#sincerity
In this lead up to the second anniversary of the Schitt’s Creek finale, I’m revisiting some of my favorite articles:
“This is one key to Schitt’s Creek’s abiding appeal — the opportunity to watch characters we’ve come to know staying true to who they are even as we can see them evolving. The Roses didn’t fundamentally change, but they grew – they added layers of humanity, sincerity and vulnerability, even as the series allowed them to hold on to a sense of self-awareness that kept things from getting too sticky-sweet.”
https://www.npr.org/2020/04/07/828866063/the-schitt-s-creek-finale-gave-david-a-happy-ending
Photo: CBC
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Eat better.
No, I don’t mean just eat better foods. After all, disinformation aside, at this point I feel reasonably confident that “eat food. not too much. mostly plants” works just fine for my body type, metabolism, and tax bracket. Granted, I don’t always take that advice. But I mean eat in better ways. Don’t choke down breakfast; chew, savor, appreciate, think of the all the days I woke up sad and punished my system with a Bustelo-only diet.
And on the flip side of this, no more gorging - whether stoned, in a hurry, or having just come off cardio. No matter what basal command urges an ever-ramped chew/swallow/repeat, slow down. Create a reasonable portion. Dip over the boundary of that portion only when appropriate, not just when available. Quit eating with a scarcity mentality.
Binge good TV, use bad TV as emotional caulking
I was piercingly depressed this week and I watched the 2nd half of THE LEFTOVERS first season, which for all its shaky starts turns out to be the truly bleakest and most perfectly depressing show on the current roster. This is good TV. HOMELAND, for all its stupidity, can be binged in two days for an experience akin to classic 24 with better casting and half the episodes.
Bad TV is used to muffle the buzz of boredom when nothing more healthy will do. It is a way of sitting in one place, alone, dislocated. When you must exist in empty space. But it should seal narrow cracks, not shingle your roof.
Stop softpedaling language
Professional interactions in publishing (and I’m sure it’s not alone) so often subsists on a mat of insincerity and complicity in that insincerity. We say that sounds great but we mean that sounds like words. We say we’ll do it but we mean we’ll do it when you prompt us the 2nd time. We say it’ll be good when we mean we have no fucking clue how it’ll be. We say we’re excited when we mean we don’t want to say we feel nothing. We say she’s nice when we mean she’s boring. We say that’s unfortunate when what we mean is that we’re happy they’re failing. We say all good when we mean some good. We say we really enjoyed it when we mean that we burst into fractured sobs upon turning the final page because somewhere in this mound of edited text was a sharp edge that rent a hole in our heart’s exoskeleton and we don’t like that such a thing can happen because it hurts and pain is bad.
Stop being so negative to seem cool
Negativity and irony in media and publishing is easy and comforting. By saying something is terrible or the worst thing ever or the worst or pretentious or flawed or just awful or stupid or that it’s your most hated example of another thing you don’t like, you’re very quickly and efficiently saying I’m Not Like That. Compulsive othering is a human feature but it’s not a good thing. Especially when it’s used to silence benign positivity; “I was happy because of this thing, it made me feel good” “you must be naive and stupid and if you really think that you’re not one of the cool kids” it’s fucking sickening and it drives so many ad-revenue engines and while I recognize nobody can always exist in a perfectly warm bath of good vibes about any and all things unless that person is literally a god, it is tiresome and boring to read and listen to people who can never be expressly and messily vulnerable about the many things that make them feel comforted and beautiful and perfect in the moment and strip away every ounce of self-consciousness like a cleansing fire, because they are afraid of sounding happy. Criticism and lazy outrage are not easy unless that’s all you do. A heart that beats with emotional flab is not one I wish to sync with.
Defend Kid Rock
Kid Rock writes great songs, he’s very talented, he gives a lot to charity, he likes a lot of the same music as me, and I’ve been listening to him for years. He has a new album out. I’m gonna probably like it just fine and continue to argue that anyone who doesn’t listen to him because a mean kid in fifth grade used to yell the lyrics to Bawitaba during recess (or equivalent) is being needlessly self-limiting.
