#selfworth
recent meals I forgot to post!
Monday I wasn’t feeling the greatest emotionally so I decided to slip into something comfortable and easy to prepare, which ended up being chicken noodle soup ( yes the Liptons kind from a package, we all have our weird food loves ) and two small grilled cheese sandwiches. I enjoyed this meal and it ended up being the only thing I ate Monday, I really truly was so emotionally checked out that this was all I could handle.
The other forgotten meal is actually last Friday’s lunch!
Feeling Sick
Chronic nausea is something I have suffered from for about 11 years.
When I stopped being able to breathe, about 6 years ago, I was living in an apartment with two roommates. Over time my ability to…. well breathe was compromised so often that I ended up in the emergency room. Thinking I had developed some sort of lung issue or asthma of some sort I went in thinking I would find out and be cured- only to discover that the truth was I was having such intense panic at all times that my body had gone sort of into shock and wasn’t allowing me to breathe without other (usual) physical or emotional symptoms. The other thing they guessed was some sort of chronic heartburn causing me to be nauseous all the time, yet exacerbated by the stress of the panic.
After a while I got the breathing under control, a symptom that still comes in week or month long waves when my stress and anxiety levels reach their peak, but the nausea and heartburn is something that has always truly escaped me. When I started feeling this way I never thought it would go on for so long, yet looking back, obviously it has.
Being ill is never easy. It took me so long to understand how my body was reacting to my moods, emotions, and especially what I ate.
I do believe for myself everything is such a delicate balance- I walk a tightrope of medication, therapy, and diet to try to keep myself from falling off, but I fall often, and often hard.
Today I feel so incredibly sick. The nausea and bodily discomfort is so horribly intense that I will without a doubt have to sit propped up against a wall of pillows to sleep. I’ll have to make sure I stay far away from trigger foods for quite some time, and really put more work into reminding myself that I don’t like to feel this way.
Tomorrow I go back to work, to work on my art, my apprenticeship, and my career.
One like = one “good luck” for my work week
2:00 brunch!
Yogurt, berries, bran and granola with a homegrown toasted tomato sandwich!
I slept super well last night which was nice, I can’t remember the last time I slept that well. The cool breeze through my windows and the smell of damp fall leaves was so comforting it was almost hypnotizing.
I love fall, I love Halloween, I can’t wait for more fall things in my life!
On weightloss
That was never my goal. It currently isn’t my goal. I am a fat woman, and I am working on suppressing own internalized fatphobia, overcoming it, and becoming someone with more of a capacity for self love over all.
The goals of this blog are:
- work on self love, body love, destroying my own fatphobia and loving myself, as myself, without implementing weight loss as a goal.
- feel better physically. have more energy and combat my GERD/IBS symptoms at the start as opposed to finding solutions to work through them once they’ve already started.
- Eat better = Feel better.
- share food pics, put more work into my meals, and be proud of the progress I’ve made.
- become the girl Pete Steele sang songs about.
Men keep telling me I “look good” because I’ve lost weight. I keep telling men I don’t feel good, but that isn’t as important to society as looking slimmer.
The only woman to pay me this compliment was my grandmother, who is in her late 80’s and still has extremely disordered eating (60+ years of anorexia and conditioning from my grandfather will do that to someone) - so hearing that from her, I know she meant well, but it still bothers me that telling someone they’ve lost weight is seemingly the highest compliment someone can recieve.
What are your opinions on self love? body love? fat acceptance?
Grocery Day!
Tuesdays are my last day off before my work week, being a piercer means my hours and weeks are a bit strange, but it’s nice to not have to get up before 9am!
I’ve never been a morning person, I find it very easy most days to intermediately fast between 9pm and noon, is a 14 hour fast enough? Maybe I should google it
I hate spending money but I do love grocery shopping. I find a lot of fun and comfort, especially doing it on a weekday afternoon when things are quieter, in picking foods for my next week or two, trying to mix and match fruits and veggies for my lunchboxes and explore new recipes.
All the cucumbers and tomatoes are home grown by my mother, and the squash are from the local farmers market, I even decided to pick up some kiwi, which I basically never eat. Here’s to trying new things
For breakfast/lunch yesterday I had yogurt,granola, and bran buds, along with some double bergamot Earl Grey and a toasted tomato sandwich. I really love fall for all the apples and tomatoes I get to enjoy from our yard.
What are you eating this week?
My inbox is always open
“and healing isn’t linear because so much of it is going back. Healing is the art of revisiting the scene of the crime to clean up the blood. It is going to the dark alleyways of your own mind to put up street lamps. It hurts so much because the past is a bone that was broken and mended itself in the wrong way. It is excruciating to reset it, but in the long run it is for the best”
-what love looks like now.
