“Are you sure that this will work?” Shang-chi asked her as his eyes set on the red dust in his hand.
“I promise,” Yelena answered. “Because it released me from the mind control, and what I know of, she’s still trapped,” Yelena replied as she watched his eyes look on the antidote in his hands.
“Listen, I don’t know how you know her, but I can tell that the two of you have known each other long enough. She’s not the same girl as she was before,” Yelena warned him.
He furrowed his brows and looked at her. “What do you mean?” He questioned. “The Red Room does that to a person, she’s changed,” Yelena responded. Shang-chi didn’t say anything and watched her leave before he thought for a moment when he stopped her.
“How do you know her?” He asked her as Yelena stopped.
“We trained together,” She answered. Shang-chi didn’t ask any further questions since he knew that meaning had a deeper purpose.
-
Yelena’s eyes drifted towards Shang-chi as he stood in the crowd of people. She knew that you weren’t there to kill her, and your goal was to kill him. It was a distraction.
He continued to walk before she heard the familiar whistle. It was the same whistle where Natasha taught you how to do it when you were younger.
Her eyes widened and Shang-chi looked confused. She turned around and saw you hit her on the face. You turned around and flipped down as you landed in front of him.
Shang-chi looked at you as he tried to dodge your attacks while Yelena ran from behind. You grab the knife from your waist and try to hurt one of them. Yelena knocked you down so you dropped the knife. She kicked the knife away so you couldn’t reach it.
You looked at her before you ran towards her and both of you landed on the ground hard. You placed your hands onto her neck and choked her.
Yelena grunted and tried to free from your grasp but she remembered the antidote. She tried to reach her pocket and before you knew it, red dust was sprayed into your face.
-
You watched as Dr. Bruce Banner was checking on your vital checkpoints in the lab. Yelena stood next to you. “Why are you here, Y/n?” Yelena asked you as Shang-chi and Xialing approached you. “No ‘hi, Y/n How’ve you been?” You asked her with an amused expression on your face.
Yelena rolled her eyes. “Why are you here?” She repeated as you looked at Bruce. “She’s fine,” He responded and looked at them with a nod, and disappeared out of the lab. “I’m here to kill him,” You answered and looked at Shang-chi.
He widened his eyes and frowned towards your answer. “And I thought you were here to kill me,” Yelena asked you. “Well, I was hired to kill both of you,” You answered with a bored tone in your voice.
“Why?” You let out a chuckle.
“You know why, after the red room saw that Dreykov was destroyed and Natasha destroyed the whole building and when they saw you working for the rest of the Avengers, they weren’t happy,” You told her.
“The Red Room exists? I thought we destroyed-”
You let out a laugh. “Wait, you thought Dreykov was the only one?” You asked her. “You’ve really gone soft, Yelena,” You snickered as she looked at you. “Then why are you here to kill him if the red room wanted me dead?” Yelena asked and gestured towards Shang-chi.
He had been quiet ever since they’ve taken you at the compound, and you’ve avoided looking at his eyes when Yelena sprayed at you with the red dust. You couldn’t bear the thought of breaking down.
Because all of him reminded me of why you survived in the first place. “Your father had to do something with the red room, for a while, he supported it and now they want revenge on you because of something he did,”
“I don’t know what he did, they wouldn’t tell us,” You told them before silence took over a while. “Where did you think I was all the time?” You asked her and met her eyes. “Living a life that you always wanted,”
“I didn’t know where they took you and I assumed that they released you,” You pursed your lips into a thin line and nodded.
-
Staring through the window, you let out a sigh towards the light-up well city in front of you. You haven’t got any chance to sleep because you were still paranoid that some of the leaders will find you.
Besides, you couldn’t sleep since your mind wandered about him. The boy you still loved, or maybe you still had feelings for him even after all that had happened to you.
Both of you were so young that you know that he probably won’t even remember. A knock disturbed your thoughts and you turned away. Walking cautiously towards the door, you looked through the peephole and saw Shang-chi.
You sucked in a breath and embraced yourself as you opened the door. You met his brown eyes when he saw you open the door. “Hey,” He commented. “How are you feeling?” He asked you with a tight-lipped smile. “I’m fine, feeling better,” He nodded.