Be skeptical and call out when appropriate the people who use texts to validate their opinions poorly
Smart people have nuanced ideas of how “the world works” and “how humans think” and yet I see some cling to the idea that one book like sof (or similar) has unlocked the secret molecule of Truth about all humans and therefore they can make sweeping statements on how neuroscience works is gonna be getting a frowny face from yours truly. I’m drawn to these people, but I prefer smart people who remember they’re tiny and stupid and insignificant sometimes.
Visit every NYC bookstore new and used
Every Barnes and Noble, every tiny stack of used books on the streetcorner table or in the cramped floor-through apartment, every place that sells books in every corner of this ridiculous city. Staten Island, Gravesend, Bronx, I’m coming, I swear.
Panic better
Every time I panic now I set my phone timer for 45 minutes, to trick my brain (panic part) using another more powerful part of my brain (procrastinating part). I can panic in 45 minutes. It’s working.
Read white guy novels with healthy and skeptical abandon
I like Knausgaard, Richard Ford, John Updike, and DFW. Don’t need to defend that because nobody is threatening this. Nothing wrong with enjoying books by or about members of your tribe - just as long as you don’t get hung up on it. (This includes books only set in the last decade.) There’s a lot of good- and bad-natured criticism of white dudes who write books, and none of it should stop you from reading their books if you want to. Just read non-white non-guy books with abandon too. This is part of the “like what you like” thing.
Re-embrace uncertainty
I have a Career now, but I still don’t know how my 401k works, the difference between “then/than” every time, or when my parents will die. I have a new nephew but I don’t know what his life is gonna be like (though it’ll be filled with love and good food because my sister’s a bomb-ass cook and nurturer). But in order to not get riveted by the Now and spiral into a pit of depression, I must remember that I cannot understand the ramifications of every single action I do or do not take. Sometimes shit is just going to happen and no amount of control-freakiness can change that, so I might as well quit worrying so much.
Trust the right doctors
Before I switched jobs I got a physical where the doctor found a suspicious mole. I then visited a dermatologist (my first - I don’t have the world’s best skin but it’s always been a'ight) and got a biopsy that said nothing cancerous but the doctor still urged that I should get the whole thing removed.
Then I got a new job and switched insurance and suddenly I had to start the process again - find a new dermatologist and find a surgeon that wouldn’t ask for two week’s pay up front. Months went by. And every month, that first dermatologist emailed and called to check if I’d gotten the mole removed. Without any possibility of financial compensation, she urged me over and over to address the mole, get it cut off, do it quickly, wherever, whatever it took. I resented this. Not everyone is a rich doctor, right? Not everyone can afford to get surgery for a benign cluster of cells at any point in the pay month.
So I finally slipped in an appointment with a new doctor before Christmas, who biopsied the rest of the mole to be absolutely sure what the follow-up treatment would be. Turns out I have a stage zero melanoma. Which is exactly as unconcerning as skin cancer can possibly be - you basically just get it snipped off and that’s it - but I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for the first doctor, who gave so much of a shit that she hectored me like a good doctor should. When I emailed to thank her, she just said “I just wish we had national health care. I’m glad you did this.”
Find good doctors, stick by them, keep yourself alive.
Say I was wrong
Admitting you fucked up when you fucked up will make your life a lot easier. Just don’t admit it all the time and for no good reason.
Don’t smoke things you find on the street, it never ends well
Street weed gave me a headache and street Newports gave me the hangover equivalent of Ragnarok so, yeah.
Read more poetry
The more good and blood-drawing poetry I read the cleaner and stronger I get. It’s expensive to buy. It’s worth it.
And finally…
Read what scares you and makes you angry
Patricia Lockwood scares me. She’s so good and writes such terrifying things. Kiese Laymon scares me. He describes anger and paralysis and fear and systemic injustice so perfectly and so VITALLY. People who are either so talented or are so good at describing terrifying realities or fictions that they make you question the entire cocoon of ways you make yourself Feel Okay are the people you should read. People who disagree with you and who say things that offend you and frustrate you are always hard to read and you can burn yourself out but if you approach them out of a sincere desire to understand who they are, why they do and say what they do and say, and what big tectonic forces and filters have shaped their perceptions to make them so different from yours, are the people who will save a significant part of the intelligent person’s life, every time.
