#sirius black quotes
Sirius, at a coffee shop holding the queue: *Blushing hard* This is awkward. How do I say bye? I mean I’m going to be back tomorrow. Should I go in for a soft kiss?
Remus: *With a poker face* Sir, please just take your coffee and leave so that the people behind you don’t murder you in my shop.
Sirius:Moony!
Remus: Not now, Sirius. I’m busy.
Sirius: *Huskily* Moony, my pretty Moony, pay attention to your devilishly gorgeous man, eagerly sprawled out in front of you…
Remus: *Looking up from his book dangerously* Shut the fuck up or I won’t choke you with my hand around your throat while I suck you off until you’re begging me to let you cum as I’d promised earlier.
Harry: How much of an allowance did you get per week when you were a teen?
Sirius: Well, well, let me see…
Sirius: I was allowed to be alive, even though my Mum used to change her mind from time to time.
Sirius: *Whining* Moony didn’t even look at me!
James: You know what Padfoot, stop sulking for once. Forget everything for sometime and go on a date with yourself. It’s hassle-free and you get to spend some quality time with yourself.
Sirius: I neither date nor spend my precious time with douchey assholes.
Sirius: Sometimes it irks me to no end how sickeningly genius Moony is!
Sirius: I mean he studied Hogwarts, A History to keep himself from dying of boredom-
Sirius: -When he was in kindergarten…
Sirius, to his neighbours: I’m going to microwave an unopened can of peaches and see what happens.
Sirius: *Dreamily* I heard it shrinks everything and I want some cute miniature peaches.
Sirius, an hour later: *Shouting from the porch* DON’T TRY THAT, PLEASE. OUR KITCHEN IS ON FIRE AND MY HUSBAND IS CHASING ME WITH A CANE SHOUTING MANICALLY!
Sirius: *Whines loudly and irritates Remus while they’re sitting in a park*
Muggle Police: Gentlemen, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you two to leave.
Sirius: If you want to get us out, you’ll have to torture us until we finally agree.
Remus: *Stares at the policeman pleadingly* You can start with him.
Sirius: Wow, okay! This pair looks so damn slutty and the holes are positioned weirdly.
Sirius: This one isn’t that slutty even though it’s got more holes!
Remus: For the last time Sirius, just select a pair of jeans and get the hell out this shop. I can’t tolerate the looks people are giving us.
Remus: Sirius, please get up. It’s too late now.
Sirius: Noooo! Moony, I can’t. I just want to stay in bed all day and do nothing.
Remus:Don’t be so damn lazy! Come on now. You can do this.
Sirius: Whoa, don’t underestimate my incapability, my love!
Thoughts that trouble Sirius Black when he can’t talk in class~
- If you wash your hair and body clean, how does the towel you use afterwards become dirty?
- How would a person date someone whose hair drips grease and voice is so monotonous that chances are you’d slip into a coma if you listen to it for two minutes straight?
- Is Moony’s hair that light? I swear to god it looked a lot darker this morning…
- Poor Binny Boy… Nobody’s listening to him. Exactly when did he die? WOW! What if he dated my great great grandmother!
- James is such a weirdo. Man, you gotta get a grip on your heart.
- CUTE! MOONY IS CUTE!
- Why does James look like he fought a raccoon on the way to class?!
- This is such an easy question, you dumb bitches. I’m not gonna answer because that’s the spell I used on good ol’ Malfoy last week. Minnie would realise it was me.
- I wonder if Dumbledore read my mind when I was daydreaming about Moony during breakfast. In my defence, Moony was licking his finger.
- Moony-Minnie. Minnie-Moony. Moony-Minnie. Minnie-Moony. Moony-Minnie. Minnie-Moony. Sorry, Minnie, Moony my love wins!
Sirius: Does talking non stop make me look stupid?
Remus: What?! No!
Remus: Your stupid ass makes your stupid ass look stupid.
Sirius: When I was at the beach yesterday 2% people got burnt to a crisp by the sun.
Sirius: As for the other 98%, the reason was sheer jealousy when they saw me.
James, to Remus and Sirius: Hey, can I come over and stay the night at yours? Lily’s kicked me out for talking back to her.
Remus: Yeah, sure thing, Prongs!
Sirius: YES! I perform better with an audience!