“Can I come in?” He asked after a short silence. You debated for a second but let him in. “What is it?” You asked him as you closed the door and crossed your arms over your chest. “I don’t know, I just…” Shang-chi began to say but paused in mid-sentence.
You looked at him and you knew that he didn’t know that you were gone. “Where did you think I was after all this time?” You asked him and tilted your head. Shang-chi stared at you.
“Living a life, a normal for one that,” He answered as you nodded and pursed your lips into a thin line. “Well, you’re wrong, your father handed me over to the Red room,” You answered.
Shang-chi looked at you, as he saw the girl in front of him when he was younger. If he should’ve known all of this he knew that he would’ve stopped his father for sending you away. But now it is too late to fix the broken relationship and he knew that he had to let you go.
For the first time in a while, Yelena was left stunned. Her eyes were wide, lips were parted, and legs were frozen.
The blonde ignored her sister and finally got the courage to walk up to you. But when she was a foot away from you, she froze again.
So many pockets.
There you were, minding your own business.
Wearing a vest.
But no no.
Not just a vest.
It had to have been the most beautiful vest she has ever laid her eyes on.
“What is wrong with you?!” Natasha hissed out as she dragged Yelena away from the common room and into her new room.
While being dragged away, her eyes never left your figure.
She was absolutely amazed.
“She had on a vest.” Yelena muttered out after a while.
Natasha was baffled.
“So do you?” She said, not understanding what was going though the blondes head.
“ You don’t understand. That was the best vest I have ever seen! It makes mine look like shit.” Her Russian accent got stronger and stronger by the second. She threw her hands in the air and began pacing around the room.
“There were so many pockets!” Yelena exclaimed.
Natasha just watched her sister obsess over your vest for a good hour, not knowing what to say or do.
Suddenly, Yelena faced Natasha with a determined face and whispered.
“я получу ее жилет”
Natashas eyes widened.
“Yelena no!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were in the kitchen making pancakes and blasting music.
But you halted your movement when you heard a creak.
Coming from above you…
You slowly looked up and caught Yelena’s eye through the vent. Her eyes were trained on your vest, not aware that you were looking at her.
“So… whatcha doing up there?” You asked the blonde.
Her eyes widened as she finally realized her cover was blown.
“Nothing!” She squeaked out before she crawled through the vents as fast as her little body could.
Thought not as stealthy as before.
Every move she made was loud before it faded away as she got farther.
You chuckled and began to flip your pancakes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks went by and you noticed that Yelena was constantly spying on you.
She was hiding in the vents, looking through windows, and hiding in the bushes when you went out for your daily run.
Hell, one time you saw the top of her head through the rear view mirror in your car.
She was hiding in the backseat for 5 hours!
You didn’t call her out though, not wanting it to be awkward.
So you would just “accidentally” drop snacks back there.
And pretend to not hear when she would mumble “tasty”.
But you did find something in common.
You were wearing your vest every time she would lurk on you.
So, in order to stop her from hiding under your bed, you did what had to be done.
After consulting with Natasha about what Yelena liked, you came to a conclusion.
She liked having lots of pockets.
So you ordered a few from different designers.
And by few, you meant at least 100.
Each vest was customized to fulfill her every need.
They had multiple pockets and came in different colors.
Now you just had to come up with a way to give her the gift.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yelena was walking around the compound when she noticed a dog.
And in it’s mouth was your vest.
Her heart began to beat faster.
This could be her only chance.
“Come here doggy.” She said, more like sang, to the dog and slowly walked towards it with open arms.
The dog looked at her curiously, before dashing out of there.
“NOO!” Yelena yelled out and ran after the dog.
It ran into a room and sat in the corner.
Yelena slowed her pace and crouched down.
“Listen here doggy, I just want the vest.” She talked to the dog as if it could understand her.
Before she could get any closer, a cough caught her attention.
A small yelp left her lips before hastily she stood up.
“Hi.” You smiled at her.
She’s beautiful.
“Uh hi” Yelena let out.
“So I noticed you like vest.”
“Yeah uh just a little bit.” She brought her hand to the back of her neck.
You hummed when she said a little bit.
“Well this package came in and it has a shit load amount of vest so I thought you might want it.” You explained the fake story.
Her eyes widened even more before she ripped the package open and dumped out all of its content.
She almost passed out.
It felt like she was in paradise.
