim our needs because we believe that we’re not significant enough for others to want to care about what we need from them.

That’s why we take, instead of waiting to be offered. Or why we insult or demean rather than advising sincerely.

It’s all a means towards demanding that our virtues be acknowledged because we feel unappreciated by those we care about the most.

If you don’t appreciate who you are, in the absence of validation from others, how can you expect others to appreciate you?

Gratitude begets sincerity, and sincerity fosters brotherhood. Or sisterhood. And claiming divinity or godliness has no place at all.

#compassion #sincerity #authenticity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourlife #theegosystem #forgiveness #rewards #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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The logic of this is quite obvious, yet we do it, don’t we?

Sometimes we find it difficult to apologise because we’re afraid that others will think less of us. It feels like a weakness. So we protect ourselves from appearing weak.

At other times, we find it difficult to apologise because we feel unappreciated. So our offensive behaviour was our way of getting justice for having been treated badly or taken for granted.

The same reasons that would drive our resistance to admitting fault is what drives others to avoid doing right by us.

Problems arise when we lose sight of why we expect that much more from them, or worse, why we may be holding them to a standard that is unfair to who they are.

Sometimes we grow tired of being taken for granted at home, so we lash out at hints of being taken for granted at work. And vice versa.

Similarly, when our parents may have treated us as insignificant, we end up lashing out at our partners because we fear growing insignificant with them as well.

That’s how we do the right thing for the wrong reasons. Or why we find it difficult to do the right thing when we know better.

We complicate life when we lose sight of what we’re dealing with in the moment because we don’t realise that we’re waiting for justice about something that is long gone and forgotten, or unrelated to who we’re with now. .

Invest in your past, or invest in your present. The choice you make is what determines what you’re investing in your future.

Emotional mindfulness is key to creating a fulfilled life.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose (at The Egosystem)
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The irony of helping others out of the dark spaces in their lives is that when they emerge, they’re often inclined to avoid you because you remind them of a time when they were weak.

When we believe that such weakness is deplorable, we remain weak.

When we view ourselves through the lens of weak versus strong, good versus bad, and so on, we are judging ourselves and others, rather than trying to understand what got us into such states.

There is a time and a place for judgement. But that time and place is only when we need to stop an oppression from taking place.

Beyond that moment, we must focus on understanding the human struggle behind that behaviour, or else we diminish the struggle of the one who behaved badly, giving them ever more reason to continue behaving badly. Or worse.

Gratitude for our moments of weakness is not possible if we still carry a sense of shame about our weakened state.

It’s one thing to regret what we did and to put in the effort to make up for it. But it’s not the same as carrying shame within us that we need to hide from the world.

That need to hide our shame from the world is how we judge ourselves harshly and then look for evidence of others judging us.

That’s often the reason for our defensiveness or aggression in response to any mention of what we once did wrong.

When you find yourself judging yourself or others harshly, it means that you have yet to appreciate the reasons for your weakness or have yet to connect with your humanness.

You’ll only allow others to be human when you believe that you’re allowed to be human.

Right there is the path to peace in your life.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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