Happy new year!
While we chase the big question about the purpose of life, we lose sight of the life that we waste daily as we go about serving some purpose or the other without realising it.
That’s the thing about being distracted from the present moment.
We’re so concerned about the future, and often still processing the past, that we lose the present.
Popcorn wisdom aside, we must connect with the reality of what purpose is driving our actions in this very moment.
However, we often confuse long term goals with purpose.
Purpose is not something that has a finite end. Nor is it something that is tangible or measurable on its own.
It’s a higher calling. Something that inspired us to want to achieve goals that serve that purpose, and not a goal in itself.
There is only ever a single purpose in life, from which all other purposes are spawned.
That is, the need to be of positive consequence to those around us, and to the world at large.
We often behave badly when we feel like the fulfilment of that need is under threat. But we’re so focused on complying with expectations, our own and others, that we lose sight of why we feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, abused, or even invisible.
Reconnect with purpose and life becomes more fulfilling without the conscious effort of making it so.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose (at The Egosystem)
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Fear sets in when we take our past experiences and project it on our future.
That means that we have more trust in the outcomes of the past, than we do about our ability to shape our future.
It also means that when we find it difficult to establish or maintain trust in a relationship, it’s because one or both of the people involved are afraid of making themselves vulnerable to what they’ve experienced before.
That’s why so many hold on to the past.
It gives us a sense of certainty or safety, while seemingly protecting us from experiencing the same pain in the future.
But, that assumes that who we were back then, is still who we are now. That assumption is incorrect.
Every experience changes us, whether willingly or unwillingly, consciously or subconsciously. Change is unavoidable.
What does faith have to do with it all?
The irony is that faith is there all along.
Faith is never blind.
What we see as the probable outcomes of the future is in fact faith. Faith is always based on evidence that we gather from the past.
The question is, are we gathering evidence about how often we failed, or are we gathering evidence of how often we persevered beyond those failures?
When you connect with that realisation, you’ll be able to consciously shift your investment of faith from assuming the worst about the future, to realising that you have it within you to influence how that future shapes up.
Own your life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Does being childish mean you’re immature?
Does being mature mean that you must give up your youthful playfulness?
Does being responsible mean that you can’t be lighthearted about serious issues?
The labels and expectations that we adopt for ourselves are more about how we want to be seen, rather than what others expect of us.
When we lose sight of these choices that we’ve made, we blame society for the weight of our lives.
Our perception of who we are is the root of the joy or torment that we experience in our lives.
It is also the root of whether we grow old before our time, or do we remain young until the day we die.
Sometimes we lose ourselves to duty and servitude because we feel so intensely responsible for doing our part, or because we believe that we must take up the slack that others leave behind while they’re enjoying their life.
How we feel about doing it is more important than whether that is true, because if we feel burdened, we’ll experience the heaviness of responsibility.
But if we connect with the value that we want to create through our service of others, we’ll feel the joy of fulfilment in connecting with that value, rather than focusing on whether we’re appreciated or not.
That is the beginning of learning to appreciate ourselves before we expect others to make us feel worthy.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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When we transact with life, we expect to get back what we give.
We also expect to receive, in a very specific shape and form, the good that we need from others in exchange for the good that we did for them.
When we expect things to come back to us in a specific way, all the good that doesn’t match our expectations will be ignored, taken for granted, or even rejected without us realising that we’re destroying the very good that we’re praying for.
Like a drop of water that causes a ripple that meets other ripples along its way and gains momentum.
The drop of water had no idea that what it started could turn into a wave. It did not set out to start a wave, nor did it plan to meet other ripples along the way to form the wave that changed the shoreline.
It was just true to its nature, and it’s that nature that inspired or spawned an impact greater than it ever thought possible.
We’re drops of water in the ocean of humanity.
When we own our contribution towards creating good in our lives, its impact is felt for generations to come, and by every life touched by every generation that is spawned from our lineage.
Sadly, the same is true for the harm that we cause. Until someone steps up and decides to start that ripple of positive change.
Own your life. Don’t transact with it. Don’t hold back because you’re waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect partner.