How do you cheat life? You focus on what you don’t have, instead of what you can give.
We’re hard-wired, even before birth, to create something bigger than who we are.
We need to be part of something that gives us a sense of belonging or significance.
Anything that will convince us that our existence is not inconsequential inspires us to invest our time and energy in its pursuit.
Time and energy is simply life.
Both are limited in supply, but so abundant, that we take it for granted until it is taken away without notice, by which time it’s too late to appreciate it.
Living with conviction and loving with sincerity is only possible when we have gratitude for who we are and what we are capable of creating in the lives of those around us.
Sadly, too often we hide behind masks and facades to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s how we create the self-fulfilling prophecies that hurt us the most.
When we interact with those close to us from behind our masks, we not only deny them the true beauty of who we are, we also deny ourselves the beauty of their responses to the side of us that they otherwise would not have experienced.
In the same way, we deny ourselves the side of them that we believe to be true, but that they don’t feel safe enough to reveal to us.
And all this life is wasted out of fear of being true to ourselves because we fear being rejected or ridiculed.
In other words, we have yet to accept ourselves, but we hold others accountable for accepting us first.
That’s how conviction is abandoned, and love is lost.
#authenticity #conviction #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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While we chase the big question about the purpose of life, we lose sight of the life that we waste daily as we go about serving some purpose or the other without realising it.
That’s the thing about being distracted from the present moment.
We’re so concerned about the future, and often still processing the past, that we lose the present.
Popcorn wisdom aside, we must connect with the reality of what purpose is driving our actions in this very moment.
However, we often confuse long term goals with purpose.
Purpose is not something that has a finite end. Nor is it something that is tangible or measurable on its own.
It’s a higher calling. Something that inspired us to want to achieve goals that serve that purpose, and not a goal in itself.
There is only ever a single purpose in life, from which all other purposes are spawned.
That is, the need to be of positive consequence to those around us, and to the world at large.
We often behave badly when we feel like the fulfilment of that need is under threat. But we’re so focused on complying with expectations, our own and others, that we lose sight of why we feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, abused, or even invisible.
Reconnect with purpose and life becomes more fulfilling without the conscious effort of making it so.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose (at The Egosystem)
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Fear sets in when we take our past experiences and project it on our future.
That means that we have more trust in the outcomes of the past, than we do about our ability to shape our future.
It also means that when we find it difficult to establish or maintain trust in a relationship, it’s because one or both of the people involved are afraid of making themselves vulnerable to what they’ve experienced before.
That’s why so many hold on to the past.
It gives us a sense of certainty or safety, while seemingly protecting us from experiencing the same pain in the future.
But, that assumes that who we were back then, is still who we are now. That assumption is incorrect.
Every experience changes us, whether willingly or unwillingly, consciously or subconsciously. Change is unavoidable.
What does faith have to do with it all?
The irony is that faith is there all along.
Faith is never blind.
What we see as the probable outcomes of the future is in fact faith. Faith is always based on evidence that we gather from the past.
The question is, are we gathering evidence about how often we failed, or are we gathering evidence of how often we persevered beyond those failures?
When you connect with that realisation, you’ll be able to consciously shift your investment of faith from assuming the worst about the future, to realising that you have it within you to influence how that future shapes up.
Own your life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Does being childish mean you’re immature?
Does being mature mean that you must give up your youthful playfulness?
Does being responsible mean that you can’t be lighthearted about serious issues?
The labels and expectations that we adopt for ourselves are more about how we want to be seen, rather than what others expect of us.
When we lose sight of these choices that we’ve made, we blame society for the weight of our lives.
Our perception of who we are is the root of the joy or torment that we experience in our lives.
It is also the root of whether we grow old before our time, or do we remain young until the day we die.
Sometimes we lose ourselves to duty and servitude because we feel so intensely responsible for doing our part, or because we believe that we must take up the slack that others leave behind while they’re enjoying their life.
How we feel about doing it is more important than whether that is true, because if we feel burdened, we’ll experience the heaviness of responsibility.
But if we connect with the value that we want to create through our service of others, we’ll feel the joy of fulfilment in connecting with that value, rather than focusing on whether we’re appreciated or not.
That is the beginning of learning to appreciate ourselves before we expect others to make us feel worthy.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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When we transact with life, we expect to get back what we give.
We also expect to receive, in a very specific shape and form, the good that we need from others in exchange for the good that we did for them.
