#summer food
Lunch date with the fiancé in Gold Medal Park with salads from Green + The Grain
Throw back to beach day lunch at Lake Calhoun with a salad from Whole Foods
ITS GODDAMN HOT OUTSIDE! BACK TO SCHOOL IS BACK ON ITS BULLSHIT!
TIME TO EAT THE PREFERRED FRUIT OF MONSTERS OF THE MIDWEST!
And by that I mean sweet corn. It’s cheap as FUCK in late summer. Do you have $2? GET READY FOR SO MUCH CORN YOU’L HAVE TROUBLE CARRYING IT ALL!. (Especially if you can get it off the back of some guy’s truck)
This recipe goes out to all the educate’n and just-trying-to-get-by motherfuckers. We’re making sweet corn in a coffee maker.
If you’ve got a pot and a stove handy, just shuck ‘em, de-hair ‘em, and chuck them in some boiling water for about 15 minutes. Ta da! Corn.
But if you’re stuck somewhere with only a coffee maker and your fragile dreams for the future, or you’ve never made corn on the cob before, get ready to SUPPLEMENT YOUR DREAMS WITH THIS SHIT!
Step 1) BUY CORN. If you live in the USA it should be cheaper than a straight guy’s opinion this time of year.
STEP 2) STRIP IT TO ITS UNDERGARMENTS. Ask consent first.
STEP 3) PART AND YANK OUT ITS HAIR LIKE ITS A RIVAL CHIMP IN YOUR 3-YEAR EXPERIENCE WITH WARFARE
STEP 4) BRUTALLY BREAK ITS SPINE RIGHT IN HALF. THE BATMAN IS NO MORE!
STEP 5) RINSE OUT YOUR COFFEE MAKER, FILL IT WITH CORN AND WATER
STEP 6) TAKE OUT THE CORN TO NOTE WHERE THE WATER LINE IS. Empty the coffee pot, rinse, and fill with fresh water back to that line. YELL ABOUT SCIENCE AS YOU USE THE POWER OF DISPLACEMENT
(I actually added more water than this. My water line was closer to 7.5 cups)
STEP 7) UNTAINTED WATER GOES IN COFFEE MAKER. CORN GOES IN POT!
STEP 8) INTRODUCE LIGHTNING
STEP 9) wait like 40 minutes. Maybe watch an episode of the Witcher? It’s corn cooking time.
STEP 10) CORN IS READY! EAT IT!
—
Dress up your corn with:
- butter
- bbq wing sauce
- Mayo and Parmesan cheese
- NOTHING, EAT IT WITH THE STEAM IT WEEPS AS IT SCORCHES YOUR GUMLINE IN SELF DEFENSE!
The shrub is having a comeback. Popular during colonial times (it doesn’t require refrigeration), a shrub is simply a fruit-flavored sweetened vinegar mixed with carbonated water. Refreshing and light, this sweet-and-sour drink ideally suited for summer weather. However, we’ve noticed that store-bought shrub is ridiculously expensive so we decided to post our recipe for Blackberry Shrub. Plan ahead: shrub takes 4 days to make but truly improves after a few weeks.
• 1 cup fresh blackberries, washed
• 1½ cups white sugar
• 1 cup white wine vinegar
• Carbonated water
Place the blackberries in a quart canning jar. Combine sugar and vinegar in a pan set over medium-high heat. Bring the solution to a gentle boil, stirring constantly. Once the sugar dissolves pour the liquid into the jar, pressing the berries a bit with a fork to release their juices. Place a lid on the jar and let it rest in a cool dark place.
After 4 days strain the mixture (we use a chinois though several layers of cheesecloth will do the job, too), returning the liquid to the jar. The shrub is now ready to drink – mix 2-3 tablespoons of syrup per cup of carbonated water – though the flavor will mellow and improve after a few weeks. We keep ours chilled in the fridge.
Sea Turtle