Be true to yourself, and create space for others to be true to themselves.
Break the cycle that weighs you down. Humanity will be all the better for it.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Contrary to meme wisdom, it is impossible to live without expectations from others.
Not only is it impossible, but without expectations, much of life’s sweetness is lost.
Trusting our partners or significant others to fulfill the expectations that we have of them cements the bond of trust in our relationship with them, and vice versa.
Failed expectations feel like betrayal because expectations, by definition, carry with them a sense of entitlement to being treated a certain way by those closest to us.
When we become distracted by that feeling of betrayal, we become defensive or aggressive in demanding what we need, rather than seeking to understand why we’re not getting it.
When we focus on what we have a right to expect from others, we become defined by how they honour those expectations. That’s how we risk losing ourselves to such relationships.
When expectations fail, focus on hope instead.
Hope is what creates opportunities for us to be the best that we can be, while creating space for others to discover how to be their best as well.
Never lose hope. And always be mindful of the expectations that you have.
It will save your sanity, if not your soul.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.
It was never about you.
It’s always about reflecting who they are.
If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.
If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.
If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.
And so it continues.
The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.
The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.
The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.
Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.
Break the cycle.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #integrity #introspection #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery (at The Egosystem)
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The gravity of life is often a distraction from living it.
So obsessed do we become with the future, or needing retribution for the past, that we lose the present moment.
But this is a philosophy that many know, yet few understand.
What we take from the past, determines whether we live in the present moment with hope and joy, or in fear of the future.
So deeply ingrained is this fear that those who do not embrace it are shunned as being irresponsible, or out of touch.
Connecting with the reality of your contribution towards your past, offers you insights into how to maximise the value of the present, leaving no room for fear of the future.
Because the future then becomes a beautiful surprise, offering new opportunities to take even more from each moment that it offers.
Lose yourself to judging yourself or others about what has already passed, and the future will offer nothing more than the fear of loss, or the absence of peace.
Choose wisely what you take from your past, and the present becomes the gift with which to create a beautiful future.
Live. Don’t just exist. And definitely don’t stop at surviving.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism #lifegoals (at The Egosystem)
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This is a reminder for those who think that everyone who wears their heart on their sleeves, or are just looking for attention.
It may not be healthy, but it’s their way of drawing attention to their struggle that they need help with.
How we respond either enables the unhealthy expression, diminishes their efforts to be heard, or uplifts them through creating understanding about how they may be able to rise above it.
Death by suicide is avoidable, and so is depression.
Both just need a small dose of kindness and understanding.
Don’t go venting at strangers.
If you need to vent, vent with people that know you so that they have no reason to believe that your frustration is a definition of THEIR worth.
So, if you see someone you don’t know venting, don’t respond with anger.
Break the cycle.
And if it’s someone you do know, let them vent without feeling a need to stop them.
Once they’re done, then try to find out what’s really going on.
No one behaves rationally in the midst of their rage.
But if they’re harming someone in the process, then intervene in the most calm way possible.
Don’t escalate the situation further.
And remember, it takes a village…if you don’t have a village to support your efforts, pace yourself and adjust your expectations of what you’re capable of in line with your reality.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
So start by being kind to yourself, before you sacrifice yourself in the service of others.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #suicideprevention #suicideawarness #depression (at The Egosystem)
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When we find ourselves waiting for just the right moment, or that right feeling, or the perfect setting, or the ideal opportunity to present itself before we do something, we’re afraid of failure.
If we know, with understanding and rational thought, why we are not ready for something, that’s different.
When we have no real reason to put something off but we hesitate and make excuses, that’s when we’re not yet convinced about the value in what we want to do, or our ability to be successful at it.
Looking for reason without deliberate effort or purpose is how we pacify ourselves in our efforts to avoid failure.
When we focus on the value that we wish to create, and we accept that we are always learning something new even in spaces where we are very confident about our abilities, we will find the conviction to take action rather than to avoid failure.
The only reason failure weighs down on us so much is because we are defined by how others may judge us.
If you find yourself in such a head space, you need to reflect on why the opinions of others are more important than your opinion of yourself.