“Pockets” She whispered out more to the vest in her hand than to you.
“I also kind of outgrew my old vest in case you wanted it?”
The dog walked up to you and dropped the vest. You scooped it up and tossed it to her.
“I- thank you.” She smiled at you.
“Yeah of course.” You ignored the way her smile sent butterflies down your stomach.
After a while of looking through the vest, you were called into a meeting.
You said your goodbyes and walked out.
Seconds later, Yelena peeked out the door and into the hall. When the coast was clear, she took off her vest and picked up yours.
She brought it to her nose and took a deep breath.
It smelt just like you.
She admired every single detail.
The awful sewing around the rips did bring a smile to her face.
Out of all the vest she received that day, yours was her favorite.
But the one thing she would constantly deny, was being touch starved.
But you knew she was. Her actions proved it.
The first time you touched her, she was holding back tears.
Walking down the busy streets of New York was always overwhelming. Cars were beeping and pedestrians were shouting.
But at least you weren’t alone. Yelena was accompanying you. Tony bribed you with a new suit if you bought him shawarma. Of course you couldn’t say no.
Overhearing the conversation, Yelena asked what shawarma was. With a pointed look from Stark, you were walking out the tower with a tiny russian assassin in tow.
Right when you guys were about to cross the street, a cab ran the red light and almost hit Yelena. But you quickly wrapped your arm around her waist and pulled her back into you.
Yelena froze.
Not because she was almost hit, but because of how a warm feelings crept into her chest and was threatening to explode. Your arm tightened even more as you angrily yelled profanities at the driver. Your warmth almost made her melt against you.
And that terrified her.
Why weren’t her legs working? Why was she feeling so fuzzy? Why didn’t she want to move away from you?
Once she get out of her head, she quickly walked to the nearest shop. You followed her into the Starbucks and sat down. She must have had to use the restroom, you thought.
But once the bathroom door closed, she released a small whimper as her tears became present. She walked in front of the mirror and mimicked the same position you guys were in minutes ago.
She wrapped one arm around her waist tightly and closed her eyes. If she thought about it hard enough, Yelena could have felt your front being pressed against her back
She would never tell you, but she imagined it was your arm that was protectively holding her.
She dropped arm and wiped the remaining tears away. Taking a deep breath, she walked out the bathroom.
The first thing the blonde noticed, was you patiently sitting at one of the tables with two drinks in front of you.
“I remembered you saying something about wanting to try one of the refreshers sold here but I didn’t know what flavor so i’ll just let you pick which one you’d like.”
Once again, Yelena fought against the tears wanting to come out.
When you realized that she didn’t respond, you stopped your rambling and stared at her.
“Are you okay?”
And for the first time in her life, she genuinely felt good.
Summary: After having her mind freed, Yelena finds a tattoo on her wrist. As she ponders where it came from, a piece of you returns to her.
A/N: Please let me know what you think! I’m trying to come up with different characters to write for so let me know if there’s anyone you’d like to see! :)
The red mist had cut through the haze in her mind like a knife. It had been like waking up from some strange terrible dream, a groggy feeling weighing her down even as she felt a sudden horror rear its head. The woman who had freed her had passed away quickly, the wound in her stomach fatal as had been Yelena’s original terrible intention. Guilt had immediately rumbled through her at the sight of the limp figure upon the asphalt. This woman had freed her, at her own expense, and Yelena had barely had time to thank her.
She had left the scene quickly, recognising that sticking around were foolish if she wanted her freedom to last. As she had left the scene, wandering the city with this newfound freedom, she had realised the fog over her mind had not been entirely cleared. The red mist had allowed her some clarity but the fog was dissipating only slowly. Thoughts, feelings, and surface level memories had all haltingly pinged through her mind as she had mindlessly found herself a place to stay.
The hotel she had stumbled across was run down, the ceiling crumbling slightly each time she forced the front door open, but it was subtle. They asked no questions at the desk, even waving away her bloodied face with disinterest as they had handed her the rusted key. She wouldn’t be found here; she could let herself decompress.
Peeling her clothes off, rumpling her nose at the blood staining the dark material, she yanked the stiffened shower handle. The water spurted out violently for a moment until the pressure evened out leaving a steady, if slightly limp, stream of steaming water.
