She stood there, six feet away from me. Oh, how much I wanted to take those six steps and scoop her up into my arms. The wind blew and I wanted nothing but to become the hair that vined around her neck. And the moment she looked at me and smiled the smile of half angel, half satan. My heart broke into thousand pieces and the brightness in her eyes glued those pieces back together. And that was the moment I knew how fragile my heart was.
I could feel the hate radiating from her. I could see it in her eyes. I knew she didn’t recognize me anymore. Of course she didn’t. Who was I? Nothing. I had known it for quite a long time. I had seen the flashes of that monster inside of me, gradually becoming more prominent day by day.
I was sure though. I was sure that I would never hurt her, my princess, my girl. Yet here she was, standing in front of me, begging for mercy, asking to let her go.
“Show her what you can do. Show her the power you hold over her.” Said the voice I had been trying to fight for months. It always got the best of me.
Not today. I thought. With my heart breaking and my soul dying, I asked her to leave. I couldn’t look her in the eye. But I saw the hurt cross her face. Like she was expecting me to stop her from leaving.
*Trust me baby, I want to.*
I didn’t say a word though. She stood there for a few minutes, trying to find the person she had loved her whole life. I had been trying to find that person as well. And then suddenly, she started walking away. Her footsteps matching the pace of my heart breaking into tiny shards.
And in the end, we are just mere human beings. Drunk on the idea of love, living on broken pieces of affection. Pretending to have the time of our lives, trying to love the life we have even though we all know, that when the end comes, it’s all going to turn to dust.
And when the stars will tell our story to young lovers, they will break, the pain will be immense, the grief will be infinite. Because if we couldn’t make it, neither of them would. Oh but I believe, I believe we will meet again. Far away from here. In the next life, maybe?
Always keep a notebook and a pencil handy, or know how to turn on your phone’s recording app while three-quarters asleep.
You’ll also need a cryptologist and a language expert handy, to interpret what the 4AM seismograph squiggles or mumbles of “quafal nabblik dnurbly prosh, guffny bla?” actually mean…
Placement within the story: Meant to be red post chapter 13 - because that’s where it leaves off.
Rating: M. Mentions of drug use and Dieter’s OD, the aftermath of that night, talk of death, language, sex, adult themes … par for this story, but there’s nothing too graphic in here.
Trigger Warnings: Drugs and drug use, alcohol, an overdose, needles
Summary:Dieter’s got a lot of thoughts about what happened to him the night of The Incident, but even those pale in comparison to what goes on in his head after.
Author’s note:
So, since a lot has changed and ramped up in the last few chapters of Locked Down, I thought that it would be nice to take a peek into Dieter’s head and see exactly where he’s coming from with this new behavior - and what pushes him to be so honest and open with the people in his life that he cares about: in this case, you.
This got very long, but I hope you enjoy it. (Side note, every single word I write about this man makes me love him even more.)
He felt the muscles in his back and chest tighten, and Dieter’s eyes flew open.
What the fuck? He registered himself taking in a deep, wheezing breath, but his eyes wouldn’t focus. Not at first, anyway - and then he saw you, the man blinking as your features became clear. She wasn’t here before. But now she … she is.
Happy Wednesday everyone. I hope that you are all doing well. It’s yet another day in the month of August. In today’s blog post, I will be sharing some Bible Study notes with you all. I pray that as you take the time to read these notes, that you will be ministered to in Jesus name.
Theme: Believer’s Conduct Part 1: Addressing our Walk
The Contemporary Culture: Our culture today makes it…
Welcome into the sweet month of July. I am so excited for all that the Lord has in stored for this month and the rest of the year. For now, let us just bask at mere fact that we have crossed over to see yet another month. I am grateful to the Lord for His goodness, love, mercies and continuous kindness upon my life. So we are in July and there’s a song that has been springing forth from within me…
SUMMARY:being the first female valorant pro-player in the male scene was a HOT issue on its own, as much as it was celebrated by men and women alike, there were a few people who expressed their displeasure with being leagued with a woman. A few backhanded compliments were thrown here and there by pros and the ONE that you couldn’t ignore was by a certain Min Yoongi.
PAIRING: min yoongi x f!reader
GENRE / RATING: enemies to fwb to lovers / streamer!au / pro-players!bangtan + reader / smut, 18+
WARNINGS:NSFW,swearing, degradation, edging, sex toys… tbc.
“So chat, what’s everyone been up to?” you ask as you pet your adorable cat– Loki
☁⋆ TenZSimp : congrats on making the team by the way! We can’t wait to see you in action for challengers!
“Thank you! I’m really excited to play challengers as well! Everyone is an amazing teammate and I can’t wait to kick some ass.” you reply with a smile pointed towards the webcam.
