“Do you want to see my pecker???”

*puckers my lips and pecks you on the corner of the mouth* my lips!!! hahaha.. jokes for days - Lame joke Dujour - eUë

“I scream..”

“What’s that little buddy?”

“I scream..”

“Well you just go on and scream then little buddy..”

“I SCREEEEEEEAM!!”

“Oh, you want ice cream?”

“Yes please.”

Hahahaha.. I thought it was funny - Lame joke Dujour - eUë

huffylemon:

icantwritegood:

rslashrats:

rslashrats:

i keep thinking all the mars rovers are the size of a medium dog but i am wrong every single time

shacklesburst:

sufficientlylargen:

plethora

honestly, this means a lot

marriedandfucking:

When people send messages and don’t pay attention to the fact that this is a couple’s blog… 

I could seriously reblog this original post of ours every single day and people would still send messages like they think they’re just talking to Mrs. M&F.

metroid-fusion:

visit-ba-sing-se:

visit-ba-sing-se:

love how this whole “new people coming to tumblr now” situation has exactly the vibe of strange showing up in the saloon of an old western town and stepping on the creaking floorboard

”Listen up, Stranger. Since you already stumbled in here, there is a few things you should know. First of all, this is a lawless land. There is no algorithm, and there are no ways to control which posts get traction. They do, or they don’t. Second, we do not do well with influencers here. You can try, but you won’t last long. They never do. Third, no one trusts a stranger who hides behind a default icon and only watches from afar. We have dealt with those before, and it did cost us. If you want to gain trust, talk to and support your fellas, and they will eventually return the favour. Finally, we like real fights in here. This is not a place of where you get unalived. This is a place where you die.”

owlwomantarot:

whump-it:

flouryhedgehog:

tikkunolamorgtfo:

LMAO I just found out that it’s Stress Awareness week.

Mission accomplished, I am certainly aware of stress.

I am SO aware of stress right now.

sunshinesquash:

Me: has several posts with thousands of likes

Tumblr: for your top posts we are going to show everything that got less than 500 notes, your welcome queen

sahara4k:

if you’ve been on tumblr for a while then you are one of three types of people. you either A) have kept one main blog since the beginning that you shift to revolve around your current interests and hope your followers understand. B) you have a main blog for general stuff and then 17 specifically curated sideblogs each dedicated to a different hyperfixation you once had. or finally C) you create a new email and make a brand new main blog every time you change fandoms whilst quietly deleting your old one and acting like it never existed. personally i’m C what about you guys

I haven’t been here for a min but I’m type A please understand

nudityandnerdery:

vacuously-true:

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven’t told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn’t know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

Midnight Thoughts #1

I’ve always been an enthusiast when it comes to humor ever since my father had planted an embryo inside my mother’s womb. I’m not really sure whether it has something to do with my father’s humorous genetics or if I just happen to be born like Joker. Of course, minus the insane amount of flour and lipstick on my face.
My mother wasn’t really pleased with my absurdity because 1.) She wanted me to act womanly and that 2.) She doesn’t really want a killer clown daughter who takes cocaine every single night on school days. Btw, my mother is a Christian so I pretty much get her but I lowkey question if I was really her daughter or if my father just happened to duplicate himself (inside my mother) as his very own female version.

teenagerposts:

tumblr users complaining about tumblr

notmusa:

i expect ill be able to solve a lot of my problems once my baby brain falls out & my adult brain grows in

the-wandering-whumper:

another-random-dom-3:

triskeleaficionado:

I wasn’t expecting that.

Nobody was