#vanya hargreeves x reader

allison, holding up an unlabeled bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?

klaus: lemme see

klaus: *takes the bottle and chugs it*

klaus: it’s perfume

allison: do you take constructive criticism?

klaus: not without crying

luther:how would you rate your pain?

klaus:0/10.

luther:how- your arm is literally going the wrong way-

klaus:as in 0/10 would not recommend

luther:

klaus:very not gucci, does not slap, no thanks

ben: i thought you were better than this!

klaus: really? …. why?

diego: mama might’ve raised an emotionally awkward man-child with self-esteem issues, but she dIDN’T RAISE NO QUITTER

klaus: they say seventy percent of the human body is made of H₂O

klaus: well the other thirty percent of me wants₂die

five: i told you, i’m fine. why the hell do you keep asking?

allison: you had ten cups of coffee in two minutes

klaus: if i punch myself and it hurts, am i weak or strong?

vanya:strong

diego:weak

five: an idiot is what you are

dave: i love you

klaus: *holds up uno reverse card*

five: i’m off dessert

also five: *eats sixteen peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches in two seconds flat*

klaus: well, change is inedible.

five: i think you mean inevitable.

klaus, spitting out a quarter:nope

police officer: license and registration, please.

klaus: okay, here

police officer:

klaus:

police officer: this is a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card

diego:bitch

luther:blocked

diego: wait, unblock me i need to tell you something

luther:unblocked

diego:bitch