When we expect things to come back to us in a specific way, all the good that doesn’t match our expectations will be ignored, taken for granted, or even rejected without us realising that we’re destroying the very good that we’re praying for.
Like a drop of water that causes a ripple that meets other ripples along its way and gains momentum.
The drop of water had no idea that what it started could turn into a wave. It did not set out to start a wave, nor did it plan to meet other ripples along the way to form the wave that changed the shoreline.
It was just true to its nature, and it’s that nature that inspired or spawned an impact greater than it ever thought possible.
We’re drops of water in the ocean of humanity.
When we own our contribution towards creating good in our lives, its impact is felt for generations to come, and by every life touched by every generation that is spawned from our lineage.
Sadly, the same is true for the harm that we cause. Until someone steps up and decides to start that ripple of positive change.
Own your life. Don’t transact with it. Don’t hold back because you’re waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect partner.
Be true to yourself, and create space for others to be true to themselves.
Break the cycle that weighs you down. Humanity will be all the better for it.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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If you find yourself among people who constantly demand that you give without receiving, or love without expressing affection in return, guard your soul.
As much as we wish to fill the cups of others with goodness in this world, we must not deplete our own in the process.
By indulging such selfishness from others, you enable and encourage them to continue denying themselves the same peace that is elusive to you.
When we focus on how the bad behaviour of others is harming themselves, rather than only focusing on how it harms us, we take a huge step closer to breaking the cycle of harm instead of just challenging the behaviour.
The same way in which we’d love for someone to correct us when we don’t realise that we’re wrong because we don’t want to deliberately harm others, we must consider that someone behaving badly may not realise the impact of their actions.
But, unless we’re connected with true gratitude about who we are, we’ll feel attacked long before we try to understand the struggle of others.
Focus on building yourself up, so that you may be able to build up those around you.
If everyone is going to wait for everyone else to make the first gesture, we’ll all sit back believing we’re victims of each other, while not realising that we’re victims of our own self-worth.
#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #abusiverelationships #badmarriage #selfishlove #lifecoaching #zaidismail (at The Egosystem)
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Contrary to meme wisdom, it is impossible to live without expectations from others.
Not only is it impossible, but without expectations, much of life’s sweetness is lost.
Trusting our partners or significant others to fulfill the expectations that we have of them cements the bond of trust in our relationship with them, and vice versa.
Failed expectations feel like betrayal because expectations, by definition, carry with them a sense of entitlement to being treated a certain way by those closest to us.
When we become distracted by that feeling of betrayal, we become defensive or aggressive in demanding what we need, rather than seeking to understand why we’re not getting it.
When we focus on what we have a right to expect from others, we become defined by how they honour those expectations. That’s how we risk losing ourselves to such relationships.
When expectations fail, focus on hope instead.
Hope is what creates opportunities for us to be the best that we can be, while creating space for others to discover how to be their best as well.
Never lose hope. And always be mindful of the expectations that you have.
It will save your sanity, if not your soul.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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On the face of it, this is an obvious and common truth that we all experience at some point.
It’s easy to recognise when someone is judging us based on a single moment, or a single mistake from a long time ago.
Their reason for holding on to such experiences is most often more about them wanting to protect themselves from going through it again, than it is about assuming that we’re incapable of being better.
But, there’s a more sinister side to this.
How many of us judge ourselves harshly because of that one mistake that we made a long time ago?
Do you still see yourself through your teenage eyes?
Or maybe you see yourself through the eyes of the one who first betrayed your love?
Perhaps you even still see yourself through the eyes of the family or the community that rejected you?
Whichever is true, when you hold on to being defined by a moment from your past, not only do you convince yourself that you are incapable of being better than that, but you also actively prevent yourself from growing from the experience.
There is no shortage of people who would see fit to judge us, and the ultimate judgement of our lives will come in due course.
Why put your life on hold over thinking either one, instead of living your best life?
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.
It was never about you.
It’s always about reflecting who they are.
If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.
If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.
If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.
And so it continues.
The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.
The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.
The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.
Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.
Break the cycle.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #integrity #introspection #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery (at The Egosystem)
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The gravity of life is often a distraction from living it.
So obsessed do we become with the future, or needing retribution for the past, that we lose the present moment.
But this is a philosophy that many know, yet few understand.
What we take from the past, determines whether we live in the present moment with hope and joy, or in fear of the future.
So deeply ingrained is this fear that those who do not embrace it are shunned as being irresponsible, or out of touch.
Connecting with the reality of your contribution towards your past, offers you insights into how to maximise the value of the present, leaving no room for fear of the future.