Stepping into the chipped ceramic at the bottom of the shower, Yelena let her shoulders drop against the warm water. She scrubbed her face, letting the water wash away the grime and sweat and blood of the day.
As she scrubbed over her skin, a strange dark patch at her wrist caught her attention. Narrowing her eyes at this splodge of darkness, Yelena focused her gaze upon what she now recognised as a tattoo. Clearly, it was not a professional tattoo, she doubted the red room would have allowed that. But it was clear enough in the quality; the line work too uneven and the colour fading. As Yelena wondered over this uneven, fading flower tattooed onto her wrist, a memory pushed itself to the fore-front of her mind; taking her breath away.
———————————————————————
Your hair tickled the bare skin of her thigh, your hair fanning around you as you laid on her bed, a pleasant laughter bubbled through her chest at the sensation. The lightness of this moment with you was in such strange contrast to the dark steel walls enclosing the pair of you. It was almost funny. You hummed to yourself, a strand of your hair twirling about your fingers as you became lost in thought; each passing day brought with it greater dread. You were both getting closer to the final step. You tried not to think of it but on nights like this the knowledge tainted every laugh and whisper and secret.
Your lips twisted down and she watched that dread overtake you. Your eyebrows pressed together, the shine of your eyes reflecting the harsh overhead lighting, and your storm of thoughts almost visible if she were to look deep enough. Determination cut through your dread, resetting your features into a tragic kind of acceptance.
You sat up quickly, causing Yelena to jump almost a foot in the air at the surprise. “I have an idea,” you told her. Your words were rushed out, the invisible clock that constantly ticked down almost audible behind your words. A panic had settled into your bones, Yelena could see it, and you were rushing to act. Your friendship had settled the nerves of the both of you over the years, but as you neared the end even the salve of your friendship could not soothe you. You were rifling through her only drawer, your actions reckless in hurry. She could only sit back and watch, blindsided by your sudden action in what had been such a slow moment. “You have a pen?” You threw over your shoulder.
Yelena shrugged back at you, still watching your back with an agape mouth. “Uh…”
You answered for her. “I got it,” you flourished the pen in your left hand before immediately breaking it apart with your right.
Slowly, a question fell from Yelena. “What are you doing?”
Ink cartridge of the pen laid carefully on the side, the broken plastic casing kicked under the bed, you were now fiddling with the safety pin you kept twisted in your hair. Hidden from prying eyes.
You snapped the sharp point from the hinge and replaced the point of the pen with your newly made pin. Eyebrows raising, Yelena called your name in hope of gaining some kind of answer from you.
Your shoulders dropped considerably at her insistence but your ministrations continued. A lighter now pulled from some hidden pocket and into your hands. “It won’t be long now,” you told her, bringing the contraption closer and sitting beside her. “You got me through this, Yelena, I don’t wanna forget you even when they force me to.”
Taken aback, Yelena fumbled over words as you pressed the contraption into her fingertips. The pair of you had made an unspoken agreement to leave the future wilfully undiscussed. An agreement that all the girls seemed to share; their friendships and even some romantic relationships rooted in the present with no mention of a future. It was easier for all the girls here to simply ignore the impending doom upon the horizon. It was a fact you would all one day be forced to forget each other. There was nothing to be done but to live in ignorance. Yelena had supported you throughout the trauma of the red room, and you her and the truth of your situation had not mattered. But now here you were, forcing the truth into the limelight.
Finding no eloquence, Yelena nodded and simply asked; “what… do I do?” Her acceptance of your request slowed your wringing hands and settled your breaths.
You talked her through the process, telling her she could mark you however she liked; in the end neither of you would understand this symbol of your closeness.
Yelena was far from artistic, at least she had assumed as much after years of battle hardening, and so the mark she left upon you was a mere uneven ‘Y’. When you looked to your wrist, to the mark now sat just above your pulse, you smiled softly. A grief shone in your eyes, for memories you were yet to lose.
Yelena wiped the tears from your cheeks, calloused fingertips soft as they traced the tracks. “Can you do me?” You grasped the fingers still upon your face, squeezed them lightly, and nodded with a deep breath.