All of the sudden, chat floods, viewership jumps up by a couple thousand and you can barely keep up with all of the traffic. You can see your mods Soobin & Taehyun try to reign in the chaos.
You squints towards the screen a little bit before reading out a message out loud.
“ ‘lmao have you seen suga’s tweet?’ No I have not, why? Is it important?” You ask. In reality, you really shouldn’t have asked to be honest, because it only brought a new whole barrage of messages from chat.
hopeclutch : LMAO SHE DOESN’T KNOW YET
Jimmyjams : I mean, suga was right LMAO who does she think she is.☒BannedbySoobinie
sugacracker : Even JasonR shaded her LMAOOOO, women do not belong in the male pro leagues! ☒Banned byTaehyunPlays
All the new messages from a distinctfanbase has you scrunching your eyebrows. You pull out your phone that had been charging on the other side of the desk to pull up the dreaded bird app.
And there clear as day, was the tweet that everyone in chat was talking about.
@SugaOfficial : Sentinels really thought replacing Jay with a boosted e-girl is gonna make them win, guaranteed L.
9882 replies | 12,548 retweets | 32,434 likes
That makes you chuckle out loud, full on cackling.
☁⋆Y/Nbuns : oh god it’s the evil cackle….
☁⋆☑ Soobinie : oop, it’s about to go doooown!
☁⋆☑ TaehyunPlays : LMAOOOOOOO
With your Valorant screen still open, you switch scenes and go to the leaderboard. Quickly searching for you name that has the rank rating of 879, with the standing of Radiant #6 in NA.
“Exhibit A.” You say out of context, making those bangtan simps in your chat spam questions marks.
You proceed to go down the list, way down to immortal #157, and there– attached to it was the name BGN Suga.
“Exhibit B.” You say smugly, smirking at the camera. Your fans were going crazy in chat, everyone spamming the burn emote you had exclusively for subs.
☁⋆☑ Soobinie : NAUUUUUR, so much noise for someone down bad.
☁⋆ JihyoCenter : one thing men will always have is AUDACITY.
“Seems like I’m not the one who’s the boosted e-girl, blondie.” You scoff, knowing full well Bangtan’s Suga has caused an uproar with thirsty fans when he revealed he had gone blonde a few weeks ago.
“Soobinie, Taehyunie if you don’t mind banning all the bangtan weirdos in my chat. Let the nice ones stay but if you are a misogynistic prick who can’t handle a woman being better than a boy in a video game– then you are not welcomed in my community.” You tell your mods, and you can see them spring into action in chat. Your own subscribers agreeing with you 100%.
As your chat purge commences, you grab your phone once again, opening twitter to post a tweet of your own.
@Y/NJaded: funny how some people think they can now ‘win’ when they’re up against a woman, buddy you are below me in ranking too, how’s it feel down there immortal 157 LMAO
SEND. With a smirk, you start to say your ending ment to finish the stream. Your phone begins to ping with notifications, clearly in response to the bold tweet– and between you and the next person, it’s really nothing personal; you conclude, before histweet, you were just gonna take the upcoming tourney as a chill start to the season, but now– one thing’s for sure, you cannot wait to destroy Min Yoongi’s ass during challengers.
I still remember that day so well, it was a lovely sunny Spring day, I was sitting at the kitchen table, typing on my laptop. By then, I’d been prevaricating about creating a blog for months.
What changed was the realisation that a story without an audience never truly exists at all. I’d been privately writing for years, but only ever sharing stories with partners. But I felt I had so much more to say, fundamentally, I was feeling that very human desire to connect, share, and be reassured that I wasn’t weird.
So the first three stories I posted were existing works I’d written for the private enjoyment of myself and playmates. I did some polishing and editing, and then took a deep breath - and published them.
I had no idea if anyone would read what I posted, or whether I’d write many more - but the encouragement of early readers inspired me to continue. I think there’s a powerful lesson there, if you want nice things in the world, just spread kindness.
The first completely new story, which I wrote from scratch after the blog was created was Throne of Shame. I was beginning to shed some of my initial reticence by now, and composed Abstract Art in a couple of weeks. That was followed by a burst of intense creativity, leading to Carrot and Stick,Treasure Hunt, and my first Halloween story, Glimpse.
If you look back through my archive, you’ll see I didn’t talk much about myself in the early days, I only posted stories. I had no desire to be the focus of the blog. Back then, I was only just beginning my own journey of erotic self-acceptance, and writing was my means of exploring my imagination. Every subsequent like and repost was validation for me, that strangers shared my kinky interests, and that they found it just as arousing as I did.
Ten years on, and the flame still burns just as brightly within me. I’ve so many more stories to tell, and the prospect of such exciting adventures ahead. Because it was never just about writing stories, it was about being bold enough to live a great story too.