Because the future then becomes a beautiful surprise, offering new opportunities to take even more from each moment that it offers.
Lose yourself to judging yourself or others about what has already passed, and the future will offer nothing more than the fear of loss, or the absence of peace.
Choose wisely what you take from your past, and the present becomes the gift with which to create a beautiful future.
Live. Don’t just exist. And definitely don’t stop at surviving.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism #lifegoals (at The Egosystem)
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This is a reminder for those who think that everyone who wears their heart on their sleeves, or are just looking for attention.
It may not be healthy, but it’s their way of drawing attention to their struggle that they need help with.
How we respond either enables the unhealthy expression, diminishes their efforts to be heard, or uplifts them through creating understanding about how they may be able to rise above it.
Death by suicide is avoidable, and so is depression.
Both just need a small dose of kindness and understanding.
Don’t go venting at strangers.
If you need to vent, vent with people that know you so that they have no reason to believe that your frustration is a definition of THEIR worth.
So, if you see someone you don’t know venting, don’t respond with anger.
Break the cycle.
And if it’s someone you do know, let them vent without feeling a need to stop them.
Once they’re done, then try to find out what’s really going on.
No one behaves rationally in the midst of their rage.
But if they’re harming someone in the process, then intervene in the most calm way possible.
Don’t escalate the situation further.
And remember, it takes a village…if you don’t have a village to support your efforts, pace yourself and adjust your expectations of what you’re capable of in line with your reality.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
So start by being kind to yourself, before you sacrifice yourself in the service of others.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #suicideprevention #suicideawarness #depression (at The Egosystem)
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When we find ourselves waiting for just the right moment, or that right feeling, or the perfect setting, or the ideal opportunity to present itself before we do something, we’re afraid of failure.
If we know, with understanding and rational thought, why we are not ready for something, that’s different.
When we have no real reason to put something off but we hesitate and make excuses, that’s when we’re not yet convinced about the value in what we want to do, or our ability to be successful at it.
Looking for reason without deliberate effort or purpose is how we pacify ourselves in our efforts to avoid failure.
When we focus on the value that we wish to create, and we accept that we are always learning something new even in spaces where we are very confident about our abilities, we will find the conviction to take action rather than to avoid failure.
The only reason failure weighs down on us so much is because we are defined by how others may judge us.
If you find yourself in such a head space, you need to reflect on why the opinions of others are more important than your opinion of yourself.
Improve your opinion of yourself, and it will be easier to take advice, learn from your mistakes, and grow from failure.
Own your life, or else someone else will.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism #ownyourlife (at The Egosystem)
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People that respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.
It doesn’t mean that they are malicious or have bad intentions. But they most likely don’t even realise it themselves.
In fact, you may be supporting others in ways that comfort you more than it helps them.
When we find familiarity in our struggles that others share, we risk polarising towards those who make us feel better about where we are, rather than seeking out those who may be able to guide us towards uplifting ourselves out of that space.
That’s one of the difficulties of being in a victim head space without realising it. We become really good at making others feel OK about their weakness while believing that we’re supporting them to overcome it.
Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.
The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter!
Not a survivor! A fighter!
You lose the sweetness of life when you focus on coping as best as you can.
That’s why you must always strive to rise above, to overcome, to prevail, and never to surrender or cope with what life throws at you.
You only get one shot at life.
Make it count.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism (at The Egosystem)
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Failure only threatens is if we feel defined by the outcome of our efforts in trying to achieve our goals.
Sometimes those goals are small things that influence the daily quality of our lives, and sometimes it’s big things that shape our future.
The source of fearing failure is in our need to be respected by those around us.
The only time we will be disrespected or diminished when we fail at something is when we surround ourselves with those who themselves are defined by how others see them.
In such environments, mediocrity and tradition will be sacred. Playing it safe will be considered responsible. And being risk averse will be considered maturity.
If the life that you seek is one without failure, without change, and without discovering who you truly are, then such environments are perfect for you.
But, as humans, we are restless in spirit, and adventurous in nature. We are driven by knowing that we left our mark and we improved the state of the world in the short time that we were here.
Mediocrity, conformance, and restraint therefore goes against our nature.
When we fight our nature from fear of exclusion or rejection, it’s only a matter of time before our health suffers, and our spirits will be dulled.
That’s how dreams are lost and hope is abandoned.
You owe it to yourself, and the next generation, to be true to the value that you are capable of creating in this world beyond just maintaining the status quo.
Live inspired.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #motivation #optimism #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #lifegoals (at The Egosystem)
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