Twisting her hand, cradling her wrist in your palm, you worked your lip as you considered. The sting of the pin did not bother Yelena. Her attention not shifting from your features as you watched yourself work with a determined concentration. Her lips pulled up at the sight. A happiness, however temporary, pooled in her chest in moments like these. It felt as though you were a pair of giggling schoolgirls at a sleepover whispering your secrets to each other. Yelena had never experienced anything like that, making friends had not been encouraged when she had been undercover, but this felt more than enough. A lightness that made her dizzy and a little too carefree overtook her.
When you finished your mark, you verbally diverted her gaze to view your work. “I hope you like it,” you told her with a giggle, “it’s kinda permanent.”
She huffed a laugh as she traced her eyes over the delicate lines. The petals were all slightly different sizes but compared to her wonky attempt on your wrist it was perfection. “I like it.” She confirmed, eyeing the ‘y’ on your wrist and feeling a little guilty that she hadn’t tried harder.
Reorienting her eyes upon you, you nodded. “Me too.”
Yelena pulled her hand free to grasp yours, a squeezing pressure that pushed her appreciation into you. What these years would have been like without you, Yelena could not begin to consider. Had it been a mistake, relying on one another so greatly?
Maybe it had been. Either way, it didn’t matter, Yelena could not stop the words as they fell from her. “I’m gonna miss you.”
There was no surprise upon your features at the words. Your eyes fell shut, a quiet smile joined with a single nod as you pressed your forehead to hers. “I know,” you whispered, “I’ll miss you too.”
A repetitive, rhythmic clanging sounded through the room. It seemed to echo all around you but the pair of you had been stealing these moments together for long enough that you recognised the warning. The girls here were not encouraged to help one another in any way, but they always did. A small rebellion in the face of the red room. This noise was a warning, passed on from room to room, from girl to girl, that room checks were taking place. You were not the only pair that would sneak into each other’s rooms, and everyone worked together to allow this continue.
Your time tonight had run out, it was time for you to leave Yelena’s room.
Automatically, the pair of you moved. The hatch that led to the ventilation space above Yelena’s room was already hanging open. You never bothered to close it after you in case you needed a swift exit. Silently, the pair of you huddled beneath it.
Usually, you would waste no time. Yelena would give you a leg up, you would immediately climb into the vents and proceed to drag yourself quickly back to your own room. Today, you both loitered; something felt different about today.
You pulled her into your arms. The embrace was short, as much as you both meandered you knew it was never safe to linger long after a warning, but the fierceness with which she held you was unrelenting. Pulling away, you shared a gaze filled with unspoken things - full of promises of what could have been. What should have been.
Eventually, she helped you up. Eventually, you dragged yourself back to your room.
Yelena went to training the next morning, the endless routine numbing in its repetition, but you weren’t there.
You had been moved to the next stage and she would not see you again. Yet her mind would linger on memories of you like the last leaf clinging to the tree when all others had crumpled and fallen. Your mind would not think of her, it would not know to grieve, but her initial would remain upon your wrist. The flower on her own wrist burned like a scorching reminder every day she was without you. Her best friend had been taken from her, and there was nothing she could do.
It would continue to burn until the memory of you was torn away. Until the mark on her wrist became nothing more to her than a faded splodge of artistic ink.
———————————————————————
Hands pressed before her like a desperate prayer, Yelena pressed her eyes shut. The salt of her tears washed away with the stream of steaming water. But the ink upon her wrist remained forever, stark against her wrist just as the memory of you was suddenly shining in her mind.
She couldn’t help a tired yet hopeful part of her from wondering; where are you?
The Black Widow movie highlights all the problems I had with the way Joss Whedon approached the forced hysterectomy aspect of Nat’s background.
As Yelena notes when she shows Nat her vest- the girls of the Red Room don’t have bodily autonomy. They can’t make any decisions for themselves. The hysterectomy bit in the plane acts as a very vile and vivid example of this.
Joss Whedon chose to put all his focus on the “no kids” angle instead of the bodily autonomy angle. In his eyes the horror was the absence of child bearing, not the absence of choice. To him- it’s a given that all the girls in Red Room would’ve had babies if their lives had gone differently- bc women who can’t have children are monsters and societal outcasts.
When Nat inquired about Yelena wanting kids she replied that she wanted a dog. I take this as Yelena doesn’t want kids, BUT she still mourns the loss of that choice. She resents how she never had a chance to come to that realization herself. Which, for most women, will hit home more than just “shes infertile and it’s the worst possible thing that could happen to her.”