Improve your opinion of yourself, and it will be easier to take advice, learn from your mistakes, and grow from failure.
Own your life, or else someone else will.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism #ownyourlife (at The Egosystem)
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People that respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.
It doesn’t mean that they are malicious or have bad intentions. But they most likely don’t even realise it themselves.
In fact, you may be supporting others in ways that comfort you more than it helps them.
When we find familiarity in our struggles that others share, we risk polarising towards those who make us feel better about where we are, rather than seeking out those who may be able to guide us towards uplifting ourselves out of that space.
That’s one of the difficulties of being in a victim head space without realising it. We become really good at making others feel OK about their weakness while believing that we’re supporting them to overcome it.
Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.
The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter!
Not a survivor! A fighter!
You lose the sweetness of life when you focus on coping as best as you can.
That’s why you must always strive to rise above, to overcome, to prevail, and never to surrender or cope with what life throws at you.
You only get one shot at life.
Make it count.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Failure only threatens is if we feel defined by the outcome of our efforts in trying to achieve our goals.
Sometimes those goals are small things that influence the daily quality of our lives, and sometimes it’s big things that shape our future.
The source of fearing failure is in our need to be respected by those around us.
The only time we will be disrespected or diminished when we fail at something is when we surround ourselves with those who themselves are defined by how others see them.
In such environments, mediocrity and tradition will be sacred. Playing it safe will be considered responsible. And being risk averse will be considered maturity.
If the life that you seek is one without failure, without change, and without discovering who you truly are, then such environments are perfect for you.
But, as humans, we are restless in spirit, and adventurous in nature. We are driven by knowing that we left our mark and we improved the state of the world in the short time that we were here.
Mediocrity, conformance, and restraint therefore goes against our nature.
When we fight our nature from fear of exclusion or rejection, it’s only a matter of time before our health suffers, and our spirits will be dulled.
That’s how dreams are lost and hope is abandoned.
You owe it to yourself, and the next generation, to be true to the value that you are capable of creating in this world beyond just maintaining the status quo.
Live inspired.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #motivation #optimism #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #lifegoals (at The Egosystem)
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Live to love, to laugh, and to leave a legacy.
It is only through truly appreciating who we are, that we will be able to leave an imprint of love in the hearts of those we cherish.
Until we connect with that gratitude of self, our efforts will put smiles in the hearts of others, while our own faces carry smiles that barely reach our eyes.
Without such gratitude, our laughter will be nothing more than an attempt to release, in that moment, the heaviness that we harbour within.
And our legacy will be one of sacrifice and martyrdom, teaching our loved ones to sacrifice themselves in the service of others, while not teaching them how to connect with the sweetness of such service.
Material success is only a blessing if it uplifts, rather than enslaves.
Wealth that enslaves is the wealth that strokes our ego but deprives us of the joy of human connection, or denies us the bonds of beauty that feed our souls.
Laughter should not be sourced from a business deal that outwitted our opponents.
Such laughter will mock us in our later years when we realise that our fascination with wealth was merely a drop in the ocean of joy compared to the joy that we could have achieved in investing our incredible talents to brighten up the faces of loved ones, or even strangers.
Wealth is a means to an end. Don’t get so caught up in the means that you completely lose sight of your end.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #love #laughter #joy #optimism #inspiration #leavealegacy #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself (at The Egosystem)
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The next time you find yourself having a disagreement with someone, consider if the way in which you conduct yourself is to demand that they show you due respect or consideration, or are you trying to establish understanding.
When we feel taken for granted or invisible in something that is important to us, we’re more likely to become defensive, aggressive, or passive aggressive in our efforts to get our point across.
If we’re not aware of our need for significance, we will go in search of significance in almost every setting.
This is how we end up yelling at cashiers, losing ourselves to road rage, and being argumentative with co-workers, as just a few examples.
Understanding why we feel insignificant is the first step towards breaking that cycle.
Understanding why those who are significant to us are not treating us with the significance that we need is the second step.
And the third step towards breaking this cycle of rage or bitterness at the world is to understand why we need such validation to feel significant before treating others in a way that is true to who we are, rather than being driven by the anger or disappointment that we feel.
Emotional mindfulness is core to the above, and having a healthy self-worth is what makes it possible to pace ourselves in our efforts towards creating the understanding and establishing the bonds that we believe will improve the quality of our relationships.
It always starts with you.
If you need help to understand what drives you to be less than who you want to be, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183, and let’s get the conversation started.
#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #compassion #sincerity #authenticity #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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Godliness, like humility, is lost the moment we lay claim to it.
It is something that we may exhibit in our conduct or demeanour, but not something that we can directly claim.
It is our ability to manifest the attributes of the divine in our character and in our treatment of others without wanting to appear pious or godly in our approach.
The need to claim such attributes of godliness reflects the insecurity that we feel about our standing among those around us.
The moment we’re focused on how we appear to others, we begin to lose ourselves to their validation.
Similarly, the moment we claim godliness, we lose ourselves to arrogance.
And arrogance is only required to compensate for our insecurities. It is a mask to hide our shame, or to claim our needs because we believe that we’re not significant enough for others to want to care about what we need from them.
That’s why we take, instead of waiting to be offered. Or why we insult or demean rather than advising sincerely.
It’s all a means towards demanding that our virtues be acknowledged because we feel unappreciated by those we care about the most.
If you don’t appreciate who you are, in the absence of validation from others, how can you expect others to appreciate you?
Gratitude begets sincerity, and sincerity fosters brotherhood. Or sisterhood. And claiming divinity or godliness has no place at all.
#compassion #sincerity #authenticity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourlife #theegosystem #forgiveness #rewards #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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The logic of this is quite obvious, yet we do it, don’t we?
Sometimes we find it difficult to apologise because we’re afraid that others will think less of us. It feels like a weakness. So we protect ourselves from appearing weak.
At other times, we find it difficult to apologise because we feel unappreciated. So our offensive behaviour was our way of getting justice for having been treated badly or taken for granted.
The same reasons that would drive our resistance to admitting fault is what drives others to avoid doing right by us.
Problems arise when we lose sight of why we expect that much more from them, or worse, why we may be holding them to a standard that is unfair to who they are.
Sometimes we grow tired of being taken for granted at home, so we lash out at hints of being taken for granted at work. And vice versa.
Similarly, when our parents may have treated us as insignificant, we end up lashing out at our partners because we fear growing insignificant with them as well.
That’s how we do the right thing for the wrong reasons. Or why we find it difficult to do the right thing when we know better.
We complicate life when we lose sight of what we’re dealing with in the moment because we don’t realise that we’re waiting for justice about something that is long gone and forgotten, or unrelated to who we’re with now. .
Invest in your past, or invest in your present. The choice you make is what determines what you’re investing in your future.
Emotional mindfulness is key to creating a fulfilled life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose (at The Egosystem)
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The irony of helping others out of the dark spaces in their lives is that when they emerge, they’re often inclined to avoid you because you remind them of a time when they were weak.
When we believe that such weakness is deplorable, we remain weak.
When we view ourselves through the lens of weak versus strong, good versus bad, and so on, we are judging ourselves and others, rather than trying to understand what got us into such states.
There is a time and a place for judgement. But that time and place is only when we need to stop an oppression from taking place.
Beyond that moment, we must focus on understanding the human struggle behind that behaviour, or else we diminish the struggle of the one who behaved badly, giving them ever more reason to continue behaving badly. Or worse.
Gratitude for our moments of weakness is not possible if we still carry a sense of shame about our weakened state.
It’s one thing to regret what we did and to put in the effort to make up for it. But it’s not the same as carrying shame within us that we need to hide from the world.
That need to hide our shame from the world is how we judge ourselves harshly and then look for evidence of others judging us.
That’s often the reason for our defensiveness or aggression in response to any mention of what we once did wrong.
When you find yourself judging yourself or others harshly, it means that you have yet to appreciate the reasons for your weakness or have yet to connect with your humanness.
You’ll only allow others to be human when you believe that you’re allowed to be human.
Right there is the path to peace in your life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Gypsophila quotes and symbolizes purity, sincerity, love, compassion, trust, everlasting love, innocence, and romance.
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